(Important) date with severe ED - 25 yo - emotional advice

[LeRoastBeef]

He comes across as rude because he is depressed. People can be blunt and inconsiderate when really down. Bears reminding before we hit back. Flavio is trying to help, as am I, were not medical professionals. We are being honest in what we think and have experienced.

Let's not let this all turn nasty. It doesn't achieve anything.

[mr.skin]

I feel utterly sorry if I came off as rude, but I did not ask for medical advice but more emotional advice. English is not my first language thus if something in my post was unclear I apologize for that.

I am very well informed about all the options I do have (medically speaking) and thank Hunchback very much for his empathic post. That is certainly something I did need.

I know that being active in life does create more opportunities, but I do always get to meet girls over my social circle and getting the word spread about my "problems" will affect my self-esteem. And one other big aspect is - feeling inferior to all the other men bc no one in my age and social circle will have this problem.

Practically speaking - I am kind of certain that with a combination of injections and constriction rings I can get a useable erection and I do have both of them here. So I ll have to focus on that and ban the "bad" thoughts to the back of my head.

Cheers and happy weekend.

Cut for brevity

Don't put your life on hold because of such a thing, you'll be missing out. The worst thing that can happen is to get rejected and end up alone... Which you already are and will remain if you don't act.

[stephen54]

[quote="mr.skin"]

Practically speaking - I am kind of certain that with a combination of injections and constriction rings I can get a useable erection and I do have both of them here. So I ll have to focus on that and ban the "bad" thoughts to the back of my head.
[quote="Hunchback"]

Hey. So listen, now I see that you do have access to oral medications as well as injectable. That's excellent.

I know you were seeking here more of the advice and support around the emotional side of what you are going through and how that is impacting your ability to date the way you wish to date. I'm sorry you're going through this. But I want to just say, quickly, around the medical side of things...

The interventions you have, both the oral PDE5's (Viagra, Cialis) and injections (Trimix, Bimix, etc) can...if managed very closely and aggressively...restore a lot of the confidence which is shaken for you today. Until I learned how to really fine tune and dose Trimix, it was a quite depressing state of things. I'm not suggesting Trimix fixes everything or that it works for everyone. I'm only suggesting that there are a really wide range of possibilities with injections which can be considered, adapted, and tried. Drug type(s). Drug concentration. Volume injected. And you need a physician and pharmacist who really know what they're doing...who understand you...your physicality...and, importantly...YOUR goals.

If you can find your way with injections, you may do very well, and you may do well for a good long period of time. I do understand that relying upon injections, at a younger age, while dating...probably not the experience you're envisioning due to the challenge of spontaneity, carrying around needles, stopping to inject, all of that. All I can say, though, is that the erections you can get via injections, those erections can often be pretty amazing. If you can get to that point where you can trust that you'll get hard pretty quickly injecting, your swagger can return. Your confidence can be restored to a large extent I think.

The emotional side...you're up against a very difficult thing which exposes a lot of vulnerability. You like this girl, you want things to go well. Of course. I think, overall, people are good, though. They mostly want to be kind. And so it's worth considering...do you fine tune your injection strategy, do that while you're alone, in private, until you see the exact way to inject to give yourself predictable, repeatable, great erections...and then do you at some point let the girl know what you're doing? It's a risk. You're opening yourself up to some highly emotional stuff, for sure.

But what if she's the girl you hope she is?

What if she's understanding - not judgmental?

What if she is curious, not repulsed?

What if she is intrigued and flattered that you would do something so obviously not pleasant, not fun - for her?

What if she is moved, emotionally, by the lengths you would go to, in order to be intimate with her and to have a sexual experience with her, and to please her?

Focus on those good possibilities. Assume the best. You're right...push the bad stuff out of your mind. It serves no one. And the uncertainty and depression and lack of confidence this all brings? She will at some point sense that around you. It's no good, man. Do what you have to do to get hard. And maybe take a risk that she's a solid girl, worthy of your trust.

[Flavio]

[...] And one other big aspect is - feeling inferior to all the other men bc no one in my age and social circle will have this problem.[...]

ED is not an old man's disease, it is extremely common and can strike at any age. I barely had any sex in my 20s because of psychogenic ED.

Here's an excellent article by urologist Tom. F. Lue on psychogenic ED and young men (it doesn't mention venous leak and I know this is not your case, but it's a great read nonetheless):

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4837321/

[mr.skin]

I just wanted to pick up on this and give some feedback. Thanks to all of you guys. You really helped me out.

I had a wonderful time, met the girl , only had trouble having an erection once, had 10 dates with her, slept with her about 20-25 times but had trouble opening myself emotionally bc of the erection issues and anxiety of failing on the road down. And was ashamed of my lack of relationship experience.

Got dumped now partly bc of Corona (we got separated a 3hour drive both living in small acommodations with family) and partly bc she told me I was emotionally distancing myself. We agreed to keep it friend with benefits style but she apparently has a new stud (that s what the sub-context of our last conversation told me)

Right now I am emotionally recovering from that, but I also see the positive things - I know I can have an erection and there is nothing on that side which should stop me from getting intimate with a girl. Except for Corona right now.

Keep it up and I hope I can maintain those erections with injections for a long time.

[Martin6469]

mr.skin: It looks like you are making progress.

When I was a teenager (Jugendlicher?) I did not have confidence with girls. Sometimes my penis would lose erection. Then I discovered the advice column (Kolumne von Rat?) in Playboy magazine. It said "Learn to rub and lick the clitoris, all women love it." ("Lerne die Klitoris zu reiben und zu lecken. Alle Frauen lieben das.") So this is what I did if my penis was not working well, and girls were often pleased enough to see me another time, and often my penis worked better then. Also, a little alcohol was a help. Also, all women like to masturbate (onanieren?) while their guy watches; this kind of orgasm might be a small consolation prize (klein Trost?) for her if nothing works. But do not say "masturbate." Say: "rub your clit for me." ("reibe deine Klit für mich.")

Later I discovered that my penis would work best for my ideal female body type, thin (dünn?), and not for fat women.

--- Good luck. I hope to hear of more progress. (Your English is much better than my German!)

(Any FT guys know how to turn off the forum's spelling corrector? It tries to change my bad German to bad English! PM me!)