Yet Another Journal

[NYCGay]

Now for the Hard Part! You've heard it before... it get's better everyday.

LUp

Thank you, LookingUp! I've been waiting for the Hard Part for thirty years.

[NYCGay]

Congrats. The best is yet to cum.

Thank you, Jeff! I can't wait. Tomorrow, I'll get to take off all the gauze. I expect it will look hideous, but that's okay.

[NYCGay]

This morning, I was finally allowed to remove all the dressing and pull out the catheter. I took two oxycodone in preparation, but I don’t think it was really needed for the catheter removal: pulling it out caused twenty seconds of discomfort; I wouldn’t even call it pain.

I had already seen my blue balls from behind in the mirror, and was pleasantly surprised to see that the cock itself was almost free of bruises. It was hanging at about 4:30, pretty much what the best of my erections (or perhaps I should call them “tumescenses”) used point at.

I took a hot bath, as per Dr. Eid’s instructions, and was able to locate the deflation button. After pressing it, it seemed to me that I could squeeze out a little liquid from the cylinders, making my dick more bendable. Of course everything was a bit tender, but it didn’t hurt badly. I could actually hear creaking sounds from the cylinders as I squeezed the shaft though. I stood up and took a look in the mirror. My dick was now hanging at an almost normal (though very turgid) 5 o’clock. I realize that I’m not entirely unbiased here, but it struck me as a pretty decent-looking semi-hard cock.

Being reasonably certain that I had indeed succeeded in deflating, emptying out what seemed to have been in the cylinders, I pressed the bulb to inflate. I had to squeeze quite hard before it suddenly gave. This didn’t worry me as everyone says that it will soften with time. I pumped myself up till it pointed straight out, at 3 o’clock. At that point, the pump was getting harder to squeeze, she skin of the scrotum was burning from being pinched between my fingers and the pump, and there was a bit of ache in the shaft. I figured this was enough for a first attempt, only 72 hours after the surgery.

And 3 o’clock might not sound all that to some of you guys, but I’m not sure if I’ve ever had an erection that pointed that high. Perhaps I did in my teens; I don’t remember. Having suffered from ED for my whole adult life, I won’t be comparing with some perfect state only a few years ago; I will comparing with the lousy way things have been for the last thirty years, when an erection points at 4 at best, and that’s after a pill, an injection, and with a cockring. And then it softens further, as I try to push it in.

Texting Dr. Eid before the procedure, when I was consumed with fear that my tunica albuginea would be too weak to allow me to have good erections even with the implant, I told him that I wouldn’t care one bit if I lost a full inch in girth, if only I could get hard.

I guess the man took me at my word, because bringing out the measuring tape, I could conclude that an inch in girth was indeed exactly what I lost: I’m down from 6.7 to 5.7. Well, it might have been somewhat of an overstatement to say that I wouldn’t care one bit ...

But really, on the whole, I’m very happy with my progress this far. Sure, I would love to have a big cock as much as the next guy (or even better: huge), but only if it can get hard, and also, I don’t think my 6.7-inch circumference looked that good; the shaft was bulging out in the middle, but the head was disproportionally small, making it look more weird than impressive. (I love big mushroom heads.) And since I knew I wouldn't be able to get a bigger head, it doesn't bother me that much that I lost some thickness of the shaft. The whole thing looks more proportional to me now, and a 5.7-inch circumference is not small. The shaft is somewhat flattened. I would prefer it to be rounder, like it used to be. I wonder if that will happen if I keep pumping it harder. But again: no need to go any further on this first attempt.

Then I just lay in my bath, looking at my cock which, in this position, hang about 45 degrees above my belly, whereas before, with the pill, the injection, and the cockring, it would have rested lightly against it, or to the side, against the thigh. I started thinking: this new dick of mine will take some getting used to. As others have pointed out: even if your ED has a physiological cause, it still ends up being a psychological issue too, and the psychological issue doesn’t disappear instantly just because the underlying physiological problem is fixed.

My dick was standing up at that 45 degree angle, minute after minute, absolutely stable, not flagging one bit, even though I wasn’t playing with it, or even really thinking about sex. With the injections, without constant physical stimulation, I would quickly go from hardish to just turgid, which felt kind of natural. This felt weird, almost wrong. Why was I hard?

Don’t get me wrong: so far, I’ve gotten exactly what I asked for, but now comes the work of figuring out how to relate to my new dick.

What I’m longing for right now -- but this will have to wait a little -- is to be in a situation where there is some point in being hard, i.e. a sexual situation. So far, this all feels more like a science experiment. But by sexual situation, I don’t necessarily mean having sex with a partner; masturbating would be fine too, or even just watch some porn without stroking. (Things are a bit tender still.)

I have some video meetings for work to get through this afternoon. Then, thankfully, I have the weekend at my disposal to continue to rest and gently explore. I really feel that I’m on a very good path.

2021-05-14 07.36.38 copy.jpg (202.95 KiB) Viewed 889 times

2021-05-14 07.43.42 copy.jpg (158.53 KiB) Viewed 889 times

[boots1959]

Hi NYCgay, looks like a very good result. I thought you would end up with a straighter shaft with the implant. 5.7" girth, impressive from where I am. Length, that and girth may well improve with cycling. I had decent gains in length in the first 6 weeks of cycling. I suspect this was the implant " settling in" and filling the void in my penis.
Psychologically it does take time to adjust to your new found potency. You will adapt and become used to your new abilities, life will be good.
I was kept inflated for 5 weeks at around 50% and started cycling then.
Has your surgeon advised you to start cycling now?

