My Journal

[merrix]

It’s been 25 months now since that day in December 2015. Realize that this update will probably not be much different from the last one. But I won’t read it before I write this one. This is as much my own documentation of the journey as it is for you to read.
Reflections, observations and thoughts in random order.

Starting with the technicalities, I can only say my implant works great. Can’t actually think of anything that could have been better. It just works, and it works well. None of the potential problems has occurred. No floppy head, no loss of length, no less of orgasmic function, no loss of feeling, no visible or palpable tubing, and perfect pump placement.

Size is larger than before implant. On my best Viagra erection I was 16 or 16.5 cm (6.3” – 6.5”) long with a girth of 14 cm (5.5”). Now I’m 17 to 17.5 cm (6.7” – 6.9”) long and girth is close to 14.5 cm (5.7”).
Flaccid I was around 10 cm (3.9”) long and now I’m 15 cm (5.9”).
I have no good answer as to how I can be longer. I haven’t heard anyone from here reporting getting longer, and I haven’t heard anyone come up with a good explanation of how it could have happened. I guess either I am just leaner, which I am not, or at least not visibly. Another is that I never really got erect enough to max out my potential before implant due to my VL. Find that equally hard to believe since my best Viagra erections were truly rock hard. Maybe a third explanation could be that my curve is basically completely gone. I had a 35-45 degrees bend before, and now it is practically gone. My dick is straight.

I have had a long journey to fully accept the implant. I was happy with it already from the start, but not over the moon and it took me a long time to get completely content with the pumping and the fact I need a prosthesis in my dick to fuck. But I think I am there now. I don’t give a fuck. I just fuck. And it works so great, so I just see the positives.

There has been a learning curve for me to use the implant well. I have always had VL and hence shitty erection quality. A few years when I started using Viagra, it was most of the time pretty ok, but never really good. All my life I have been rushing through sex knowing my clock was ticking from the first drip of blood entering my leaking dick.
Now I can do whatever I want in bed. I am the king of sex I always knew I was born to be. But it has for sure been some fair work to reprogram my ED-brain.
So it has in some way for my wife as well. Not that she has never had sex with a proper dick – she wasn’t a virgin when I met her – but she has never had sex with a proper dick owned by me. Till now. So she has had to reprogram her behavior in bed with me as well. Not rushing to make sure I come before my dick goes down. But just enjoying the fact I can do whatever she likes for however long she likes it.
Summary: Our sex life is great now, greater than ever of course.

We do try to keep it rather ‘normal’ though. She never pumps it. I personally would never let her do that and she would definitely not like to do it either. I know people here do it that way, and we’re all different. I just think that is weird. I normally just pump up when I take a shower before we go to bed. If we do it spontaneously somewhere, I just pump while she gets undressed or whatever. No big issue. It’s just a necessity to enjoy sex these days, and something that becomes normal.

I used to cycle my implant 1-2 times per day for the first 1-1.5 years. Nowadays I never pump it up other than for using it. Which is about every second day. This has had no negative impact whatsoever on size, hardness etc. I believe there is an advantage of cycling in the early stages. I also believe there is no advantage whatsoever after some time. It must however be a disadvantage with frequent pumping in terms of implant length of life. Any mechanical device will wear out sooner with more frequent use.

When I pump for sex, I use around 40-45 pumps. The first 30-35 will be proper full wall to wall pumps, and the last 10 will be partials. I used to think 40+ pumps was way too hard for sex before, but nowadays it feels great. This level gives me an angle of around 2 o’clock and a very limited flex. I cannot bend it below 3 o’clock and cannot touch my abs with it. Sideways the flex is same or even less. This works great though. The only thing that doesn’t work with this hardness is if my partner grinds sideways or in circles when I am fully inside her. That will hurt. But this hardness is great for the in and out. I’d also say this hardness is less than optimal for a blow job. I’d say 20-30 pumps would be best for that, but I seldom bother to do it this way. The difference in feeling from a blow job is not large enough to justify the break to add another 20 pumps (which would take 30-40 seconds) before penetrating. But I occasionally do it this way.

