Help, overthinking post-op

[aslanglobal]

The first few days, week, and even weeks have lots of WTF did I dos, and random pains, questions, and others. You really hit a stride a few weeks after starting to cycle.

That I can imagine. Doc took the drain out, deflated, told
Me no signs of infection and swelling was a minimal. I get to rest up
Until Tuesday when first cycle comes. I apologized to the doc about being such a pussy about this. “Most men are”. Lol. I commented that this was my first surgery so excuse my nerves. Doc: “I’m glad you found an expert to help”.

[Mark74]

I think you stated that your goals were to have a family and father children. I believe you also said you had two priapsms. I don't know the extent of the damage, but I know that only one bad priapsm can make a man functionally impotent for life.

So if your goal was to have a family and father children and you were sure about that goal then you did the right thing.

Im not sure about getting an implant, because I'm not sure about my goals. I vascillate between wanting a relationship with a woman so I don't die alone and wanting the most sensitivity from my penis I can possibly get. I think those two goals are in conflict in regards to the implant (although some men claim no sensation loss)

[aslanglobal]

I can’t tell you what that means to me. About the age thing: I think guys in their 50s and 60s getting implants is awesome. I have absolute respect for them
To want to extend their sexual life beyond perhaps what most of our genetics allow us. My age bothers me a little, as there’s still a part of me telling myself I failed as a man. I know, I’m working on it. I had a few priapism accidents which made this worse, including a nasty hospital visit. But before that? I have no idea how it started. Like anyone else with an implant, I tried everything else possible for years. I eventually found that the only thing that worked was a peptide called Melonotan 2 mixed with too much viagra. The main problem was it made me violently nauseated, so i would have to time sex around throwing up. It also turned me nearly black because it’s a Tanning peptide. That was 4 years ago. To distract myself yesterday, I was scrolling through my Instagram. I saw about a dozen women I personally knew who I had lost the opportunity for sex (and maybe something deeper) over
The past 3 years. I knew I couldn’t just let the rest of my 30s escape me. Thanks for your words. They mean the world to me at this moment.

I tend to overthink things and I’ve basically slept only a few hours since my surgery a few days ago . My initial anxiety started when I realized the doc was only able to install a 21 cm Titan vs what had been previously anticipated. Waves of regret just keep rolling through my mind. Secondly, is a kind of post-op existential blues. I unfortunately feel like such a failure for having had to get to this point before even 40. I don’t know how this thing can truly be mine. I would search for therapy about this, but unless the therapist had gone through the same shit, it would just be a waste of time and money.

Did anyone go through a “fuck what have I done” post op, only to eventually come out grateful? I hate to rant like a loon, I just can’t sleep, sick with these thoughts.

I did not go through the "oh fuck, what have i done" part, but i absolutely have compassion for what you're feeling right now, so I'm chiefly here to cheer you on.

I think you're going to get plenty of advice and encouraging words here, as you should (since, by definition being here on FT, we've all, every one of us, lived some version of being less than we thought we'd be, less than we wanted and envisioned ourselves to be, and less than we thought our relationships deserved - and required).

Having said all that- you did what you did to alleviate a demonstrable problem. Right? So where is the value in regret? What specific thing does regret serve in your life, other than to un-focus you now and dilute your motivation and rehab and your new path?

Stop citing your age. Really, ok? What possible difference does your age make?

You unfortunately found yourself saddled with the irrecoverable ingredients of ED at whatever age you had them. Yes, a bit of a young age. But so what? You are about to have a dick that will do things guys half your age wouldn't remotely comprehend. If your goals were 100% erection reliability, absolute function, and zero anxiety and worry around all of that...then holy hell man...mission accomplished. And you owe yourself a fat debt of gratitude for the balls it took to do what was necessary to get where you needed to get.

Be kind to yourself.

Embrace what's ahead.

Your new dick is going to be a little different, for sure, but it's going to be absolute nonstop fun, too - if you allow it.

“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”

― Dalai Lama XIV

[Lost Sheep]

I think you stated that your goals were to have a family and father children. I believe you also said you had two priapsms. I don't know the extent of the damage, but I know that only one bad priapsm can make a man functionally impotent for life.

So if your goal was to have a family and father children and you were sure about that goal then you did the right thing.

Im not sure about getting an implant, because I'm not sure about my goals. I vascillate between wanting a relationship with a woman so I don't die alone and wanting the most sensitivity from my penis I can possibly get. I think those two goals are in conflict in regards to the implant (although some men claim no sensation loss)

For the benefit of other readers, I wish to note that your post's conclusion (doubt about getting an implant) requires two assumptions which I will contradict:

You do not need a working erection to have a relationship with a woman. (Sex is not necessary for a satisfying relationship and even sex does not require coitus. Willing couples find ways.)

