FrankTalk.org

Hello brothers,

I hope that I can gain some perspective and guidance from what I am about to share.

I am nearly 34, I am from London and I have been experiencing a deteriorating sexual function since the age of 21/22.

I can trace no damage to my penis, I remember no impact, no reason for any functional damage to have been sustained. But what started with one failure after a night out has 12 years later become the greatest threat to my state of mind, my success as an individual and my chance for love, marriage & children.

The HISTORY - Abridged.

Failure in bed with a girl at 21
Henceforth developed an obsession with my erectile function
As my thoughts persisted, my function declined
At 26 I was diagnosed with Lymphoma - every test under the sun performed
By the grace of medical science, I was saved
Told my team about my erection problems, referred to Urology
FIRST Doppler ultrasound performed - Result: ‘Mild Venous Leakage’
Prescribed Cialis - BEGAN TO USE IT with amazing results
My dependence on Cialis begun
Several years later, unconvinced with my first Doppler, I sought out specialists
Saw a specialist andrologist in London - SECOND Doppler performed - NO VENOUS LEAK
My mind by this point was accustomed to ED
My dependence on Cialis continued to deepen
Two years later, saw Dr Kuehas at London Andrology - THIRD Doppler performed, NO VENOUS LEAK
Continue to depend on Cialis but only when sex was expected
Not using daily
Fast forward to now - I have just split up with my girlfriend because of my poor decisions
I am hugely scared of sex and my mental state doesn't allow me to pursue new relationships
I have tried 2 psychologists w/ CBT - It has just made the problem more prominent
I still get morning wood (briefly) sometimes
I still feel nocturnal erections.

The CURRENT PROBLEM

I am psychologically all over the place
Psychotherapists don’t work
Sex is something to be feared
I am dependent on Cialis
Cialis effects are going down as my anxiety goes UP.
I am scared to pursue new relationships
At this age, what hope do I have for long-term healing
Masturbation is nearly impossible

INVESTIGATIONS PERFORMED

3 Dopplers - 1 positive for VL, 2 negative
Blood work all normal
Lymphoma overcome in 2011 - 6 years in the clear (thank God)

OVERVIEW

I am a 33 year old man who has a very traumatic past, with losing my father at 12 and having cancer myself at 26. I have a deep-seated ED-related psychological block that will not respond to psychotherapy. Pills will not work forever and I don’t want to take them forever. I do not want to use a pump, I do not want to inject myself. Having been through what I’ve been through in life, I know how valuable time is. I don’t want to lose more years to this problem that I’ve had for over a decade now, that continues to get worse.

QUESTIONS

Is there a way a doctor can take this all into consideration and agree to bypass the next levels of treatment (pumps, injections) and implant me? I am only 33 and we know that these options are not viable in the long-term. In fact, they can cause more damage.


Thank you, brothers, I hope to gain some support and clarity from some of you!

Dear Friend,

Thank you for your heartfelt description of your issues. I really feel you.
ED many times is a complicated issue unless there is a specific cause like prostate cancer or injury. The mental component is very significant which may cause the most complication.

Besides exploring other tests and treatment options my suggestion to you is don’t take relationships and sex so seriously. Take time off and enjoy interactions and casual encounters with partners. In a relaxed way find the fun and excitement in sex again which is how it’s supposed to be. Find the type of partner that excited you and the type might be entirely different than you think it is. Early experiences and social conditioning may dictate our rational choices, but at the same time our body may react to completely different things.

You cannot change mental issues with mental processes. It’s like pushing the bicycle handle bar and expecting to go faster. Start with physical changes. Dress and behave a little more sexual. Approach different type of women at different places than what you are used to. Enjoy kissing and touching woman for a long time before you consider sex. Date multiple women so you don’t obsessively focus on one. And one more thing. Women are turned on much more by a man who is out to get what he want than a man who wants to kiss their ass and obscessed by satisfying them.

And by the way I could not consider injections for a long time. It kind of cost me my marriage to a wonderful woman. I’m here to tell you that injections are great and I have the most satisfying sexual and social life I have ever had at age 52. Don’t hesitate to look into it here and try it before considering implant.
All the best my brother!

