A 32 y.o. virgin's 16 year frustration with ED

[EveningWood]

Hello dear forum,


I have been reading these boards for a few months now.
I finally decided to share my story.


It's finally time to let it all out and this being a forum specifically dedicated to the problem, will help a lot, since I have never shared the full details with anyone in my life (including parents).


The whole problem I believe started during my senior year in high-school. I was playing soccer outside (during winter) with my classmates. A few day afterwards this led to a cold and Cystitis - with me peeing blood and feeling pain in the urethra. This of course had a temporary effect on my erection, but was cured this with oral ciprofloxacin. Soon after however, I believe that I lost my teenage rock-hard erections. I was just beginning to get good in talking with girls and spark interest in them.

Afterwards and ever since, I believe that I have lost my morning erections, with nocturnal erections still present to this day, but them being 1/5 or even worse of the rigidity of before(something like a light chub). I can get erect, however, it feels very weak, and have lost 1.3" in length and possibly between 0.5-1" in girth. (I have measured the length during the years and this shows consistently). Even to obtain the current erect length and girth, I need to masturbate at least half an hour. Also, my erection angle was almost perpendicular to the ground (now It barely keeps the parallel, often below it).


The first time I went to an urologist specifically regarding this was when I was 19. He basically laughed and told me that I was getting in my head too much. I had a chance around 19/early 20 to have sex with a girl but again, felt that I had a weak erection and basically purposely sabotaged the making out which was going to lead to it.


In my mid 20's I had already given up on approaching/meeting/hooking up with girls - because I thought there is no point if I cannot perform afterwards. However, last year I started dating a long time female friend of mine. We basically ended up at her place on the third date. There was heavy making out, however, I again felt just a slight chub, which even subsidized after a while. I decided to cover up things by giving her basically a two hour oral session (which was successful). However, shortly after that she broke up with me (possibly due to having again oral on our next date), which makes me believe that not being able to have penetrative sex (Coitus) is a hindrance. I have read a lot of posts from the older gentlemen here, who receive a lot of support from their lifelong spouses, but it seems that when dating fresh, this is not the case.


Late last year, after the break up decided to finally man up and go to get this checked again. I consulted with 3 urologists, did quizzes and Doppler and all of them told me (again) that I have psychological ED, one of them prescribed generic Tadalafil, in order "to get my confidence back" and a herbal supplement(cavernosal relaxation herbs + tribulus terrestris). More on that on my other thread - https://www.franktalk.org/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?p=156932#p156932


Currently I am at this weird place where I cannot have sex with a girl because I cannot perform (not just anxiety), and not having sex gives me more anxiety and depression. This is especially sad as I have generated interest in a decent amount of women during the years (college, different workplaces), but cannot act upon it.
I wanted to know your general opinion on this, whether I should start taking the daily Tadalafil/Cialis for 3 months and whether that would "fix" me long term, without the dependence of the drug?


P.S.
I am not a medical professional and not endorsing any medication - all mentioned drugs were prescribed to me by such professionals. Do not take any medicine without the approval of a doctor and also doing additional research (with different doctors as well).

If it helps, In my teens I trained fairly intense with barbells. Could a possible back/nerve injury from it trigger all this?


Thanks if you made it this far.
Take care.

[wolfpacker]

Tell your urologist you want to try injections. While pills like Viagra and Cialis only help you if your mind is in the mood for an erection, the injection (edex, caverject, alprostadil, trimix- lots of names and formulas) is a vasodilator so it FORCES blood to go to your penis, no mental aspect required. If this still doesn't give you a satisfactory erection that you can have good sex with, then you can be confident that you have a problem with the ability of your penis to achieve erection, and that it's definitely not in your head. At that point you can consider a penile implant like many members here have.

[Fran4524]

Try PDE5 before injections. Injections can bring you a priapism and it is very dangerous! Try with 20mg of tadalafilo, take it 3 hours before you fuck and with empty stomach because the effecto come earlier.

And please, could you say the name of the cavernoso relaxing herb?

[Fran4524]

You don’t know for sure that you have a psicological or physical, and it is innecesary take this risk. My experience talks… read my sign… I saw how 2 diferent doctors extracted blood from my penis after 3 hours of pain due to priapism…

Sorry Wolfpacker I don’t want to disavow you, but I think that using injections has risks.

[wolfpacker]

Sorry I must have misread- GoodWood stated that he had tried Cialis and I assumed that, because he was posting here, that he didn't have a satisfactory reaction to the Cialis.

Yes if you have not yet fully exhausted all PDE5 pills (Viagra, Cialis, stendra) definitely try those first. I find that Cialis earlier in the day + Viagra or stendra an hour before sex is an excellent combo.

