FrankTalk.org

View my full journal here:
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20890

Update day 25:

While I am still swollen in the hotel room, hitting day 25, I've been thinking a lot. I'd like to talk about some of the depression which peyronies has caused me, as well as modern dating.

Modern Dating for woman
With the advent of social media, women are really spoilt for choice. The average woman who's probably a 6/10, with makeup and a few provocative pics on Instagram (transforming herself into an 8) will most likely have at least 20/30 messages a week from guys wanting to take her out. You can guarantee at least 5 of those are men in the top 10% of the wealth pyramid. I am not saying women are shallow and gold diggers, just that they are naturally hypergamous, and they crave security, protection and a provider, and will most likely prefer to date wealthier men of high status. As you take her out on a date, she's probably got 10 others lined up with guys richer. With this in mind, some younger women can have a low tolerance for erectyle dysfunction (wait till the end before making judgements). Why would she want to deal with average joe earning 60k a year with depression from peyronies who can't keep it up when she could date Tim from Accounting earning 150k a year spoiling her with holidays n fancy gifts, giving her amazing sex in extravagant positions twisting her into a pretzel hitting her G/A/K and whatever other spots there are every night. Unfortunately, a majority of women will only love you on the condition that you can provide financially, give safety, emotional security. It's hardwired into their genetics. In the stone ages when we were hunter gatherers, if a woman did not pair bond with a competent man who could provide resources (shelter, food etc), she would die. So, you can see how women will naturally filter out mem to pair bond with the wealthy, competent, confident. Of course there are always anomalies and exceptions.

Modern Dating for men
Well, we are competing with a huge pool of guys. Go on tinder and you may be lucky to get matches. If you're just an average guy earning 60k a year, average looking with a belly, the woman you're interested in, has probably got dates set up with guys earning 100k+, with fit bodies, etc etc.

Of course this isn't to say that women are shallow. The most important aspect of a relationship is trust, love, emotional connection. Just that dating has changed. 50/60 years ago, a man would court a woman who's only options would be the men in her town that were not related to her and of a similar age group. Any man could provide a decent living for her as the cost of living back then was so low, further, most women were dependent on men. Women were not spoilt for choice, it was rather, the other way around. Contrasting from my points above, when you have been with a woman for 40 years who hasn't had much experience with other males, and you're now 60/70, or dating women over 40 who are used to men in their 50s with ED, they are much more understanding and tolerant of ED.

Divorce is also currently at an all time high, and in the USA 70% of divorces are initiated by females (google it).

So, I have tried to put into place how dating and peyronies can be different for people in their 20/30s to people n their 60/70s.

Now I want to get to why I am writing all this.

The last 4 years of peyronies for me:

During the last four years of peyronies I was severely depressed. I had anxiety and PTSD previously, and when peyronies hit I also suffered severe depression. I was on and off medications but most anti-depressants cause ED and I didn't want the lack of erections/nocturnal erections to have a detrimental effect on my peyronies. My life took a real hit. I was always a gym junkie and thankfully this is the one area of my life I always kept up. Unfortunately after this surgery I am slowly losing my body, but I will much easily gain it back. I was also in uni studying two degrees. I finished them just late last year. That makes me a 34 year old just starting out his career still living with his parents.

Now with the above information in mind, you can imagine, being 34, without my own home, starting a graduate career, dating is going to be rather difficult. It would have been even more difficult with ED. Now, I can wait 6 years and build my career up, feel more comfortable where I can provide better financial security for a wife and chlildren etc, but that puts me at 40 years.

I actually should have finished my degrees and started my career 4 years ago but the severe depression from peyronies and other aspects caused a huge hindrance in my life.

The positives:
My plan is to hustle hard, with my career as well as side hustles, I have been reading vigorously, learning about finance, business etc, I have improved my mental health drastically, trying to network and make new friends. Peyronies has actually turned me into a much mentally (and psychically) stronger person. Always turn your disadvantages into advantages, negatives into positives in life. We are also looking at creating a mens health group here in Australia where we can support each other in every way.

When you take everything into consideration, you can clearly see how dating in the modern world with peyronies can really be difficult for some of us younger guys.

My point in all of this is that, as you can see, the 4 years I was depressed, I should have been excelling in all other aspects of my life, focusing on becoming in one of the top 10% males in the wealth pyramid, improving my mental health etc etc finishing my degrees instead of stretching them out for 4 years (I was almost done until peyronies hit, I kept deferring classes).