Deflating is a breeze. I don’t know why, but in the early days I always felt I had to hold the deflate valve with one hand and simultaneously squeeze my dick with the other to get a good deflation. And even then it sometimes wasn’t perfect. Nowadays I just give the deflate valve a firm squeeze for 3 seconds and then it deflates completely by itself. Works great. I never give the pump a squeeze once deflated to avoid auto inflate. No need. That just doesn’t happen. Crossing fingers my valve is a prime one.

As for the frequently asked question, will a woman notice, I have a lot to say. The answer is really “It depends”. It depends on how important it is for you to hide it. If it important to you to avoid 'detection' and you are prepared to act in some ways to avoid it, then you will have a very good chance of getting away with it. If your doc has made a good job. But if you don’t take any particular precautions, and do just whatever you would have done otherwise, for example taking a shower with her and letting her soap you up – dick and balls - then you can’t expect to get away with it.
But, it is also important to ask what “noticing” means. The most obvious noticeable thing is the pump in the scrotum. But no woman feeling the pump in the sack will likely understand it is a pump for an implant. They will more likely think you have had surgery related to your testicles. So in that sense, the chance any woman will understand you have an implant is probably very small. If someone notices my pump in my scrotum, I just say “Don’t worry about it, I had an accident before and needed surgery. Everything works just fine though…”. And that always works. Nobody asks more questions after that.
Deflating can always be made in shower or WC, deflating can easily be done after orgasm when she looks away, rolls over, reaches for a towel or whatever.

Another question is how it feels. This was my number one concern before going ahead. How does implant sex feel? Today, two years after, I must say it feels just like the real thing. It is amazing that I can have two saline filled plastic tubes in my dick, have sex and not feel any difference. Except that it stays up instead of goes down after 3 minutes.

Pick the right surgeon is a commonly given advice here. And most definitely so from me. Kramer and Eid used to be the two gurufied ones here. Today there can be no doubt who is the superior one of those two. One keeps delivering happy patients with great outcomes, rock hard Titans without RTEs (or maximum 1 cm) and no loss of length. The other one keeps putting his pump up on guys’ shafts and even forces patients in to revisions every now and then due to shitty outcome. But being worse than Eid is no shame, he might still be #2 in the world…

Titan vs AMS. I have only had a Titan. But from what I read I’d pick one again if I had to start all over. Roughly speaking, as the data available seems to indicate, a Titan is harder when hard and an AMS is softer when soft, and a Titan provides more girth. I love the hardness and girth and have no problem with the flaccid state. I would not trade one bit of hardness or girth for a more soft flaccid.
I also think AMS have a problem with the tubing insertion point, causing even highly regarded docs (e.g. Kramer) to mess up with the pump placement. The fix is a stack of RTEs, but nobody wants that as it, all else being equal, will result in lower axial rigidity. Especially over time, since the lower diameter of the RTEs vs the cylinders, will become looser and looser in the crus and eventually lead some degree of hinge or wobbling. Especially the AMS RTEs which are only 9mm in diameter compared to the Titan RTEs of 13 mm. But with a Titan there is normally no need for excessive use of RTEs since the tubing insertion point is good and the Titan cylinders come in 2 cm intervals. Meaning there should normally not be any reason to use more than 1 cm or maximum 1.5 cm RTEs.
Anyway, I am no doctor or no Implant designer. But I have talked to some of them about these issues.

And to pre empty the attack from guys happy with their AMS and 5 cm RTEs; yes, I am sure you are happy. But how do you know you wouldn’t have more girth, more axial rigidity, better angle, better pump placement with a Titan? Maybe differences would be minimal or maybe substantial.

If I was thinking myself on what could be improved on today’s implant design, what would that be? Well, an impossibility. I’d like two things. A smaller pump and less pumps needed to get hard… The only way to solve both those issues would be, I guess, to avoid current manual pumping technology. If I’d have to choose between larger pump and fewer pumps till hard or smaller pump and more pumps till hard, then I’d say neither. The right tradeoff is the current design.

