Got my ultrasound, still on the fence...

[hopeful_future]

Hi Folks,

Brief intro, I'm a bisexual guy that has never had full erectile function and ability to sustain erection enough for penetrative sex. I'm 39 now, and have been through damn near everything trying to fix it. Made an appointment with Dr. Karpman, and he believes I'm a good candidate for implant. Got a diagnosis of a moderate venous leak from the ultrasound, though they were unable to produce an erection with, and I quote, "enough trimix to give an elephant priapism". When they got to the fourth injection, they all pretty much shrugged and went on to do the ultrasound on my semi. Was a surreal experience to be there with the doctor, two nurses, and my husband all crowded around my dick, haha.

Anyway, sounds like a pretty clear case, right? But here's the thing. I get morning wood that's briefly penetration-capable. I can get enough of an erection to get off. My sex life is not particularly bad at all...there are some definite benefits to being a bi guy when it comes to sexual options. I take 5mg every other day and I can get spontaneous erections that at least show up long enough to appreciate (but they don't stick around for long). I LOVE the feeling of an erection...I love being flaccid too, definitely a grower and it's awesome going from 2 inches cold to 6.5 inches hot. I know I'll lose those things if I get this surgery.

But...I have the desire to FUCK. The few times I've managed over the 25 years I've been sexually active have been some of the best sex I've had. The two times I've had vaginal sex were complete heaven...though the handful of times I couldn't get it up when a girl was ready and literally begging for it were hell, and I mostly gave up doing sexual things with women as a result (I've always been into both guys and girls though). Both good and bad things have come out of having to accept this part of myself...for instance, I definitely don't end up with people who just want me for my dick, cause it doesn't work for the most part.

Sorry, I'm still so disorganized in my head about this. The fear of doing something irreversible to myself, something "artificial", to changing something that his been a part of me for my entire life...It's really hard to overcome, even though I know there aren't any other paths for me to go down. Anyone else have this "sorta working dick" situation before going through with an implant? I know I probably won't find people on this forum saying they regret it, but can you share what the experience was for you? Does it feel like it's a part of you now? Has your life gotten better as a result?

Thanks for reading my rambling!

[medhatg]

What was Dr. Karpman's advice?

[Lost Sheep]

Hi Folks,

Brief intro, I'm a bisexual guy that has never had full erectile function and ability to sustain erection enough for penetrative sex. I'm 39 now, and have been through damn near everything trying to fix it. Made an appointment with Dr. Karpman, and he believes I'm a good candidate for implant. Got a diagnosis of a moderate venous leak from the ultrasound, though they were unable to produce an erection with, and I quote, "enough trimix to give an elephant priapism". When they got to the fourth injection, they all pretty much shrugged and went on to do the ultrasound on my semi. Was a surreal experience to be there with the doctor, two nurses, and my husband all crowded around my dick, haha.

Anyway, sounds like a pretty clear case, right? But here's the thing. I get morning wood that's briefly penetration-capable. I can get enough of an erection to get off. My sex life is not particularly bad at all...there are some definite benefits to being a bi guy when it comes to sexual options. I take 5mg every other day and I can get spontaneous erections that at least show up long enough to appreciate (but they don't stick around for long). I LOVE the feeling of an erection...I love being flaccid too, definitely a grower and it's awesome going from 2 inches cold to 6.5 inches hot. I know I'll lose those things if I get this surgery.

But...I have the desire to FUCK. The few times I've managed over the 25 years I've been sexually active have been some of the best sex I've had. The two times I've had vaginal sex were complete heaven...though the handful of times I couldn't get it up when a girl was ready and literally begging for it were hell, and I mostly gave up doing sexual things with women as a result (I've always been into both guys and girls though). Both good and bad things have come out of having to accept this part of myself...for instance, I definitely don't end up with people who just want me for my dick, cause it doesn't work for the most part.

