Performance Pressure is wearing on me (31)

[younggun1]

Hey guys,

I've been dating a new girl for about a month and things are going well. She's definitely into me and wanting to make plans and hinting towards a relationship.

We've hooked up once and she's given me a BJ twice. Couldn't get it up in the morning once and just kind of played it off that I was tired.

I've been taking cialis and then combining with injection per advice from Eid to make sure I'm getting a firm enough erection. When I get it right, it tends to work but I don't have a ton of confidence in purely pills to be sufficient. I've had an erection fade out in the past mid sex with just pills.

It just feels like a lot of pressure whenever she comes over and I feel like I'm trying to hide this ED thing. She's an attractive little blonde 25 year old and I just kind of feel embarrassed that I have this issue at 31.

The whole thing is kind of wearing on me plus when I take a lot of pills, I feel like it is taxing my body somewhat and I'm tired the next day. I don't think that's a coincidence but could be wrong.

Part of me is very tempted to just go implant and enjoy my prime because what's the point in having an exciting relationship with a girl if you're angsty about keeping it going and performing a large portion of the time. Plus injection isn't as spontaneous - hence the issue trying to do it in the morning next day.

Going to keep trying with this approach to see it through for a bit but...

At what point do I just eliminate this sexual anxiety, get the implant and just run with that for as long as I can?

Lmk your thoughts.

[Sakabato]

You've found the right forum my man, plenty of people here have experienced exactly what you are experiencing. What are the causes for your ED btw? Did you take finasteride or accutane by any chance?


Ive been dealing with the same issues as you for almost 10 years now. Im your age as well and have a young gf too, and i know the pressure of wanting to please her but knowing you cant, at least not as well as other guys she may encounter would. This is a terrible thought to have in the middle of sex so obviously it just makes everything worse, but it is still true.

I havent tried injections yet but i wouldnt be willing either TBH. As of right now planning everything ahead and taking pills just in case sex may happen is pain in the ass enough, nothing worse than taking 100 mgs of viagra, dealing with the headaches and the diarrhea, without even getting laid anyway.

Morning sex is also most of the time a no-no, even if i wake up with a strong erection, for whatever reason the moment i try to use it it becomes super weak so i most of the time avoid it nowadays. Lucky for me i have a very submissive gf that basically has sex whenever i want, so i can fake it, but i know if things go south with her, then other women wont be as understanding or as easy as she makes it for me.

Its a tough choice for sure. Some people in this forum that were in our shoes have gone the implant route and most of the time they are happy they did it, so in the end its a choice you have to make for yourself, start reading all the threads in this forum that you can possibly read, make a list of pros and cons, make a list of best case and worst case scenarios, gauge all the options and possible outcomes, prepare and make a plan for every possible outcome, try to see what your mentality and emotions would be for every possible outcome, you know yourself better, and only you know how you would react to whatever pitch life throws at you.

Be strong my man, and good luck with whatever you decide to do. I can tell you that if somebody told me that my implant would work as its supposed to work, and that i wouldnt lose much if any size at all, and that i wouldnt need a revision in at least a few years, id do it in a heartbeat. Its that bad case scenario that personally is holding me back, but thats just for now. I feel that eventually ill have a titan implant inside my cock, sooner or later, one way or another, as long as God gives me many more years to live that is.

[ThailandBound]

Get yourself to a urologist specializing in men’s sexual health and determine if there is an organic cause of your ED. A doppler ultrasound will reveal if you have veinous leakage resulting in an inability to maintain an erection. That was my issue. Good blood flow in with injections/pills…but veinous leakage caused loss of pressure (and wood) within about :20. That’s just 1 reason, and testable.

If testing cannot pinpoint a root physical cause, it might be worthwhile to explore if there is a psychological component.

Proceed with caution. But do proceed.

[younggun1]

You've found the right forum my man, plenty of people here have experienced exactly what you are experiencing. What are the causes for your ED btw? Did you take finasteride or accutane by any chance?


