Depressed with results

[BobDobbs]

So I'm coming up on 6 weeks now. I'm no longer worried about size. My surgeon suspects my reservoir has herniated. It's painful. He advised me to stop exercising. Prior to all this, I lifted weights 4 days a week, mostly for my mental health. I suffer from depression. I am worried I will decline quickly, mentally and physically without the ability to exercise.
Because of the cuts that were made into the glans when I had the priapism episode, he said the right cylinder WILL erode thorough the glans. The glans is paper thin at the tip of the cylinder. I could push it though if I wanted to. He said he told pre operation this would happen. Myself and my wife remember the conversation differently. He told me I that erosion was "more likely" because of the prior procedures. When I pressed for more specifics on what "more likely" actually meant, he declined to say more.
I'm not sure what happens now. I think he wants me to become sedentary until the hernia gets worse or the cylinders erode.
The surgeon said not to worry, it will erode and he'll try again. And if that doesn't work, again.
I haven't cycled it yet. He specifically told me to only inflate it immediately before sex and deflate it immediately afterwards.
I leak urine now and reek of it by the time I get home from work. Thanks for listening to me vent. No one in real life will.

[Mark1974]

You're not alone Bob.

I'm losing my mind over this

At least you had a priapism, so a legit reason. I didn't have a priapism or a prostatectomy, just a bad venous leak that I couldn't emotionally deal with. Now everything is so much worse

These devices are a prison

[wanttokno]

Because of the cuts that were made into the glans when I had the priapism episode, he said the right cylinder WILL erode thorough the glans. The glans is paper thin at the tip of the cylinder. I could push it though if I wanted to.

BD, I can’t imagine how bad that must suck, I really feel for you man. Yet I’m pretty sure that there is a profound portion of good news for you though. If you have insurance that is, I hope that you do. What I’m referring to is a mesh graft that is specifically implanted into the distal ends of your corpora cavernous reinforcing the tissue in cases of erosion. It would suck and quite possibly take a revision but if you do a bit of searching on this forum I’m pretty sure that someone not only mentioned the procedure but also quite possibly the surgeon who did it.
I’m pulling for you brother. Blessings.

[Kodixx]

BobDobbs, I am very sorry to read about your situation. Best wishes for a path to overcome this. I did a quick search and found some encouraging information.

- Chuck

https://www.google.com/search?q=can+a+mesh+graft+be+used+to+reinforce+thin+glans+for+penile+implants&sca_esv=5a4b1ba8a892269d&ei=NylxaJWzEZqvptQPkvCRkQc&ved=0ahUKEwjVqp-Zi7WOAxWal4kEHRJ4JHIQ4dUDCBA&uact=5&oq=can+a+mesh+graft+be+used+to+reinforce+thin+glans+for+penile+implants&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiRGNhbiBhIG1lc2ggZ3JhZnQgYmUgdXNlZCB0byByZWluZm9yY2UgdGhpbiBnbGFucyBmb3IgcGVuaWxlIGltcGxhbnRzSMAsUPgIWJQrcAF4AJABAJgBnQGgAcoOqgEEMTQuNrgBA8gBAPgBAZgCDKAC3QrCAgUQIRigAcICBRAhGKsCmAMAiAYBkgcDNS43oAeIU7IHAzUuN7gH3QrCBwcwLjIuOS4xyAc8&sclient=gws-wiz-serp

What I’m referring to is a mesh graft that is specifically implanted into the distal ends of your corpora cavernous reinforcing the tissue in cases of erosion.

[Jgoody]

Man it's hard to hear your struggle & I'm literally pulling for you bro. Hearing your story & Mark's makes me so grateful that I had a good outcome. The mesh lining would be my goal 100% in your situation cuz it needs addressed. I really hope they can help you & it can be afforded. Would probably be hard to do but if u can try to have faith & trust the medicine (understandable if that's not possible for you), it may affect the outcome. Wish I could offer more than my internet support but please know I'm rooting for you & keep us updated my man. Peace

[BobDobbs]