Sorry, I'm still so disorganized in my head about this. The fear of doing something irreversible to myself, something "artificial", to changing something that his been a part of me for my entire life...It's really hard to overcome, even though I know there aren't any other paths for me to go down. Anyone else have this "sorta working dick" situation before going through with an implant? I know I probably won't find people on this forum saying they regret it, but can you share what the experience was for you? Does it feel like it's a part of you now? Has your life gotten better as a result?

Thanks for reading my rambling!

Welcome to the forum, hopeful_future.

I can relate. I could get morning wood and frequent (though short-lived) erections good enough for penetration if my partner was well-lubricated and very willing and helpful. I, too, loved the feeling of an erection and liked being a "grower" (2.5 inches to 6 inches).

I do miss the small flaccid - a little. Exchanging that nice little flaccid for the ability to have a stand-up erection is the best trade I ever made.

While dealing with "shy" erections that would run away and hide, I had a hard time accepting that part of myself. But giving up doing sexual things with women was not an option I was willing to accept. I finally did accept the unreliability of my erections and learned other sexual skills that make me today a better lover (in addition to the working erection my implant added). Hands, tongue (we haven't tried toys) is a LOT of fun and we still do that, but nothing compares to giving my girlfriend raging orgasms with my penis.

The fear of doing something irreversible to myself went away when I determined that there was NOTHING to go back to after implant. Irreversibility certainly would leave me with a 100% flaccid dick, but the dick I had at that point was 99% flaccid anyway. I minimized the risks of the surgery by carefully selecting a surgeon. I also, in the 14 month interim between decision and the surgery, used a VED (Vacuum Erection Device) to ensure I maintained elasticity, size and penile tissue health.

Sure, there is an "artificial" aspect to my erections now. But the sensation of fucking is all there and the sensation of an erection as raging as the ones of my youth is identical to my memories. The only change in sensation I have noticed is that fellatio and coitus have switched ranking in the pleasure they give. Fellatio used to be tops (mostly because penetration into a mouth is pretty much guaranteed). Now, I find it a lot easier and more pleasurable to orgasm inside her vagina than her mouth. Still trying to figure out if it is memory, changes in my sensate nerves, psychology or what.

The assurance that my erection will not disappear without notice is gone, though it took a while for the confidence that I would remember the torso movements for coital sex took a while.

Good luck. You are on the right path, I think.

[hopeful_future]

What was Dr. Karpman's advice?

He definitely said I'm a good candidate for it, and that due to my size he suggested a Titan. He said it doesn't really make sense that something would suddenly start helping my erections if I've already been through all of the different treatments, so implant is the next step.

My real struggle is "can I be alright with how my dick works if it has been this way all my life anyway?" or something like that.

[Gt1956]

Something to think about. Many people that have been deaf or nearly deaf since birth get Choclear implants every year. Do you think they have that same feeling? What about putting glasses on very young children. They've never known good vision. How does that compare to your feelings. Btw, the list of birth problems that are treated is very long. Now you can add ED to the list if you so choose.

[Old Guy]

You are too young to have ED issues. With an implant yes things will be different, but mostly for the better after you heal.

[hopeful_future]

Welcome to the forum, hopeful_future.

I can relate. I could get morning wood and frequent (though short-lived) erections good enough for penetration if my partner was well-lubricated and very willing and helpful. I, too, loved the feeling of an erection and liked being a "grower" (2.5 inches to 6 inches).

I do miss the small flaccid - a little. Exchanging that nice little flaccid for the ability to have a stand-up erection is the best trade I ever made.

While dealing with "shy" erections that would run away and hide, I had a hard time accepting that part of myself. But giving up doing sexual things with women was not an option I was willing to accept. I finally did accept the unreliability of my erections and learned other sexual skills that make me today a better lover (in addition to the working erection my implant added). Hands, tongue (we haven't tried toys) is a LOT of fun and we still do that, but nothing compares to giving my girlfriend raging orgasms with my penis.

The fear of doing something irreversible to myself went away when I determined that there was NOTHING to go back to after implant. Irreversibility certainly would leave me with a 100% flaccid dick, but the dick I had at that point was 99% flaccid anyway. I minimized the risks of the surgery by carefully selecting a surgeon. I also, in the 14 month interim between decision and the surgery, used a VED (Vacuum Erection Device) to ensure I maintained elasticity, size and penile tissue health.

