My Journal

[merrix]

Another question. Answering here since it is a common question for guys considering implant.

I’m at a point now where pills are a hit or miss. Sex has become something that I’m constantly worried about if I’m going to be able to keep it up.
It feels sorta more like a chore than something enjoyable. I need constant stimulation to keep an erection, usually only stick to missionary due to my problems and sex is very rushed and focused with barely any foreplay.
With masturbation I can relax and apply all the stimulation I want without having to worry about going soft temporarily here and there. So if I get an implant I will probably miss that natural feeling that I have now during masturbation. But my life has been a mess and I am depressed. I do not wish to continue to live a life solely masturbating, I want to have sex and have connections with others.
What does your partner think about the implant? I would think a dick that has the durability to last all night is something that potential partners would immensely enjoy but I am cautious about making a decision that will change everything forever with no turning back. Am I missing something here?
Based on everything you have gone through and experienced, if you were in my shoes would you get an implant? Would you get a implant even tho you can get erections with constant stimulation, but have subpar sexual experiences that has partners desiring more, and a depressed state of mind and lack of self confidence?

Thank you for your time.


Pills were never anything else than a hit and miss for me. They never cured my ED. They just improved it.
Yes, sex does become a constant worry, which takes away a grand part of the joy it is supposed to be.
Worrying about your dick going down will make you worry not only about losing out on the sex - but worse yet, worrying about feeling like shit, worrying about the woman will think you are pathetic, etc.
It sucks.
And honestly, I think that when being in a relationship, the feeling is pretty much the same for the woman. A chore more than something enjoyable.
This is what mine and my wife's sex life turned out to be.
She would know before sex that the risk was that my dick would go down. She would put all her focus on avoiding this to happen. Sex became more about avoiding negative feelings than creating good feelings.
If we finished a pretty shitty session with short foreplay, quick and fast sex, without my dick going down - the feeling would be more relief. But if my dick went down, it'd be a bad night for both of us. I would feel like shit, she would lose out on her sex and feel bad for me. All crap.

So sex was all about avoiding failure, avoiding both of us feeling bad. Not about adding something positive.

Yes, sure, masturbating and of course having sex is preferably done with a natural dick which got hard by arousal.
But we all know, the choice here stands between fucking with an implant or jerking off with a VL dick-in-need-of-constant-stimulus.
Jerking off a semi or fucking with a hard dick?

I can't say if you should get an implant or not. That is a too complex question and the answer is too much depending on your specific issues and your mentality and preference.
But from what you tell me, your dick sounds a lot like mine before my implant. I could have sex. And I did. Several times per week, but not with the quality I wanted. And sometimes my dick didn't get hard enough for penetration. Sometimes my wife had to blow and jerk me off till her biceps cramped (sort of) before we could move at superman-speed while getting in position and bunching my already-turned-into-a-semi dick inside her.
And sometimes we had to just stop before anyone of us had a chance to come, just because my dick went down.
And opposite of what some men here will tell you they do, I just hated giving my wife oral to satisfy her after my dick went down. I just felt like a fucking (well actually fucking was exactly what I could not do, but you get the point) loser. "I am a pathetic loser and my dick just went down. I cannot fuck you, but hey, just relax, I'll use my tongue instead"
Even she didn't like that.
I think partly because oral is for foreplay, or for a teaser early in the game. But once the heat is on and pace is up, orgasm is close, then she didn't feel like slowing down things and getting an oral anymore. She just wanted to get fucked hard till the end. Plus, even if she would have liked the oral at that point in time, she would still never come because she would know how bad I felt and would not have been able to let her mind drift off and reach that orgasm.
So it sucked. Even when things worked decently well, they sucked because of the worry.

But anyway, back to your question.
Should you get implanted?
Can't say. I don't think an implant is the cure-all for people depressed about their ED and with really low confidence. For some maybe, and definitely for most of men in my situation. Without depression and confidence issues. Just needing a hard dick and put it right to use. Not needing to make a U-turn on the whole life.

My general advice is just that if you think your ED is manageable, if it is not that bad, if it doesn't bother you particularly much. If your life is ok, if you feel that the level of ED you have does not drag your life down. It is just a minor flaw in an otherwise good life - then maybe the implant isn't the right thing. Maybe then the risk is not worth taking. And apparently today's situation ain't too bad.