Just thought I'd post an update. Had my 8-week follow up a week ago. The surgeon advised me to go ahead and start using it. After talking more about my erosion concerns, he basically told me that this is my anatomy now, and to learn to make the best of it, and when/if it erodes, we'll deal with it at that time. He advised me to be very carful upon penetration and deflate it immediately afterwards. Told me to live my life and worry less. Honestly solid advice, but hard to swallow. My boss told me if I need surgery again, I'm fired. I have a wife, mortgage and 3-year-old child. It's hard not to think about what could happen, and it's likely to. With that said, I'm really trying to not worry.
The issues I was concerned with regarding the reservoir seem to have improved substantially. I am no longer worried that I have a hernia from the surgery. I've started lifting again and don't seem to have any problems with squats and deads.
The complaints I had about discomfort are subsiding somewhat, too. I don't really know if I'm just getting used to the implant, but it seems to have softened up a bit. It no longer feels rock hard when it's not inflated. The bulge is still ridiculous and, sometimes when stand from a seated position, it pokes straight out. I'm a vocational instructor by trade. Its a shop and classroom deal, and I find I have my bulge in peoples' faces all day. Sucks for them. I'm waiting for someone to make a comment so I can shame them for shaming me for medical issues, haha.
Have only cycled a handful of times and have not had penetrative sex yet. I'm not really jazzed about using it and find I can just masturbate with it not inflated. Doing this is a lot less stressful than attempting sex and worrying it will rip though during. As for the size concerns, yeah its definitely smaller in length and girth now. I don't think wife is really into sex since this happened, and as a middle-aged loser, that's the only place I can get it, so whatever. I'm owning the tiny penis thing. Deal with it, haha. Thanks for giving me a place to vent.

[Mark1974]

You have a better attitude than me BobbDobbs. I envy your inner strength

[Kodixx]

BobDobbs, really sorry to hear what a challenge that's become. But its great that you're continuing to think thru it, consider options, and staying centered on the things most important in life. I'll offer a couple thoughts, FWIW -- probably stuff you're already on top of.
- First, just like with ED in general, it's important to be in sync with your wife about your situation and sex life in general. Counselor types will tell you how important that is and not to take silence as just "ok". And again, like with ED in general, there's a lot that couples can do to stay close in their relationship even while fighting ED. But it takes effort, and there might be a lot to gain by working with someone experienced with those challenges.
- Second, even though your home life and work life seem to make a revision a challenge for now, I think it's important to continue to press forward with a plan to resolve the problem so you know what to do as soon as that becomes possible. And who knows, maybe you'll find out something new that makes a revision not so out of reach. Seeking a second, or third, or even fourth opinion seems appropriate for this.
In a previous post I included a link regarding mesh material(s) available for repair. And, the last time I talked with my uro I asked him if he's familiar and if its commonly used. The answer is yes, but you'd want to work with a uro surgeon experienced at penile reconstructive surgery. You're doing a great job looking forward -- wishing you the best.

- Chuck

[easymoney]

BobDobbs your surgeon sounds like mine ..too much smoke and mirrors ..our conversations with him are remembered differently than he remembers them .. caught him in too many "untruths .. 1/2 truths " etc ..you can ask him a direct question and if he does not wan to answer he just fluffs you off and continue into a different conversation .. great surgeon I don't doubt his skill .. but don't trust him to be totally truthful in regards to my surgeries ..

[splitpeach]

To the people struggling here it sounds like you're having a brutal time. Very difficult. ED is hard as it is but when the surgery fails its crushing.

However, with your partners, stay on top. No matter what. Talk to them about your issues but never ever become a weak sack of shit in front of them.

You're also more than just the body. You're a spirit here encased in a meat vehicle. You're meant to experience the world and your life. No matter what happens on the outside there is a whole other dimension to explore inside.

There were times in my life were i was having an ungodly amount of sex with truly the most desirable women. I look back now in my current drought of clunge and wonder how on earth i did it. And despite that it became dissatisfying to me. I enjoyed it and was satisfied but it became about as satisfying as having a mars bar a few times a day.

What affects you is the context of your life and not the content.

Fucks sake Charles Xavier wasn't getting up any peach in that chair and he could move shit with his mind. You could take up native american raindancing or the glockenspiel!

There are people around the world who's dicks work fine but they choose to not be a slave to their reproductive drive.

Your wives are attracted to your energy not your dick. Don't show them weak or ugly energy. Be vulnerable and open but not weak.

Your dick is essentially a reproductive organ. If its dead to you then use that situation. Its one less distraction in escaping the limitations of the physical body.