Another question asked often to me on PMs is if my flaccid is soft and small enough to hide in clothes. Or if I look like I am constantly walking around with a hardon.
No problem. Really. My flaccid is 15 cm (5.9”) and pretty thick. But I never feel this is a problem. I always wear tight fitted suit pants for work, and since I spend most my weekends on the beach or by the pool, I often wear swimming shorts. But I honestly say that this is no issue. It is too soft and pliable to ever look like a semi, and I don’t even think it is visible enough for people to notice I have a big dick. Not when fully deflated.
However, if I for some reason want my dick to look big, I just give it 5-10 pumps, which still makes it Flexible enough to force sideways in a pair of tight jeans, but this gives it a massive look which definitely not goes unnoticed. I have been to ugly bars where many women have spontaneously just walked up to me and said “Wow, your dick is huge” and asked to touch it. Quite fun if one is that type of place and that type of mood. But again, this is when I keep it partially inflated. Doesn’t happen when it is 100% deflated.

Good luck with your implants if you have one.
Good luck with your research if you don’t.

[ThePlumber1964]

Merrix,

Thanks for the update. I just have a question. How long did it take you to have a more cylindrical, or less oval shaft?

Cheers!

ThePlumber

[Lost Sheep]

.

women have spontaneously just walked up to me and said “Wow, your dick is huge” and asked to touch it.

I think I could resist answering such a question with, "You already have."

[jackhammerdreamz]

Merrix your updates are amazing.

I read through the first 20 pages and then jumped ahead to the end... (I'll read them all when I'm not at work)

It was enlightening to see the struggle and concern you had in the beginning, leading to happiness later.
It's definitely NOT an easy road. Learning to live with an implant is tough from what I see in thread after thread....

We are all grateful we can learn from your early worry/concern and know that it gets better!
Let it heal, listen to your doctor, use a paper towel roll if you have to! lol.

I probably won't be keeping a daily journal as precisely as you, but I will start a thread on my implant day which is 19 days away!

Only thing I'm praying for is a quicker recovery window.
My pain thresholds are very good, and I am younger.... So here's to hoping I can get back to my desk job after 15 days!

Wishing you all the best.

[Larry10625]

It’s been 25 months now since that day in December 2015. Realize that this update will probably not be much different from the last one. But I won’t read it before I write this one. This is as much my own documentation of the journey as it is for you to read.
Reflections, observations and thoughts in random order.

Starting with the technicalities, I can only say my implant works great. Can’t actually think of anything that could have been better. It just works, and it works well. None of the potential problems has occurred. No floppy head, no loss of length, no less of orgasmic function, no loss of feeling, no visible or palpable tubing, and perfect pump placement.

Size is larger than before implant. On my best Viagra erection I was 16 or 16.5 cm (6.3” – 6.5”) long with a girth of 14 cm (5.5”). Now I’m 17 to 17.5 cm (6.7” – 6.9”) long and girth is close to 14.5 cm (5.7”).
Flaccid I was around 10 cm (3.9”) long and now I’m 15 cm (5.9”).
I have no good answer as to how I can be longer. I haven’t heard anyone from here reporting getting longer, and I haven’t heard anyone come up with a good explanation of how it could have happened. I guess either I am just leaner, which I am not, or at least not visibly. Another is that I never really got erect enough to max out my potential before implant due to my VL. Find that equally hard to believe since my best Viagra erections were truly rock hard. Maybe a third explanation could be that my curve is basically completely gone. I had a 35-45 degrees bend before, and now it is practically gone. My dick is straight.

I have had a long journey to fully accept the implant. I was happy with it already from the start, but not over the moon and it took me a long time to get completely content with the pumping and the fact I need a prosthesis in my dick to fuck. But I think I am there now. I don’t give a fuck. I just fuck. And it works so great, so I just see the positives.

