Performance Pressure is wearing on me (31)

[Hillywilly]

Yes, women respect a man who does not shy away from or hide his problems but faces them. Better yet, figures out a way to address and overcome them.

Id be wary with this, unless i knew 100% this girl would be the one id want to spend my life with. If things go south with the wrong woman, she would be telling everyone in the world about how OP cant get it up and had a pump put inside him to help him with this.

Most of the time women have nothing but bad things to say about their exes, so id be careful with giving that card to anyone.

100% I totally disagree with discussing this with a 25 year old when you've only dated for a month and in OP's words have hooked up 1 time. They are still in the infatuation or "test drive" phase of the relationship if you will and I've never seen a car salesman make a successful sale by going over everything that is wrong with the car that they intend to fix. The early phase of dating should be hangout, hookup and have fun and save the serious relationship discussion for when you are actually in a relationship.

[Franklin22]

At 31 and talking to a 25 year old I would not make it in to a big deal. If you make it in to a big deal it will be a big deal and could frighten her.
I wouldn’t say anything unless I had a failed attempt, Just assure her it has nothing to do with her as she’s beautiful and you just get nervous in the beginning with new relationships. They will understand it and think you care about them more.
I’ve also used the approach of telling them the hard naked truth, and when you do that, you lose all leverage in the relationship. In a way they lose respect for you and you are just trying to make up for your shortcomings in other ways which makes you look weak and desperate. Eventually they end up dumping you. This doesn’t apply to every woman, but this is my experience. You might get lucky in find one in church that doesn’t care. I wouldn’t tell her about the needles till atleast 6 months in. And if I did I would have to make up something like venous leak.
ED sucks

[Lost Sheep]

Yes, women respect a man who does not shy away from or hide his problems but faces them. Better yet, figures out a way to address and overcome them.

Id be wary with this, unless i knew 100% this girl would be the one id want to spend my life with. If things go south with the wrong woman, she would be telling everyone in the world about how OP cant get it up and had a pump put inside him to help him with this.

Most of the time women have nothing but bad things to say about their exes, so id be careful with giving that card to anyone.

100% I totally disagree with discussing this with a 25 year old when you've only dated for a month and in OP's words have hooked up 1 time. They are still in the infatuation or "test drive" phase of the relationship if you will and I've never seen a car salesman make a successful sale by going over everything that is wrong with the car that they intend to fix. The early phase of dating should be hangout, hookup and have fun and save the serious relationship discussion for when you are actually in a relationship.

Yes, Hillywilly, choosing which 25-year-old and how one broaches the subject will have a lot to do with the advisability of discussing it. For most men with ED, a one-night stand is less likely than for a man without ED, so the subject may be very likely to come up at an inopportune time. For a man who wants a more substantial relationship, keeping such a secret may be difficult and perhaps detrimental to the relationship maturing to a little more permanence (FWB or living together, perhaps).

Women are not cars. If a man is going to sleep with a woman, perforce there will be some intimate knowledge revealed in both directions. For me, if I trust a woman enough to sleep with her, I have already decided to trust her enough to share some personal information that should be important to her. But that is just the way I live my life. I know many men take a vastly different approach. Social norms in different societies and different age groups do make a difference. I recognize that.

[Time2Change]

Get yourself to a urologist specializing in men’s sexual health and determine if there is an organic cause of your ED. A doppler ultrasound will reveal if you have veinous leakage resulting in an inability to maintain an erection. That was my issue. Good blood flow in with injections/pills…but veinous leakage caused loss of pressure (and wood) within about :20. That’s just 1 reason, and testable.

If testing cannot pinpoint a root physical cause, it might be worthwhile to explore if there is a psychological component.

Proceed with caution. But do proceed.

I've gone to EID and clavell. Doppler showed mild arterial insufficiency.

But it can be hit and miss with pills so I've been combining with injection. So I was wondering if I just put an end to this anxiety and go get the implant.

I don't want to waste prime years of life overthinking sexual performance.

Cause is not psychological. 100% sure. Psychology maybe plays into it some because of my physical issues and not getting sufficient bloodflow but core issue is physical.

My ED started at 32. The cause was physical, but it took years to figure that out. You're fortunate that you know it's a physical problem.

Pills worked for me for a while. But they eventually lost their efficacy. It sounds like you're already taking more than the prescribed dose?

Anxiety probably is contributing some. It makes sense for you to have some anxiety, which can be a problem even when you have a fully functioning dick.

You're quite young for an implant. But it may already be time for one.

