Yet Another Journal

[Gt1956]

Nycgay, perhaps by asking for half days or some short days could get you around the doctors note. Just an idea to toy with to keep your privacy. Good luck.

[NYCGay]

Nycgay, perhaps by asking for half days or some short days could get you around the doctors note. Just an idea to toy with to keep your privacy. Good luck.

Hi GT1956!
I thought about that, but then, as I wrote, I don't really care if someone were to draw some conclusions from the doctor's note. As long as I won't have to discuss the issue -- and I definitely won't have to -- I'm okay.

[boots1959]

Ten days till surgery.

Why don't I care? I mean, I’m hardly alone in preferring that people I interact with in general won’t know about my erectile dysfunction. It’s none of their business, but it’s more than just that: I want to be perceived as a sexually potent male, even by people with whom my interactions are entirely non-sexual (which is the case with all my interactions at work; I have had no office affairs). You could say that there shouldn’t be any shame in being impotent -- of course there shouldn’t be! -- but the wish to be, and be seen as, potent is -- it’s quite clear -- firmly rooted in evolutionary fact, so I don’t try to fight it. I want to be potent, and I want to be seen as potent.

But if someone at work found out what kind of medical procedure it is I’m getting, then they wouldn’t just be able to conclude that I suffer from erectile dysfunction (again, no shame, but not what I want to be known for), but also that I’m about to become very potent indeed. So let them gossip! Not that they actually will, but if they did: go ahead!

Hi NYCGay, being impotent was to me an absolute curse. Nobody but myself, my wife and doctors knew about it. Relatives and friends would have assumed I had ED due to my prostate surgery, but I never told them. In would have been deeply embarrassed if it had become common knowledge amongst people who knew me. Having it affected me both mentally and physically.
I have told nobody that I have been implanted, as you say its no one elses business. However it would not worry me now if people did become aware that I had an implant. To me there is a massive difference between being impotent versus being implanted. I no longer have ED, I am more potent than I have ever been in my life thanks to the implant. Life is good.
Cheers boots.

[NYCGay]

it would not worry me now if people did become aware that I had an implant. To me there is a massive difference between being impotent versus being implanted. I no longer have ED, I am more potent than I have ever been in my life thanks to the implant.

I'm glad to hear you feel that way, because that's pretty much the the thought I was trying to get at. That's how I feel too. I don't have the implant yet, but I'll have it soon enough.

[cbinspok]

Hey NYCgay
I'm with Boots, I'm not telling anyone, Having an implant is way different then having Ed. I had 2 quite nosy family members that got wind I was heading to hospital In March, they were a little annoying to deal with- so many questions. (had a hernia op too) If it comes up in the future -in a year I will relate the experience to who ever but for now its just mine, my experience.
My op. was March 18 and I have not been sorry even with some complications. I love my new penis, I have begun to internalize mentally all my new parts and I expect in time they will be taken for granted like my teeth or a liver. Giving your self a "little pump" for visual effect is nice too. Good luck
cbinspok

[NYCGay]

Giving your self a "little pump" for visual effect is nice too.

I'm no stranger to vanity. I will certainly welcome that possibility.

Dr. Eid's office provided me with the phone number to a former gay patient of his, a guy in his twenties who, from the sound of it, couldn't be happier with his implant. He said he sometimes pumps it up partway at the gym, and then enjoys the thrill of seeing people's gazes, men's and women's, go up and down between his face and his crotch.

[Masonjames]

You're welcome

[NYCGay]

Seven days before surgery.

Yesterday, I had my final pre-op visit with Dr. Eid. He performed a cystoscopy, i.e. stuck a tube down my dick through which he looked at my prostate and bladder. My prostate is enlarged, making it harder to pee, and my bladder shows signs of straining. What causes the prostate to be enlarged? I asked. Testosterone, he answered.

I took testosterone injections for about ten years, in an attempt to make it easier to stay fit and retain muscle mass as I age. They were prescribed by no one, bought over the internet, and shipped from overseas. I stopped in November, after I noticed that my balls seemed smaller than they used to be, or at least smaller than I would like for them to be. Since then, my testosterone levels have hovered right around the lower end of the normal range. I hope that means that I’m at least not making my prostate problem worse.