There has been a learning curve for me to use the implant well. I have always had VL and hence shitty erection quality. A few years when I started using Viagra, it was most of the time pretty ok, but never really good. All my life I have been rushing through sex knowing my clock was ticking from the first drip of blood entering my leaking dick.
Now I can do whatever I want in bed. I am the king of sex I always knew I was born to be. But it has for sure been some fair work to reprogram my ED-brain.
So it has in some way for my wife as well. Not that she has never had sex with a proper dick – she wasn’t a virgin when I met her – but she has never had sex with a proper dick owned by me. Till now. So she has had to reprogram her behavior in bed with me as well. Not rushing to make sure I come before my dick goes down. But just enjoying the fact I can do whatever she likes for however long she likes it.
Summary: Our sex life is great now, greater than ever of course.

We do try to keep it rather ‘normal’ though. She never pumps it. I personally would never let her do that and she would definitely not like to do it either. I know people here do it that way, and we’re all different. I just think that is weird. I normally just pump up when I take a shower before we go to bed. If we do it spontaneously somewhere, I just pump while she gets undressed or whatever. No big issue. It’s just a necessity to enjoy sex these days, and something that becomes normal.

I used to cycle my implant 1-2 times per day for the first 1-1.5 years. Nowadays I never pump it up other than for using it. Which is about every second day. This has had no negative impact whatsoever on size, hardness etc. I believe there is an advantage of cycling in the early stages. I also believe there is no advantage whatsoever after some time. It must however be a disadvantage with frequent pumping in terms of implant length of life. Any mechanical device will wear out sooner with more frequent use.

When I pump for sex, I use around 40-45 pumps. The first 30-35 will be proper full wall to wall pumps, and the last 10 will be partials. I used to think 40+ pumps was way too hard for sex before, but nowadays it feels great. This level gives me an angle of around 2 o’clock and a very limited flex. I cannot bend it below 3 o’clock and cannot touch my abs with it. Sideways the flex is same or even less. This works great though. The only thing that doesn’t work with this hardness is if my partner grinds sideways or in circles when I am fully inside her. That will hurt. But this hardness is great for the in and out. I’d also say this hardness is less than optimal for a blow job. I’d say 20-30 pumps would be best for that, but I seldom bother to do it this way. The difference in feeling from a blow job is not large enough to justify the break to add another 20 pumps (which would take 30-40 seconds) before penetrating. But I occasionally do it this way.

Deflating is a breeze. I don’t know why, but in the early days I always felt I had to hold the deflate valve with one hand and simultaneously squeeze my dick with the other to get a good deflation. And even then it sometimes wasn’t perfect. Nowadays I just give the deflate valve a firm squeeze for 3 seconds and then it deflates completely by itself. Works great. I never give the pump a squeeze once deflated to avoid auto inflate. No need. That just doesn’t happen. Crossing fingers my valve is a prime one.

As for the frequently asked question, will a woman notice, I have a lot to say. The answer is really “It depends”. It depends on how important it is for you to hide it. If it important to you to avoid 'detection' and you are prepared to act in some ways to avoid it, then you will have a very good chance of getting away with it. If your doc has made a good job. But if you don’t take any particular precautions, and do just whatever you would have done otherwise, for example taking a shower with her and letting her soap you up – dick and balls - then you can’t expect to get away with it.
But, it is also important to ask what “noticing” means. The most obvious noticeable thing is the pump in the scrotum. But no woman feeling the pump in the sack will likely understand it is a pump for an implant. They will more likely think you have had surgery related to your testicles. So in that sense, the chance any woman will understand you have an implant is probably very small. If someone notices my pump in my scrotum, I just say “Don’t worry about it, I had an accident before and needed surgery. Everything works just fine though…”. And that always works. Nobody asks more questions after that.
Deflating can always be made in shower or WC, deflating can easily be done after orgasm when she looks away, rolls over, reaches for a towel or whatever.

