crossdressing because of e.d.

[Mark74]

Ive recently resorted to crossdressing and prostate stimulation toys to express my humiliation over my e.d. I guess in the BDSM world they refer to it as "sissification", but Ive never been into BDSM, but the masochism part is becoming more attractive.

Anyone else acquire any paraphilias as a result of their e.d?

[bldoink]

Uh, No!

[LuisFernandez]

Lol no. Hell no. I divorced my wife got fit and joined online dating. Then I switched to injections and killing the dating scene.

But to each their own I suppose as long as you don’t harm anyone.

[K4OffRoad]

You are in a truly judge free zone here man. That being said, there is no link to any fetish and the aftermath of ED. We all have to deal with it in our own way, but I think its very possible that this is something you may have always been into and perhaps not known. Something else to consider, you did not mention if this fetish helped you overcome ED or what you are trying to do to fix it. If there is anything I have learned from FT is that ED can be fixed. Perhaps not always when or how we want it but it is not something that we just have to take. If for some reason this helps you in your ED journey then I think everyone here at FT is rooting for you.

[Mark74]

I have severe venous leak. So bad that I couldnt get a hard erection with two injections for my doppler ultrasound. There is a bend in my penis when it starts to reach full erection and the blood goes back out, but since there is no plaque it isn't classified as Peyronie's. A world class uro in Chicago recommended an implant, but it looks too scary.

Lately I've been trying to re-orient my sexuality to gay, but it isn't working. I was watching a lot of trans porn as a compromise, but emotionally Im only drawn to women. Also I dont get what people like about prostate stimulation. Feels like constipation.

I'll keep working on becoming gay, but I fear I'll eventually just give up on everything

[GoodWood]

Mark74, I hope you can find a good sex therapist to talk with. Not to help you reorient yourself, as that doesn’t seem to work. Countless gay women and men have tried to reorient themselves as straight for ages and ages with very little success, but often a lot of damage to themselves and the people around them.
But instead I hope you can talk with that person to help you sort out your feelings about your ED and the ways that you can express your desires.

There are lots of solutions for ED here. Lots of guys here have gone through what you are going through with ED. A great urologist that has experience in men’s sexual health can help you with that. If you share what region, state, or country you live in other guys here can recommend urologists they have used in that area. There is also a physician finder function on this site. See what it turns up.

Regarding cross dressing, humiliation, and submission, those are all independent of sexual orientation. Instead of focusing on trying to reorient yourself as gay you may find that you are a straight (or bi) man who enjoys dressing, humiliation, and submission in the bedroom. You WILL be able to find a woman who will enjoy exploring those with you if that is the case.

So don’t give up. There is a solution. It may take some work to get there but I am confident that with some help from a urologist, therapist, and support group you can get to a place where you are enjoying a satisfying love and sex life.

[Mark74]

Thanks for the answer.

Right now Im seeing Dr. Lawrence Levine who is well regarded on this site and is an authority on Peyronie's as well as an expert implanter. He attended Harvard and seems to be respected as the erectile dysfunction expert in the Chicago area.

He put me on a program of daily Cialis to see if that helps the venous leak, but it wasn't doing anything except give me headaches so I stopped. He also suggested Ill probably need an implant and when I told him it was out of the question he gave me the names of several psychologists that deal with sexual issues. The feeling I got from that was more like he was suggesting I will need to deal with my grief more than I will improve sexually by visiting those psychologists.

[GoodWood]

Take the advice the experts give. You are right, Dr Levine is highly respected. If he suggested an implant, take some time to talk with the guys here who have implants and remain open to the suggestion. You can still decide against it, but to take it off the table from the very start seems counter productive.

And if he suggested you see a therapist, take him at his word, try to not read between the lines, and just follow the suggestion. Get to work with a therapist and let them guide you.

[Lost Sheep]

Ive recently resorted to crossdressing and prostate stimulation toys to express my humiliation over my e.d. I guess in the BDSM world they refer to it as "sissification", but Ive never been into BDSM, but the masochism part is becoming more attractive.

Anyone else acquire any paraphilias as a result of their e.d?

Thanks for sharing.

In m opinion, there is no inherent cause-effect relationship in either direction between ED and any form of paraphilias.

I will speculate, however, that there are many explanations for how a man with ED might feel attracted towards orientations that do not require him to have an erection. Simply put, a man who cannot get erect will find being the "bottom" in a homosexual sex act is a lot more possible than being the "top". And putting on a feminine persona (by cross-dressing) might make sexuality a bit more "natural feeling" than keeping a masculine persona.

I have read that most cross-dressing men are straight and that prostate massage (for health or for sexual stimulation) is not uncommon (and becoming more acceptable as a result).

Life is a growth process, engendered both by our innate identities AND our journey through life. So, I cannot rule out ED being a cause of what you have observed in your life nor rule out that you are simply discovering within yourself what was already there as you live your life.

If you are autogynephilic, gay, a submissive (note: role-playing with your partner can be a lot of fun) or just a guy undergoing some self-examination, I wish you well on your journey. I congratulate you on your self-awareness and willingness to be candid with us here.

I suggest that your use of the phrase "express my humiliation over my E.D." might be less related to your innate sexuality than just a general shame over having erectile problems. I feel that shame is one of the most destructive of human emotions. There is nothing to be ashamed of with E.D., any more than diabetes or arthritis or any other affliction. Divest yourself of it. Then look at your crossdressing or interest in anal play for what it really is. Do not mix up your loss of self-esteem over E.D. with any other humiliation over proclivities that may garner disapproval from society.

[Lost Sheep]

Lately I've been trying to re-orient my sexuality to gay, but it isn't working. I was watching a lot of trans porn as a compromise, but emotionally Im only drawn to women. Also I dont get what people like about prostate stimulation. Feels like constipation.

I'll keep working on becoming gay, but I fear I'll eventually just give up on everything

Don't give up on EVERYTHING. If you want to explore being gay, read up on it (both in medical/psychological journals and popular publications - internet, paper magazines, etc) and perhaps enlist the aid of a counselor or an understanding gay or bisexual friend, if you have one to talk this out.

Experiences of people who have tried (both willingly and under duress from family or society) to make themselfs change their sexual orientation (gay to straight and straight to gay) have met with little success. This suggests that one cannon "will" themselves to one orientation or the other. But that sheds little light on your situation. It could be that you are gay and have been living a straight life all this time and now beginning to realize your orientation Or it could be that you are straight but frustrated over ED's effect on your ability to perform. Further self-examination is indicated.

Be diligent in your search and be accepting of whatever you discover about yourself.