FrankTalk.org

Well here goes…

Hello!
I am a relatively healthy 33 year old guy.
Desk job has gained me a bit of a gut but only about 20lbs since my soccer playing day.
I’ve been in a great relationship for about 3 years. But I've been struggling a lot....

My story starts way back though.
1st girl I slept with 15 years ago, the first time was great.
Second time, she wanted to get hot and heavy in her parent's living room while they slept directly above us.
I was too nervous and couldn’t perform. This started a trend so to speak I think....
In my naivety I thought I loved her although we barely knew each other and were just becoming college friends. She stopped talking to me the next week and started banging the guy down the hall in my dorm.

I was crushed, broken hearted and didn’t have sex again for a year.
With girl #2 I performed great, sex was ridiculous. We could get down to business 5 times a day sometimes. (usually it was more like 2 or 3). To be young again right?

Well throughout my college career that spanned a decade, I racked up the numbers but began to rely more and more on ED medication that I got over the interwebz. Could it have been the college drinking? Lack of self-esteem? Psychology issues? The pill was only necessary if I was sober and actually liked the girl. Like I was overthinking it otherwise.

At about 23, 5 years after the 1st heartbreak, I fell in love again. Amazing, sexy vibrant. Dated for 3 months before we had sex. Or tried to. She wanted me to use a condom. I got half hard and rushed it. Couldn't open the wrapper fast enough, got limp and she didn't want to continue. Happened again the next time. 3rd time I took an ED pill in advance and was ready, but she was already over it and didn't want to fuck. In fact, she felt we were better of friends. I was her best friend. She made me read the letter in front of her essentially killing whatever it was we had. I said okay that's fine. Walked out and never talked to her again. CRUSHED. and similarly it was a girl I loved that I couldn't perform with. The pressure was too great. Since then I've always had a stash of ED pills on hand. If I went on a date I'd carry one to pop halfway through or near the end in case we ended up back at my place.....

I’ve slept with the odd 90 women or so with a wide range of success in the downstairs department.

Leap back to the recent past and I’ve snuck a half-pill of Viagra 100mg or a 20mg of Cialis almost every day for the last 3 years. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t. If I am trying to pleasure her and she gives any suggestion on doing something different with my fingers or mouth I will lose whatever erection I could conjure. Ya! Even with the ED! Like my brain just slaps it and the blood starts draining out of the D.
It’s like my dick has ADD. If I’m not in the zone it’s gone almost immediately. No amount of ED pills works when that happens.
Making it worse, I sometimes try to fast forward the foreplay. She'll say wow already? you just want to ram it in? Because I know that if anything happens I could lose it. Car door slams outside? might lose it. Phone fall on the floor? Bye boner. So instead of focusing on her like I want to (and she does too) I am preoccupied with worrying about my malfunctioning unit.

Like many men it has become a source of anxiety, shame and lack of confidence. The GF tries to understand but she understandably can get frustrated. We’re just a big frustration party sometimes.
She doesn’t know I take the ED med so often.

She is a sexually charged woman. She is in her early 30’s so she’s peaking and horny and wants me to fuck her all the time. I feign interest if I know I haven’t taken a pill recently enough. Or say I'm tired etc... It makes her feel unwanted. I want her I want her so bad, but I know I can’t back up my feelings in a physical manner consistently. I’ll be stimulating her and getting super aroused in my mind, but the physical isn’t there.

I’m not sure how she’d take it in regards to an implant. I have a list in my head of the pros and cons. i.e. boner any time, no loss in sensation or ability to orgasm, hard as a rock every time, and so on. With the negatives being recovery time (she’d be going without dick for at least 2 weeks it sounds like or maybe even 4-6…. My mouth is gonna get tired
There’s also the fact that I could lose some growth as well as, what do people call it? The soft tip? Does everyone get that? The idea of not getting a natural erection is sort of a win/lose too.
Great not to get spontaneous boners in the middle of an awkward place like school or in church (when I went as a teen) but also not having the same sensation as a big blood filled boner would take getting used to. (I'm also interested in being more of a shower than a grower which I heard happens too.)

I’ve got BlueCrossBlueShield of California, so I don’t know what they cover.
But I’m thinking of getting the Coloplast Titan OTR. Heard lots of good things about it.

I guess my main concern is that I don’t feel like I have a severe enough case to get approval or get it fully covered. I can get good erections on my own masturbating. It’s the sexual partner that does it….

Again I’m entirely healthy. No horrific dick pump accident. Nobody ripped off my dick in an arm-wresting match gone wrong. I haven’t had prostate surgery or any cancer operations etc, I’m not 85 years old (if you are, bravo keep that bionic D going gramps!)