Sure, there is an "artificial" aspect to my erections now. But the sensation of fucking is all there and the sensation of an erection as raging as the ones of my youth is identical to my memories. The only change in sensation I have noticed is that fellatio and coitus have switched ranking in the pleasure they give. Fellatio used to be tops (mostly because penetration into a mouth is pretty much guaranteed). Now, I find it a lot easier and more pleasurable to orgasm inside her vagina than her mouth. Still trying to figure out if it is memory, changes in my sensate nerves, psychology or what.

The assurance that my erection will not disappear without notice is gone, though it took a while for the confidence that I would remember the torso movements for coital sex took a while.

Good luck. You are on the right path, I think.

Thank you so much for this. It's especially nice to hear it from someone who seems to be pretty similar in size to me, and (previously) a grower. I completely get you on the benefits to sexual prowess that you get when your dick doesn't work. I definitely haven't had any problems making my partners cum, whether guy or girl...But like you say, there's just something really wonderful about full-on penetrative sex.

As for fellatio vs coitus, I can see how that might switch. I guess another question, if you don't mind sharing: Has it made you orgasm more quickly? More slowly? I know that getting soft generally slows down how quickly I can get there, but a few of the times I kept an erection from start to finish, I finished pretty quickly. Not sure if I stayed hard because I was just super pent up and aroused and was already kind of on edge, or if having the strong erection made things feel different enough or so much better that I got off more quickly. I'm sure a good amount of that part is mental...with this I could technically get an erection when not aroused at all, and I'm betting I wouldn't orgasm quickly in that case, if at all.

I do think it's probably inevitable that I get off the fence and go for it...The alternative is to spend the rest of my life wondering about it.

[hopeful_future]

Something to think about. Many people that have been deaf or nearly deaf since birth get Choclear implants every year. Do you think they have that same feeling? What about putting glasses on very young children. They've never known good vision. How does that compare to your feelings. Btw, the list of birth problems that are treated is very long. Now you can add ED to the list if you so choose.

Honestly, I've known some deaf people who are very much attached to deafness as an identity, and have a lot of anxiety about trying things that may "fix" it. It's an interesting thing to think about though...It's just one of those things where we have the opportunity to get something better than what nature intended for us.

[Lost Sheep]

Thank you so much for this. It's especially nice to hear it from someone who seems to be pretty similar in size to me, and (previously) a grower. I completely get you on the benefits to sexual prowess that you get when your dick doesn't work. I definitely haven't had any problems making my partners cum, whether guy or girl...But like you say, there's just something really wonderful about full-on penetrative sex.

As for fellatio vs coitus, I can see how that might switch. I guess another question, if you don't mind sharing: Has it made you orgasm more quickly? More slowly? I know that getting soft generally slows down how quickly I can get there, but a few of the times I kept an erection from start to finish, I finished pretty quickly. Not sure if I stayed hard because I was just super pent up and aroused and was already kind of on edge, or if having the strong erection made things feel different enough or so much better that I got off more quickly. I'm sure a good amount of that part is mental...with this I could technically get an erection when not aroused at all, and I'm betting I wouldn't orgasm quickly in that case, if at all.

I do think it's probably inevitable that I get off the fence and go for it...The alternative is to spend the rest of my life wondering about it.

My sexual problems began in my early 20s, I guess. By my 30s it was apparent (but not to me, as I was dense) that my erections were short-lived unless stimulation was kept up vigorously. (My difficulty in discerning the problem was that I had no idea what "normal" was.) So, to keep an erection, I needed vigorous, continuous stimulation or collapse would ensue. But WITH vigorous, continuous stimulation, orgasm (and refractory collapse) would ensue. The level of stimulation required to keep an erection kept going up and the level that would produce an orgasm krept down and soon the gap between the two levels closed. Presto! Functional impotence by a combination of ED and PE. So, "edging" was a brittle process.

