My Journal

[alibaba]

Very good news that things continue to progress in a positive way for you. I agree on the climate change and sadly I have been a part of it. I considered not even coming back to the forum and discussed it at home but decided my dissatisfaction must be know so others research, question and seek guidance, something you have done quite a lot of lately. Experience is often a greater teacher but gaining the experience often has a cost. I wish I were a part of the sing hallelujah group but what is, is. Had the climate in the past been more like it is now, I would have dug deeper and been more demanding of the best of the best. Cheers bud. Keep it up. I read between the lines on your posts and can see you are concerned about over sizing ( you mention it several times in the 289 post you've made) and erosion has to be on your mind. My understanding is to create an erosion issue you would have to keep it under pressure/tension all the time. Clearly you do not. You deflate it. The constant tension is why the rods had a horrid reputation for erosion and the inflatable hydraulics less so. I can go into more detail how erosion occurs if one needs to know but I do not think you will have an issue unless you start having 36 hour back to back orgies celebrating your being the king of manhood. Any wife will shut that thing down before it gets to that point. Be well. Happy for you. Wife asks me from time to time how you are progressing.

[danny1553]

Hi merrix

You said "I must say that had I visited this forum for the first time now and starting my research, I would probably have hesitated a lot more."

But what could be an alternative if nothing works?

[Tyreron]

Nice to hear it's on the right way!
Maybe it's my turn after summer...
I think every surgery has it's "sideeffects" and long time to heal to 100%.
All the best!

[treifsnyder]

Sorry if I'm just an occasional writer on this site, I read everything but absorb everything, I've been shy about typing things. My journal is remarkably similar to yours but abbreviated down to about 3 weeks. I just didn't have pain, swelling, or issues. Dr. Andrew Kramer who did mind told me the standard thing to say is it'll be 4 weeks till your healed, not 3-6 months as other guys say, but my patients will be good in 2-3. he was right, I was fine in 2 weeks. Spectacular surgeon- truly. Willing to do any private messaging anyone would like. TR

[merrix]

Hi merrix

You said "I must say that had I visited this forum for the first time now and starting my research, I would probably have hesitated a lot more."

But what could be an alternative if nothing works?

If nothing works there are only two options:
Live with the non-existing sex life, or go for the implant.
In my case, I had something clearly better than nothing.
What I mean is that if knowing what I know today, I may not have moved on. Maybe waited till things deteriorated further.
That's not by any means saying I wished I hadn't done it.
Just a reflection that I think I underestimated the risks when I took the decision.

[merrix]

Getting on with my life. Don't know in a way why I keep writing this journal, since not much changes anymore.
In one way I feel it'd be better to lock up the FT web page access and throw away the key since what I want is to just get on with things, use my dick and not think so much about the fact that there are two plastic cylinders inside it.

But anyway, here are my thoughts at the current stage of my journey.

In general I feel good about the implant. What I have realized lately is that the concerns and slight doubts I've had haven't really been about the implant function itself. They've rather been about either other secondary issues or doubts on whether the results are/will be good.

I can honestly say that if I knew the results would be perfect (well as perfect as any implant surgery can be), then I'd definitely say this was a great decision and I'd never look back. I'd just be happy about how my great my life is and was before implant as well. That me and my family are all healthy, that I have a career I'm happy with, and on top of that now having a 100% reliable dick with which I can F whoever whenever forever.
However, even though I've been on the lucky side of things based on several stories here on FT, I still have had my issues as well.

Looking back, I first of all had 2-3 weeks immediately post op of crazy pain which seems very unusual. All stories of people getting back to work within one week are so far from my experience as it gets. After one week I had to fill myself with pain killers just to get my ass down to the lobby of the hotel to pick up some coffee and a sandwich from the lobby lounge.

Once back home (after 3+ weeks), I had a few hard days before being back in the office after 4 weeks. At that time I was mostly bothered by my issues with high blood pressure, urine retention and crazy sweating at nights. Those were all really destroying my mood and made me think that something was wrong. E.g. infection, pain killer overdose (liver/kidney issues), or that my body simply would reject the implant. Plus, staying in bed for basically four weeks had taken its toll on me. I had lost 5 kilos of muscle, looked weak and pale. And even got comments about it from colleagues. Again, just hate feeling weak and sick. And hate looking that way as well.

Later, those issues just disappeared and next phase of concerns/issues were simply that I felt weak. I am used to be strong, athletic, powerful and vital. Now I felt like an old man. Getting in and out of a car, tying my shoe laces, playing with my daughter, rising up from the sofa, getting out of bed - all the things you just do and take for granted were now done with a cautious old-man's pace. And it just pissed me off. Made me feel old and weak.

That part got better as well from around week 7-8 and next round of worries/thoughts were related to pain/discomfort in the perineal area. I felt that already the first time I had sex (around 3 weeks post op) and didn't think much about it. I thought it was natural to feel some discomfort/pain when pumping in the early days. And why would the implant not push as hard in that end as in the tip?
The perineal pain when pumping was, as I remember, only on the left side. It gradually got better and better as the weeks passed by and I basically only felt it when pumping up.