Thank you for your reply, Newtoed,

I wish it were so simple as just to say, 'I'm gonna chill out more'. It's not really something I can consciously control at this point. The prospect of sex or masturbation is quite ominous for me and fills me with obsessive thoughts of 'will it work' which of course inhibits my ability to arouse, almost completely.

The only workaround I can see is either to seek a psychiatrist and take some medication that inhibits the fight or flight hormones or to seek further medical treatment in the form of injections and whatnot, the latter being unacceptable to me due to the risks associated with long-term usage and scar-tissue.

An implant, though it would dramatically change my life would give me my youth back and my confidence. I have so much to live for and I'm not bad looking. I could be doing so much better in life if not for this curse. Of course I would likely need at least 2 to 3 revisions were I to live a normal life-span but that is by the by. I am here, now, in my 30s, wifeless and I need to take control. ASAP.

newtoed wrote:Dear Friend,

Thank you for your heartfelt description of your issues. I really feel you.
ED many times is a complicated issue unless there is a specific cause like prostate cancer or injury. The mental component is very significant which may cause the most complication.

Besides exploring other tests and treatment options my suggestion to you is don’t take relationships and sex so seriously. Take time off and enjoy interactions and casual encounters with partners. In a relaxed way find the fun and excitement in sex again which is how it’s supposed to be. Find the type of partner that excited you and the type might be entirely different than you think it is. Early experiences and social conditioning may dictate our rational choices, but at the same time our body may react to completely different things.

You cannot change mental issues with mental processes. It’s like pushing the bicycle handle bar and expecting to go faster. Start with physical changes. Dress and behave a little more sexual. Approach different type of women at different places than what you are used to. Enjoy kissing and touching woman for a long time before you consider sex. Date multiple women so you don’t obsessively focus on one. And one more thing. Women are turned on much more by a man who is out to get what he want than a man who wants to kiss their ass and obscessed by satisfying them.

And by the way I could not consider injections for a long time. It kind of cost me my marriage to a wonderful woman. I’m here to tell you that injections are great and I have the most satisfying sexual and social life I have ever had at age 52. Don’t hesitate to look into it here and try it before considering implant.
All the best my brother!

there was a franktalk member with a similar story, and I gave advice. I spent a long time writing that response, so I figured it would be reasonable to just repeat post it here for you:

Regarding the comment "your ED is partly psychological." :

My wife wanted me to go to a psychologist before getting the implant. I spoke to my urologist about that and he stated that "if the injections are not working, then this is 100% a physical problem" "If your ED was because of a psyche issue, then the injections would have made you hard as a rock for hours". It is obvious to me that seeing a psychologist to help with your ED is a worthless endeavor. If your ED is indeed psychological, I suggest popping a couple Viagra, or shooting some trimix, and spend an hour with a hot girl. Your psyche problems will melt away.

Regarding the timing of implant and being age 39.

your implants, on average, will last ten years each. So you will face a few revisions. That sucks, but you need to face up to the fact that you have a disease, and there is a surgical cure for that disease. Your decision is when you want to stop suffering from that disease. If having ED makes you "suffer," then you should consider the nuclear option of getting an implant. I read an interview with an implant surgeon who stated the following regarding the appropriateness of placing an implant into a young patient. "No man should be forced to suffer for twenty years with ED". In other words, as DG_moore states "nothing good happens while you wait"

Regarding the risk to benefit ratio for an implant at age forty

An implant surgeon reminded me that "a man gets an implant for himself, and to improve himself. Do not do it for someone else" In other words, do not get an implant because you think it will make your partner happier.
For me, I strongly felt that going the sequence of Pills-->injections--->stronger injections---->cock ring + injections was necessary since I came into surgery knowing that "i had no other choices" so the choice of surgery was easy for me since I refused to lead a sexless life. After my consultation with Dr Eid, I called a few patients, and one of them stated "you know, my feeling was that: there is no way that I am going to go out like this" with regards to the notion of living a life, and one day dying but without the capability to be a sexual being

Regarding the best age for implant

A surgeon told me that a "sweet spot" for age and implant might be at age 57, because that implant will likely be used a significant amount, and the man might likely only need one revision in their life. HOWEVER, my wife is pissed that I did not get the implant sooner because her peak sex years were before menopause. So, I do agree with the idea that you should maximize your sex capabliity while you are younger than 52, because those younger years are your most vigorous sex years. Once your wife goes through menopause (usually age 51), her desire for sex will drop significantly, so one can argue that the implant should be placed well before your partner hits menopause (ie, age 45 ???)

