Dating Pre-surgery

[Jimmyjames1111]

Hi, I'm new to this forum and am in the process of getting an implant. I am scheduled for surgery on 4/1. I have been in process for almost 4 months now (initial visit, follow-up visits and now, scheduled for surgery). I have put off dating as the last time I started dating someone, sex was introduced early and not having the implant, I did not/could not perform up to expectations and while I shared with her my situation (then in the early stages), she ultimately bowed out and it ended soon after. I was frustrated today to learn that the surgery would not be for almost 2.5 months and then recovery afterwards so it'll be summer by the time I'm up and running. My question is: Is it worth trying to date with my case being what it is? I met someone the other night and we plan to see one another again but is it worth it to progress only to have to tell the other person "I'm having surgery in April and all will be better then, after 6 weeks of recovery.." or some such explanation? I'm not really embarrassed by it as it's not my fault per se but if things DO accelerate, then I will have to put on the brakes and it is in my experience not optimal when that occurs for both parties. Has anyone had a similar experience or some insight as to maybe an alternative way to approach this? I tried a vacuum pump but HATED it. It was uncomfortable, would have killed ANY spontaneity and not something I care to use in a real-life encounter. Also not looking for shots either. More just some advice, opinion and/or approaches to thinking about as far as dating. Wait on the sidelines until the surgery? Or maybe something else. Thanks in advance.

[Lost Sheep]

Hi, I'm new to this forum and am in the process of getting an implant. I am scheduled for surgery on 4/1. I have been in process for almost 4 months now (initial visit, follow-up visits and now, scheduled for surgery). I have put off dating as the last time I started dating someone, sex was introduced early and not having the implant, I did not/could not perform up to expectations and while I shared with her my situation (then in the early stages), she ultimately bowed out and it ended soon after. I was frustrated today to learn that the surgery would not be for almost 2.5 months and then recovery afterwards so it'll be summer by the time I'm up and running. My question is: Is it worth trying to date with my case being what it is? I met someone the other night and we plan to see one another again but is it worth it to progress only to have to tell the other person "I'm having surgery in April and all will be better then, after 6 weeks of recovery.." or some such explanation? I'm not really embarrassed by it as it's not my fault per se but if things DO accelerate, then I will have to put on the brakes and it is in my experience not optimal when that occurs for both parties. Has anyone had a similar experience or some insight as to maybe an alternative way to approach this? I tried a vacuum pump but HATED it. It was uncomfortable, would have killed ANY spontaneity and not something I care to use in a real-life encounter. Also not looking for shots either. More just some advice, opinion and/or approaches to thinking about as far as dating. Wait on the sidelines until the surgery? Or maybe something else. Thanks in advance.

Welcome to the forum, Jimmyjames1111.

Your story is almost exactly the same as mine.

On VED use: For sex, it was a dismal failure for the same reasons you cite and more. For therapy, I HIGHLY recommend it. Of the two popular protocols, I favor this one: twice a day, for 30 minutes, pump up to full erection inside the VED, hold for 30 to 60 seconds and release the vacuum long enough for the erection to fade to fully flaccid and repeat, repeat, repeat for the 30 minutes. At morning before starting my day and at night upon going to bed is ho I did it. This flushes blood through your tissues and keeps them elastic. Over a 60 to 90 day period, it has been shown to prevent size loss and to restore RECENTLY lost size. Do not overdo the level of vacuum lest injury or damage be self-inflicted.

On dating: I had no trouble finding women willing to date me, have sex with me and wait for full-on coitus until after surgery. But, then, I had developed sexual skills other than coitus over the decades of failing erections.

I advertised on a dating site, putting it up front that I was impotent, seeking treatment and seeking a "lab partner" to accompany me on the journey to an implant. That journey was specific as to having sex before and after the implant. Women responded almost 100% favorably and more than 50% of those respondents were willing to enter such a relationship. The ad was respectful and candid. Women (both those volunteering and those simply congratulatory) remarked that they found such honesty courageous and refreshing.

Have women commented that you are a good kisser? Do you pay attention to your lover's signals? Are you skilled in cunnilingus? Are you willing to learn?

I have posted this before:

I recall, even younger women (who, presumably do not have the maturity to appreciate the finer aspects of manhood and who also have a greater appetite for raw sex) are incredibly supportive if they feel trusted, respected and safe.

I went on a dating site and was honest about my inability to have sex and that I was intending to have an implant to fix that problem. My honesty and candor was commented on several times as "brave" and "refreshing".

Don't waste a day of a potential relationship just because sex may be difficult. There are other (and some are better) ways for a woman to have and to give orgasms. Also, orgasms are not the only joy of sex.

When my E.D. began the transition towards impotence, I learned cunnilingus and how to use my hands and sexual aids (toys) to masturbate her. These skills (even after my implanted penis is unstoppable) are still useful and QUITE appreciated.

Trust her. Let her know by your words and actions that you want to please her and that trust her with your innermost secrets.

Be optimistic. People respond to that. Pay attention, especially in sex. Women respond very well to that. Note that if you are not attentive to her needs, and a good-working penis or an implant will not be very much help to keep a good woman around anyway.

[ViaSwiss]

I can only tell you what I would do, which is wait till after the surgery. 2.5 months is not that long and I would focus on yourself during that time, diet, exercise, mental, etc.

[newbie443]

Welcome to the site.

I would say all the above. If this partner is someone you like and she likes you then go enjoy yourself. For me there was a change in me when I decided to have the surgery. And I did meet women just after surgery so there was some waiting time. But as was said there are other ways to have sex and you don't know if it will go that far yet. Use the VED to help prevent size loss. Get healthy as you can. Date and enjoy yourself and life as it is good now. If it does get to the point where sex is looking like the next step just tell the partner that sex is important to you. I mean if it wasn't you would not be having the operation. Just be honest and then as was said use other ways until you are cleared for sex after surgery. And don't forget the other ways even after you are healed. I have only known one women who was so sensitive after orgasm that she had to stop. Others seemed to be fine going on for multiple orgasm's. So have fun dating and learning to become a really good lover.

[irishguy]

Hey I would second viaswiss

[smphead]

Hey I would second viaswiss

Me too

[hectorm64]

Hey I would second viaswiss

[Mark74]

Another vote for Viaswiss

[UTVOLS]

The only suggestion I have is to MOVE YOUR SCHEDULE DATE FROM APRIL FOOLS DAY.

[Lost Sheep]

The only suggestion I have is to MOVE YOUR SCHEDULE DATE FROM APRIL FOOLS DAY.

Better 4/1/21 than the second Friday in August