FrankTalk.org

A rather provocative title, no?

Tonight I made what I think was a big social mistake... I told a good friend that i recently had undergone "surgery" (true) to explain why I had been out of action and out of communication for a few weeks...

Of course he asks what type of surgery (I fully expected the question), to which I kindly replied, in a very nice way, that I really didn't want to discuss. Personal matter, etc.
I thought that it would be understood that (a) that I'd recently been through a bit of an ordeal, and that (b) it was a private matter that I really didn't want to discuss.
And yes, I understand that he's concerned as a friend and wants to offer support, etc.

He kept probing, and said how could he relate when he didn't want know what I had been through. What type of surgery?
Why won't I tell him?
I offered... is there no type of surgery that you would not want to discuss?
Him: no. Me: think broadly, nothing at all? Him: nothing at all that would be taboo.
I said that I'm not looking for any sympathy (true), that I'm not trying to be evasive, but that I really didn't want to discuss, please and thanks.
Now he feels that I'm being evasive and won't share my story with him, trust, etc.

Bottom line is that I think that I screwed up by even mentioning that I had undergone surgery. I have already told my boss and employees at work that I had surgery, and they were willing to leave it at that. That part was cool. Where I think I screwed up was telling a friend part of the story.

Full disclosure on how I feel about the subject:
I'm a fairly private person. My wife is fully aware. However, i don't think that I'll ever tell anyone else. Not my brothers, friends, nor anyone else. Never.
Maybe I'll tell people sometime, who ultimately knows, but not in the foreseeable future.

To you all, a question:
A) did I make a mistake by letting a friend know I had surgery?
(If yes, fine, I won't make that mistake again)
B) have you told your close friends, and if so how long afterwards did you wait?
Days? Months? Years? For god's sake, I'm nor even activated yet!

Thanks to all in advance for your in input on what I consider to be a rather delicate and personal matter, and to which I might be the cause of my own problem...

Thanks!

A. No I don't believe it's a mistake. Best excuse is hernia.
B. No

No I don't think you made a mistake. I don't have an implant yet, but when I do i might tell some close friends.

Tell him it was a TURP procedure for enlarged prostate, and no you don't want to discuss it further.

I didn't share my prostate cancer treatment news with anyone outside of my pc support group.
For an implant. I'd certainly tell my significant other but no one else.

How much intimate detail of your lives have you shared with each other in the past? That might bear on how your friend could understandably feel.

For my first comment, I will point out that your friend probably is a bit miffed that you are unwilling to share intimate details of your life. It is an honor to be let in to a friend's "inner circle".

I will also point out that friends respect eadch other's boundaries. Your friend is not doing that. Whether that indicates a defect in his wisdome (forgivable) or a defect in his friendship for you (a bit less forgivable) cannot be easily known.

In your situation, I would ask my friend to understand and beg him not to take offense at my insistence on privacy. I would explain that it dos not reflect on the strength of our friendship, but some things are uncomfortable for me to talk about. I worded this paragraph in the first person because that is what I think I would do.

My advice to you is to not alienate your friend, but to also not allow yourself to be "guilted" into uncomfortable revelations. Manipulation is not a mark of true friendship.

Personally, I went with the hernia excuse if I was pressed by someone and it wasn't their business.

A. It's kinda hard to tell half the story, no? And even a well-meaning friend can get his nose out of joint if you're not prepared to tell all. I can understand his reaction: he's not as close as maybe he thought he was. Mind you, I'm not saying he's right to feel this: it's your body, your story, not his. Hindsight being wonderful, maybe it would have turned out better to say nothing.
B. Yes. I'm utterly shameless. It has been a source of great hilarity among friends and family: from the cancer diagnosis (MY UTTERLY UNIQUE CANCER JOURNEY, SO TOTALLY UNLIKE WHAT ANYONE ANYWHERE HAS EVER EXPERIENCED BEFORE) and treatment right through to the requirement that I undergo a penile reduction to stop me fainting every time I cracked a fat. Well, I had to have explanations for why I couldn't do stuff and why I was in hospital etc, so found it easier to play it all for laughs, with a bit of truth in there.

Ever
good one mate: "crack a fat"...... Seppo's won't get that one hahahahaha

I told a couple of close 'younger' mates and even showed one and his girl (sex crazy pair) how it pumped up.
I told my kids I was away having a little benign lump removed from a testicle (to explain my groin discomfort) and worked perfectly.
Decided not to tell any of my friends in my age range because I have discussed ED with perhaps 10 blokes 55 to 63 and guess what?
They are all still superstuds! Most common statement? "I'll never ever need Viagra... still works like when I was 18!"
Fucking liars at least 5 of them...... Every man on here knows the percentages....we know that they haven't yet faced up to their erection mortality but I can see it in their wive's eyes and read it in their relationships.
Stupid, stubborn fuckers (or not-as the case may be) they have no clue of my journey thru pills, potions and injections... Like all you guys I refused to quit fucking women and here I am now proudly bionic with the hottest chick I've ever had (in a long line of lovely women) fucking her and myself stupid and very willing to share the experience with those guys... no, not telling them... they would laugh and think I was weird or not as potent as they are...oh well

I told persons at work and my friends that I had / was going to have urological surgery. No one asked for any details after that. (And I have shared that I have an implant with friends I find out are struggling with E.D., showing them the implant card that I carry in my wallet.))

I went with the post RP uro fixup explanation too.