I hope this helps.....TANGERINE

Please check your PMs.
Bob 2.3

Thank you so much, TANGERINE,

I agree whole-heartedly about the age concerns.

This is my prime! The next 10-15 years are where my life will be made. Career, love, marriage, family. How can I accomplish these things effectively with the huge black cloud of ED hanging over me.

I do not care at all what women will think. One night stands will never know and long term partners will not care in the slightest. If anything, they will enjoy it. Anyone who truly loves you for you will not look down upon or be disgusted by a man with a penile implant.

The thought of injections, which will give me scar tissue down the line, or vacuum pumps, vacuum pumps! My respect to those that use them but this seems so, counter intuitive.

If a CURE exists, why not jump straight to it instead of letting a man mentally die slowly, one day at a time.

TANGERINE wrote:there was a franktalk member with a similar story, and I gave advice. I spent a long time writing that response, so I figured it would be reasonable to just repeat post it here for you:

Regarding the comment "your ED is partly psychological." :

My wife wanted me to go to a psychologist before getting the implant. I spoke to my urologist about that and he stated that "if the injections are not working, then this is 100% a physical problem" "If your ED was because of a psyche issue, then the injections would have made you hard as a rock for hours". It is obvious to me that seeing a psychologist to help with your ED is a worthless endeavor. If your ED is indeed psychological, I suggest popping a couple Viagra, or shooting some trimix, and spend an hour with a hot girl. Your psyche problems will melt away.

Regarding the timing of implant and being age 39.

your implants, on average, will last ten years each. So you will face a few revisions. That sucks, but you need to face up to the fact that you have a disease, and there is a surgical cure for that disease. Your decision is when you want to stop suffering from that disease. If having ED makes you "suffer," then you should consider the nuclear option of getting an implant. I read an interview with an implant surgeon who stated the following regarding the appropriateness of placing an implant into a young patient. "No man should be forced to suffer for twenty years with ED". In other words, as DG_moore states "nothing good happens while you wait"

Regarding the risk to benefit ratio for an implant at age forty

An implant surgeon reminded me that "a man gets an implant for himself, and to improve himself. Do not do it for someone else" In other words, do not get an implant because you think it will make your partner happier.
For me, I strongly felt that going the sequence of Pills-->injections--->stronger injections---->cock ring + injections was necessary since I came into surgery knowing that "i had no other choices" so the choice of surgery was easy for me since I refused to lead a sexless life. After my consultation with Dr Eid, I called a few patients, and one of them stated "you know, my feeling was that: there is no way that I am going to go out like this" with regards to the notion of living a life, and one day dying but without the capability to be a sexual being

Regarding the best age for implant

A surgeon told me that a "sweet spot" for age and implant might be at age 57, because that implant will likely be used a significant amount, and the man might likely only need one revision in their life. HOWEVER, my wife is pissed that I did not get the implant sooner because her peak sex years were before menopause. So, I do agree with the idea that you should maximize your sex capabliity while you are younger than 52, because those younger years are your most vigorous sex years. Once your wife goes through menopause (usually age 51), her desire for sex will drop significantly, so one can argue that the implant should be placed well before your partner hits menopause (ie, age 45 ???)

I hope this helps.....TANGERINE

newtoed wrote:Dear Friend,

Thank you for your heartfelt description of your issues. I really feel you.
ED many times is a complicated issue unless there is a specific cause like prostate cancer or injury. The mental component is very significant which may cause the most complication.

Besides exploring other tests and treatment options my suggestion to you is don’t take relationships and sex so seriously. Take time off and enjoy interactions and casual encounters with partners. In a relaxed way find the fun and excitement in sex again which is how it’s supposed to be. Find the type of partner that excited you and the type might be entirely different than you think it is. Early experiences and social conditioning may dictate our rational choices, but at the same time our body may react to completely different things.