Dr. Eid recommended that at some future point I go through a procedure that shrinks the prostate by injecting water vapor into it through the urethra. For now, I’m put on the creatively named medication Flomax.

Now it stings when I pee. The papers I was given says that this is normal for up till two days after a cystoscopy. It’s no big deal, but it kind of brings home the delicate nature of what I’m about to do. Things are so sensitive down there: get an irritation in the urethra, and it stings like hell when you piss; get a blow to your balls, and it hurts like nothing else. And now I’m going to be cut open and subjected to some presumably quite untender treatment. Dr. Eid’s assistant Sylvia said I should spend the first 48 hours after the procedure on my back, to reduce swelling. Is it okay if I lie on my side too, as long as I lie down? I asked. You’re not going to be too comfortable on your side, she said with a tone of amused understatement. (But lest anyone get the wrong impression: she gave the impression of being an angel when she talked me through what to expect.)

I spoke to a former patient of Dr. Eid’s. He was very, very happy with the outcome, but he said that the pain during the first two months (two months!) was unbearable. I hope that was a bit of an exaggeration. I spoke to another man, who’s on here, who said he had gone to his regular card game five or sex days after the procedure, without telling his buddies what he had been through. I guess there is a wide range in how much discomfort and pain you have afterwards.

Dr. Eid said during my first visit that my surgery would be “a bit of a challenge,” due to the shape of my dick. He’s considering putting a Rear Tip Extender on one side but not the other, to make both cylinders push equally far into the glans, but he worried that might make the cylinders bulge out to one side. I get the impression that I might be one of those cases where he has to try a couple of different setups before he’s satisfied with the results. This means, I guess, a longer procedure, with more tear on the tissues, more bleeding, more swelling, and more pain afterwards. But I’m still grateful that he seems to be such a perfectionist. If I’m going to do this, then I want it to lead to a really sturdy, good-looking hardon in the end, even if it means more pain along the way.

I still have sudden bouts of doubt, sudden thoughts of: Isn’t this overkill? I’m not completely impotent; I can still get some kind of half-serviceable erection with a combination of pills and injections; I still have choices.

But when I analyze my doubts, I always come to the same conclusion. What I doubt is not really that this will be good for me, because I do really think it will be. Rather, I just harbor a certain regret that it should be needed. I wish I got hard from being turned on (but I don’t); I wish I could have penetrative sex, with me being the top, without having to deal with pills and injections (but I can’t); I wish that my dick would stay up until I come (but it doesn’t).

I’m glad the procedure is so soon: only a week away. I’m looking forward to be on the other side, have it behind me, and start the healing process.

[cbinspok]

Good luck NY, we will be rooting for you, I suspect you are Way tougher then you let on and you have one of the best Dr. out there. Put in one quick month post op, you will be Geeees what was I worried about!?
Good hard days ahead
Hugs cb

[SW0110]

I wish you good luck. Remember. There are plenty of us who had very little complications from the implant surgery. I had very little pain, very little swelling, and barely any bruising. Took pain killers for about a day, then just some tylenol and frozen peas on my crotch took care of my issues.

My main issue was my scrotum had some left over drainage in it that made finding the deflate button difficult. It took about 2 months for that to get better.

A little over 2 years now for me. 1 year with a titan. A bit over with an ams. One thing I will say I'd patience. You will not probably be totally comfortable after just 2 or 3 months. It is an adjustment to say the least.

I had some auto inflate issues with my titan. I always wondered if it was exercise put pressure on the reservoir and back filled. I noticed it mostly when I was active. So to counter I deflated then squeezed then popped it once to lock it in. Took care of my issues.

I have the same issue with the ams so do the same with it. Mostly though I just let it hang however it does throughout the day. We are at beach now and it just hangs straight down my leg. No way to hide it and i wear board shorts. Someone probably thinks I have a rolled up sock stuck in my bathing suit.

I just don't worry about it. Luck and enjoy when healed.