Another question is how it feels. This was my number one concern before going ahead. How does implant sex feel? Today, two years after, I must say it feels just like the real thing. It is amazing that I can have two saline filled plastic tubes in my dick, have sex and not feel any difference. Except that it stays up instead of goes down after 3 minutes.

Pick the right surgeon is a commonly given advice here. And most definitely so from me. Kramer and Eid used to be the two gurufied ones here. Today there can be no doubt who is the superior one of those two. One keeps delivering happy patients with great outcomes, rock hard Titans without RTEs (or maximum 1 cm) and no loss of length. The other one keeps putting his pump up on guys’ shafts and even forces patients in to revisions every now and then due to shitty outcome. But being worse than Eid is no shame, he might still be #2 in the world…

Titan vs AMS. I have only had a Titan. But from what I read I’d pick one again if I had to start all over. Roughly speaking, as the data available seems to indicate, a Titan is harder when hard and an AMS is softer when soft, and a Titan provides more girth. I love the hardness and girth and have no problem with the flaccid state. I would not trade one bit of hardness or girth for a more soft flaccid.
I also think AMS have a problem with the tubing insertion point, causing even highly regarded docs (e.g. Kramer) to mess up with the pump placement. The fix is a stack of RTEs, but nobody wants that as it, all else being equal, will result in lower axial rigidity. Especially over time, since the lower diameter of the RTEs vs the cylinders, will become looser and looser in the crus and eventually lead some degree of hinge or wobbling. Especially the AMS RTEs which are only 9mm in diameter compared to the Titan RTEs of 13 mm. But with a Titan there is normally no need for excessive use of RTEs since the tubing insertion point is good and the Titan cylinders come in 2 cm intervals. Meaning there should normally not be any reason to use more than 1 cm or maximum 1.5 cm RTEs.
Anyway, I am no doctor or no Implant designer. But I have talked to some of them about these issues.

And to pre empty the attack from guys happy with their AMS and 5 cm RTEs; yes, I am sure you are happy. But how do you know you wouldn’t have more girth, more axial rigidity, better angle, better pump placement with a Titan? Maybe differences would be minimal or maybe substantial.

If I was thinking myself on what could be improved on today’s implant design, what would that be? Well, an impossibility. I’d like two things. A smaller pump and less pumps needed to get hard… The only way to solve both those issues would be, I guess, to avoid current manual pumping technology. If I’d have to choose between larger pump and fewer pumps till hard or smaller pump and more pumps till hard, then I’d say neither. The right tradeoff is the current design.

Another question asked often to me on PMs is if my flaccid is soft and small enough to hide in clothes. Or if I look like I am constantly walking around with a hardon.
No problem. Really. My flaccid is 15 cm (5.9”) and pretty thick. But I never feel this is a problem. I always wear tight fitted suit pants for work, and since I spend most my weekends on the beach or by the pool, I often wear swimming shorts. But I honestly say that this is no issue. It is too soft and pliable to ever look like a semi, and I don’t even think it is visible enough for people to notice I have a big dick. Not when fully deflated.
However, if I for some reason want my dick to look big, I just give it 5-10 pumps, which still makes it Flexible enough to force sideways in a pair of tight jeans, but this gives it a massive look which definitely not goes unnoticed. I have been to ugly bars where many women have spontaneously just walked up to me and said “Wow, your dick is huge” and asked to touch it. Quite fun if one is that type of place and that type of mood. But again, this is when I keep it partially inflated. Doesn’t happen when it is 100% deflated.

Good luck with your implants if you have one.
Good luck with your research if you don’t.

I may know why you are longer than before. My doctor told me that most guys he talks to didn't really measure properly until they started having problems and by then they had probably lost some length. Your dick was probably your current size but you just didn't notice. Congrats on your wonderful implant journey... I hope mine goes as smooth this time around.

Larry

[merrix]

Merrix,

Thanks for the update. I just have a question. How long did it take you to have a more cylindrical, or less oval shaft?

Cheers!