You cannot change mental issues with mental processes. It’s like pushing the bicycle handle bar and expecting to go faster. Start with physical changes. Dress and behave a little more sexual. Approach different type of women at different places than what you are used to. Enjoy kissing and touching woman for a long time before you consider sex. Date multiple women so you don’t obsessively focus on one. And one more thing. Women are turned on much more by a man who is out to get what he want than a man who wants to kiss their ass and obscessed by satisfying them.

And by the way I could not consider injections for a long time. It kind of cost me my marriage to a wonderful woman. I’m here to tell you that injections are great and I have the most satisfying sexual and social life I have ever had at age 52. Don’t hesitate to look into it here and try it before considering implant.
All the best my brother!

Is there no chance for you and your ex to reconnect?

Larry

defiant wrote:Hello brothers,

I hope that I can gain some perspective and guidance from what I am about to share.

I am nearly 34, I am from London and I have been experiencing a deteriorating sexual function since the age of 21/22.

I can trace no damage to my penis, I remember no impact, no reason for any functional damage to have been sustained. But what started with one failure after a night out has 12 years later become the greatest threat to my state of mind, my success as an individual and my chance for love, marriage & children.

The HISTORY - Abridged.

Failure in bed with a girl at 21
Henceforth developed an obsession with my erectile function
As my thoughts persisted, my function declined
At 26 I was diagnosed with Lymphoma - every test under the sun performed
By the grace of medical science, I was saved
Told my team about my erection problems, referred to Urology
FIRST Doppler ultrasound performed - Result: ‘Mild Venous Leakage’
Prescribed Cialis - BEGAN TO USE IT with amazing results
My dependence on Cialis begun
Several years later, unconvinced with my first Doppler, I sought out specialists
Saw a specialist andrologist in London - SECOND Doppler performed - NO VENOUS LEAK
My mind by this point was accustomed to ED
My dependence on Cialis continued to deepen
Two years later, saw Dr Kuehas at London Andrology - THIRD Doppler performed, NO VENOUS LEAK
Continue to depend on Cialis but only when sex was expected
Not using daily
Fast forward to now - I have just split up with my girlfriend because of my poor decisions
I am hugely scared of sex and my mental state doesn't allow me to pursue new relationships
I have tried 2 psychologists w/ CBT - It has just made the problem more prominent
I still get morning wood (briefly) sometimes
I still feel nocturnal erections.

The CURRENT PROBLEM

I am psychologically all over the place
Psychotherapists don’t work
Sex is something to be feared
I am dependent on Cialis
Cialis effects are going down as my anxiety goes UP.
I am scared to pursue new relationships
At this age, what hope do I have for long-term healing
Masturbation is nearly impossible

INVESTIGATIONS PERFORMED

3 Dopplers - 1 positive for VL, 2 negative
Blood work all normal
Lymphoma overcome in 2011 - 6 years in the clear (thank God)

OVERVIEW

I am a 33 year old man who has a very traumatic past, with losing my father at 12 and having cancer myself at 26. I have a deep-seated ED-related psychological block that will not respond to psychotherapy. Pills will not work forever and I don’t want to take them forever. I do not want to use a pump, I do not want to inject myself. Having been through what I’ve been through in life, I know how valuable time is. I don’t want to lose more years to this problem that I’ve had for over a decade now, that continues to get worse.

QUESTIONS

Is there a way a doctor can take this all into consideration and agree to bypass the next levels of treatment (pumps, injections) and implant me? I am only 33 and we know that these options are not viable in the long-term. In fact, they can cause more damage.


Thank you, brothers, I hope to gain some support and clarity from some of you!

From what I am able to pick up from most of the guys on here is, if you don't run the gauntlet of ED treatments, insurance may not cover penile implant. You have already tried pills. Check with your insurance provider to find out what they cover and if you have to try all of the others first. Then, if you have to, try two or three injectable doses and tell the doc you want the implant. Insurance will see that you have tried pills and injections and then they will be compelled to pay. Without asking you and you being on the spot for an answer, let me just point out that if you are dealing with substance abuse or mental illness, you will most likely have to deal with that before you can discover a treatment for ED that will work.

