How do you know it’s time...

[flguy621]

Hi guys , 65 here and not sure if I’m ready for an implant yet. My penis can still get hard, but only the bottom two thirds or so. The top remains totally soft making sex impossible. It used to get hard enough for masturbation, but even that is not the same. I had TURP a year ago and it seems my ED has gotten worse since then. Also, wife is 60 and in menopause, so she hasnt been in the mood for sex anyhow. How did you guys know it was time for a bionic dick?

[WhiteCane]

My story is here 1 million times so, I will spare you the soap opera LOL… I was on dialysis and had almost 0 Sex drive “masturbated maybe four times over the course of four years” I received an organ transplant in 2017… My sex drive returned but my erection did not… I tried Viagra, skipped out on needles because I can’t see anything and it would have only resulted in an erect thumb. Was my absolute last resort and I really want to children and missed penetrative sex… basically did not have sex through eight years of my 20s and two years of my 30s that involves penetration… have you tried anything else “Viagra, shots“? I wish you the best in all of this… Be well!

[flguy621]

I’ve tried pills, shots, pumps. Take daily Cialis now and I can’t really say it helps at all. Just not sure if implant is the way to go if I still get partial erections.

[Old Guy]

I’ve tried pills, shots, pumps. Take daily Cialis now and I can’t really say it helps at all. Just not sure if implant is the way to go if I still get partial erections.

I'd say it's time. If pills, pumps and shots didn't work it is time to go see a good urologist. You may have a venous leak which would result in a partial erection. I hated putting drugs into my system that only sometimes worked. The side effect of Viagra gave me migraines, injections left me sore for 2-3 days. After my implant and healing anytime I want an erection it's just pump it up!

[WhiteCane]

A partial might feel good but, it’s not doing you any good… Especially with the treatments you’re doing, it’s time my friend! I would talk to your urologist.

[cincinnatus1951]

flguy: Here is my take
Guys: I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the “right” time to decide on an implant. A lot of discussion about pumps and injections as well as pills indicates that a lot of men get some initial positive results, but, after time, the effectiveness declines. With injections, many report scarring and penile distortion. What’s not nearly as clear is what percentage of injection and pill users continue to have erection difficulties. Human nature teaches that the satisfied folks rarely complain. There are plenty of examples of marginal effectiveness of pills and injections, what I can’t tell is how large the percentage is.
In my own case, I went for about six months with pumps and pills with marginal results. My prostate surgeon recommended injections, which I used for about a year with inconsistent results. ( I had a Robotic assisted nerve sparing prostatectomy in July, 2013.) Sometimes, very little, sometimes too long, and never knowing how long the erection would last. I did have good firmness and longitudinal stability when it worked. At my two year surgical follow up visit, the surgeon suggested we consider an implant. My initial reaction was “They are not doing that to me!!!” We continued to bumble along. If the injection did not work (rarely) or did not last long enough, we would resort to toys and tongue. We were both able to climax; but, it was certainly not as satisfying as traditional penetrative sex. We were also getting tired of the hassle with injections. We visited one urologist (sexual medicine) specialist and he recommended “combination therapy” of pills and injections. He also recommended we consider an implant, showed us the prosthesis, gave us web sites where we could watch the surgery. We also learned of FrankTalk through a prostate cancer support group.
As we learned more about the surgery, risks, aftercare, healing, etc. the thought of surgery became less scary. My wife initially discouraged it saying we can do OK with toys and tongue, is it worth the risk? We agonized and went to see another sexual medicine specialist. He did not try to sell us on an implant, however, said none of the other therapies were working for us. At that stage 21/2 years out of prostate surgery, the likelihood of spontaneous erections returning were essentially nil. After one particularly frustrating love making session, I said to the wife, “Heck with it “I’m signing up for the implant. She agreed. I had the implant in January 2016. We had a text book recovery and we both wish we had not wrung our hands for so long. The implant removes all the hassle and uncertainty of the lesser methods.
That brings me to the point of this note. I have advised a goodly number of people both in public and private posts not to consider an implant unless nothing else works. While I still believe that to be the case. For the above reasons, I would recommend seriously thinking about an implant as soon as frustration begins to build. Essentially, once pills become less effective and you have tweaked your formulation and injection dosage without satisfactory results, I have come to believe that further avoidance of an implant is not helpful. In talking with my docs, they too, believe couples get frustrated and just give up on sex. My cardiologist even offered he would like to see way more men go for implants. He says many patients report that they have just given up.
Bottom line is I do not know how to accelerate the process to an implant. We believe we waited six to nine months too long. I also recall my almost complete rejection of the first implant recommendation. For guys who are say over age 55, are frustrated and have systemic ED regardless of the cause, I would say “Go for it”.
Sorry for the long post. Just food for thought. Cincinnatus

[Gt1956]