But if you feel your life sucks. Your ED limits you from feeling well, from achieving your targets in life. If you get constantly reminded about your ED and how it makes you feel like shit.
If all you can think about is a hard dick and what you would do with it.
Then you should probably get implanted.
And once at that stage, forget the risk.
Just do what you can to minimize it. Find a great surgeon, follow his advice to the T.
There will still be a minimal risk, but at that stage, you have no choice. The risk is worth taking.
And will sex feel just like before?
No. Not exactly. But what the F does that matter?
You are at the point of no return. Your life sucks. You need a dick that can be used. And you don't have one.
So go get one.

I don't know where on that scale you are, only you can tell.
But if you lean towards the latter description, then you should seriously consider an implant.

[hope794]

Got this and thought I'd reply here:

Yo Merrix, how are you?
I want to ask you a question i've got in mind since some days about your situation..

You said that you suffer from VL since you were really young, but reading your posts with much attention you say that even after your implant your glans engorges and you can still feel blood flowing in when you're excited.

Obviously if you had an implant, it means that you couldnt mantain the erections, just like me.. So my question is: how is that possible that your glans engorges and stay engorged, and that you can still "retain" some blood flow in the shaft?

PLEASE NOTE that IM NOT saying that you are a liar, i would never, i'm just curious to know if the implant made your glans more able to "keep" the blood in there. I notice that when i got a full erection, if i keep stimulating really hard, then my glans keeps the blood, but as soon as the shaft begins to get empty, the glans loses the blood.

I wait for your answer, thanks bro!


Yes, I had some form of ED ever since I started to make out with girls at 12 years old. Most likely VL already then, since maintaining erection was the main issue.
Yes, my glans fills up nicely and stays that way as well. It is not 100% perfect, but close to. It is never soft, but maybe not 100% hard all the time. Let us say 90%-95% of what would be perfectly flawless.

Next, I think you are maybe missing the basics here. It is theoretically possible that someone cannot get or maintain an erection, but could still have a perfectly functioning glans. The glans gets its blood supply through the spongiosum, while the shaft gets its blood through the cavernosum. Hence, somebody could theoretically have a crappy cavernosum but a perfectly working spongiosoum. I have no idea how common that is, but I just want to illustrate that those are two separate mechanisms.

In my case, my glans worked better than my shaft back in the ED days. My glans was not great but not at all as bad as my shaft.

But - what you are missing in my story - is my sclerotherapy surgery. Read about it in this thread.
After that surgery, everything worked fantastically well for a few weeks/months. My shaft worked well, but my glans became like an apple - super hard - when having sex.
However, after just a few months the effect of the sclerotherapy vanished. But not proportionally. My cavernosum went back to its old crappy self while my glans improvement was sustained. Not to the extreme level where it was right after surgery, but the remaining long term effect was still a clear improvement over my pre-surgery state.

After implant, my glans function remained at where it was before implant surgery (and after sclerotherapy surgery).
There you have it.

Well merrix this was a FANTASTIC information. Pure gold! It gives me a lot of hope, and i think it gives hope to all the people who don't have a good glans engorgement after the implant. It may be a game changer. Maybe the venous surgery for ED was a failure for the corpora cavernosa, but may be a good source of improvement for the glans engorgement. Can you please give us more infos about your sclerotherapy? I know that a doctor can inject the substance in many places (deep dorsal vein, or other places as well). Who was the doctor who did the sclerotherapy, and what kind of sclerotherapy he did?

Thanks bro for your kindness.

[merrix]

Well, don't assume the sclerotherapy I did is a good thing. Read this.
viewtopic.php?f=19&t=15949
There are plenty of guys in this forum who have had that surgery and who ended up worse. Much worse.
One guy even decided to end his life afterwards.
I had my surgery with the same doc as mentioned in this post.

I think I was really, really lucky.
On the other hand, I think I owned my destiny by deciding just a few months after the sclerotherapy to move on with the implant.
I took that decision as soon as I noticed the improvement after the sclerotherapy disappeared.

Based on my own, and more so others, experience of the sclerotherapy, I must advice everyone to stay away.

For whatever it is worth, Dr. Eid was very, very sceptical as well. He said he didn't think that method would get approved in the US, and that he thought it would not have lasting effect and definitely have potential risks.
As he saw it, one risk would be that when blood flow out is restricted, there will be a self-adjustment by the body to reduce inflow as well. Some sort of self-regulating balance between the two. And when both in and out flow is reduced there is risk for issue atrophy, especially in the glans. Not sure I remember his theory 100% correct, but at least his reasoning was in line with what I just said.

So stay off.

[hope794]

Well, don't assume the sclerotherapy I did is a good thing. Read this.
viewtopic.php?f=19&t=15949
There are plenty of guys in this forum who have had that surgery and who ended up worse. Much worse.
One guy even decided to end his life afterwards.
I had my surgery with the same doc as mentioned in this post.

