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day 23 since I saw Dr. Milam. Had my weekly talk to Phyllis about scheduling. Still no surgery date, they still have things to work out and it is unlikely that it will happen this year as in the past 4 before insurance rollover. Maybe if we try in May or April next year to schedule it for late Nov or Early Dec in 2016 it might be possible if there are no insurance changes. At this point it looks like I might as well forget it. Tuesday my wife is having a large tumor 3.2" by 2.8", huge, and her ovaries. Side effect is she will likely have zero sex drive. So 4 years wasted, now it looks like getting an implant would be wasted also. I pulled out my file last night after coming home from her presurgery testing and counted the office visits and tests that I have had trying to get an implant over the last 4 years. We have spent $2909 on travel expenses, had 30 sets of lab tests, 42 doctor visits, 2 surgery cancellations, 1 surgery scheduled with the wrong doctor who did not do surgery, and I've seen 17 urologists. Something is bad wrong with all this. Boils down to one common denominator. HIV. You have a bug in your blood it is stall and avoid. d

D

I am sorry to hear of your wife's upcoming surgery and I hope that she will be all right after this. You have gone through a lot with your medical issues and the surgeries et al... You have done everything you can and I am sure you and your wife have discussed this often. Well with your questions and replies, many of us have learned through your questions and your research on everything dealing with ED and implants.

Best to you and your family

rod

At this point it does sound like the HIV could be hindering your progress. Honestly, none of us really know your full medical complications and/or what goes through the doctor's mind. I try to avoid logical fallacies (i.e. since A (I have HIV), and B (the doctor won't operate) the cause of B must be A ). This is a common logical fallacy, but given the number of attempts you've made, it is starting look that way from the outside.

I'm sorry to hear about your wife. Much of the sex drive for humans is driven by thought rather than hormones. I wouldn't give up if I were you. If you persist, and what you want is possible, you will eventually succeed. I was faced with doom/gloom for many years over this ED problem. I refuse to give up on anything I truly want, and I usually, eventually, get what I want if it's at all possible.

I even made arrangements at one point to see a world renowned (now deceased) IPP surgeon in Siberia. You are very negative sounding to me, and I fully understand why. I used to be negative in my posts while going through the throes of my circumstances, but I never did give up. If you really want this to happen, it will, but that doesn't mean the universe won't toss obstacles in your way. You have to be determined and refuse to let go of your desire (unless it's just not medically possible). Even then, medicine and technology marches on, and what's not possible today, could be possible tomorrow. Stop feeling defeated, focus on your goals and keep persisting. Nothing wrong with being pissed off about it all, let it motivate you to keep driving forward. Also, you are doing this for yourself, not your wife. Don't put this on her, or let her situation speak to your decision.

So far I've not heard any hard facts that preclude an HIV+ patient from this procedure. Keep fighting for what you want. You can win!

BTW, it took me over 5 years to see Dr. Milam and it was worth the frustration.

harddrive and Hardrod, I want to thank you for your kind posts. Rough day to day as most around here. Seems like we spend most of our life beating out wildfires instead of sitting in front of the fire. After I finally found a stopped up fuel line on my wife's mower so I could get on mine and mow I spent a lot of time thinking about this and decided I am going to try to borrow the money to pay the deductibles if I can get it done in Jan. Cannot after Jan because my work is seasonal and I have to pay the bills and house payments. United Healthcare says it could take them up to 3 months to decide whether to once again approve an implant. Dr. Eid said he would do it with no issue, that he has on quite a few with HIV. Perito never returned any calls when I inquired, Karpman (? maybe that is not right, the nice surfer doc in California) said he had no issue as well as Milam. Milam I can drive to in 6 hours. Motels and airfare make the other impossible. AMS has a great assistance program that I qualify for for payment assistance, financing and deductibal coverage until we get to the point I live in Missouri. The wise republican assholes here have deemed any assistance by a med or prosthetic provider is equivilent to a kickback so the program is illegal here. I've been through many approvals and denials. Most of the doctors I saw wanted an approval before they would schedule a visit. 1/2 the issue was Washington University school of medicine doctors have been fighting like a bunch of flippin school girls. Dr. Brandes was my doctor and he took months off to take care of his sick parents which I thought was an honorable thing to do. The doctors who had to take up the slack have been nasty to his patients. I talked to a urologic surgeon yesterday who said he left Wash U because of all the bickering and fighting. Wife got HIV from a blood transfusion 24 years ago after a nurse did not follow doctors orders and wrote on the paperwork the presurgery antibiotics had been given in the doctors office the day before even though she presented that night in the emergency room and had not seen a doctor in years prior. Eventually I ended up with it probably caring for her. the old mindset was HIV was the gay plague, you get it and you die. Meds are better now but like a doctor told me yesterday, he said he graduated medical school in 2010 and they still teach that HIV exists, but it is not much use to treat them because they will die at some point anyway. He said they still taught to avoid surgery because a person with HIV will get an infection and die or it puts the surgeon and staff at high risk of getting the disease. some doctors know that is not so. I know it is not so, but finding a doc in the area of expertise that understands is tough. We've had doctors stand in the door and never enter the room, we've had doctors ask "are you a drug addict or gay, you have to be one to get HIV"?. I've had 17 surgeries since being diagnosed, some major, and all went without a glich recoverwise once you eliminate the 6 surgeries the doctor did not do the way they were planned presurgery because " they wanted to get the surgery completed as fast as possible". Healthwise I'm great, not as good as my wife even though she nearly died on me several times, but 57 y.o., lean and muscled well enough to say to myself that I look good, high blood pressure sort of controlled, thyroid controlled, psa good, melenoma, basal cell and squamus cell get cut out as often as we find it, Only had one stroke after a surgery, Take 22 meds a day to keep all in check, but do totally crash from exhaustion after too many hours work so I try ( and my wife stays on my case about it) to limit work to 3-4 hours a day. I think it is a fear of HIV factor. 2 nurses told me that is why the doctor at the time made excuses that were not true.Just life. At least I do not have to go to VA for care. I have friends that go there and wonder how they stay alive from all the screw ups. Take care guys. This morning after talking to Phyllis I was in the dumps and decided to forget it. I've never given up before but this has beaten me up. By this evening I decided to stick it out till Jan, at least as far as I can go back to work at the end of Feb when my work season starts again. My wife wants to have intercourse all the time but by the time I pump it up, inject it, pump it again, put on a ring, start doing it, then have to stop because the ring hurts too much, she is out of the mood. sometimes she has given up an gone to play games on the computer being it takes 20 minutes to get it up an holding enough to try. due to this we have not even tried in 3 1/2 years. An implant would have been good for both of us. Sorry this is so long. Guess I'm trying to unwind on this. Friends have been supportive, one even offered to arrange to fly me to Costa Rica in another friends private jet if I could pay for the surgery down there, which I couldn't, but they do do AMS LGX's often there as part of a medical tourism deal at much lower cost than here.