[ViaSwiss]

I def feel for you as my ED started at 18 and I just got an implant at 34.

Try the Viagra and injections to see if they help. Use them with yourself if you are worried about failing with a woman.

If those do not help at all, take the plunge and get an implant. Its a journey with ups and downs, but ultimately will restore your erection and confidence.

[EveningWood]

Hello all,


Thank you all for your responses and suggestions.
I have not mentioned a few details as well, since the first post was already long.

I also have Cryptorchidism (right testicle is underdeveloped, 1.5 or 2 times smaller than the left) and phimosis (cannot fully retract the foreskin back past the glans). This concerned me even before the ED appeared in my late teens.

Also did enough blood work and hormone tests in March:
- Blood work: I have always lived a healthy life, so my Cholesterol, Glucose and other parameters were good.
- Hormones: The free testosterone is also good (even on the high end - 28.29 nmol/l or 815.94 ng/dL). Unfortunately, Estradiol and Prolactin are a bit over the high end (5,151 ng/dL and 9,373 ng/dL, respectively), but the urologist specialising in hormonal issues re-assured me that the hormonal levels are great and cannot cause such issues.


I will now have to assume that I might have both psychological and physiological ED, and fix my confidence and prepare before having my first sex, as any bad performance would probably exacerbate this.
Seems that the common pathway is pills-injections-implant (hopefully to no need the second and third options) regardless of what caused you the erectile dysfunction.


@ Fran - the particular brand or type does not matter, I do not endorse any medication (most likely is something sold here locally anyway, not available in your country). Basically, most of the proclaimed "herbal stimulants" have ginseng, gingko biloba and/or paullinia cupana. I already did a two and a half month "cycle" of herbal vasodilators that were prescribed to me, late last year with no effect whatsoever.

Most doctors also prescribe tribulus terrestris by default (because they do not look into your symptoms in too much detail), but I would not want to take the risk of tinkering with my hormonal levels (even with herbs) If I am not 100% sure that is the cause and has been verified by two or more urologists.


Thanks again all, I will try to go forward with this.
Take care.


EveningWood

[tomas1]

EW, at least you are capable of attracting women and must have a somewhat outgoing personality.
I echo the suggestions to try injections when pills fail you.
The first thing you must do is get a VED and keep blood flowing and not lose any length.

Everyone's results are different, but injections can be safe if one works up the dosage and strength of it gradually.
At the first sign of Peyronies (I never had any), I would stop them.

Like Via Swiss said, an implant is a viable option, but it may be like buying a low priced new car every 10 or 15 years.
I totally believe your sexual disappointments will disappear afterward.

If you go that route, I hope you find a good doctor to do it.
I was very lucky that mine was a good one and I'd never heard any reports on him.

Good luck with the rest of your life, and find a compassionate woman.

[Lost Sheep]

I will second Tomas1's recommendation to use a Vacuum Erection Device (VED) to keep flushing healthy blood through your penile tissues, to keep those tissues elastic and to keep your penis' full size. If you are not getting erections at night, penile atrophy and shrinkage is probable. VED use can prevent those consequences.

[Lost Sheep]

Welcome to the forum, EveningWood. Thanks for posting your story to ask our advice.

Life is too short to miss the joys of sex and too long to endure its absence.

You have testified that you had a worthy candidate for a relationship but lost her due to (your guess) your inability or unwillingness to try to perform coitus even though she permitted you to give her orgasms by cunnilingus. That fact tells you that she was "into you". What changed her mind? So why would lack of coitus make her leave? Here is my guess. That was not the issue. She felt that you did not desire her, that you did not trust her. By not telling her WHY you were not eager to get into coitus, this left doubt in her mind about your dedication to your (potential) relationship. I opine that she likely would have stuck around if you had levelled with her. As it is, she got the impression that you were hiding something and she did not want to take the chance that it was sinister.

On the other hand, if you levelled with her.... what could have happened? Let me tell you my experience.

I went on a dating site and was honest about my inability to have sex and that I was intending to seek treatment to fix that problem. I requested the assistance of a "lab partner" on my journey.   My honesty and candor was commented on several times as "brave" and "refreshing".

I got several volunteers to have sex with me while I sought treatment (and after treatment) and others who merely congratulated me. A few who suggested I was on the wrong track, but all were kind.

I recall, even younger women are incredibly supportive if they feel desired, trusted, respected and safe.

I understand that for a young man to admit to a sexual dysfunction might make him fear loss of reputation among his circle of friends. That is a risk. Go back and re-read the opening line of this post.