Hi Larry,

I don’t want to be judged but I was very foolish and started seeing another woman as my gf/ex now made it clear she was going back home to her own country after two years of seeing one another plus the fact that over those two years I had given 75% of the effort she was very withheld for the majority.

There is no excusing it I know. Just reasons.

I feel a fool as she found out about it (a 10 day thing with no sexual intercourse; just one kiss and several dates, I know, that’s more than enough) just as we were turning a corner and seemed to be getting somewhere.

Fate. I guess.

Larry10625 wrote:

newtoed wrote:Dear Friend,

Thank you for your heartfelt description of your issues. I really feel you.
ED many times is a complicated issue unless there is a specific cause like prostate cancer or injury. The mental component is very significant which may cause the most complication.

Besides exploring other tests and treatment options my suggestion to you is don’t take relationships and sex so seriously. Take time off and enjoy interactions and casual encounters with partners. In a relaxed way find the fun and excitement in sex again which is how it’s supposed to be. Find the type of partner that excited you and the type might be entirely different than you think it is. Early experiences and social conditioning may dictate our rational choices, but at the same time our body may react to completely different things.

You cannot change mental issues with mental processes. It’s like pushing the bicycle handle bar and expecting to go faster. Start with physical changes. Dress and behave a little more sexual. Approach different type of women at different places than what you are used to. Enjoy kissing and touching woman for a long time before you consider sex. Date multiple women so you don’t obsessively focus on one. And one more thing. Women are turned on much more by a man who is out to get what he want than a man who wants to kiss their ass and obscessed by satisfying them.

And by the way I could not consider injections for a long time. It kind of cost me my marriage to a wonderful woman. I’m here to tell you that injections are great and I have the most satisfying sexual and social life I have ever had at age 52. Don’t hesitate to look into it here and try it before considering implant.
All the best my brother!

Is there no chance for you and your ex to reconnect?

Larry

defiant wrote:Hi Larry,

I don’t want to be judged but I was very foolish and started seeing another woman as my gf/ex now made it clear she was going back home to her own country after two years of seeing one another plus the fact that over those two years I had given 75% of the effort she was very withheld for the majority.

There is no excusing it I know. Just reasons.

I feel a fool as she found out about it (a 10 day thing with no sexual intercourse; just one kiss and several dates, I know, that’s more than enough) just as we were turning a corner and seemed to be getting somewhere.

Fate. I guess.

Larry10625 wrote:

newtoed wrote:Dear Friend,

Thank you for your heartfelt description of your issues. I really feel you.
ED many times is a complicated issue unless there is a specific cause like prostate cancer or injury. The mental component is very significant which may cause the most complication.

Besides exploring other tests and treatment options my suggestion to you is don’t take relationships and sex so seriously. Take time off and enjoy interactions and casual encounters with partners. In a relaxed way find the fun and excitement in sex again which is how it’s supposed to be. Find the type of partner that excited you and the type might be entirely different than you think it is. Early experiences and social conditioning may dictate our rational choices, but at the same time our body may react to completely different things.

You cannot change mental issues with mental processes. It’s like pushing the bicycle handle bar and expecting to go faster. Start with physical changes. Dress and behave a little more sexual. Approach different type of women at different places than what you are used to. Enjoy kissing and touching woman for a long time before you consider sex. Date multiple women so you don’t obsessively focus on one. And one more thing. Women are turned on much more by a man who is out to get what he want than a man who wants to kiss their ass and obscessed by satisfying them.

And by the way I could not consider injections for a long time. It kind of cost me my marriage to a wonderful woman. I’m here to tell you that injections are great and I have the most satisfying sexual and social life I have ever had at age 52. Don’t hesitate to look into it here and try it before considering implant.
All the best my brother!

Is there no chance for you and your ex to reconnect?

Larry

Sorry to hear that. I have to admit, if my gf says she is returning to her home country, that tells me she is moving on, so I would too.

Larry