So, my message to any younger guys out there suffering from ED, worrying about what women think, worrying about peyronies is this; excel in every other aspect of your life, go to the gym, diet make your body the replica of a God. Work on your mental health, be so strong minded and happy that you radiate positivity and women are just magnetically attracted to your vibe. Work on your financial situation, business, career etc so that you never lacking anything. Make yourself one of the top 10% of males and peyronies will not even matter to you. Get that implant and overcome everything you're faced with and women will see you as a competent man who can overcome any obstacle that's thrown with him. Turn this period of peyronies, into a period of drastic self-improvement and self-development and come out a stronger, wiser, smarter, wealthier man. Even if you've lost 1-2 inches of size, you're basically in the top 10% of any other aspect of life, your confidence , aura and energy alone will be enough to have women attracted to you.

I wish that for each and every one of you.

Love to hear other peoples thoughts.

(Apologies for any spelling/grammatical errors, I am still on pain killers and dozing off here n there)

J

Good message for the younger guys, Thanks for posting this.
Even as an older guy my ED caused the same depression most all of us guys feel. My manhood has failed me and it's a tough and embarrassing subject to talk about.
As far as being a late bloomer, I didn't start college until 38 years old. Spent 25 years in my field.

I'm "older" (72) and have dated very successfully women in my age range because there are a lot of lonely older women out there looking for "decent" guys, who will treat them with kindeness & respect.

Most of these women aren't "stunners" and most of us men aren't either. And most of these women have their own $ and don't need/want yours.

Of course, whether you are older or younger, if you want to date younger women, then different expectations will apply but it's not impossible to find someone younger who will want to date an older man, just more difficult because different expecatations will apply.

aussiePeyronies wrote:View my full journal here:
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20890

Update day 25:

While I am still swollen in the hotel room, hitting day 25, I've been thinking a lot. I'd like to talk about some of the depression which peyronies has caused me, as well as modern dating.

Modern Dating for woman
With the advent of social media, women are really spoilt for choice. The average woman who's probably a 6/10, with makeup and a few provocative pics on Instagram (transforming herself into an 8) will most likely have at least 20/30 messages a week from guys wanting to take her out. You can guarantee at least 5 of those are men in the top 10% of the wealth pyramid. I am not saying women are shallow and gold diggers, just that they are naturally hypergamous, and they crave security, protection and a provider, and will most likely prefer to date wealthier men of high status. As you take her out on a date, she's probably got 10 others lined up with guys richer. With this in mind, some younger women can have a low tolerance for erectyle dysfunction (wait till the end before making judgements). Why would she want to deal with average joe earning 60k a year with depression from peyronies who can't keep it up when she could date Tim from Accounting earning 150k a year spoiling her with holidays n fancy gifts, giving her amazing sex in extravagant positions twisting her into a pretzel hitting her G/A/K and whatever other spots there are every night. Unfortunately, a majority of women will only love you on the condition that you can provide financially, give safety, emotional security. It's hardwired into their genetics. In the stone ages when we were hunter gatherers, if a woman did not pair bond with a competent man who could provide resources (shelter, food etc), she would die. So, you can see how women will naturally filter out mem to pair bond with the wealthy, competent, confident. Of course there are always anomalies and exceptions.

Modern Dating for men
Well, we are competing with a huge pool of guys. Go on tinder and you may be lucky to get matches. If you're just an average guy earning 60k a year, average looking with a belly, the woman you're interested in, has probably got dates set up with guys earning 100k+, with fit bodies, etc etc.

Of course this isn't to say that women are shallow. The most important aspect of a relationship is trust, love, emotional connection. Just that dating has changed. 50/60 years ago, a man would court a woman who's only options would be the men in her town that were not related to her and of a similar age group. Any man could provide a decent living for her as the cost of living back then was so low, further, most women were dependent on men. Women were not spoilt for choice, it was rather, the other way around. Contrasting from my points above, when you have been with a woman for 40 years who hasn't had much experience with other males, and you're now 60/70, or dating women over 40 who are used to men in their 50s with ED, they are much more understanding and tolerant of ED.

Divorce is also currently at an all time high, and in the USA 70% of divorces are initiated by females (google it).

So, I have tried to put into place how dating and peyronies can be different for people in their 20/30s to people n their 60/70s.