ThePlumber

Hey there plumber.
Well, the fact I didn't mention the oval issue probably means something. It means it's an issue I don't even think about.
Oval or not depends on my blood flow. If I just pump my dick up without any arousal, as I used to do before (it's called 'cycling' around here), it will be oval. Not extremely oval, but still more oval than a normal dick.
This is not strange though since a dick needs a blood filled spongiasum to get round.
When I get aroused, I have the luck of getting a good flow of blood to my spongiasum and my glans. Hence my dick is not oval when I am aroused.
I can't say though that this has changed with time. Not noticeable.

What I think has changed is that I can pump more pumps now than before. And the more pumps I fill it with, the less oval it gets. At 25 pumps (non aroused) it is quite oval, but at 40+ it is almost round even without blood flow. And a year ago I didn't/couldn't use 40+ pumps for sex. So in that sense it has gotten better with time.

[merrix]

As said I have totally stopped pumping when not using it. I.e. no cycling. Haven't been doing it for several months.
Only pump when I use it, which is around 4 times per week.
And when I use it, I pump 40-45 pumps for sex and 30-35 for masturbation.
If I would pump max, I'd get at least 50 in there. So I haven't pumped to max for many months.
Also haven't measured it for several months. Out of curiosity I did the other day. Had it gotten smaller as a result of the less frequent pumping and the total lack of maximal inflation?
No.
I measured 17.8 cm (7.0") long and 14.4 cm girth (5.7"). With arousal. Without arousal it is 1 cm (0.4") shorter and 1 cm (0.4") thinner as well.

Conclusion: my dick has NOT shrunk from stopping cycling it and only inflate for use. Never inflating to maximum has neither had any negative impact on size.

I did inflate 1-2 times daily for the first 18 months though. But rarely for longer than 10 minutes each time. Had other things to do than watching my dick (maybe) growing. Basically following a sort of linear progression where I tried to inflate 1 pump more every week if possible. Never pumped till pain though, only discomfort.
When starting, getting in 20-30 partials (probably equal to 10-15 full pumps) was a challenge. Today I can do 35-40 full pumps and then another 10-15 partials.

I also found my 2 year old 20+ sms conversation with my doc. One sms from him might be of interest. It relates to the Titan's early days' stiff flaccid. I assume it is ok for him that I post this.

Me: "Ok. The long trip went well. Almost no pain. Only problem is to conceal my 3:30 flaccid..."

Doc: "This will improve with time as the flesh of the penis stretches and further healing occurs. There is still swelling inside the cavernosal space and as this resolves there will be more room inside for the cylinders to bend down. Also as the cylinder Bioflex elastomer absorbs fat it becomes softer and more compliant and will bend down more easily. That is the reason why cycling the device in the immediate post operative period is so important. It stretches and straightens the tunica before permanent healing occurs."

This was 3.5 weeks post surgery.
And he was right. My flaccid is really no problem whatsoever anymore. Despite my size. It is too flexible to be an issue.

[maxxxxx]

" 16.4 cm girth"...

I think you mean 14.6 cm girth ... Rigth ?

[merrix]

" 16.4 cm girth"...

I think you mean 14.6 cm girth ... Rigth ?

Yes I do. Typo. Thanks for notifying. Corrected in the post above.

[warrenw]

Me: "Ok. The long trip went well. Almost no pain. Only problem is to conceal my 3:30 flaccid..."

Doc: "This will improve with time as the flesh of the penis stretches and further healing occurs.........

This was 3.5 weeks post surgery.
And he was right. My flaccid is really no problem whatsoever anymore. Despite my size. It is too flexible to be an issue.

Really glad to hear that. At 6+ weeks my only complaint is the stiffness when flaccid. I always wear pointing up in jockey briefs, and when fully flaccid a somewhat uncomfortable bend (fold) occurs across the cylinders, especially when driving or sitting down. I can't wait for that to improve.

However, had I insisted on an AMS I'd be complaining about some aspect of that now instead. That's just the way my mind works.