FrankTalk.org

This forum has been a godsend for information in helping make my choice, so thank you! The surgery and permanence is scary enough, but what really bothers me is how I'll handle the first few weeks after surgery. I have to return to work on day 9. I have a desk job and worry about sitting all day. I'm constantly in meetings and worry that my discomfort will show. I wear khakis and a tuck-in shirt and I'm worried I won't find a suitable method to keep it comfortably "pointed up". I know it will move out of position when I sit down and I'll have to reposition when I get back up, but how with a room full of people? Memorial Day weekend, 4.5 weeks after surgery, my brother and his wife visit for 10 days and we plan to go boating and being in the water for two weekends in a row. Again, worried about keeping it "up" and not noticeable in a bathing suit (I'm not telling him or anyone!). The stress over these situations haunts me constantly. If I don't do the surgery now, I won't have another opportunity until next year. I can't cancel my brother's vacation (and anniversary). I can't take off work longer. I'm stressing!! Would really appreciate any helpful works, hints, advice, etc.

VinceMH wrote:This forum has been a godsend for information in helping make my choice, so thank you! The surgery and permanence is scary enough, but what really bothers me is how I'll handle the first few weeks after surgery. I have to return to work on day 9. I have a desk job and worry about sitting all day. I'm constantly in meetings and worry that my discomfort will show. I wear khakis and a tuck-in shirt and I'm worried I won't find a suitable method to keep it comfortably "pointed up". I know it will move out of position when I sit down and I'll have to reposition when I get back up, but how with a room full of people? Memorial Day weekend, 4.5 weeks after surgery, my brother and his wife visit for 10 days and we plan to go boating and being in the water for two weekends in a row. Again, worried about keeping it "up" and not noticeable in a bathing suit (I'm not telling him or anyone!). The stress over these situations haunts me constantly. If I don't do the surgery now, I won't have another opportunity until next year. I can't cancel my brother's vacation (and anniversary). I can't take off work longer. I'm stressing!! Would really appreciate any helpful works, hints, advice, etc.

Everybody's experience is different and some people get luck with minimal swelling and discomfort. Others (like me) are a little wimpy and don't like to press the medical envelope. So, your experience may differ.

Get a REALLY baggy bathing suit. It is possible you may not want to go in the water (fabric clings and "prints" your shape more when it is wet) and if you MUST keep the reason for staying dry a secret, just imply there were secondary events to the prostate surgery that you must keep dry (you DID tell your brother about the prostate surgery, right?).

Your workplace is likely to be accommodating since they will know you had some kind of surgery. You will probably be able to get away with untucked shirts, at least.

Repositioning was not much of a problem with me because the supporter they gave me at the hospital kept me "organized" pretty well. Having gauze padding between me and the supporter provided some give" as well, so standing up and sitting down was easily done, if a bit gingerly. Testicles were more an issue than penis, but that may depend on your size.

I scheduled 3 weeks of sick leave, but felt OK to return to work at two weeks, but am glad I waited the full three. No sense in over-stressing my body. Besides, I got some housecleaning done (but still no snow shoveling).

Unsolicited advice that may or may not be good for your particular situation:
I was uneasy about telling my Brother. I told him and he was not only understanding, but congratulatory. Blood is thicker than water. Don't sell him short.

Don't stress. It affects your ability to heal well. What's the worst that could happen? Someone may find out that you had a urological problem? You can skirt the truth by referring to some repair work on your "undercarriage". Likely they will assume it is hernia repair, prostate trouble, bladder problems. Not many people will ask for details. E.D. does not make the top of anyone's list of suspects (unless, perhaps, they have or are considering an implant themselves in which case you might be glad to have a compatriot).

VinceMH wrote:This forum has been a godsend for information in helping make my choice, so thank you! The surgery and permanence is scary enough, but what really bothers me is how I'll handle the first few weeks after surgery. I have to return to work on day 9. I have a desk job and worry about sitting all day. I'm constantly in meetings and worry that my discomfort will show. I wear khakis and a tuck-in shirt and I'm worried I won't find a suitable method to keep it comfortably "pointed up". I know it will move out of position when I sit down and I'll have to reposition when I get back up, but how with a room full of people? Memorial Day weekend, 4.5 weeks after surgery, my brother and his wife visit for 10 days and we plan to go boating and being in the water for two weekends in a row. Again, worried about keeping it "up" and not noticeable in a bathing suit (I'm not telling him or anyone!). The stress over these situations haunts me constantly. If I don't do the surgery now, I won't have another opportunity until next year. I can't cancel my brother's vacation (and anniversary). I can't take off work longer. I'm stressing!! Would really appreciate any helpful works, hints, advice, etc.

Lost Sheep had some really good advice for you and I am just 3 weeks post op and it all rings true. This week has been the greatest improvement for me as I had to travel 5 days post op then had family and my girlfriend visit at Easter a week after. My discharge instruction said to wear the supporter for 1-2 weeks to reduce swelling but it was uncomfortable. I found setting to be as well. So I stood when I could not lay down. After my first week and I could ditch the supporter I did so and was just naked as much as possible. That seemed to work for me but best thing I can say is to talk to your doctor and see what is recommended. I was inflated partially for 3 weeks and used soft toilet tissue to wrap and cushion things when I had to be dressed and out. My instructions said I did not have to be at 12 o'clock so I would alternate at 2 and 10 but again your doctor may be different. I was at 2 o'clock post surgery and discharged at like that the next day after my catheter was removed.