Now I want to get to why I am writing all this.

The last 4 years of peyronies for me:

During the last four years of peyronies I was severely depressed. I had anxiety and PTSD previously, and when peyronies hit I also suffered severe depression. I was on and off medications but most anti-depressants cause ED and I didn't want the lack of erections/nocturnal erections to have a detrimental effect on my peyronies. My life took a real hit. I was always a gym junkie and thankfully this is the one area of my life I always kept up. Unfortunately after this surgery I am slowly losing my body, but I will much easily gain it back. I was also in uni studying two degrees. I finished them just late last year. That makes me a 34 year old just starting out his career still living with his parents.

Now with the above information in mind, you can imagine, being 34, without my own home, starting a graduate career, dating is going to be rather difficult. It would have been even more difficult with ED. Now, I can wait 6 years and build my career up, feel more comfortable where I can provide better financial security for a wife and chlildren etc, but that puts me at 40 years.

I actually should have finished my degrees and started my career 4 years ago but the severe depression from peyronies and other aspects caused a huge hindrance in my life.

The positives:
My plan is to hustle hard, with my career as well as side hustles, I have been reading vigorously, learning about finance, business etc, I have improved my mental health drastically, trying to network and make new friends. Peyronies has actually turned me into a much mentally (and psychically) stronger person. Always turn your disadvantages into advantages, negatives into positives in life. We are also looking at creating a mens health group here in Australia where we can support each other in every way.

When you take everything into consideration, you can clearly see how dating in the modern world with peyronies can really be difficult for some of us younger guys.

My point in all of this is that, as you can see, the 4 years I was depressed, I should have been excelling in all other aspects of my life, focusing on becoming in one of the top 10% males in the wealth pyramid, improving my mental health etc etc finishing my degrees instead of stretching them out for 4 years (I was almost done until peyronies hit, I kept deferring classes).

So, my message to any younger guys out there suffering from ED, worrying about what women think, worrying about peyronies is this; excel in every other aspect of your life, go to the gym, diet make your body the replica of a God. Work on your mental health, be so strong minded and happy that you radiate positivity and women are just magnetically attracted to your vibe. Work on your financial situation, business, career etc so that you never lacking anything. Make yourself one of the top 10% of males and peyronies will not even matter to you. Get that implant and overcome everything you're faced with and women will see you as a competent man who can overcome any obstacle that's thrown with him. Turn this period of peyronies, into a period of drastic self-improvement and self-development and come out a stronger, wiser, smarter, wealthier man. Even if you've lost 1-2 inches of size, you're basically in the top 10% of any other aspect of life, your confidence , aura and energy alone will be enough to have women attracted to you.

I wish that for each and every one of you.

Love to hear other peoples thoughts.

(Apologies for any spelling/grammatical errors, I am still on pain killers and dozing off here n there)

J

hey hello friend I have read all your diary and I read it every day. I am very interested in your evolution and that everything goes well for you and you lead your normal life and be happy leaving Peyronie behind. I also have Peyronie's and erectile dysfunction, I'm 42 years old, I'm a little older than you, but this has attacked me psychologically above all because I don't accept it, I don't accept waking up every day worried about whether my penis is getting smaller or is it changing shape. I have become a recluse in my house and without socializing with anyone. To make matters worse, if you trust people and you tell them, they answer: ahhh that's psychological or ahhh that's nonsense, there are more important things in life. Yes, of course there are more important things in life but the one that is screwing up my life is this. Not more than a year ago I was with a gorgeous girl of about 25 years old and having sex sessions with her that made me revive and feel alive, sex is very important whether it is a woman of 20 or 40. I am also like you I'm taking antidepressants but I'm leaving them because the Peyronie's gets worse due to erections, this is a dead end circle. I wake up thinking about the penis and I go to bed thinking about the penis and this has affected every aspect of my life. In short, let's see what I do from here to the near future when I see myself psychologically prepared and if Peyronie has left me some penis because every day I notice some change. friend, I consider you a very brave person, there you are in a hotel outside your comfort zone with your recently operated penis and enduring like a champion and on top of that giving us messages of support to people who also suffer the same as you. I wish you the best of the best and that you get rid of Peyronie at once and you can enjoy your life. And surely in the future if I manage to control my mind I will do the same as you. a hug