You do not need penile sensitivity to have coital sex (if you can get an erection by any means, injections, implant, etc - even comatose men and paraplegics can have erections).

Of course, one's attitude may make the assumptions true for that individual. But with some thought and examination a human being can change attitudes. We are not called "Homo Sapiens" for nothing.

[Mark74]

You do not need penile sensitivity to have coital sex (if you can get an erection by any means, injections, implant, etc - even comatose men and paraplegics can have erections).

No I think you misunderstand me or maybe I could have been more clear

Im saying wishing to maintain the most sensitivity in one's penis may be in conflict with getting an implant, because there can be sensation loss.

Also, part of sensation is the natural arousal process. Most of us still have some of that even if we don't get erections strong enough to penetrate. That natural arousal process must surely disappear with the implant

[gjmjoe017]

I am nine months out and couldn’t be happier.Size is very simply what you measure out to be,that simple.An implant fits what you are and no more!Implants are the last course of action and it’s really simple.Do you want to be able to achieve an erection anytime you want 24/7 and for as long as you want even after ejaculation,or do you want to be impotent?Believe me once you get healed and your implant softens up and it’s comfortable,you will realize you did the right thing!Be patient you have many great times ahead of you and the best sex of your life to look forward to!

[Mark74]

.Do you want to be able to achieve an erection anytime you want 24/7 and for as long as you want even after ejaculation,or do you want to be impotent?

its not that simple

[Lost Sheep]

No I think you misunderstand me or maybe I could have been more clear

Im saying wishing to maintain the most sensitivity in one's penis may be in conflict with getting an implant, because there can be sensation loss.

Also, part of sensation is the natural arousal process. Most of us still have some of that even if we don't get erections strong enough to penetrate. That natural arousal process must surely disappear with the implant

True, maintaining sensitivity is important for maximizing satisfaction and enjoyment. I am clear on that. And loss of sensitivity is in conflict with implantation. But the choice between 1) a sensitive, penis that cannot get erect by any acceptable means or 2) a penis that, perhaps, is less sensitive than it was before that CAN get erect by means of an implant is (appropriately) the choice of last resort.

The natural arousal process does not disappear with the implant.

Arousal is 100% mental.

Engorgement of the spongiosum (glans and soft part of the shaft) does depend on combination of physical sensation (of the penis as well as other parts of the body-scrotum, nipples, ear lobes all erogenous zones) and mental state.

Erection of the penis depends on the Corpus Cavernosum inside the Tunica Albuginea and is physically damaged (usually 100%) by the operation, but this does not affect sensation.
It is purely plumbing.

I note that the operation is invasive. It destroys/damages the cavernosum tissue and may in the process of cutting into the body damage nerves. THAT definitely can affect sensation! But loss of sensation is not a guaranteed outcome of the implant. That is an outcome of peripheral effects (surgical clumsiness in cutting or closing incisions, infection, poor aftercare or just bad luck). This is the second reason a highly experienced surgeon is a really really good idea.

[Mark74]

Do you ever find your glans and spongiosum getting engorged by visual or sensual stimuli without having to engage the pump?

[Txagq8]

.Do you want to be able to achieve an erection anytime you want 24/7 and for as long as you want even after ejaculation,or do you want to be impotent?

its not that simple

Actually, Mark, sometimes it is. We as men tend to make things a helluva lot more complicated than they need to be.

In my case, with the surgery and accompanying recovery 20 months in the rear view mirror and being a tough, healthy, youthful 65 yr old, I make it a point to keep it simple. I want an erection? About 75 little squeezes later I have a raging boner. Hard as a rock and ready to go. Not in the mood? I take a page out of my wife’s playbook and tell her I have a headache.

Recovery from an implant installation isn’t quick, but barring complications it’s fairly sure and certain. Enough guys have them to where doctors know what they’re doing. Afterwards the main things to remember: (1) do what doc recommends (2) don’t get impatient and (3) it gets better.

Implant surgery is never gonna be “get it done Tuesday and by Wednesday afternoon your life is perfect.” It is definitely a continuum. I told this to original poster in private, it’s worth repeating in public: at 3 months I was okay with the implant. At 6 months I was good with it. At a year I was happy with it. Eighteen months in i was thrilled with it. And at 20 months I seldom dwell on it.

Having an implant is as easy or difficult as we choose to make it. Armed with the knowledge one gets from experience, in the future I am choosing to allow things to be uncomplicated.

PS: you guys remind me of this post when I wear my LGX out and have to get a new one installed.