I think I was really, really lucky.
On the other hand, I think I owned my destiny by deciding just a few months after the sclerotherapy to move on with the implant.
I took that decision as soon as I noticed the improvement after the sclerotherapy disappeared.

Based on my own, and more so others, experience of the sclerotherapy, I must advice everyone to stay away.

For whatever it is worth, Dr. Eid was very, very sceptical as well. He said he didn't think that method would get approved in the US, and that he thought it would not have lasting effect and definitely have potential risks.
As he saw it, one risk would be that when blood flow out is restricted, there will be a self-adjustment by the body to reduce inflow as well. Some sort of self-regulating balance between the two. And when both in and out flow is reduced there is risk for issue atrophy, especially in the glans. Not sure I remember his theory 100% correct, but at least his reasoning was in line with what I just said.

So stay off.

You're right, i'm just scared as hell that my glans will not engorge after the implant or, if it does, i will not be able to keep the blood in That's a great fear i have, cause my glans is really small while in flaccid state (and cold), when it's engorged it adds like 1.5 cm to the total lenght and makes me feel a lot of pleasure, which i don't feel at all without the engorgement. So it's really important for me to have that engorgement, and this is something that really bothers me about getting and implant..

[merrix]

Question worth answering for a greater audience:

"Hi, Merrix!
First of all, thank you for all your help here on the forum!

I got an implant recently (27/March) and today was my first deflated day. From now on, I'm starting cycling.

I saw that, initially, your flaccid was not good. It was pointing up. Mine is pointing at 4 o'clock.
How your flaccid now point to 5:30 ~ 6 o'clock? Did you use to wear it pointing down under your pants? I fear pointing it down and getting a low angle while inflated. But I also fear pointing my penis up under my pants and getting a 4 o'clock deflated.

Tomorrow I'm gonna get an airplane to my hometown. It's difficult to use pants while the penis looks semi-erect, it's a challenge but it's part of the game I think."

Yes, my flaccid for the first few weeks, maybe even months, was nothing I'd have been happy to keep for the rest of my life.
Immediately post-op, it was pointing at basically the same angle as my inflated dick does today. Which is around 2 o'clock.
And that was despite the fact that Eid leaves his patients deflated or with a very low level of inflation after surgery.
He does (or did, I don't know if he has changed his ways lately) this in order to let the reservoir stay full and avoid scar tissue forming around a half-full or empty reservoir.
The more saline in your dick, the less in your reservoir.
Problem with scar tissue encapsulating a half-full reservoir is that it will lose its full capacity and you will never be able to fully deflate.
Leaving you with a shitty flaccid and a shitty flaccid.
Crap docs - crap results.

Anyway, my flaccid still pointed up. Eid put it down to swelling. Body fluids trapped in the dick, even in the cavernosum (if I remember right).
At three weeks, when I took the looong fligth back home to the other side of the planet, my flaccid had improved to the point where it pointed just below 3 o'clock, but still a disaster.
I struggled with what to wear.
Jeans was out of the question. Too tight, and my dick could not be bent to fit in jeans.
So I wore very loose sweat pants, pointed my dick up, and pulled the waistband up on my sweatpants too allow my dick the space needed to point up.
But my hardon could still be seen. I looked like an absolute moron. At the airport in NY, I tried to hide it as well as I could, but security was not fun.
I flew business with an Asian airline which is world famous for its excellent service. The stewardesses check up on their passengers continuously and ask if there is anything they can do.
They must have had great fun, and wondering what made me so excited.

That sucked. Big time. But I just pushed through. I took it on the chin.
This was for a grater cause and I wouldn't let 36 hours of total embarrassment stop me from getting rid of 20 years of ED embarrassment.
My flaccid continued to be a problem.
You can check the details in the early parts of this thread, but as I remember it today, more than five years after surgery, I was hosting a conference at work after 4 weeks. This was a nightmare as well.
I had to stand up and talk for hours in front of a large crowd of people. I had to wear a suit, and I always wear the tight, modern style of suits. I forced my dick downwards to achieve this.
My flaccid dick at this time was probably somewhere around 4 o'clock.

I remember I asked Eid when my flaccid would look "normal" again.
He said it's a process which will go on for a very long time, since one factor is the Bioflex material of the Titan will absorb fat over time and get softer. This is a process which will continue for a long time.
But in terms of swelling etc, all should be fully healed by 3-4 months.
And that was basically what happened for me.
My flaccid kept getting gradually better for the first months, and after about 3-4 months, it didn't bother me at all.

What did I do?
Yes I did often force it downwards.
However - this is something I strongly recommend against.
Don't force your dick down!!!

