Overcoming doubts

[pyronies_dave]

Apologies in advance if this is a bit long-winded, I'm a freelance journalist by profession and get paid by the word This also means that I tend to do a lot of research over just about anything, which is why I ended up here. Having read a lot and absorbed a lot of information from the medical/surgical side of the fence I now need to hear from people who have actually been there and done that in order to ease my (often irrational) fears.

I'm 54, and have a diagnosis of 'complex peyronie's disease' along with ED. My consultant measures the peyronie's as a left lateral curvature of 45 degrees and a dorsal curvature of 80 degrees. I also had inguinal hernia surgery three years ago which impacted my genito-femoral nerve and left me on morphine for two years.

My erectile problems are complex in as far as they involve an inability to maintain an erection (even with sildenafil or injections) although I get a good erection with both. Not that it matters as the complexity of the peyronie's makes it impossible to have penetrative sex.

So, after much referral here in the UK I have ended up in the care of Oliver Kayes at Leeds (on the NHS, so money isn't an issue) who thinks the best option for me is a penile implant (Coloplast Titan is his recommendation for my circumstances) along with reconstructive surgery at the same time.

We had a long and fruitful last consultation, and I'm now awaiting pre-surgical assessment and counselling with the specialist nurses at the start of September. Here's the thing though, how do you deal with your doubts - how do you get your head into the right place before such life-changing surgery? Part of me is still in shock over the thought of this surgery, not helped by the last surgery in my gentleman's area going so wrong and causing such long-term pain. Two years on morphine is not something I want to endure again. Part of me knows that the risk of infection or something going wrong is small, and the benefit of having the surgery will be truly life-changing for both myself and my very supportive partner. She's got her head around it well, it's just me that is dragging my feet so to speak.

All this isn't helped by the fact that my surgeon has pointed out that long-term pain cannot be counted out, both as a potential side-effect of the surgery but also given my previous problems involving the genito-femoral nerve.

Can anyone help me with advice for trying to find the right emotional and psychological place to accept the surgery before I actually have it done. I feel that if I'm in a negative place before surgery then that may well impede a quick and effective recovery.

Help!

[BillyBobTMS]

I know, I still have not called any doctors yet. ut I think hat will happen very soon! Not looking forward to the recovery period. And after 4 years dead since surgery(prostatectomy/prostate cancer), even with an erection I don't know how much I will be able to feel, how much pleasure I will feel or if I will be able to have a decent orgasm. And lastly, with a post menopausal wife, who though she is willing to give me what I need but really has no desire for it any more(we are both 70), I just wonder sometimes if I should put both us through all of this.

But, I think if I had this "very supportive partner. She's got her head around it well,", in other words she wanted me to do it and was looking forward to using it, I would have already had it done 2 or 3 years ago. I think I'd be all over it, trying to get the quickest appointment available. May your decision come easily and quckly, so you don't have to waste any more years not enjoying that "very supportive partner. She's got her head around it well,"! Don't let that gift go to waste!

[DaveKell]

I tell men at seminars where I speak you have to be psychologically ready to accept a foreign object onboard in your most prized part of male anatomy. This comes after all else has failed and you realize an implant is the closest you'll get to a 100% fix of ED (mostly has a satisfaction rate in the high 90's). One thing that turns a lot of men away is the fact that you can never have a natural erection again after an implant. It seems a lot of men are waiting for the magic bullet therapy to restore erectile function. I did the same thing for 8 years. When I decided enough was enough, I went for it. I was ready to be able to reliably function fully as a man again and that was the result I got in spades. I've never had a moments regret. The implant vastly improved my sexual capabilities all across the board. It was more than worth the few weeks of discomfort. My long strained relationship issues I had my wife quickly disappeared in the rear view mirror. I've been delivered from a death bed twice by surgeons but consider the implant to be the greatest medical miracle of my life. Sex is totally fabulous and pumpimg up an implant takes seconds so it's in now way a mood killer like injections, pumps and waiting on pills to take effect. In less than two months I lost awareness of the fact the implant was even in me. I never feel it and I'm an active guy. It's kind of funny, I had 18 major surgeries on my intestines over a 22 year period. For the last half a dozen of those I never had any anxiety about going in for surgery. The week I had to wait for my implant surgery I was a mess of anxiety and insomnia. I've had a 12 inch long scar on my belly opened many times and I feared a 1 inch cut. Obviously it's because of the part of my body where it was going to be. My fears were absolutely unfounded as it turned out. The recovery was a cakewalk.If you are at the point where nothing else provides any hope for reliable functioning again then it's time to psych yourself up to receive an implant. It's not the end of any road but rather the beginning of being able to perform probably better than you ever have before. Best of luck. If anybody would like to speak with me personally I'll gladly give you my phone number by private message. Oh what the heck, here it is: 817-312-1069. I regularly speak at seminars with a urological surgeon to roomfulls of guys looking for answers and will be glad to help you with any concerns. Also, my wife will speak with your wife about it if that will help at all. My wife presents at the seminars with me as well. Best of luck to you.