I just want to be done with all the frustration and disappointment in myself and the insecurity it brings to my beloved partner when I can’t perform and she blames herself.
I want to fuck in every part of our new house and become a member of the mile high club. Have sex in sketchy areas like our garage or our private patio… You get the idea just knowing I could would be enough for me. I don’t want to worry in advance if I have taken a pill or not.

Also Viagra gives me crazy farts and she’s always blaming it on beer. It’s not the BEER! Well maybe partially.
Add to that getting nasty dizzy spells after Viagra sex is getting really old.

So do you think a doctor would feel for my situation or would they tell me to go grab more pills?
Any other positives I can pose when presenting this to my gf would be awesome too.
Not sure how to bring it up or when lmaooo

I’ve been an avid reader of the forum for the last few months. Finally made an account. While there is some bickering or flaming at times in some posts, I feel like this is a very welcoming and warm group. I’m elated to know there’s this type of support available out there. You are all my friends already no matter if you think I’m a dumb jerk face or whatever. Cheers and hope all your bionic dicks are doing great!!

jackhammerdreamz wrote:Well here goes…

Hello!
I am a relatively healthy 33 year old guy.
Desk job has gained me a bit of a gut but only about 20lbs since my soccer playing day.
I’ve been in a great relationship for about 3 years. But I've been struggling a lot....

My story starts way back though.
1st girl I slept with 15 years ago, the first time was great.
Second time, she wanted to get hot and heavy in her parent's living room while they slept directly above us.
I was too nervous and couldn’t perform. This started a trend so to speak I think....
In my naivety I thought I loved her although we barely knew each other and were just becoming college friends. She stopped talking to me the next week and started banging the guy down the hall in my dorm.

I was crushed, broken hearted and didn’t have sex again for a year.
With girl #2 I performed great, sex was ridiculous. We could get down to business 5 times a day sometimes. (usually it was more like 2 or 3). To be young again right?

Well throughout my college career that spanned a decade, I racked up the numbers but began to rely more and more on ED medication that I got over the interwebz. Could it have been the college drinking? Lack of self-esteem? Psychology issues? The pill was only necessary if I was sober and actually liked the girl. Like I was overthinking it otherwise.

At about 23, 5 years after the 1st heartbreak, I fell in love again. Amazing, sexy vibrant. Dated for 3 months before we had sex. Or tried to. She wanted me to use a condom. I got half hard and rushed it. Couldn't open the wrapper fast enough, got limp and she didn't want to continue. Happened again the next time. 3rd time I took an ED pill in advance and was ready, but she was already over it and didn't want to fuck. In fact, she felt we were better of friends. I was her best friend. She made me read the letter in front of her essentially killing whatever it was we had. I said okay that's fine. Walked out and never talked to her again. CRUSHED. and similarly it was a girl I loved that I couldn't perform with. The pressure was too great. Since then I've always had a stash of ED pills on hand. If I went on a date I'd carry one to pop halfway through or near the end in case we ended up back at my place.....

I’ve slept with the odd 90 women or so with a wide range of success in the downstairs department.

Leap back to the recent past and I’ve snuck a half-pill of Viagra 100mg or a 20mg of Cialis almost every day for the last 3 years. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t. If I am trying to pleasure her and she gives any suggestion on doing something different with my fingers or mouth I will lose whatever erection I could conjure. Ya! Even with the ED! Like my brain just slaps it and the blood starts draining out of the D.
It’s like my dick has ADD. If I’m not in the zone it’s gone almost immediately. No amount of ED pills works when that happens.
Making it worse, I sometimes try to fast forward the foreplay. She'll say wow already? you just want to ram it in? Because I know that if anything happens I could lose it. Car door slams outside? might lose it. Phone fall on the floor? Bye boner. So instead of focusing on her like I want to (and she does too) I am preoccupied with worrying about my malfunctioning unit.

Like many men it has become a source of anxiety, shame and lack of confidence. The GF tries to understand but she understandably can get frustrated. We’re just a big frustration party sometimes.
She doesn’t know I take the ED med so often.

She is a sexually charged woman. She is in her early 30’s so she’s peaking and horny and wants me to fuck her all the time. I feign interest if I know I haven’t taken a pill recently enough. Or say I'm tired etc... It makes her feel unwanted. I want her I want her so bad, but I know I can’t back up my feelings in a physical manner consistently. I’ll be stimulating her and getting super aroused in my mind, but the physical isn’t there.

I’m not sure how she’d take it in regards to an implant. I have a list in my head of the pros and cons. i.e. boner any time, no loss in sensation or ability to orgasm, hard as a rock every time, and so on. With the negatives being recovery time (she’d be going without dick for at least 2 weeks it sounds like or maybe even 4-6…. My mouth is gonna get tired
There’s also the fact that I could lose some growth as well as, what do people call it? The soft tip? Does everyone get that? The idea of not getting a natural erection is sort of a win/lose too.
Great not to get spontaneous boners in the middle of an awkward place like school or in church (when I went as a teen) but also not having the same sensation as a big blood filled boner would take getting used to. (I'm also interested in being more of a shower than a grower which I heard happens too.)