[NYCGay]

Hi NYCgay, looks like a very good result. I thought you would end up with a straighter shaft with the implant. 5.7" girth, impressive from where I am. Length, that and girth may well improve with cycling. I had decent gains in length in the first 6 weeks of cycling. I suspect this was the implant " settling in" and filling the void in my penis.
Psychologically it does take time to adjust to your new found potency. You will adapt and become used to your new abilities, life will be good.
I was kept inflated for 5 weeks at around 50% and started cycling then.
Has your surgeon advised you to start cycling now?

Hi boots!

Nice if I gain back some of the lost girth -- and if I don't, then that's okay too, as long as I can get hard.

And yes, Dr. Eid instructed me to start cycling the device on the third day after surgery, provided I was absolutely sure I could identify the deflation button.

[Lost Sheep]

(Edited for focus)

I started thinking: this new dick of mine will take some getting used to. As others have pointed out: even if your ED has a physiological cause, it still ends up being a psychological issue too, and the psychological issue doesn’t disappear instantly just because the underlying physiological problem is fixed.


...now comes the work of figuring out how to relate to my new dick.

What I’m longing for right now -- but this will have to wait a little -- is to be in a situation where there is some point in being hard, i.e. a sexual situation. So far, this all feels more like a science experiment.

I really feel that I’m on a very good path.

I, too had to make some adjustments to my attitude about sex (approaching a partner, both the social aspects and practical, physical orientation).

The first few sexual experiences I had after my implant was functional for sex were tentative and largely unsuccessful. I was out of practice. I lacked confidence. My partner's anatomy and inability to assume certain positions was not helpful, either.

Enter a new partner and things got better and now are better than ever before. Not only does my penis stand up when called upon, we are both more mature than when we were teenagers with no clue what we were doing. The explorations are a LOT more candid than EVER we could have done at a younger age.

You definitely are on a very good path. With a partner willing to help with your "experimental lab work", you will be happily "back in the saddle" again soon.

[NYCGay]

(Edited for focus)

I started thinking: this new dick of mine will take some getting used to. As others have pointed out: even if your ED has a physiological cause, it still ends up being a psychological issue too, and the psychological issue doesn’t disappear instantly just because the underlying physiological problem is fixed.


...now comes the work of figuring out how to relate to my new dick.

What I’m longing for right now -- but this will have to wait a little -- is to be in a situation where there is some point in being hard, i.e. a sexual situation. So far, this all feels more like a science experiment.

I really feel that I’m on a very good path.

I, too had to make some adjustments to my attitude about sex (approaching a partner, both the social aspects and practical, physical orientation).

The first few sexual experiences I had after my implant was functional for sex were tentative and largely unsuccessful. I was out of practice. I lacked confidence. My partner's anatomy and inability to assume certain positions was not helpful, either.

Enter a new partner and things got better and now are better than ever before. Not only does my penis stand up when called upon, we are both more mature than when we were teenagers with no clue what we were doing. The explorations are a LOT more candid than EVER we could have done at a younger age.

You definitely are on a very good path. With a partner willing to help with your "experimental lab work", you will be happily "back in the saddle" again soon.

Hi Lost Sheep!

I do wonder what sex will be like, when that time comes (right now, everything is sore and tender; the thought of someone grabbing my dick makes me want to scream: CAREFUL, DON'T TOUCH! But I assume that will get better with time; again, it's only been three days since the surgeon sliced me open and stuffed all this equipment inside me.

But how will sex be? There will be sex with my partner in life, and there will be sex with others, and those are partly different things, and I don't know how either one will be.

I think the greatest unknown is actually sex with my partner. We've built our mutual sex life around my inability. I rarely use the injections with him; that's just a show I put on for others, usually ending in some degree of disappointment. With him, I don't want to have to deal with that, neither the practical hassle of the injections nor the disappointment over their ever diminishing effect. More often than not, we just settle for a mutual hand-job and some oral. What kind of sex life we might build together now, when the circumstances will have changed so dramatically changed, remains very much to be seen.

[cbinspok]

Wow, NYC Looking good! for just 3 days. For me it took (still?) a long while to trust my new tool, You are in a long term relation with a sub par tool, Then over night,, you are waken it and you brain is screaming at you "you better wrap this up buddy this hard on ain't going to last" ...then your intellectual brain says- "enjoy your self its been 20 years, enjoy the moment- stretch this out, This hard on isn't going anywhere.

take your time you have lots
cb

[NYCGay]

Wow, NYC Looking good! for just 3 days. For me it took (still?) a long while to trust my new tool, You are in a long term relation with a sub par tool, Then over night,, you are waken it and you brain is screaming at you "you better wrap this up buddy this hard on ain't going to last" ...then your intellectual brain says- "enjoy your self its been 20 years, enjoy the moment- stretch this out, This hard on isn't going anywhere.

take your time you have lots
cb

Good morning, cb!

Yes, "a long term relationship with a sub par tool" is indeed a good way of describing it. And you say "its been 20 years," but for me, it's over 30; I've had this problem ever since my sexual debut; I've had sex, with the help of pills and injections, but I've never had a sex life that wasn't planned around my ED.

I doubt that this it a healthy way to look at things, but I've often thought of my penis as a friend I can't stop wanting to be friends with, even though he always lets me down.

[GoodWood]

Looking good! Congrats on taking the leap. You are on the road to recovery.