You mention that your wife's interest in sex has declined. At 60 she should be well past menopause in my opinion. Is there a chance that she is showing less interest to spare hurting your feelings? Sex requires two people. If the two of you have had a good love life then I suspect she would like it to continue. Women's sex drive can adjust to the relationship. If failed attempts show on your face as "pain". She could easily be accepting that cancer has taken the sex away.
Now is the time for the most honest heart to heart talk with her. Most women fear having a doctor cutting on their husbands penis. It is highly likely that she won't suggest an implant on her own. If you think about this. She has probably heard from friends & family that cancer usually stops the sex life. Maybe she is just accepting what she has been told.
An implant is a journey for a couple. Both should be involved in the process. She should be present when your doctor explains what happens.
It sounds to me like you are over due for an implant. You will need time to learn about it & to find a doctor that you can trust that has the needed skills to do the surgery. Then the recovery time.
Keep reading Frank Talk. Watch some YouTube videos on implants. There are a couple that have wives describing their feelings & experiences. Those were some interesting ones to watch. Good luck.

[Igor za]

My story is here 1 million times so, I will spare you the soap opera LOL… I was on dialysis and had almost 0 Sex drive “masturbated maybe four times over the course of four years” I received an organ transplant in 2017… My sex drive returned but my erection did not… I tried Viagra, skipped out on needles because I can’t see anything and it would have only resulted in an erect thumb. Was my absolute last resort and I really want to children and missed penetrative sex… basically did not have sex through eight years of my 20s and two years of my 30s that involves penetration… have you tried anything else “Viagra, shots“? I wish you the best in all of this… Be well!

Hello WhiteCane, may i pm you about your transplant...

[Lost Sheep]

Hi guys , 65 here and not sure if I’m ready for an implant yet. My penis can still get hard, but only the bottom two thirds or so. The top remains totally soft making sex impossible. It used to get hard enough for masturbation, but even that is not the same. I had TURP a year ago and it seems my ED has gotten worse since then. Also, wife is 60 and in menopause, so she hasnt been in the mood for sex anyhow. How did you guys know it was time for a bionic dick?

Welcome to the forum, figuy621.

It appears from your short description that you are a candidate for implant, but perhaps some more extensive investigation is appropriate. There may be a less radical treatment. Implant is guaranteed to render you completely dependent on the implant for an erection. Essentially you will be 100% impotent but for the implant. You are like a man with a bum foot that allows him to hobble along upright. But an artificial limb would allow him to walk almost as well as could be. But if the artificial limb fails, he is confined to a wheelchair. Want to make that trade? I would investigate why your half-erection functions to see if it is treatable with a less radical solution.

Second piece of advice: GET YOUR WIFE ON BOARD!!! Wanting sex while being unable is miserable. Having a partner who is OK with that situation is neither good nor bad. Wanting sex while enabled (implant or other treatment) and having a partner who is not into sex is worse. Also, having a supportive partner in this endeavor is FAR better than going it alone. Lastly, a wife who feels like you have gone ahead without her may carry resentment that will have repercussions (sexual and otherwise) YEARS into the future.

Be understanding and patient. Let her understand that your self-esteem and happiness is tied up in your penis' ability to stand up and whether or not you have sex, it is important to a man to have a working penis.

For me (and this answers both my last paragraph and your last question), that self-image of being able to get and maintain an erection was important as being able to have sex at all. I did not have a girlfriend (or wife) or any sexual partner at the time I made the decision. But I knew I wanted two things. To be able to be erect and to be able to use it within a relationship with a woman. Your wife may not want the latter and may not understand the former. It is to your benefit to get her to understand the former and, hopefully, endorse the latter (hopefully with her).

Good luck

p.s. there are treatments to mitigate the libido side-effects of menopause that brings back a woman's ability to enjoy sex as much or even more than before menopause. "The baby buggy's gone, but the play pen's still there." Hormone cream or patches can keep a vagina elastic and lubricated without the side effects of pills. Like I said before, get her support for this. Without her support, your results are GUARANTEED to be not as good as with her support.

[AussieFarmer65]

Hi guys , 65 here and not sure if I’m ready for an implant yet. My penis can still get hard, but only the bottom two thirds or so. The top remains totally soft making sex impossible. It used to get hard enough for masturbation, but even that is not the same. I had TURP a year ago and it seems my ED has gotten worse since then. Also, wife is 60 and in menopause, so she hasnt been in the mood for sex anyhow. How did you guys know it was time for a bionic dick?

I had an RP 5 years ago and have had severe ED ever since. I've tried pills, needles and VED. I was emotionally distraught and internally unhappy and totally lacked confidence. I could go on but you get the drift.

I figured that it doesn't work now and apparently never will, so what have I got to lose. I see the Urologist next week and really am looking forward to the implant.