Ive been dealing with the same issues as you for almost 10 years now. Im your age as well and have a young gf too, and i know the pressure of wanting to please her but knowing you cant, at least not as well as other guys she may encounter would. This is a terrible thought to have in the middle of sex so obviously it just makes everything worse, but it is still true.

I havent tried injections yet but i wouldnt be willing either TBH. As of right now planning everything ahead and taking pills just in case sex may happen is pain in the ass enough, nothing worse than taking 100 mgs of viagra, dealing with the headaches and the diarrhea, without even getting laid anyway.

Morning sex is also most of the time a no-no, even if i wake up with a strong erection, for whatever reason the moment i try to use it it becomes super weak so i most of the time avoid it nowadays. Lucky for me i have a very submissive gf that basically has sex whenever i want, so i can fake it, but i know if things go south with her, then other women wont be as understanding or as easy as she makes it for me.

Its a tough choice for sure. Some people in this forum that were in our shoes have gone the implant route and most of the time they are happy they did it, so in the end its a choice you have to make for yourself, start reading all the threads in this forum that you can possibly read, make a list of pros and cons, make a list of best case and worst case scenarios, gauge all the options and possible outcomes, prepare and make a plan for every possible outcome, try to see what your mentality and emotions would be for every possible outcome, you know yourself better, and only you know how you would react to whatever pitch life throws at you.

Be strong my man, and good luck with whatever you decide to do. I can tell you that if somebody told me that my implant would work as its supposed to work, and that i wouldnt lose much if any size at all, and that i wouldnt need a revision in at least a few years, id do it in a heartbeat. Its that bad case scenario that personally is holding me back, but thats just for now. I feel that eventually ill have a titan implant inside my cock, sooner or later, one way or another, as long as God gives me many more years to live that is.

Cause is extremely high cholesterol. That's my only risk factor that makes sense. Lowered it to normal range with a statin but erection issue still remain. Didn't take anything of those things you mentioned.

Yeah I guess I'll just avoid morning sex and play it off when inopportune times come up and just go with that for now.

I have a high risk tolerance and don't like tolerating issues when something is somewhat fixable.

[younggun1]

Get yourself to a urologist specializing in men’s sexual health and determine if there is an organic cause of your ED. A doppler ultrasound will reveal if you have veinous leakage resulting in an inability to maintain an erection. That was my issue. Good blood flow in with injections/pills…but veinous leakage caused loss of pressure (and wood) within about :20. That’s just 1 reason, and testable.

If testing cannot pinpoint a root physical cause, it might be worthwhile to explore if there is a psychological component.

Proceed with caution. But do proceed.

I've gone to EID and clavell. Doppler showed mild arterial insufficiency.

But it can be hit and miss with pills so I've been combining with injection. So I was wondering if I just put an end to this anxiety and go get the implant.

I don't want to waste prime years of life overthinking sexual performance.

Cause is not psychological. 100% sure. Psychology maybe plays into it some because of my physical issues and not getting sufficient bloodflow but core issue is physical.

[Lost Sheep]

Hey guys,

I've been dating a new girl for about a month and things are going well. She's definitely into me and wanting to make plans and hinting towards a relationship.

We've hooked up once and she's given me a BJ twice. Couldn't get it up in the morning once and just kind of played it off that I was tired.
(edited for brevity).

My initial advice is to level with the girl. Women are incredibly supportive If they feel trusted, respected and safe, not to mention, loved. This may apply more to more mature women that are 25-year-old, but the principal still applies. A woman in her 20s will like being cared for.(And sexual needs being cared) if you learn to do it right.

Thus, I recommend you develop skills in massage and cunnilingus so that you become a reliable provider of orgasms. That would put you miles ahead of other men (even ones who’s erections are reliable) who do not have these skills, and who depend on their penises to do all the work for them.

my erectile history was similar to yours. In my mid-30s I started experiencing venous leak. But I was unaware of what was happening and thought this was common. And the stories of other men’s prowess were either exceptional or bragging. But I learned that if I cared for my partners‘ pleasure and orgasms, she would stick around.