Yes, you've been dealt some difficult cards. Most of the people here have, and you're not alone. This is a support group...

If I'm feeling well tomorrow, or next, I'll send you a PM with some ideas that may not really belong under this topic. Just remember that this is the Internet, and sometimes the typed word fails to invoke the intended emotion, and misunderstandings occur. In this forum, the idea is to provide support, advice and information. If something rubs you the wrong way, don't jump to defensive posturing. It's generally not needed and just a failed effort to communicate their intended message.

Don't give up... Just keep being the squeaky wheel, but stay positive. The more positive support you provide to others, the more positive your personal result will be. You will have your implant, and it will work well in the end (if that's what you really want). No one said it will happen quickly or easily. You may end up waiting a lot longer, but it will happen. Staying positive especially while surrounded with negativity is the only way to accomplish your objectives. I know it's hard, and sounds overly simplistic, but it's the truth.

You and your wife are in my prayers.

I am really sorry for what has happened to both you and your wife. Both of you will be in our prayers. I would recommend going forth with the implant no matter what. You don't want to think of your wife as anything but the precious mate that she is to you. She is not a liability that is now the fruition of a bad series of evenst. If you go forth with your implant you will put a positive spin on your intimacy and your relationship. Trust me; there are plenty of ways that a woman's sex drive can be compensated. Check around the internet. Go forward together as a couple and help and support each other.

I'll never consider my wife a liability. she is tops no matter what. I've decided to call the insurance company and talk to them Friday and see if I can stir things and have decided to try a little while longer to get this done but I am very very very near the end of trying. Sometimes you just need to find another project and this one is about worn out and getting nowhere. I do think about my wife being 7 years older and my being 57 and if something happened to her and I wanted to start over again if I would wish for working parts. Every time I thought I was going to get an implant I was excited. We both were. Everyone a let down to the point last years visit with Dr. Bullock was such a let down it almost led to suicide. First time I was ever depressed like that in my life. Even my wife was ready for me to quit trying for a while and now I think she is on the fence. She was encouraged after the visit with Dr. Milam but I think that is quickly running out of steam since nothing has come of it. Her situation has nothing to do with how she feels about mine. She wanted it for me as much or more than she wanted it for her. The prostatectomy in ED issues before and after were hard on her too.
Than you for the prayers. I think they help. One time when she was really sick, the doctor told me to go home and make funeral arrangements that she would be dead before dawn. Her aunt gathered together a bunch of nuns and prayed for her all night. She lived. It was not luck that made a new experimental medicine available to try and save her at the very last mininute.

alibaba wrote:Than you for the prayers. I think they help. One time when she was really sick, the doctor told me to go home and make funeral arrangements that she would be dead before dawn. Her aunt gathered together a bunch of nuns and prayed for her all night. She lived. It was not luck that made a new experimental medicine available to try and save her at the very last mininute

I agree my friend, it wasn't luck at all. I believe God does answer prayers. He sure has for me many times. I'll keep praying for you both.

Sorry; I shouldn't worded it that way (liability). Seemed to make sense to me at the time. Oh well; you get the general idea. Just trying to keep the idea of both of you looking in a positive direction. I encourage you to keep trying. You can have more than one project at a time.

spent 3 hours on the phone today trying to get this taken care of. Final result? good luck finding a way. 90 minute wait to get to a person at United Healthcare. 1 phone clerk then supervisor. Answer: they will not pre-approve it because "it is against Missouri law to preauthorize a procedure". Called the Mo. department of insurance. Result: transfer me to Mo Atty General's office. Result: Transfer me back to Mo. division of insurance. Final answer both places: hire a lawyer if you want to find out if preauthorization is illegal in Mo. Called Milam's office and found out Phyllis is not who should have been dealing with this for the last 29 days but someone else who I am told has been messaged to contact me later this week. d