Any advice for what I think is psychogenic ED?

[Drail1]

I'm wondering if anyone can give me advice on this

I had pretty much normal function up until I tried to have sex for the first time (meaning making out with girls would always get me instantly hard no matter what, and it was pretty easy just to get one from thoughts). I think the bad sexual experience broke something mentally in me and I've had ED ever since. This was 5 years ago with a girl I wasn't really interested in but she kept pursuing me and eventually I gave in and tried having sex with her. I really didn't like the whole situation because she was cheating on her existing boyfriend among other things. I had ED so it didn't work. It was like an overnight switch, I was able to get hard just making out no problems with the same girl many times just before this. I tried almost daily with her for 3 whole months until finally I was able to have something resembling sex. My sex drive was fully broken at that time, I couldn't get it up at all even for porn which really frustrated me. I practically went from normal function to a dead dick overnight (however I'd still get rock hard morning wood so I knew it had to be something mental). My self esteem regarding women was rock bottom so when she finally broke up with the guy she was cheating on I ended up staying in a relationship with her for 4 years until we broke up earlier this year. Over the relationship I was able to have regular sex but it was never enjoyable because the ED never really went away. I was always doing things to try and prevent going flaccid and so I could never actually enjoy sex. We had an open relationship at times and I was able to get two other girls into bed with me. First girl I did manage to have sex but it required a lot of forceful effort from both of us and as soon as I put a condom on it would last for a few pumps before it was gone and we'd rinse and repeat. I went through pretty much an entire box with her. Rushing it in for a few pumps was not fun for either of us. The next girl I saw a couple times but I just couldn't get it to work at all so I just gave her oral. She got me off flaccid which was weird and not really enjoyable. Since leaving the relationship I've been able to have sex with 5 more girls, so I'm not 100% broken, but it requires a lot of patience and pills, and even then it's not really enjoyable for me.

I think losing my virginity like that just destroyed my mental image of sex. It's always spoken about as this wonderful experience that every guy is always dying to have more of even if they're already getting heaps, but for me I just associate it with feelings of frustration and inferiority. I have a lot of jealousy of people who enjoy sex. I have a lot of resentment for my ex because I feel like she gave me ED. I feel the only reason I do anything sexual in the first place is because a) I want to beat ED because I'd really loathe to present it to my future wife and b) because if I stopped trying to have sex now I'd look back and regret it in the future, the way I regret not trying when I was younger now. That's compounded by the fact that I know your dick stops working as well with age anyway so I have a fear of missing out. But even at my age I worry I may have missed the boat when it comes to mind blowing sex.

Since I've had the issue so long that I've basically tried everything. First thing I did was cut the porn cold turkey for 6+ months. This wasn't hard because my libido was so dead I didn't have any desire to watch aside from just to check if I could get hard. I tried not focusing on my dick during foreplay with the girls. I'm honest with every girl about my issues and how I'm feeling. Trying to use kinks/fantasies to get more in the mood doesn't work for me because my libido is so low I don't have any fantasies. I fixed up my diet, hit the gym, cut out the alcohol, tried supplements like zinc, vit d, maca, none of it really helps.

Since the start of this year I started down the medical route. I got pills from my doctor. They were definitely worth it, I wouldn't have had sex with the first two girls since the breakup without them, but it's still hit and miss and I hate the side effects. I went to a men's health clinic, got a penile doppler ultrasound which came back saying they couldn't find anything wrong (however oddly I noticed the injection didn't give me a 100% rock hard erection). The doctor suggested a cavernosogram (they inject your dick with something radioactive to try and image the veins) but I decided against it because it's invasive, there's risks involved, and there's a chance of false positives and negatives. I still sometimes wake up with morning wood if I sleep well, and I have a handful of experiences I can remember here and there where my dick just worked, so I'm thinking its a psychological issue and now I've started to speak to a counselor about it, but I've just had one session. I'm hoping the counselor combined with trying to sleep with more girls will start to make a lasting improvement.

Can anyone weigh in on this? Is it possible for me to go back to normal function where I can get hard just by thinking or am I fucked forever?

[Txagq8]

No, you aren’t fucked forever.

I didn’t catch your age from your post but you are, no doubt, fairly young. You are pretty wise for a youngster.

Why do I say this?

You’ve sought medical advice. You’ve got and continue to get counseling. You will no doubt see other doctors and/or therapists until they get this resolved.

From what you describe it sure sounds like there “could” be a psychological component. It might be a combination of physical and psychological. Time and further investigation will tell.

The biggest obstacle is just being patient. I have no doubt that they can fix you. Worst case scenario is that nothing fixes anything and you get implanted. I honestly don’t see that as even a possibility but if it helps knowing that if all else fails, Medical science can give you the tools you need for a great sex life, then keep that in mind.

I think that a combination of the counseling and the medical doctors investigating the root cause will get you to a much less invasive solution. The fact that you’ve demonstrated that you’re smart enough to consider a variety of causes and seek professional help speaks volumes.