I am pretty certain that my erect angle actually got slightly worse when I started to force my dick down in tight pants.
I would say, as an advice, just suck it up. Keep your dick preferably pointing up, but if impossible, then up and to the side.
And when just staying home, and when sleeping, definitely keep it pointing up.

I did all sorts of shit to keep it up while sleeping for a long time.
I bought some weird ugly underwear which had held my dick directed upwards.
I even used a toilet roll for a while, just put my dick in the roll and let the waistband of my underwear hold the toilet roll (and the dick) in place pointing upwards.

Crazy shit, I know.
Weird, I know.
Freak-warning, yes I know.

But this is a surgery, a surgery where you rip out the inside of your dick and insert plastic tubes with a mechanical pump in your scrotum.
It is actually a bit weird.
So don't expect to go through it without some weird aftermaths.
Remember, it is for a good cause.
It is to get rid of that ED, that incapacity to have sex.
So it is worth to go through some shit in the beginning to maximize the results.

But to summarize, my best advice for a good looking implanted dick:
Pick a good surgeon.
Make sure you deflate fully as soon as possible. Of course, as soon as your doc lets you, but once you get the green light, deflate fully.
Keep your dick pointed up as often as you can in the beginning.
Never force it down. When it is ready to hang down, it will tell you. Don't force it down.

[smphead]

Thanx Merrix for your post. You saying you can't hide the penis the first moths makes me really depressed. The implant is the last hope for me, but having to teach for a class within two weeks after implant makes it impossible for me.

Is there no way, like wearing compression underwear to hide the implant?

[merrix]

Thanx Merrix for your post. You saying you can't hide the penis the first moths makes me really depressed. The implant is the last hope for me, but having to teach for a class within two weeks after implant makes it impossible for me.

Is there no way, like wearing compression underwear to hide the implant?

A few things.
What I describe above was my experience. Does not at all mean it will be your experience. Many people here have reported they are back to being firemen, Navy Seals, professional cyclists, rodeo cowboys or whatever within 2 hours of surgery. Well, not quite, but you get the idea. Recovery and flaccid status after implant is variable. All over the place.
I could have been in front of people within a few weeks if my life was depending on it.
I would have struggled to conceal it, but of course, anything is possible. Duct tape to my belly, loose pants and a loose, long wide shirt?
Not my usual dressing style, but it would have been for a good cause.

Getting depressed for my post is a bit steep.
Forget those weeks after surgery.
Hope for the best but be ready to accept that it might be a few rough weeks.
You don't know till after surgery.
Of course, it will depend on your size as well. Smaller dick, easier to conceal.

Another issue in my case was the severe trauma the surgery caused.
I almost had three surgeries in one.
First Eid installed a 22 cm Titan without RTEs.
Then he thought he could get in more, so ripped out the implant, put on 1 cm RTEs and put it back in again.
That was the second installation.
Then he still thought he could do more, ripped it out, threw it in the bin (or sold it to a low-volume surgeon ), and installed a 24 cm implant without RTEs.
That was the third installation.
Plus he claimed I was bleeding more than usual, maybe because I was doing Fish Oil at pretty high doses up till surgery. My mistake.
Furthermore, he said my swelling disappeared much slower than what is normal for his patients.
His theory was my sclerotherapy surgery which I did 6 months before implant. He claimed the closed veins reduced my ability to heal. Blood stayed in my dick.
So there are good chances you'll have a quicker recovery than me.

And why do you HAVE TO teach after two weeks?
Sick leave?
If you can't go to work, you can't. Right?

In any case, this shouldn't be your main concern.
It should be finding a great doc, preparing well for surgery, doing the right things after surgery.

Good luck.

[smphead]

Thanx for your reply. Makes me feel already a bit better. Good to see that in this money driven world there are still people helping others effortless

[maxxxxx]

Thanx Merrix for your post. You saying you can't hide the penis the first moths makes me really depressed. The implant is the last hope for me, but having to teach for a class within two weeks after implant makes it impossible for me.

Is there no way, like wearing compression underwear to hide the implant?

i am an high school teacher.
I'm 7 inch flaccid Titan. Never any problem hiding it

[smphead]

Thanx Merrix for your post. You saying you can't hide the penis the first moths makes me really depressed. The implant is the last hope for me, but having to teach for a class within two weeks after implant makes it impossible for me.

Is there no way, like wearing compression underwear to hide the implant?

i am an high school teacher.
I'm 7 inch flaccid Titan. Never any problem hiding it

Wow, that one looks amazing!
At how many days could you return to school?