Remember, Tim gets to pick from a pretty large pool. Lots of 6's & up will be interested in him. Will he be interested in them or Sally that is also up the career ladder a ways.
WWIW, at some point the odds cross over. Men seem to lose value pretty quickly. Drugs, alcohol, chronic unemployment, instabilities, obessive gaming use & even incarceration. Also women learn that handsome men & devotion do not necessarily go hand in hand.
I under dress by a long ways. I'm definitely not a target for robbery. My current car is 8 years old & not a fancy make or model. I am friendly & try to be polite & well spoken. I get women that will be very recptive to a conversation with a stranger several times a year. About 2 months ago I asked a nice looking woman about something in her shopping cart. She warmed up to polite talking & showed me on which shelf she found the items. As it goes, we are both resellers online. We traded some advice. I explained that through my former employer I could get a 10% discount there which I offered to her. She was gracious but not ready to check out. Three times, I emphasize 3 times, she worked into the talk that she was a single mother. I politely let all that pass. She did appear to be younger that I'd be willing to date, maybe even had kids at home. The real deal killer is I'm married to the girl I met in junior high school. Been with her since 1969.
Now despite my poor dressing habits. This woman had no reason to know that my wife & I own 4 homes. I was in the store during business hours so it could be pressumed that I wasn't employed.
The point is, that at some time good women learn that Tim isn't coming. Many single men are worthless or untrustworthy. Put your good points out there everyday. You can get good prospects without even trying.

Gt1956 wrote:Remember, Tim gets to pick from a pretty large pool. Lots of 6's & up will be interested in him. Will he be interested in them or Sally that is also up the career ladder a ways.
WWIW, at some point the odds cross over. Men seem to lose value pretty quickly. Drugs, alcohol, chronic unemployment, instabilities, obessive gaming use & even incarceration. Also women learn that handsome men & devotion do not necessarily go hand in hand.
I under dress by a long ways. I'm definitely not a target for robbery. My current car is 8 years old & not a fancy make or model. I am friendly & try to be polite & well spoken. I get women that will be very recptive to a conversation with a stranger several times a year. About 2 months ago I asked a nice looking woman about something in her shopping cart. She warmed up to polite talking & showed me on which shelf she found the items. As it goes, we are both resellers online. We traded some advice. I explained that through my former employer I could get a 10% discount there which I offered to her. She was gracious but not ready to check out. Three times, I emphasize 3 times, she worked into the talk that she was a single mother. I politely let all that pass. She did appear to be younger that I'd be willing to date, maybe even had kids at home. The real deal killer is I'm married to the girl I met in junior high school. Been with her since 1969.
Now despite my poor dressing habits. This woman had no reason to know that my wife & I own 4 homes. I was in the store during business hours so it could be pressumed that I wasn't employed.
The point is, that at some time good women learn that Tim isn't coming. Many single men are worthless or untrustworthy. Put your good points out there everyday. You can get good prospects without even trying.

I dont understand you
What does all that have to do with this thread?

Its simple. Don't worry about competing with a mysterious guy (Tim) that you perceive as being above you in the dating pool. Develope confidence, be polite to women. They'll recognize that you have value. Admittedly, younger women can be slow coming to the realization.
OP is sad thinking about his dating prospects. Right towards the end of his post. He asks for others thoughts. That is what I gave him.
Please explain what the purpose is of the OP's long post.
What advice did you give to cheer him up?

Great post, agree with this 100%. I was thinking about making a post as well about mindset, money, motivation, health, ect.

I agree on the modern dynamics regarding men and women. I remember this creeping into my mind when I was 20 (so 12 years ago) before this topic become popular on YT. It took me until about 26 but then I decided I'm gunning to make a shit load of $$ and just going all out trying to make it to the top (however you define top). Its not easy if you aren't raised well or you don't have good role models to follow or an education in right area, but i'm never letting it stop me. To me the top is a combination of unbreakable drive, physicality (fitness), $$ hustle, and calmness (being calm no matter what happens).

I highly, highly encourage everyone on here to maximize their health / nutrition. To me this is the basis for making everything else operate. I can't earn money the way I want to without executing on perfect nutritional lifestyle and mental practices. I can't even think clearly without executing on perfect nutrition and moderate amounts of meditation. Sure there are a handful of people out there that can eat shit and never get a good night sleep and still do well in life, but thats not me. It may take a lot of experimenting to find what your perfect nutritional regimen, but to me it was 100% worth it.

