A good spouse or partner

[1969CevyC10]

This has to be one of the best forums I have had the privilege of joining, and the knowledge and
understanding and guidance that is traded here between members is invaluable, totally. I have learned
so much about my problem, from those who know and understand. One thing I would like to mention is
the importance of an understanding and patient spouse or partner concerning ED issues. I am most fortunate,
my wife of 44 years has been my most valuable asset and was very happy when I told her I had found a forum
for men with the same issue I have. My wife has been totally supportive and understanding, and has gone long
periods of time with no sex because of my ED issue. But, I have also discovered the penis is not the most important
item for giving pleasure and making my wife satisfied. I do believe this has created an even closer relationship
between us and we have discovered more about each other. No matter my problems, my wife has always been next
to me for support and love and understanding. She has helped greatly to take away a lot of the pressure this ED issue
can cause with couples and I consider myself to be a most fortunate man to have her as my partner for life.

Thank you all for your help and knowledge and patience, this forum has been the best Christmas present I could ever get!

[bldoink]

You are very fortunate. Make sure she knows you appreciate her.

[1969CevyC10]

bldoink.....I fell into the trap of just taking my wife for granted until this ED issue became such a
huge problem, maybe it's one of the best things that has happened to me. It forced me to actually
talk to my wife and actually listen to what she was saying. I was amazed at the things I learned from
her and the things I heard from her. I can honestly assure you, my wife will never be taken for granted,
not again. I am probably more in love with her now than I have ever been and I can honestly say she is
my partner for life. Thank You bldoink

[ViaSwiss]

You got a good one. My wife is understanding about the ED but not about the implant.

[1969CevyC10]

Via, knowing my wife as I do, I am thinking it would take a lot of convincing on my part to get her
to accept an implant. I don't think it would go over real well and that is why I am trying so very hard
to make the VED pump and tension rings work. I am really hoping I don't have to go any further than
that but only time will tell. Thank You for your input.

[Lost Sheep]

I am saddened to hear of women who do not understand how natural an implant can feel and how restorative to her man and their relationship can be.

It is vital that a man's partner be "on board" with the concept before the operation is performed, else her resistance might stiffen, but she would miss out on such joy if a man needing an implant does not get it.

Here is my advice to all men with partners resistant to the concept of an implant. "It is not a dildo inside a penis." Well, mechanically it might be, but it is the man behind it that defines what it means.

I urge all who come to this thread with a resistant partner to read these threads and select a few posts from them that he feels might make sense to their partner.

What will she think? - a womans perspective
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... f=6&t=6513

Any offers for sex from intrigued girls?
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... f=6&t=7166

How will young women respond to implants?
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... 9&start=30

Getting discovered: How to tell a woman
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... f=6&t=9236

Pumping in front of her a mood killer?
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... 6&start=10

Another Day, Another Research Question - Sponteneity
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... f=6&t=9501

What excuse did you use? (More about explaining the surgery than to your partner)
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... f=6&t=9787

She can't feel anything (a little bit off the subject)
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... f=6&t=9594

Afraid of sex
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... 3&start=10

Is this a common story?
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... =6&t=10089

Does it feel different to her?
http://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtop ... =6&t=10103[/quote]

Partners Views of Implant
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=12966

Young man's biggest concern about implant
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=7269

Erection: Organic or Mechanical?
viewtopic.php?f=6&t=7738&p=55332

[1969CevyC10]

Thank You Lost Sheep, there is some excellent reading material here, and a lot to think about, thank you again.
Gonna try the pump and ring, then I will go from there, we will see.........

[Lost Sheep]

Thank You Lost Sheep, there is some excellent reading material here, and a lot to think about, thank you again.
Gonna try the pump and ring, then I will go from there, we will see.........

I will suggest something that is, frankly, quite manipulative, but might give your wife some incentive to consider investigating an implant as a better and more natural step up from a VED (Vacuum Erection Device).

If you do cunnilingus, this narrative might be worth thinking about.

My lover and get into bed, kissing, fondling and such.

We perform oral sex on each other for a while and she has a few orgasms and becomes quite wet and ready for my penis to penetrate her.

She says, "I want you inside me."

Then we stop, I apply the VED and constriction ring while she waits...and begins to cool off.

Then, we have a time limit of how long I could keep the constriction ring on.

We watch the clock and she (in the past, before my implant) is also distracted over the fact that my penis was purple and a little cold.

Contrast that with how our lovemaking narrative is now,

Kissing and fondling and such in bed. Every once in a while, I pump a little bit more and she can see and feel my penis more erect over a few minutes.

Performing cunnilingus is still a part of our usual sequence of events and she gets wet while I can pump up to optimal penetrative rigidity.

When she says, "I want you inside me" I can comply with no delay at all.

The LAST thing you want to do is get into a debate with her over the issue of an implant. You NEVER want to be on the opposite sides of such a debate. You want to be both on the same side. The debate structure usually is over a resolution like "Resolved: An implant is better than any other solution." And an answer of yes or no is found.

Better is an investigation like: How does this narrative of love-making (implanted) compare and contrast to this other narrative; Pros and Cons: Discuss." This way, instead of an adversarial investigation, it is a collaborative investigation.

[1969CevyC10]

Lost Sheep, I agree with everything, totally. My wife is the one that needs to decide what she may or
may not want. We need to have a long talk with each other about what she wants and expects in our
sex life. Maybe she does not want the same as me, I need to find out. She greatly enjoyed our sex when
I was "normal" and I guess I need some answers from her to get this figured out. The pump and rings may
allow us to have sex, but there is a waiting game and that can ruin the mood real quickly......

[Lost Sheep]

he pump and rings may allow us to have sex, but there is a waiting game and that can ruin the mood real quickly......

That was my point exactly, and you put it MUCH more succinctly.

My wife is the one that needs to decide what she may or may not want. We need to have a long talk with each other about what she wants and expects in our sex life.

Absolutely right. Only she can decide what pleases her. And only you can decide what pleases you. The fact that you each have a monopoly on what your united selves want as a singular unit is a joint decision requiring frank and comfortable (as much as is possible over such a charged subject) discussion with a common goal kept in mind. Once you agree on that goal, the rest should be easier.

Maybe she does not want the same as me, I need to find out. She greatly enjoyed our sex when
I was "normal" and I guess I need some answers from her to get this figured out.

I put those links in to show that sex with an implanted man is a lot closer to the pre-implant (and pre-E.D.) "normal" as ANY OTHER solution currently available. The realization of that fact has been revolutionary to several women (previously resistant) whose reports have been posted or relayed here on Franktalk.