[Hillywilly]

Id be wary with this, unless i knew 100% this girl would be the one id want to spend my life with. If things go south with the wrong woman, she would be telling everyone in the world about how OP cant get it up and had a pump put inside him to help him with this.

Most of the time women have nothing but bad things to say about their exes, so id be careful with giving that card to anyone.

100% I totally disagree with discussing this with a 25 year old when you've only dated for a month and in OP's words have hooked up 1 time. They are still in the infatuation or "test drive" phase of the relationship if you will and I've never seen a car salesman make a successful sale by going over everything that is wrong with the car that they intend to fix. The early phase of dating should be hangout, hookup and have fun and save the serious relationship discussion for when you are actually in a relationship.

Yes, Hillywilly, choosing which 25-year-old and how one broaches the subject will have a lot to do with the advisability of discussing it. For most men with ED, a one-night stand is less likely than for a man without ED, so the subject may be very likely to come up at an inopportune time. For a man who wants a more substantial relationship, keeping such a secret may be difficult and perhaps detrimental to the relationship maturing to a little more permanence (FWB or living together, perhaps).

Women are not cars. If a man is going to sleep with a woman, perforce there will be some intimate knowledge revealed in both directions. For me, if I trust a woman enough to sleep with her, I have already decided to trust her enough to share some personal information that should be important to her. But that is just the way I live my life. I know many men take a vastly different approach. Social norms in different societies and different age groups do make a difference. I recognize that.

I want to zero in on your last sentence. It’s much different for younger men and women and with the advent of apps like tinder, hinge, bumble and the modern dating advice people have very much become commodities like cars because they’re are thousands of replacements at your finger tips all you’ve got to do is open your phone and swipe.

[Sakabato]

100% I totally disagree with discussing this with a 25 year old when you've only dated for a month and in OP's words have hooked up 1 time. They are still in the infatuation or "test drive" phase of the relationship if you will and I've never seen a car salesman make a successful sale by going over everything that is wrong with the car that they intend to fix. The early phase of dating should be hangout, hookup and have fun and save the serious relationship discussion for when you are actually in a relationship.

Yes, Hillywilly, choosing which 25-year-old and how one broaches the subject will have a lot to do with the advisability of discussing it. For most men with ED, a one-night stand is less likely than for a man without ED, so the subject may be very likely to come up at an inopportune time. For a man who wants a more substantial relationship, keeping such a secret may be difficult and perhaps detrimental to the relationship maturing to a little more permanence (FWB or living together, perhaps).

Women are not cars. If a man is going to sleep with a woman, perforce there will be some intimate knowledge revealed in both directions. For me, if I trust a woman enough to sleep with her, I have already decided to trust her enough to share some personal information that should be important to her. But that is just the way I live my life. I know many men take a vastly different approach. Social norms in different societies and different age groups do make a difference. I recognize that.

I want to zero in on your last sentence. It’s much different for younger men and women and with the advent of apps like tinder, hinge, bumble and the modern dating advice people have very much become commodities like cars because they’re are thousands of replacements at your finger tips all you’ve got to do is open your phone and swipe.

Yeah, people today younger than 35-38 id say, are having a whole different experience than people in their 50's, 60's and 70's had. Dynamics in dating are completely different, to the point that reading that a man would need to trust a woman before sleeping with her almost sounds laughable now.

Women are pickier today, have more men to compare you to, have more options, are more open sexually, share way more personal stuff to the public, etc. Also, there is a strong divide between men and women nowadays due to feminism, genders blaming the other gender for their frustations and shortcomings etc.

So again, the idea of saying to a 25 year old that you are barely getting to know, that your dick doesnt work properly but that you are going to prove to her in other ways that you really desire her, man that just sounds like an story she will be sharing with her friends or even on social media the day after.

[Lost Sheep]

Yeah, people today younger than 35-38 id say, are having a whole different experience than people in their 50's, 60's and 70's had. Dynamics in dating are completely different, to the point that reading that a man would need to trust a woman before sleeping with her almost sounds laughable now.

Women are pickier today, have more men to compare you to, have more options, are more open sexually, share way more personal stuff to the public, etc. Also, there is a strong divide between men and women nowadays due to feminism, genders blaming the other gender for their frustations and shortcomings etc.

So again, the idea of saying to a 25 year old that you are barely getting to know, that your dick doesnt work properly but that you are going to prove to her in other ways that you really desire her, man that just sounds like an story she will be sharing with her friends or even on social media the day after.

Thank you both for your valid observations so well and persuasively expressed.

in addition to what you have said about women’s goals in relationships, I do acknowledge that younger men’s goals in relationships have morphed over the decades as well