For example, I would tell a new partner “my dick does not work as well as I would like, but I will make every effort to ensure you enjoy sex with me “. This worked pretty well, despite me being unskilled in alternative sex practices for a long time. You now have the chance to get ahead of where I was.

Try this: with her naked, after a shower and wrapped in a nice fluffy bathrobe (perhaps fresh out of the dryer), start giving her a foot massage and work your way up until she is receptive to a good tongue-lashing on her clitoris. I bet no other lover of hers has ever done that.

That might be a good time for you to tell her that you really adore her body and her and that you wish your penis would express that desire better than it does. I would open a discussion about ED and make her a partner in your search for a satisfactory treatment.

I also heartily ratify the advice you’ve gotten from Thailandbound how about seeking out a urologist who specializes in men’s sexual function to investigate less invasive solutions than implants or injections.

[Gt1956]

Younggun1.
I'll let you in on a secret. I'm going to whisper it so get really close to the screen.

You have ED. Reversing is nearly impossible. You might delay it some. Your time for an implant is very near.

For what little this might apply to you. I started out with sky high triglycerides. A form of lipids. At the time my erections were fine. Slowly they got worse. I got my lipids under control. My high blood pressure is under control. My blood sugar is under control. On paper I look like the picture of health for a man of my age. Still have ED. Don't fear the surgery.

I know that you fear rejection by young women. Rejection for having an implant isn't as common as you might think. By the time they realize that you have an implant. They'll be wondering why all men don't get one. Be that guy.

Whereas rejection for ED is more common. Play the better odds, get ready for an implant in your near future.

[misterecz]

Think you have a couple of options. 1 is to tell her and see how she takes it. That'll also remove any performance anxiety. I did this with one of my exes and it was great.
2nd is to just stay single and do hookups until you get old enough to be comfortable enough to tell a girl.

TBH i think you can find a girl that will be cool with it if you want a gf, and hookups with injections are pretty easy.

[younggun1]

Younggun1.
I'll let you in on a secret. I'm going to whisper it so get really close to the screen.

You have ED. Reversing is nearly impossible. You might delay it some. Your time for an implant is very near.

For what little this might apply to you. I started out with sky high triglycerides. A form of lipids. At the time my erections were fine. Slowly they got worse. I got my lipids under control. My high blood pressure is under control. My blood sugar is under control. On paper I look like the picture of health for a man of my age. Still have ED. Don't fear the surgery.

I know that you fear rejection by young women. Rejection for having an implant isn't as common as you might think. By the time they realize that you have an implant. They'll be wondering why all men don't get one. Be that guy.

Whereas rejection for ED is more common. Play the better odds, get ready for an implant in your near future.

Definitely something I'm heavily considering. Just trying to make sure the implant is really a solid option. I hear from some it's great and then some others have a more measured approach. I do think it'd be an improvement over current condition.

Trying to see if I can go on with what I've got for now but feel like the burden is becoming increasingly heavy so I'm tempted to pull the trigger on implant at some point.

Thanks for input.

[younggun1]

Think you have a couple of options. 1 is to tell her and see how she takes it. That'll also remove any performance anxiety. I did this with one of my exes and it was great.
2nd is to just stay single and do hookups until you get old enough to be comfortable enough to tell a girl.

TBH i think you can find a girl that will be cool with it if you want a gf, and hookups with injections are pretty easy.

No fear in terms of comfortability telling a girl. Just trying to figure out best approach for sustaining relationships.

ED is not exactly the most attractive thing to divulge. I may tell her it takes me a while to getting going sometimes and alcohol contributes to that. So maybe a more tactful approach on it and seeing if I can get by with that.

But was more asking if I should pull the trigger on the implant to resolve the problem and if it's worth the tradeoff.