The reason I haven’t posted in a while is, partly, that my sex life -- or at least the more adventurous side of it -- has been on the back burner for a while. Feeling a bit despondent over anal sex being so painful with the implant, and being very busy with a new position at work, I just decided to leave it alone for some time. I didn’t get the implant primarily for sex with my partner, who doesn’t bottom anyway. But we have an open relationship, and I do want to cultivate sexual relationships with other men, both one-night stands and longer-lasting liaisons, and in those encounters, I want to be able to play both roles, and without the hassle of the injections and without always being bothered about the effect not being strong enough and it waning much too fast.
And this brings me to the other reason that I haven’t posted for so long. I think I wanted my story to be more of an unqualified success story, the porn fantasy that I, ironically, felt it to be after the first time I had sex with the implant: a group scene that I’ve described in an earlier post. The ecstasy I was on that night might have played a part in why I didn’t experience any pain when the handsome guy in the couple me and my partner hooked up with rode my dick and why it all just felt so wonderful.
Since then, the results have been more mixed. I had a couple of quite painful experiences, which I’ve also written about in earlier posts, and that’s when I decided there was no need to rush. Extra-marital sex is, in any case, something that it’s not always a good time for; just because we have an open relationship doesn’t mean it’s alway the right time.
But I have had three extra-marital encounters since Dr. Eid prescribed painkillers two months ago (800 mg Ibuprofen) to take before sex. All three encounters were enjoyable, but none of them really great. I fucked all three guys, and it was less painful than the earlier encounters, whether because of the painkillers, or because more time has passed, or because these guys were better bottoms. (One of them, I’ve fisted a couple of times before, so he does not know to open up.) I didn’t come with any of these guys.
And that’s another factor in this: I’ve pretty much stopped ejaculating. Supposedly this is a side-effect of the Tamsulosin (Flowmax) that I’ve been on for the better part of a year, to treat my enlarged prostate. It’s gotten progressively worse with time. I’ve always had a hard time coming, usually having to finish myself off with my hand. But now, when I know that there won’t be any jizz shooting out of me even if I orgasm, then it seems embarrassing to jerk myself off: a chase for a finish that won’t generate any visible proof. So I’ve resorted to faking it: pretending to come in those guys’ asses.
I know that many guys on here with implants don’t ejaculate any longer, due to prostate cancer procedures, and I get that that is not the end of sex. But I do miss ejaculating. As I’ve written before: perhaps it wouldn’t be so important to me if I could really come from fucking, but when I have to jerk myself off, then at least I want the visual display. Is the physical feeling the same for an orgasm without ejaculation? I wouldn’t know; I can’t separate my sensory inputs like that. Seeing myself coming is part of the experience for me, and without that, I can’t even quite tell if I really came, or just made it to the brink, but then lost it. And after all these years of having to make excuses for my flagging erections, I don’t feel like having to talk about why I don’t shoot. I want sex without the need for explanations.
So a week ago, I checked myself in again at the hospital where I got the implant back in May, this time for Dr. Eid to give me the Rezūm procedure for my enlarged prostate: sticking a probe into the urethra, from which a needle injects water vapor into the prostate, killing some of its cells and causing it to shrink. Once the effect has taken hold, in a month or so, I should be able to quit the Flowmax and hopefully regain my ejaculations. I was going to have the procedure done several weeks ago, but the insurance company initially denied the preauthorization. I was thinking about paying for it out of pocket, but Dr. Eid’s office appealed the decision and prevailed. I seriously owe that man.
And just so that there is no misunderstanding: I don’t at all regret getting the implant. I was sick and tired of those fucking injections and the disappointing half-erections they gave me. I am happy to be able to get and stay hard. But have I gotten everything I was hoping for? No, not yet -- but I don’t think I’ve seen the end of the process yet. My pain issue seems to be getting better and should eventually go away completely, according to Dr. Eid. And, as others have pointed out, your ED problem doesn’t immediately disappear just because you now have a dick that you can pump up to whatever degree or hardness you desire. There’s a psychological side of it too; you have to get used to this new part of you, and to the fact that your erections are now entirely divorced from arousal. I still marvel at the erections of the guys I have sex with: stiffening like that all by themselves, just because they are turned on. Wow, ain’t that something!
I will never have that again, but then again, I've never
really had that; I’ve always suffered from some degree of ED. I’m happier with having what I have now, and I look forward to using it more, hopefully much more, with time. And I hope I will get my ejaculations back.
I’ll keep you guys updated.
frank66665 wrote:nic ho letto tutte le 17 pagini molto appassionate, come mai hai interrotto il diario
Come sai che capisco italiano? Non sono italiano, ma parlo un poco.