[pyronies_dave]

Thanks for the response BillyBobTMS. Yes, I am very lucky indeed to have such an understanding partner. We've only been together for seven years, and my third wife, but her acceptance of the procedure and the risks of it going wrong are what has led me to this point in time. She's quite matter of fact in saying that if it all went wrong then we wouldn't be any worse off than we are now in terms of our sexual relationship. If I were on my own I don't think I'd even be considering it to be honest. I just have to clear my head of the doubts, and the fear of things wrong again. Here's hoping you come to a decision soon, and that everything works out well for you both.

[pyronies_dave]

Hey DaveKell, I hear you about never really being concerned about surgery after having more than my own share of the same. I had viral encephalitis in my twenties that left me in a wheelchair for a number of years, and wet macular degeneration a few years ago meant that I had to endure a number of injections into the eyeball month after month. It's only since the truly horrendous nerve pain I was left with for two years after that hernia surgery in my groin that I have wimped out - especially with this involving the same area. I'm concerned over pain relief afterwards, I cannot tolerate codeine, don't want to go anywhere near opiates after coming off the morphine and cannot take anti-inflammatories as I am a rivaroxaban user (I have an arterial clot catcher implanted following a series of pulmonary embolisms during the encephalitis episode, and then a DVT a year ago led to me being put on the blood thinners as well).

Thanks for your thoughts on this, I know it all makes sense and is the right thing to do. I really just need to find the fight to man up and accept that the rewards will offset the risks and then some...

[Greg1956]

Dave,
I always tell men that fear getting an implant that I knew I was ready when I knew I had tried everything else and nothing else worked. One day I got to the point I realized I had nothing to lose (and so much to gain) by getting an implant. I was unhappy with my penis shrinking and unhappy I couldn’t have good sex. I figured even if I lost more length from the implant surgery, at least I would have a dependable penis for sex.

I am 9 months post-op and the implant was one of the best decisions of my life. One of your comments that worries me is your doctor mentioning ongoing pain after getting an implant. I think the majority of us don’t have any pain. It may be his patients have pain because of his methods. My intent is not to scare you, but to make sure you know what you are getting into.

Greg

[pyronies_dave]

The risk of ongoing pain was mentioned by the surgeon as something that cannot be counted out due to my particular recent history. I have only been off morphine for damage caused to my genito-femoral nerve following hernia surgery for a year. The surgeon is actually very well thought of, a specialist in penile reconstruction etc, and I have no doubts about his abilities or recommendations at all. He was just being honest in responding to my concerns about pain. Also, bear in mind that I'm not only having the implant but also reconstructive surgery (grafting etc) as a result of the complexity of my Peyronie's.

[oldbeek]

Hey Dave, There are guys on this forum that do get natural wood with an implant.

[justanotherdrumber]

I tend to look at the hard facts.

1. You can NEVER go back and reclaim the the time you waited before deciding on an implant.
2. Besides the physical aspects, you cannot onerlook the negative psychological ssues.
3. They results should be much better than where you are now.
4. Refer back to #1 .....

[pyronies_dave]

There are guys on this forum that do get natural wood with an implant

Oldbeek, that's one of the things I don't quite understand, although it's good to know! I guess it depends on the precise nature of the implant surgery for each individual case as to how much of the corpora cavernosa is broken down/removed during the procedure?