Implant Journal - My story and getting an implant in the Canadian health care system

[aurelian21]

Hi Everyone!

Longtime reader, first time poster.

I'm going to be implanted in just over a week. I want to document my journey for you and for myself as I go through the process to help others like this forum has helped me. Also I want to provide some content for those going, or thinking of going, through the Canadian public system. Note: for those outside of Canada and especially for American readers, there is no "Canadian health care system". Each Canadian province has its own public health insurance system and how things are from practices to wait times can vary considerably between and within provinces. For context, I live in an urban area in British Columbia.

My story:

This has been a very long time coming. When I was a teenager my erections seemed to be normal. I would get hard and have to hide my boner all the time to not embarrass myself. I was a late bloomer and didn't have sex until I was 19. With my girlfriend at the time, I remember getting hard just fine but had lots of issues with going softer putting on condoms and changing positions. I obviously had no other experiences to reference so I just thought it was normal/nerves.

After we broke up, I noticed I was shedding a lot of hair and already not having having the best hairline since I was a kid, I became really concerned and my family doc at the time put me on finasteride. I can't really remember if I noticed a change in my erection quality masturbating at the time but if there was an effect, it was I was less horny.

A few month later I was with another girl who was quite kinky and we had lots of fun, but I was never able to penetrate her - again thought this was nerves at the time. Masturbation at the time seamed normal to me, but maybe I was having issues with staying hard without constant stimulation.

Not long after I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes, which is fairly rare at 19, but is becoming more and more common at later ages.

After starting insulin and recovering from the effects of diabetes (being rail thin and feeling awful) I had a few one night stands, where I was able to have sex but my penis never felt particularly hard and a few women commented on it. This made sex stressful and very rushed - need to finish before I lose it!

Later I met the woman who would become my wife (and ex-wife) and we had an okay sex life for the first year, I was comfortable with her and was able to have pretty good sex but still had problems with changing positions but I would get hard and was able to get hard enough for anal sometimes.

After the first year of our relationship I started grad school and really struggled and was put on SSRIs for the first time. I obviously didn't feel very sexual at that time and I noticed the lack of sex drive and softer erections pretty quickly. At the time I was laser focused on staying in school and kept using the SSRI I was prescribed even with weight gain and low sex drive. Who knows, I was depressed who knows what was causing what at the time.

So at this point I'm 21 with soft erections and low sex drive with depression taking SSRIs, finasteride, and being type 1 diabetic (awesome combo!). For reference, I worked out and felt a bit chubbier but I was still within a normal BMI at this time.

Between the ages of 21 and 34 things just got worse and worse. I stopped taking finasteride around ages 22/23 (interestingly I kept my hair to this day). I would go off and on several SSRIs. My diabetes would go through periods of being very well controlled and periods where it would not be. I stopped taking SSRIs due to concerns of my erection quality. When I was 27 I got married to my then wife. Sex was okay for the first year of our relationship, but from then on it wasn't great. Looking back we were pretty mismatched with me being pretty kinky and her being 100% vanilla. Due to how young I was and how poor my erectile function was I just didn't know it could be different and sex could be an exciting and positive force in a relationship. We loved each other but things were never easy and we never had a close unsaid bond. I remember not having sex on my wedding night and being just able to perform some pretty limp missionary the next morning.

Throughout this time of being 21 to 34 I would bring up the issue of my erections to my endocrinologist from time to time, who I would see every 6 months, and was the main medical professional I had contact with. He'd also say my bloodwork looked great and although diabetes is a risk factor for ED he said when I was in my 20s that I hadn't been diabetic long enough and that my eyes and kidneys were great and the blood vessels in those organs are even smaller than in the penis and I would have complications with them first before noticing ED from diabetes. He said it was most likely stress and taking the SSRIs causing the issue.

So life went on, and by the time I was 30 I was in a completely dead bedroom and hardly masturbated anymore. I gained weight and became sadder and sadder. I clinically depressed and truly suffering.

Just before my 35th birthday I completely snapped. My mom asked me why my wife and I had never had kids. I just completely lost all cabin pressure so to say in my brain. I didn't tell her the truth - but it hit me. I don't have sex, I feel completely asexual, I'm miserable all the time, and I'm married to someone I don't find sexually attractive and couldn't even fuck if I wanted to!

And from there my life all changed.

I decided I wanted to have sex again in my life and I was going to fight for it.

At this point I just thought the issue was the SSRIs I was on at the time and my weight. By this point at 34 years old I was 240 lbs and 5'10'' up from 170lbs when I was 21. I looked awful.

So I tracked my food and got more active and took up weight training again to a serious level for the first time since university. From March to October I lost 70lbs, got abs, and felt a lot better. A man being motivated to get his penis working again is a powerful force. I stopped taking my SSRIs and...my erections were still weak and I basically had no morning wood that went away as soon as I stood up.

Through this weight loss period I went to a nurse practitioner who prescribed me Viagra and Cialis. I was not excited to use it due to loosing sexual interest in my wife over a decade ago, but eventually I tried it out solo and eventually with her. Pretty quickly I was taking double the max dosage of each at the same time with minimal effect.

From there on things just got worse and worse. Trying to have sex again with my wife made things worse because the conflict between my kinkiness and her being vanilla became an issue again when we started trying to have sex again.

The nurse practitioner referred me to a urologist when I told here I wasn't having luck with the pills. At this point I felt the biggest problem was I trying to have sex with someone I didn't want to have sex with.

It took me a few months to get in to see the urologist. He just put me on daily Cialis and ordered a Doppler test for a venous leak and did a bunch of hormone level tests. When I got the results they showed a modest leak. I never have cried so much in my life.

I thought I was taking charge and fixing everything. I lost the weight, I was in great shape, I felt powerful and in control of my life for the first time ever - and here we are with a thing called a venous leak and there was no way to fix it.

From there I was put on TRIMIX and went through the whole injection routine. At this point I was pretty low in my depression. I was 35, diabetic, and using TRIMIX. Want to eat? Take a needle. Want to fuck? Take a needle. All I needed was to be diagnosed with a disease that required me to take a needle to shit and I would be set.

The injections never worked great. The first few times were okay, but still not that hard and my dick would get all red and hot. Went through several appointments working on dosage and mix of the TRI and QUAD mixes. At best I would get hard enough for a few minutes of penetration.

Eventually me and my wife split. Attempting to have sex again under the circumstances made things tenser and tenser. All the couples counselling in the world can't overcome the basic reality of not wanting to fuck the person I was married to, and if I could, I would attempt to have sex with basically every other woman on earth.

After we split, I got referrals to two other urologist who do implants and got the process started. I told one of the urologist in March of 2026 I want to go ahead with the implant and the first surgery date offered was mid August, so a 5 month wait. I decided to push off until the end of September and enjoy my summer.

So here we are, just a week and a half out. Hopeful this story and my coming journey is interesting and helpful. More to come.