I would reliably orgasm (if I could achieve penetration) within a minute.

So, with the erection, I found that my orgasms take longer. Which is good because my sexual desire stays high as long as I don't have the endorphin flood and hormonal collapse associated with orgasm. That was for the first couple years after implant that my orgasms took longer. Now, I orgasm almost all of the time and sometimes within a minute or two. Sometimes I can keep stroking for 10, 15 minutes. If I paused, even longer, but my girlfriend objects most of the time to pauses.

Now, a couple years after surgery, (I am speculating here that my nerves may have been traumatized by the implant surgery and just now getting comfortable with my new normal) my nerves are getting used to a more normal orgasm routine.

As far as getting off the fence, I have read countless time that, "I wish I had done it sooner." If it is CERTAIN there is no other treatment, there is little reason to delay. Life is too short to miss the joys of sex and too long to endure its absence.

Getting an implant is not a cure for E.D. It is a treatment of the most invasive and radical kind. In fact, it will render you irreversibly impotent forever and you will be dependent on the implant for all erections. It is like having a mangled foot on which you can barely limp along. You can continue limping just fine. Or you can have a prosthetic foot made and walk and run and kick a ball like everyone else - as long as you have the prosthetic foot. Without it, you are in a wheelchair.

So it is with a penile implant. So, you decide. Continuing to limp along or become fully functional but fully dependent on a prosthetic.

I made my choice and am thrilled with it as are many here. There is a risk of things going wrong, however, so not a decision to be made lightly.

[hopeful_future]

My sexual problems began in my early 20s, I guess. By my 30s it was apparent (but not to me, as I was dense) that my erections were short-lived unless stimulation was kept up vigorously. (My difficulty in discerning the problem was that I had no idea what "normal" was.) So, to keep an erection, I needed vigorous, continuous stimulation or collapse would ensue. But WITH vigorous, continuous stimulation, orgasm (and refractory collapse) would ensue. The level of stimulation required to keep an erection kept going up and the level that would produce an orgasm krept down and soon the gap between the two levels closed. Presto! Functional impotence by a combination of ED and PE. So, "edging" was a brittle process.

I would reliably orgasm (if I could achieve penetration) within a minute.

So, with the erection, I found that my orgasms take longer. Which is good because my sexual desire stays high as long as I don't have the endorphin flood and hormonal collapse associated with orgasm. That was for the first couple years after implant that my orgasms took longer. Now, I orgasm almost all of the time and sometimes within a minute or two. Sometimes I can keep stroking for 10, 15 minutes. If I paused, even longer, but my girlfriend objects most of the time to pauses.

Now, a couple years after surgery, (I am speculating here that my nerves may have been traumatized by the implant surgery and just now getting comfortable with my new normal) my nerves are getting used to a more normal orgasm routine.

As far as getting off the fence, I have read countless time that, "I wish I had done it sooner." If it is CERTAIN there is no other treatment, there is little reason to delay. Life is too short to miss the joys of sex and too long to endure its absence.

Getting an implant is not a cure for E.D. It is a treatment of the most invasive and radical kind. In fact, it will render you irreversibly impotent forever and you will be dependent on the implant for all erections. It is like having a mangled foot on which you can barely limp along. You can continue limping just fine. Or you can have a prosthetic foot made and walk and run and kick a ball like everyone else - as long as you have the prosthetic foot. Without it, you are in a wheelchair.

So it is with a penile implant. So, you decide. Continuing to limp along or become fully functional but fully dependent on a prosthetic.

I made my choice and am thrilled with it as are many here. There is a risk of things going wrong, however, so not a decision to be made lightly.

I can really relate so much to what you've said. The ability to keep an erection as long as the stimulation is constant and intense is one of those things that always had me question whether there was something wrong or not. But being a bi guy, I saw a lot of penises and how they worked. It was clear to me pretty quickly that I wasn't like most other guys.

Thank you again for sharing. It's a really good analogy toward the end...Gives me plenty to sit and think about.