Wondering if I’m broken

[thatBeardedGuy]

Hi. Quick background. I’m a happily married guy (almost 20 years), 6’, 200lbs, 43 and in pretty decent shape. Work out almost daily with resistance bands and light cardio. Smoke about a half pack a day (started back after the first of the year). Planning to quit next month. Since Covid, my father-in-law has moved in with us (love him, he’s a great guy), work from home, and kids are doing the virtual school. Wife and I still go on dates every week. Wife and I have an open marriage (for several years) and she dates but I don’t (it’s difficult to find women who don’t mind non-monogamy in my area). I started experiencing ED issues in March 2020 and got an rx for Viagra. Been taking anywhere between 25-50mgs in the evenings before intercourse (but not before every time). I noticed about June 2020, after my wife had a date with a guy (whom she’s dated for months) go very badly, that I started losing my MW. I’ve noticed Its started to return after taking Wellbutrin XL and my overall stress levels seemed to have dropped.

Had my testosterone checked and it’s on the middle of the “normal” range at 532. I have chronic B12 and D deficiency.

What I’m discovering is, my MW will be rock hard until I start having intercourse and then it will start getting flaccid. And I’m having difficulty getting an erection during the day. But if I pop a Viagra, I’m back to normal. I’m not sure if it’s a placebo effect on viagra or a crutch. I’m still very sexually attracted to my wife and we’ve had several intimate moments where I can achieve (and keep) an erection without meds.

I’m wondering if I’m broken or it’s something mental?
Advice needed. Don’t want to talk to my father-in-law about it. And I don’t have many good male friends I’d trust to ask about this.

Should I try switching to Cialis instead? My work desk is in my room and a constant presence. I’m wondering it that might be adding to my stress? I love being able to wake up and start working but I also feel like my morning alarm goes off and it’s that immediate thought of “time to work”. Kills immediately any erection/mood I might be having. (My wife loves rubbing one out, first thing in the morning, while I’m working - that’s sexy to hear! - but I don’t get an erection from it because of work crap).

[Lost Sheep]

Welcome to the forum, thatBeardedGuy.

First, what is "MW"?

Conventional advice:

Separate your work life from your home life. Some people go so far as to get dressed, breakfast, hop in the car and drive around the block and go back into the house through another door and then get to work. It's a mental thing.

Timing:

March 2020 is the onset? That must be about the time your Father-in-Law moved in and you started working from home?

Jealousy?

She can find dates but you can't (or don't desire to?). The imbalance in the marital relationship could be a factor. That it should raise issues after a number of years is odd, but I read a factor in the fact that you mentioned the unhappy date your wife had before the onset. That might beg examination. Perhaps counselling? I would think (just wild guessing) that a visit of you alone to a couples counselor might give you some useful perspective. Perhaps coping tools as well.

Does your wife commonly tell you how her dates went? Could this be a factor? Do you know the men? Could your (or your wife's) feelings about the openness of your marriage be changing (might be related to the presence of your wife's Father)?

Physical:

Smoking damages blood vessels. Restriction to arterial flow definitely can cause erectile problems. How fast that occurs will depend on how marginal your arteries were to begin with and how susceptible. Quit. Quit now. Besides, it makes your semen taste awful (i am told).

It is unusual for age-related E.D. to come on so quickly, but you might consider an overall physical. Diabetes, blood pressure anomalies, and a myriad of other causes of E.D. should be ruled out.

Reconsider talking to your Father-in-Law. Of course, the family dynamics are WAY to complex for me to guess at, but he could be a resource (as well as a hindrance). This is a minefield I probably should not have mentioned, but you should always keep in mind.

LEVEL WITH YOUR UROLOGIST. If your urologist is not a sexual medicine specialist, get a referral to one who is.

Good luck.

[malibog]

Welcome to the forum, thatBeardedGuy.

First, what is "MW"?

I must say I have never encountered that abbreviation, but, what the heck, I'll guess "morning wood". If it were NW it might mean "Norwegian Wood".

[thatBeardedGuy]

Yea, sorry. I meant for MW to be morning wood.

Thanks for the suggestions. I haven’t considered a urologist before