Give them, and yourself, a proper chance at a solution. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

[Drail1]

Thanks for the postive words. I'm 25 at the moment. The issue is it's been 5 years since I've been able to get an erection from thinking and since I've been properly horny. The fact that it onset literally overnight after a bad experience tells me it must be psychological but for some reason it's just not fading. I still have rock bottom libido and I'm hugely bitter about all the missed opportunities, I feel I've never had a real sex life ever.

[abhishek26]

I'm wondering if anyone can give me advice on this

I had pretty much normal function up until I tried to have sex for the first time (meaning making out with girls would always get me instantly hard no matter what, and it was pretty easy just to get one from thoughts). I think the bad sexual experience broke something mentally in me and I've had ED ever since. This was 5 years ago with a girl I wasn't really interested in but she kept pursuing me and eventually I gave in and tried having sex with her. I really didn't like the whole situation because she was cheating on her existing boyfriend among other things. I had ED so it didn't work. It was like an overnight switch, I was able to get hard just making out no problems with the same girl many times just before this. I tried almost daily with her for 3 whole months until finally I was able to have something resembling sex. My sex drive was fully broken at that time, I couldn't get it up at all even for porn which really frustrated me. I practically went from normal function to a dead dick overnight (however I'd still get rock hard morning wood so I knew it had to be something mental). My self esteem regarding women was rock bottom so when she finally broke up with the guy she was cheating on I ended up staying in a relationship with her for 4 years until we broke up earlier this year. Over the relationship I was able to have regular sex but it was never enjoyable because the ED never really went away. I was always doing things to try and prevent going flaccid and so I could never actually enjoy sex. We had an open relationship at times and I was able to get two other girls into bed with me. First girl I did manage to have sex but it required a lot of forceful effort from both of us and as soon as I put a condom on it would last for a few pumps before it was gone and we'd rinse and repeat. I went through pretty much an entire box with her. Rushing it in for a few pumps was not fun for either of us. The next girl I saw a couple times but I just couldn't get it to work at all so I just gave her oral. She got me off flaccid which was weird and not really enjoyable. Since leaving the relationship I've been able to have sex with 5 more girls, so I'm not 100% broken, but it requires a lot of patience and pills, and even then it's not really enjoyable for me.

I think losing my virginity like that just destroyed my mental image of sex. It's always spoken about as this wonderful experience that every guy is always dying to have more of even if they're already getting heaps, but for me I just associate it with feelings of frustration and inferiority. I have a lot of jealousy of people who enjoy sex. I have a lot of resentment for my ex because I feel like she gave me ED. I feel the only reason I do anything sexual in the first place is because a) I want to beat ED because I'd really loathe to present it to my future wife and b) because if I stopped trying to have sex now I'd look back and regret it in the future, the way I regret not trying when I was younger now. That's compounded by the fact that I know your dick stops working as well with age anyway so I have a fear of missing out. But even at my age I worry I may have missed the boat when it comes to mind blowing sex.

Since I've had the issue so long that I've basically tried everything. First thing I did was cut the porn cold turkey for 6+ months. This wasn't hard because my libido was so dead I didn't have any desire to watch aside from just to check if I could get hard. I tried not focusing on my dick during foreplay with the girls. I'm honest with every girl about my issues and how I'm feeling. Trying to use kinks/fantasies to get more in the mood doesn't work for me because my libido is so low I don't have any fantasies. I fixed up my diet, hit the gym, cut out the alcohol, tried supplements like zinc, vit d, maca, none of it really helps.

Since the start of this year I started down the medical route. I got pills from my doctor. They were definitely worth it, I wouldn't have had sex with the first two girls since the breakup without them, but it's still hit and miss and I hate the side effects. I went to a men's health clinic, got a penile doppler ultrasound which came back saying they couldn't find anything wrong (however oddly I noticed the injection didn't give me a 100% rock hard erection). The doctor suggested a cavernosogram (they inject your dick with something radioactive to try and image the veins) but I decided against it because it's invasive, there's risks involved, and there's a chance of false positives and negatives. I still sometimes wake up with morning wood if I sleep well, and I have a handful of experiences I can remember here and there where my dick just worked, so I'm thinking its a psychological issue and now I've started to speak to a counselor about it, but I've just had one session. I'm hoping the counselor combined with trying to sleep with more girls will start to make a lasting improvement.

Can anyone weigh in on this? Is it possible for me to go back to normal function where I can get hard just by thinking or am I fucked forever?

Hi bro, crazy that we're about the same age and have pretty much the same symptoms (suffering from severe ED even though all physical signs are pretty much okay). I'll offer you what I recently discovered for my case: viewtopic.php?f=3&t=17494. might be worth a read

[Martin6469]

Welcome to the forum! You'll get good advice from FT friends.

