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I tend to overthink things and I’ve basically slept only a few hours since my surgery a few days ago . My initial anxiety started when I realized the doc was only able to install a 21 cm Titan vs what had been previously anticipated. Waves of regret just keep rolling through my mind. Secondly, is a kind of post-op existential blues. I unfortunately feel like such a failure for having had to get to this point before even 40. I don’t know how this thing can truly be mine. I would search for therapy about this, but unless the therapist had gone through the same shit, it would just be a waste of time and money.

Did anyone go through a “fuck what have I done” post op, only to eventually come out grateful? I hate to rant like a loon, I just can’t sleep, sick with these thoughts.

I didn’t have regrets. Like you I was hoping for a larger implant. That said having a functioning penis has been awesome.

Hey man, I can't speak from experience because I've not been through this, but I can imagine what you're going through, and I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

I suspect this is a somewhat normal psychological reaction to the surgery you've just had. It's something that goes to the very heart of your masculinity, and while you'd be physically and emotional vulnerable right now following any kind of surgery, the nature of this surgery makes it an especially emotional experience. Don't feel bad over the way you feel - you've got a right to feel any way you want to at the moment. You've been through something pretty traumatic and stressful, and your mind is trying to accept it and move on. Can't imagine this would be easy.

But rest assured, you're still in the heat of battle. Time is the great healer, and once you no longer feel like an immobilized, bruised, vulnerable patient in recovery, but are actually back out in the world with normal clothes on and laughing and having fun, I really feel like you'll come to appreciate what medical science and skilled surgeons have given you - a chance to have sex for the rest of your life 100% worry free. And only someone with a past experience like you (and many of us) have had can truly appreciate what that means.

Your second-guessing and emotions are normal, I suspect. Just ride it out. Give it time. Your mind will heal right along with your penis. We've seen it so many times here - an implant is always a kind of trade-off, but one the vast majority of guys are completely happy to have made once they get down the road a bit farther than where you stand at the moment.

Best of luck, sir, you've taken control of your life and happiness in a way that is inspiring to many of us.

Regards,
eisenhower

It seems like most people on here have had a moment post op, give it time.

Also, don't beat yourself up over having issues at your age. Sure you are half way through the 2nd quarter, but you just had an issue that we all have on here, young and old. I wish I would've done it at your age instead of dinking around with pills and things that were short term fixes.

I'm scheduled for next week, so maybe I'll have a freak out moment too, but it will pass.

aslanglobal wrote:I tend to overthink things and I’ve basically slept only a few hours since my surgery a few days ago . My initial anxiety started when I realized the doc was only able to install a 21 cm Titan vs what had been previously anticipated. Waves of regret just keep rolling through my mind. Secondly, is a kind of post-op existential blues. I unfortunately feel like such a failure for having had to get to this point before even 40. I don’t know how this thing can truly be mine. I would search for therapy about this, but unless the therapist had gone through the same shit, it would just be a waste of time and money.

Did anyone go through a “fuck what have I done” post op, only to eventually come out grateful? I hate to rant like a loon, I just can’t sleep, sick with these thoughts.

I did not go through the "oh fuck, what have i done" part, but i absolutely have compassion for what you're feeling right now, so I'm chiefly here to cheer you on.

I think you're going to get plenty of advice and encouraging words here, as you should (since, by definition being here on FT, we've all, every one of us, lived some version of being less than we thought we'd be, less than we wanted and envisioned ourselves to be, and less than we thought our relationships deserved - and required).

Having said all that- you did what you did to alleviate a demonstrable problem. Right? So where is the value in regret? What specific thing does regret serve in your life, other than to un-focus you now and dilute your motivation and rehab and your new path?

Stop citing your age. Really, ok? What possible difference does your age make?

You unfortunately found yourself saddled with the irrecoverable ingredients of ED at whatever age you had them. Yes, a bit of a young age. But so what? You are about to have a dick that will do things guys half your age wouldn't remotely comprehend. If your goals were 100% erection reliability, absolute function, and zero anxiety and worry around all of that...then holy hell man...mission accomplished. And you owe yourself a fat debt of gratitude for the balls it took to do what was necessary to get where you needed to get.

Be kind to yourself.

Embrace what's ahead.

Your new dick is going to be a little different, for sure, but it's going to be absolute nonstop fun, too - if you allow it.

“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”

― Dalai Lama XIV

Oh Yea, the post op blues. I ended up having a reaction to the antibiotic and hurt like hell the first few months. Since COVID hit less than 2 months post op I couldn't go see my surgeon. Why did I do this to myself?

Now at close to 2 years post I can't say enough good about it. I can get an erection any time I want vs having a floppy hose good only for peeing. No more thinking or guessing should I take a pill tonight? No more hopping out of bed in the middle of getting cozy to go stick a needle in my penis. Yes there are drawbacks, like the heavy feeling of the pump in your sack or the way bigger flaccid penis that shows when wearing sweats, shorts or swim trunks. You get used to it though.

And age doesn't matter. It's something that occurs in all ages, just like other things like diabetes, needing glasses or a knee replacement. Heal up and enjoy what you just had fixed.

Old Guy wrote: or the way bigger flaccid penis that shows when wearing sweats, shorts or swim trunks. You get used to it.

Some of us even see the snake we have to stuff in our jeans, gym shorts, or swim trunks as a beneficial side effect.

The first few days, week, and even weeks have lots of WTF did I dos, and random pains, questions, and others. You really hit a stride a few weeks after starting to cycle.

Wow. I really must be wired different. I had not one second of regret about implant.

My only regret was I did not get it sooner after my fall. After it failed, I had a revision asap.

I had a useless dick after my fall. Implanted I got a hard one now. Happy as a flea on a dog from day one.

aslanglobal wrote:I tend to overthink things and I’ve basically slept only a few hours since my surgery a few days ago . My initial anxiety started when I realized the doc was only able to install a 21 cm Titan vs what had been previously anticipated. Waves of regret just keep rolling through my mind. Secondly, is a kind of post-op existential blues. I unfortunately feel like such a failure for having had to get to this point before even 40. I don’t know how this thing can truly be mine. I would search for therapy about this, but unless the therapist had gone through the same shit, it would just be a waste of time and money.

Did anyone go through a “fuck what have I done” post op, only to eventually come out grateful? I hate to rant like a loon, I just can’t sleep, sick with these thoughts.

Knowledge dispels fear (and doubt).

I never had a moment of the "what the fuck have I done" feeling. I did my research, took great pains to select a surgeon and never looked back.

However, most others here have, indeed, in the days and even weeks post-op have had second thoughts. Pain and discomfort. An alarming amount of bruising and swelling (my penis looked like a road-killed toad, but I expected something like that). Uncertainty about ultimate size and how to resume sex (I had some difficulty getting back in the saddle - despite the idea that it is like riding a bicycle, I did have to re-learn some coital technique and also re-establish my sexual confidence). But I had nary a single regret.

I, too, tend to overthink things. Most often after the fact. But in this case all my overthinking was before the operation.