I’ve got BlueCrossBlueShield of California, so I don’t know what they cover.
But I’m thinking of getting the Coloplast Titan OTR. Heard lots of good things about it.

I guess my main concern is that I don’t feel like I have a severe enough case to get approval or get it fully covered. I can get good erections on my own masturbating. It’s the sexual partner that does it….

Again I’m entirely healthy. No horrific dick pump accident. Nobody ripped off my dick in an arm-wresting match gone wrong. I haven’t had prostate surgery or any cancer operations etc, I’m not 85 years old (if you are, bravo keep that bionic D going gramps!)

I just want to be done with all the frustration and disappointment in myself and the insecurity it brings to my beloved partner when I can’t perform and she blames herself.
I want to fuck in every part of our new house and become a member of the mile high club. Have sex in sketchy areas like our garage or our private patio… You get the idea just knowing I could would be enough for me. I don’t want to worry in advance if I have taken a pill or not.

Also Viagra gives me crazy farts and she’s always blaming it on beer. It’s not the BEER! Well maybe partially.
Add to that getting nasty dizzy spells after Viagra sex is getting really old.

So do you think a doctor would feel for my situation or would they tell me to go grab more pills?
Any other positives I can pose when presenting this to my gf would be awesome too.
Not sure how to bring it up or when lmaooo

I’ve been an avid reader of the forum for the last few months. Finally made an account. While there is some bickering or flaming at times in some posts, I feel like this is a very welcoming and warm group. I’m elated to know there’s this type of support available out there. You are all my friends already no matter if you think I’m a dumb jerk face or whatever. Cheers and hope all your bionic dicks are doing great!!

Well... where to start;
What you say makes sense. For any of the ED meds to work, you must be mentally able to get an erection. So whatever use to give you an erection, must still be present. It sounds like meds are starting to fail you and you are going down the implant road. You have to be happy with your body and your sexual abilities... the hell with everybody else. Yes there is some bickering on here and I have private conversations with a few members about there aggressive behaviour, but, in most cases, all members bickering have the best interest of the other members at heart. The presentation needs work, but their heart is in the right place. If you have any questions, please, feel free to post. There are many men on here with a lot of experience who are more then willing to help. Some men even participate is show and tell. If that is something you are interested in I suggest you contact Donnie - memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=3543 he does show and tell and is a wealth of information.

You should create a "Signature" so that we may be able to offer you some advice.
To add your signature.... look in the upper right hand corner where get your notification and Private messages. Your Profile name is there too, just click on your name. Another window will open, then click on the "User Control panel" tab, then on the left side in that box you will see "Edit Signature".. click on it and then you will be able to add what ever type of information you wish to add....it's easy.

Include things like date implanted, doctors name, Make - Titan or AMS, size of implant, rte's? any story you wish to share - like ED for 15 years, or whatever, any medical info - like diabetes, or high blood pressure, etc. or 33 years old, single gay man with ED for 10 years, thinking about getting an implant. Here is mine:

AMS 700 (18 + 2). Implanted March 30, 2017 by Dr. Brock of London, Ont, CANADA. Great surgeon. Went in to septic shock and had to have implant removed April 29, 2017. Appt. for consult for second attempt is on November 6, 2017... I can't wait.

Feel free to contact me if you need assistance or advice on anything.

Larry

There are many men here and it is the majority that will try to help and answer all your questions. When I first learned about implants it took some time to be able to watch a doctor perform the surgery. I visited a number of sites showing the surgery and took a year to selected my doctor and have never looked back once I decide. I would do it again it a heartbeat and only wish I had learned about it sooner.

Watch videos (Dr. Kramer has a bunch) read and ask questions. I have BC/BS in NC and it covered along with Medicare (I am 68) some no problem with any of that. If you need to ask questions that you want private, you can and never feel strange about asking as we all have had those questions so you are not the first.

Good luck and will help how i can.

Jack
Welcome. So i dont know first hand what you are going thru. My ED was the result of surgery. Woke up after and never had a natural erection again. So it makes sense that you question whether ir not your condition is "severe" enough to get insurance approval. Although you have offered a lot if history in your post other questions arise. So first, have you attended counseling at all because professionals are going to ask about the psychological component. Also, have you consulted a urologist. Lastly, can you put all your cards on the table with your lady which may also be part of your problem. As Larry said, there are many men here who have experienced many different issues. All are willing to share their knowledge. You can post or PM to a member with whom you feel has been in your situation. Your a young guy. This issue can snowball for you. Get advice on a quality doc in your area and schedule an appointment. Its a place to start !
Bandit

dirtman1993 wrote:There are many men here and it is the majority that will try to help and answer all your questions. When I first learned about implants it took some time to be able to watch a doctor perform the surgery. I visited a number of sites showing the surgery and took a year to selected my doctor and have never looked back once I decide. I would do it again it a heartbeat and only wish I had learned about it sooner.