Then there was a period a few weeks ago when I started to feel it more often. And I felt it always when sitting down. My action was to skip the twice-per-day pumping and only pump when using it basically. This made it better. But then I got the pain on the right side of my ass instead. Again, this took my mood down. I just hate feeling pain and not feeling strong and healthy. I didn't know what to think.
Eid has said from day one that he gambled a bit with the sizing. He was sure at first 22 cm would be right for me. That's what he initially put inside me as well. After pumping me up during surgery he thought there was room for more, so he inserted 1 or 1.5 cm RTEs. That worked, but he thought there was room for even more. Plus he thinks any length including RTEs are inferior to same length excluding RTEs. So he took out the whole implant and threw it in the bin. Inserted a new 24 cm implant without any RTEs instead and thought it was OK. But he told me that he really filled me up to the last millimeter.
So the risk would always be there that he had oversized me. And when I had these perineal area pain, I couldn't help thinking about whether that actually meant my implant simply was too big. On the other hand, maximum size is good. It also means I don't have any whatsoever issues with my implant not going all the way up in the glans. My glans is firm and stiff and as far from 'floppy' as it ever was with a perfect natural erection.
Anyway, I kept waiting and see. Since the left side pain went away (for good or temporary - who knows), I thought the same thing might happen to the right side. And it did go away. Right now I haven't felt anything on either side for around five days when deflated. When inflating close to max, I still feel some but not as much as a few weeks ago.

In daily life, I can do whatever now and I have no issues. I play tennis, I can sit all day, I can bend and rise and whatever. I am not hindered anymore. So that part is fine.
My flaccid is of course not normal - it's got frigging plastic in it - but it's ok. It doesn't bother me anymore and it is pliable enough to not give any issues.

And - as said above - if or when the day comes when I can just put all these issues behind me, I would honestly say that I would be as happy as it gets.
Because the sex is and has never been my issue with the implant. The sex is clearly better of course that it was before. I am still a bit desensitized on the shaft of my penis, but I never had any issues to orgasm and the numbness is slowly getting better still.

So I still have the target of 6 months. It's been not even 2.5 months so far, and I will judge the whole thing after six months. If all is fine at that time I'll be happy.
For now, I think I am on the right track for sure. I see far too many stories about bad outcomes to not be very happy with my results. But I'll wait with calling the whole thing a success till I know for sure it is.

[strongagain]

Some people on FT think too much With me today it's a few days over six months that I'm with the implant. The first two months were a bit sore and uncomfortable - I had been behind the steering wheel during a two-week South Africa safari - but from then everything was smooth, I very much enjoy my dick. I mean which age 65 five I only had two options: stay soft for the rest of my life or have a hard dick at command. Of course I'm aware of the fact that malfunctions can happen in future, but that applies to the rest of your body too.

During the first months when deflating I squeezed the penis in order to empty it as much as possible. But I often wondered whether the sharp edges of the Titan are ok with the material, furthermore I just didn't like the funny feeling and appearance. Now, when I'm horizontal, I press the button once and let the saline drain back into the reservoir. No more squeezing anymore. I can still hide the dick, it looks lovely (LOL) and I can push it right into a woman without pumping it up. Further inflating I can do when inside her - if necessary.

[merrix]

Some people on FT think too much

Exactly. Hence my introduction to the previous post:
Getting on with my life. Don't know in a way why I keep writing this journal, since not much changes anymore.
In one way I feel it'd be better to lock up the FT web page access and throw away the key since what I want is to just get on with things, use my dick and not think so much about the fact that there are two plastic cylinders inside it.

But if I didn't think and just wrote some thoughtless crap which everybody knows already - like "the implant is great because it can give me an erection whenever I want" (duh) - then what would be the point of it all?
It is either write what I really think or stop it all. Getting closer to the latter though.

[alibaba]

The nice thing Merrix, is you have shared some valid well thought out words that should be helpful to all who are not too thick headed to listen or too poor to go any route but the one they take. If you say goodbye it can only be considered the final level of success. It is a tough decision to go through the implant procedure. It took me 2 years to get around the idea it was a surgery where there is no going back so I would even consider it. That part of being a man is built into the heart of our psyche. It twists us around when it works great and improves our day and it eats at us like a slow burning acid when it does not. When it does not work it affects EVERY aspect of our daily life, whether we are willing to admit it or not. I hope the camaraderie, people here to use as a sounding board, and support made it easier and contributed to your success. Be well. Best wishes. We are all happy for you and of course, stop in once in a while if you go on a sabbatical and kick us in the keister with some words of wisdom once in a while. Cheers.

[PFracture]

Alibaba, you couldn't have said it better.

Merrix, the only thing i would say that is missing in such a thorough account, were photos of the several recovery phases, and then end result from various angles. Other than that, it was awesome. I will have to decide in the near future if I am going for one or not, and if I do i can say for sure your diary helped a lot.

Thank you