I to stressed over others knowing. I you check my posts you will find that I spent 10 years where I could not talk to my doctor about this and when I did last fall was still horrified. Even up to a few months ago I was trying to find ways to hide this. It just got to be too much for me and the dam broke. I told my sons, my brother and sister. My mom and my close friends. And 2 lady friends I meet. One decided after while to move on and the other I am still seeing and we have plans for a weekend together in a few weeks. Man was it tough to talk about the first few times but now I am so glad I did. Work would be another issue. Just tell them the truth that you had surgery and will be in pain setting for long periods of time and work out something. I would ask to stand when possible and for breaks to go and relieve pressure for a while.

Best of luck with this my friend. I wish I could help more but all I can add is that after telling my family and having them to talk to about this and support me was the best thing for me.

Thanks to you both. My workplace thinks I'm going backpacking. I disclosed the prostate surgery last year, but I"m not willing to disclose this one. My boss had prostate cancer the same time as me, he chose radiation. We've been comparing notes since then. I"m not really keen on saying it's something else "male" oriented. I have known my coworkers for 20+ years. I'd really like to keep it "under wraps". My brother was with me during prostate surgery. I may tell my brother about this, but not his wife.

It's not the "telling" part as much as the "keep it out of sight" part that I'm worried about. I"m "the boss" and with 200+ employees in the building, I really need to keep it under wraps. And then there's the bathing suit thing. I have to find a combination of underwear, jock strap, compression shorts, etc, that allows me to be wet in a bathing suit. Again, all of these variables is what has me stressing!!

VinceMH wrote:And then there's the bathing suit thing. I have to find a combination of underwear, jock strap, compression shorts, etc, that allows me to be wet in a bathing suit.

I had the same concern early on, but really not a problem. A plain old jock strap works well with most athletic clothing, and you will look and feel fine. For tighter swim suits like a Speedo I wear a swimming specific jock strap similar to this one: https://www.amazon.com/Summer-Code-Supporter-Performance-Jockstrap/dp/B06XY54H1N/ref=lp_17469941011_1_1?srs=17469941011&ie=UTF8&qid=1523506431&sr=8-1&th=1

For casual or work clothing, I find the Jockey briefs I've always worn still work well after the procedure, although it may take a few weeks to feel comfortable. I wore a jock strap over the Jockeys for the first week. It's all trial and error but no big adjustments in underwear were necessary.

VinceMH wrote:Thanks to you both. My workplace thinks I'm going backpacking. I disclosed the prostate surgery last year, but I"m not willing to disclose this one. My boss had prostate cancer the same time as me, he chose radiation. We've been comparing notes since then. I"m not really keen on saying it's something else "male" oriented. I have known my coworkers for 20+ years. I'd really like to keep it "under wraps". My brother was with me during prostate surgery. I may tell my brother about this, but not his wife.

It's not the "telling" part as much as the "keep it out of sight" part that I'm worried about. I"m "the boss" and with 200+ employees in the building, I really need to keep it under wraps. And then there's the bathing suit thing. I have to find a combination of underwear, jock strap, compression shorts, etc, that allows me to be wet in a bathing suit. Again, all of these variables is what has me stressing!!

Vince; so far you have been given some great advice. Here's a little more... When I had my surgery, I actually had plastic surgery there at the same time. I was swollen about the size of a softball. By 9 days my swelling was almost gone. The idea of a jock is great it does a lot of things... holds you tight, keeps the appearance of a well hung man and prevents it from flopping around when you walk. Maybe you can find a way to ice at your desk. As for the bathing suit issue, I have been anatomically undersized all of my life. Because I am so self conscious about it, when I go swimming, I don't want anybody, especially the girls, to see that I am hung like a hamster so, I put my towel close to where I will be coming out of the water and when I get out I lean forward while I am walking to get my towel and then I get the towel on very quickly. Of course, wear the jock, it will be you new best friend... until you get to use your implant, then it will become you very best friend. By day 9 you will be well on your way to being fully recovered. If you still are uncomfortable, providing people know about your prostate surgery, you can say that you overdid it while hiking and you are a bit sore.

Larry

Awesome answers!! Thank you so much guys! I'm feeling much better about this. I have a wide assortment of compression shorts, jocks, support briefs, etc. I'm more confident now that I'll find a combination that will work. You guys rock!!

Deleted by user

I had been struggling with coming up with a reason to be out for two weeks and then coming back possibly still sore... saw a post on here about saying it was a double hernia operation to satisfy curious minds at the workplace. Would be able to take more time as needed and will be covered under my short term disability at 100% pay.

My HR will know the reason but I’m in the US and Hippa restricts them from releasing any information so I’m not worried.

As far as family and friends I am in the same boat as not telling anyone. Will stick with hernia for them as well to explain any restrictions on activity.

Good luck.

David_Webb wrote:I had been struggling with coming up with a reason to be out for two weeks and then coming back possibly still sore... saw a post on here about saying it was a double hernia operation to satisfy curious minds at the workplace. Would be able to take more time as needed and will be covered under my short term disability at 100% pay.

My HR will know the reason but I’m in the US and Hippa restricts them from releasing any information so I’m not worried.

As far as family and friends I am in the same boat as not telling anyone. Will stick with hernia for them as well to explain any restrictions on activity.

Good luck.

Good plan David. I use to be a union president and I can yell you that if you get caught lying to your employer, it's grounds to be fired and there would be nothing that you can do about it. You MAY be able to get away with telling your employer that it's private but you will tell the insurance company that holds your benefits. We have HIPPA here too.

Larry