Watch videos (Dr. Kramer has a bunch) read and ask questions. I have BC/BS in NC and it covered along with Medicare (I am 68) some no problem with any of that. If you need to ask questions that you want private, you can and never feel strange about asking as we all have had those questions so you are not the first.

Good luck and will help how i can.

Thanks Bandit and Dirtman... great info from both of you.

Larry

Thanks Bandit, Dirtman and Larry!

Yeah I'll get my signature filled out asap

Definitely going to lay the cards out with the misses very soon.
Our schedules conflict a bit so I'll be setting aside some time shortly to discuss my concerns and how I feel.

Good question about the psychological aspect.
I have not spoken to a therapist of any regarding the ED.
I did speak with a Dr. about it though who prescribed cialis (which wasn't covered by BC/BS)

I think I'll talk to the gf this week and schedule my appointment with a local Center of Excellence to get the ball rolling.
Professional opinion doesn't hurt right? And if they suggest therapy first I'll give them the rundown and listen to suggestions.

I'll start a new thread when I start the adventure.
I think that'll be a good place to post updates along the journey.

Thanks again guys!

Welcome Jackhammer, love the name! I remember the pills working so good. Viagra would give me serious night time wood. Then the pills stopped working. Then I found bimix injections. Worked great for a few years. But then they stopped working. Got a Doppler test in February which disclosed that I had a venous leak. Sounds like you could have a leak too. But exhaust all avenues. I do wished I had gotten the implant sooner.

I have only a couple of thoughts. (1) Please consider a complete medical and urological work-up. I understand that psychological issues can deny, diminish, and destroy a boner, but if there are any medical issues going on the background, those need to be known and dealt with no matter what erectile dysfunction remedy you ultimately utilize. I'm thinking diabetes, venous leakage, etc. Remember, erectile dysfunction is always a symptom of something. (2) My ED journey was based on my doctor's advice: begin with less invasive and move to more invasive solutions step by step. For me that included all three pills in various doses, penis pumps, and finally Trimix injections. We already knew my medical background (see signature) so we knew what we were working with and against. (3) If injections had not worked for me, I would have proceeded with the implant without any hesitate. Even now, the implant is my fallback option. No hesitation. But I would never have allowed anyone to take a sharp instrument near my favorite body part until it was the last option. (4) Notice that I'm not giving you advice. I'm telling you my story. You must make these decisions for yourself.

My one piece of advice is to get moving on this. You're way, way, way too young to be missing out on all the booty that's out there waiting for you, whether from the love of your life or the 90 more you may date before you find The One. My uncle got his implant at age 75 and I quote: "I'm too young to give up p***y!" He's still going strong almost 12 years later. Don't overthink this: get your butt to the doctor. Here's to hard times.

jackhammerdreamz wrote:Thanks Bandit, Dirtman and Larry!

Yeah I'll get my signature filled out asap

Definitely going to lay the cards out with the misses very soon.
Our schedules conflict a bit so I'll be setting aside some time shortly to discuss my concerns and how I feel.

Good question about the psychological aspect.
I have not spoken to a therapist of any regarding the ED.
I did speak with a Dr. about it though who prescribed cialis (which wasn't covered by BC/BS)

I think I'll talk to the gf this week and schedule my appointment with a local Center of Excellence to get the ball rolling.
Professional opinion doesn't hurt right? And if they suggest therapy first I'll give them the rundown and listen to suggestions.

I'll start a new thread when I start the adventure.
I think that'll be a good place to post updates along the journey.

Thanks again guys!

I'd check w/ BC/BS first to see if they will actually cover a penile implant...some BC/BS plans won't cover the procedure regardless of causation...my plan would not cover an implant until 2013. If they will in fact cover the procedure, I'm sure you'll have to prove medical necessity. In my case it was easy-Type II diabetes. Get checked out regardless and see if you have any contributing physical factors (venous leak for example) which may be causing your ED. Good luck and keep us informed...tons of good info/sympathetic ears here on Frank Talk!!

ccrider wrote:I'd check w/ BC/BS first to see if they will actually cover a penile implant...some BC/BS plans won't cover the procedure regardless of causation.

And I would have the doctor's office talk with them if they say that they will not cover it (pointing out things like if they cover breast reconstruction after a mastectomy -- which is not required because it is not life-threatening -- then they should also cover a penile implant. (Doctors' offices sometimes have a better way to talk to insurance companies than we patients do.)