Two thoughts: Get testosterone measured. Low T is a plague of us old guys, but I guess it could happen at any age. "Rock-bottom libido" is an indicator, in my experience. (I ran out of T around age 50 and synthetic T brought me back to normal immediately.) Secondly, when I started my sex life, I had your sort of experiences with girls who were a little overweight. After a while I figured out that my subconscious required girls of my physique: thin! With them I performed with no problems. However, a friend prefers fat women in bed! Some of us have mysterious subconscious "gatekeepers."

[abhishek26]

Welcome to the forum! You'll get good advice from FT friends.

Two thoughts: Get testosterone measured. Low T is a plague of us old guys, but I guess it could happen at any age. "Rock-bottom libido" is an indicator, in my experience. (I ran out of T around age 50 and synthetic T brought me back to normal immediately.) Secondly, when I started my sex life, I had your sort of experiences with girls who were a little overweight. After a while I figured out that my subconscious required girls of my physique: thin! With them I performed with no problems. However, a friend prefers fat women in bed! Some of us have mysterious subconscious "gatekeepers."

@Martin, do you use trimix these days?

[Martin6469]

Hi abhishek26: I do use Trimix, with 100mg sildenafil (generic Viagra), which reduces the amount of Trimix I need. This has worked well for three years.

You sound depressed in your Aug. 3 post. Low testosterone inevitably causes depression. You should get it measured immediately. A G.P., urologist, or endocrinologist can do this. As others have said here: testosterone must be normal before any other ED remedies are attempted.

[abhishek26]

Hi abhishek26: I do use Trimix, with 100mg sildenafil (generic Viagra), which reduces the amount of Trimix I need. This has worked well for three years.

You sound depressed in your Aug. 3 post. Low testosterone inevitably causes depression. You should get it measured immediately. A G.P., urologist, or endocrinologist can do this. As others have said here: testosterone must be normal before any other ED remedies are attempted.

Yes, sometimes I feel depressed, but it’s only result of ED situation, not the other way around. I had my blood/hormone levels including testosterone tested end of last year. If i recall correctly, everything was pretty much good/okay with testosterone levels of 475 ng/ml.

[Drail1]

I don't think it's T levels. I had to get tested before the doctor gave me the Viagra prescription, and it came back with 549 ng/dL with calculated total T at 418 pmol/L.

The pelvic floor dysfunction thing is interesting. I know of a girl who got severe sexual dysfunction from a pelvic floor issue which started overnight from a stressful situation, so it's certainly possible. I don't remember having symptoms in the years before, but I'm stressed now that I've gone into a covid lockdown again and I've noticed some of the symptoms regarding urination in the last couple weeks.

[Flavio]

I'm 44 years old, I battled psychogenic ED for many years and I can assure you this is easily treatable.

[...] I think the bad sexual experience broke something mentally in me and I've had ED ever since. [...]

Yes, this is extremely common and my case is very similar to yours. I also remember quite vividly the negative sexual experience that started it all. It wasn't my first time (which went very well) but it was my third time.

I was feeling depressed at the time for some reason related to work and I decided to have sex, which was a very stupid thing to do. Depression is a major cause of erectile failure and if you're feeling depressed, it's definitely not the best time to have sex.

Things started to go downhill from there because I was incredibly stupid and inexperienced back then. I knew nothing about ED and I got increasingly concerned, anxious and depressed. At the time, there was no internet and no FT.

[...] It's always spoken about as this wonderful experience that every guy is always dying to have more of even if they're already getting heaps, but for me I just associate it with feelings of frustration and inferiority. I have a lot of jealousy of people who enjoy sex. [...]

Speaking of which, this sounds like depression to me. Erections start in the brain and if the brain isn't working well, there is no way you can get erect. Viagra only works locally, it does not improve mood or libido. And to make matters worse, most antidepressants (esp. SSRIs) may worsen ED.

We've all been there before, we all know how you feel. It's perfectly normal to feel low after a not so positive sexual experience.

And no, sex isn't always a wonderful experience, ED is extremely common but most men are too afraid to talk about it.

[...] First thing I did was cut the porn cold turkey for 6+ months. [...]

Well done! Porn is degrading, fake and there are studies that show that it may cause psychogenic ED (desensitization). You also mentioned your healthy lifestyle and medical consultations, so you're definitely on the right track.

A few more tips:

a) Do A LOT of research on the subject of ED (read books, talk to doctors). The more you know about sex, the less stressful it will be.

b) It's perfectly normal to fail every now and then, that's not ED.

c) Sex is more than just penetration and finding the right partner is essential.

d) If you're feeling anxious or depressed, don't do it. I remember I used to avoid sex for a while (a couple of weeks or even a month) whenever I had a negative sexual experience, just to control my anxiety levels.

e) Even if this is just psychological, a doctor (urologist) will be able to help you.

f) Anxiety is the #1 erection killer and in my case, I also take a wonderful anxiety supplement called Seredyn to control my nerves.

I hope this helps. Good luck!