I also encourage people not to be mad at women, or the guys at the top, or how insane society is. Check out Sam Harris' YT videos on free will - he argues that it doesnt exist. Therefore, people, society, everything, is just a series of reactions. If you come to believe this, then you can never be upset at anything. Once I adopted this belief, then everything stopped affecting me. It allows me to go and try to be the most successful I can be, but it also made immune to fear and anxiety of life because all of it is essentially out of my control and everything is pre-determined. Its ok if you don't agree with me on this, but I recommend giving it some serious thought.

Aussie I hope you keep writing on this topic. I think a lot of guys need to see it, and it offers a perspective that we don't get to see often, and it can be such a breath of fresh air for some men.

We seem to live in a world these days where people complain. Complain. complain. Heck, I’m sure I’ve done my share of it along the way. Begin to think life sucks, or it’s unfairly cheated us…then our minds find “proof” in daily life that seem to confirm this. Frustration, depression, increase. Reminds me of something. Very important:

To keep things in perspective. Something reading the OPs post has given me today.

Sure, I’ve struggled with my ED, self-confidence, desirability. And I guess I’ve experienced some depression along the way. But not just because of ED, but because I realize now I had a poor perspective on many things.

For so many years, it was all about climbing. And I did. Starting from humble circumstances, the grandson of Mexican immigrants, I climbed hand over hand over the years to rise to the top of my profession. A lifetime of almost constant stress and anxiety. Career wise, I guess I got everything I wanted. And then in the last couple of years, maybe it was my 3/4 life crisis, I don’t know, but so many things that seemed so important just did not matter anymore.

lately, all the “stuff“ that I wanted, the things that money could buy, I’m selling them and watching them leave my driveway regularly. My boat, gone. my riding lawnmower, gone. my gym, gone. (i joined a gym. Cheap). Soon my RV will be gone. My motorcycle. Gone. And on and on. And you know what? I don’t miss any of it. All that stuff that I thought I wanted so badly, happy to see it go.

my focus now is on my retirement in Thailand. There, I can rent a comfortable and stylish small house, decorate it with some nice furniture, get a motorbike, and well, that’s about it. Living lavishly, caring what other people think based on my material possessions, none of that stuff will matter anymore.

Now all I want is just peace of mind. I have attended to my ED, and from what I can tell quite satisfactorily with my implant. I’m very happy about this. But it’s not the end all, and be all in terms of making me happy.

Over the last couple of years, I guess I’ve become much more introspective. My frequent trips to Thailand have exposed me to eastern thought, Buddhism, and I could not help but take note of how generally happy the people are there. Their philosophy really is about happiness, and I’ve learned a great deal and I try to incorporate it. Here in the US, we are conditioned at an early age about such things as “what a man is”, What success looks like. How those things are VERY important. Be excellent. Don’t show weakness. Anger projects strength. And so on.

And we never really question it. We’re just kids, soaking up the culture snd what we are told. And sometimes, often, people die never having known that there might be other ways to experience “the good life” which transcends a trophy wife and a fancy car (i had both). To be able to take one’s pain and use it as an impetus for growth, curiosity about the larger world, an enhanced sense of the spiritual….maybe that’s the purpose of these struggles. Is there something to be learned? Or are we just going to keep rolling every issue of life around in our minds like it’s all just one big calculus problem? Using flawed minds to fix problems caused in the mind?

So I spend a lot of my time now reading books on the subject of spirituality, mental health, and while, in my distant past, I was a “prayer person” having grown up in the Bible belt, I find that daily meditation is much more conducive to my own mental health.

fixing our dicks is great. This has been a fascinating journey for me so far, and I’m glad I under took it. But I know it’s not the end all and be all and won’t fix everything. Nor will looking outside myself, to achievement or to material possessions, solve anything either.

for those of you, who struggle with depression, my heart goes out to you, and I would encourage you to spend some time, exploring, spirituality, and mental health, and whatever way is right for you. There’s some great books, and even some great youtube videos on these subjects.

One of my favorite youtube channels: “Your Higher Self”

Best wishes.

WatNext wrote:"But, but,but....look at what ive been through?" You know what, the universe owes me or anyone else, nothing, no matter who we are in life.
I'

This right here. Once I had realized this, I wasn't afraid anymore of what might happen to me (even though I still aim for the best probable action/outcome). I'm not special, and IMO no one is.