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I have cancelled implant surgery before because of the following and I'm trying to figure out how to overcome it.

Have you ever had a hookup where as soon as you nut, your personality changes completely and all you can think is "how can I get out of this situation?"

This is kind of what happens to me with surgery. While I'm in a horny period and thinking with my dick I convince myself that surgery is the right decision. But then as it comes up I suddenly flash into survival mode and I become this different person to whom never having sex again seems like a minor price to pay to just stay out of the hospital. This shift in perception is so drastic I'm actually starting to wonder if I have a kind of split personality disorder. Is this normal?

Because of these kind of panics I've gotten up and walked out of a hospital more than once. Not for implant but for other procedures.

Donkeykong wrote:I have cancelled implant surgery before because of a strange issue.

Have you ever had a hookup where as soon as you nut, your personality changes completely and all you can think is "how can I get out of here and away from this person?"

This is kind of what happens to me with surgery. While I'm in a horny period and thinking with my dick I convince myself that surgery is the right decision. But then as it comes up I suddenly flash into survival mode and I become this different person to whom never having sex again seems like a minor price to pay to just stay out of the hospital. This shift in perception is so drastic I'm actually starting to wonder if I have a kind of split personality disorder. Is this normal?

Because of this kind of panic I've actually walked out of a hospital more than once. Not for this but for other procedures.

I wouldn't call it "abnormal"; I think most people are apprehensive about getting cut open.

Where are you exactly as far as your ED is concerned? Once you get to the absolute end-of-the-line, you won't care because at that point you'll have nothing to lose; I figured if the operation is a botched job, it's not like I can use my dick anyway.

Wait till you get to that point, that point of indifference

fucked0ne wrote:Where are you exactly as far as your ED is concerned? Once you get to the absolute end-of-the-line, you won't care because at that point you'll have nothing to lose; I figured if the operation is a botched job, it's not like I can use my dick anyway.

Wait till you get to that point, that point of indifference

Here and there, if I give everything a rest for a month or two, I may get a day or two when maybe something works a little bit again. It's not enough to allow me the confidence to have dates but it's enough to get myself off and make me question what the hell I'm planning surgery for.

Also, surgery anxiety flips a switch for me from being a horny guy to asexual, and then suddenly I look at surgery as a threat to my survival.

You might want to talk to a professional about this anxiety.

Part of the problem is that I've had to suppress my sex drive for so long (to avoid frustration from not being able to make my dick work) that I've become dissociated from my dick.

I'm so disassociated from it that it's almost like my dick needs to be fixed before I'll even want it to be fixed.

I look in the mirror and see a guy who is still young but in my head I I've already given up on sex and have been shutting down my life. I lift weights and am in great shape but I've become set in my ways and spend all my free time alone reading books. Yes Ican probably have a twenty minute hookup with a big dose of trimix but I'm at a point where I just don't feel like it's worth it anymore. My last refill has sat in the fridge unused for three months. I don't even want to go out or travel anymore and I'm usually in bed by 9 pm, and I'm questioning if I'll even want to change anymore and use my dick even if it's magically fixed.

It’s COMPLETELY normal to be anxious about having surgery.

Totally normal.

But if anxiety is keeping you from doing the things that are beneficial to your health talking with someone (therapist) might help.

You could also ask your doctor if you can have a prescription for a Valium or Ativan tablet for the morning of surgery. As long as someone else is taking you to the surgery center they might be OK with that. And it might calm your nerve enough that you don’t go into panic/fight or flight mode.

Oh It's not the day before. It starts a long time before the surgery day. I'm already on xanax and it's not really helping. In fact trying to make me calm with a drug just makes me have more fight and flight. I'm someone who kind of needs to be in control otherwise I will panic enough to overcome any medication I might be on.

Donkeykong wrote:Oh It's not the day before. It starts a long time before the surgery day. I'm already on xanax and it's not really helping. In fact trying to make me calm with a drug just makes me have more fight and flight. I'm someone who kind of needs to be in control otherwise I will panic enough to overcome any medication I might be on.

I agree with duke_cicero: you may want to seek some sort of professional help if this is now impacting your sex life.

Let me ask you this: you say you lift weights... What's your diet like? You may want to try a ketogenic--a REAL ketogenic--diet, or even a carnivore diet for a while. There are studies showing that ketone bodies are incredibly effective when it comes to ameliorating depression, anxiety, dementia, even schizophrenia. I do it for stretches every once in a while to maintain my weight, and I have noticed a more placid state of mind.

Just stop eating anything processed! It's certainly not helping, and it certainly can't hurt.

Thanks for the advice guys.

I've been shutting down for a few years. I had a very prolific sex life until the pandemic but in the last four years I haven't had a single date, and seldom hooked up. I stopped socializing with friends or traveling, at first because everything reminded me of my impotence, but now I've stopped wanting to do these things for the most part. I am trying to work up the courage to quit my job too.

I'm not depressed. I still have some days or weeks where I do care about fixing the problem. But mostly I don't care enough for surgery. I'd rather sleep.

Donkeykong wrote:Thanks for the advice guys.

I've been shutting down for a few years. I had a very prolific sex life until the pandemic but in the last four years I haven't had a single date, and seldom hooked up. I stopped socializing with friends or traveling, at first because everything reminded me of my impotence, but now I've stopped wanting to do these things for the most part. I am trying to work up the courage to quit my job too.

I'm not depressed. I still have some days or weeks where I do care about fixing the problem. But mostly I don't care enough for surgery. I'd rather sleep.

Doneykong, I can't imagine what you're going through, but I want to encourage you to keep taking the steps to get your sex life back.
You've had to deal with this a long time, I only had to deal with total ED for around 3 months after a prostrate procedure that left me with a limp dick, until I got my implant and that was tough because I was using a VED to keep my dick stretched. I did try to have sex during that time using the VED with compression rings but it didn't work and it was depressing and that was only 3 months.

I read some of your story, hopefully you can get past your fear of surgery

Keep hanging in there, and keep taking baby steps to get there

We're here for you

SWorks