This really sucks, even lost a woman I loved over it

[BrokenPiston]

I'm 54, separated and divorcing beginning several mos ago. I had not had sex for some 15 years. Over that time I amused myself with the next best thing porn. It was daily but I stopped a year ago... either I was bored with it or my equipment was bored with me. (I also developed Peyronies (mild) somewhere in that time; I have a theory it was minoxidil I was applying to my cheeks to improve my beard but that's another story.)

Life's too short to wait and I already met a woman who quite frankly I've never ever felt so at one with before and it was mutual. She lives hundreds of miles away. I saw her on three different weekends. The third we felt we were ready to have sex. I knew things were wrong, had viagra in the quiver. I probably took it wrong, after a meal and too close in to the event. The first night (100mg) things worked only barely, the second night I figured I didn't need as much (60 mg) and it was a disaster. I don't think it as stage fright. On multiple occasions just kissing her in public or hugging her would give me a slight hard-on.

Regardless, she's not ready to be patient working things through with somebody she sees so rarely so is breaking up with me. (I would say don't judge her... there's really more here than "you flaccid you outta here" but this isn't a relationship advice forum.) In reality, due to the distance and some other child family considerations for both of us, this relationship was a bad set up from the beginning. The romantic in mean wants to think love can conquer all... but it just can't.

So anyway, this failure did teach me something really important: I NEED TO FIX THESE PROBLEMS IMMEDIATELY. RED ALERT. And that's why I'm here.

I am in very good shape, in all modesty. I go hard at the gym 4-5 times per week and run trails 5 times / week 7 miles per. No diabetes or prostate issues. Testosterone is at top end of normal range. It's so frustrating to think that everything else is working so well but not the little guy. I've even dropped 100mg on an empty stomach just to see what would happen and sometimes I still can't get it up through ye olde masturbation.

[Lost Sheep]

Welcome to the forum, BrokenPiston.

I sympathize with your situation on several points. I have lost lovers (I never marrie) over E.D., though I did not realize it at the time (being somewhat relationship dense at the times). I also lost a potential partner over long-distance, too. Tough call, that, and not my choice.

I disagree (as you might surmixe from my opening paragraph) that this is a forum that eschews relationship advice. We often go far afield of Erectile subjects. For better or worse. I will not push my relationship advice on you but for this one piece: Wmen are incredibly supportive if they feel desired, trusted, respected and safe. It does not matter what your erectile function is if she feels that way. Tongue, toys and fingers can go a LONG way to physicallysexually/sensually satisfying a woman if she feels desired, trusted, respected and safe with you. Is there a chance your soon-to-be ex-wife disengaged with you over any of those points? (Rhetorical question and I hope not painful to you.)

I hope we can help you with your E.D. and look forward to your contributions to the forum.

Welcome

Losst Sheep

[BrokenPiston]

Welcome to the forum, BrokenPiston.

I sympathize with your situation on several points. I have lost lovers (I never marrie) over E.D., though I did not realize it at the time (being somewhat relationship dense at the times). I also lost a potential partner over long-distance, too. Tough call, that, and not my choice.

I disagree (as you might surmixe from my opening paragraph) that this is a forum that eschews relationship advice. We often go far afield of Erectile subjects. For better or worse. I will not push my relationship advice on you but for this one piece: Wmen are incredibly supportive if they feel desired, trusted, respected and safe. It does not matter what your erectile function is if she feels that way. Tongue, toys and fingers can go a LONG way to physicallysexually/sensually satisfying a woman if she feels desired, trusted, respected and safe with you. Is there a chance your soon-to-be ex-wife disengaged with you over any of those points? (Rhetorical question and I hope not painful to you.)

I hope we can help you with your E.D. and look forward to your contributions to the forum.

Welcome

Losst Sheep

Thx on all. I was trying to stay on what I thought was the expected straight and narrow with my post so thx for calibrating. I honestly think I did all that I could to show how much I cared for her in the just-ended relationship. And my oral and fingers did wonders. The problem was that for a relationship with such infrequent in-person, everything had to be perfect. And the relationship with rare weekends where it was 100% on created tensions for her and her full-time-custody child whom shorter term Mom was shielding from awareness. We confided we'd both become best friends with each other (like first in line best friends). Who knows, it may not be over yet. But right now it's mutual radio silence and my heart is toast in the moment.

Anyway, as far as the ended marriage goes, hooboy. It involves an eating disorder, alcoholism and years of verbal abuse directed at me so as to deflect one's own problems. The lack of sex was a by-product, not a cause!

[Lost Sheep]

I hear you. My most recent long-distance relationship crash-landing was Southern California / Alaska. Hard to maintain at that distance. But the sex was good, twice a day every day we were together. But at that distance, frequency was not enough for her.

At 54, a man's testosterone levels can diminish (which at first glance does not seem to be the case with you, as your livido appears intact), vascular difficulties is a common cause of E.D. as is venous leakage. Have you consulted a urologist specializing in sexual function?

I reallly do hear you on the "NEED TO FIX THESE PROBLEMS IMMEDIATELY". Life is too short to miss out on good sex/relationships and too long to endure its absence.

It is late tonight and I have an early morning tomorrow, so I am logging off. Wishing you the best.

[Martin6469]

I use 100mg sildenafil (generic Viagra) with Trimix injection, with very good results. See the "Injections" topic.

[tobenormalagain]

This is me. I am slim, fit, no diabetes, no high blood pressure, normal testosterone, normal thyroid and yet.... I have stewed and wracked my brain for years trying to come up with the 'why' or 'how come'. Sadly, Viagra, Cialis, MUSE, Trimix... are not the answer for many men and have less than desirable results. My next step (one that I never thought I would undertake) is an implant but I have run out of options and am beyond desperate. Best of luck to you

[kinggg]

This is me. I am slim, fit, no diabetes, no high blood pressure, normal testosterone, normal thyroid and yet.... I have stewed and wracked my brain for years trying to come up with the 'why' or 'how come'. Sadly, Viagra, Cialis, MUSE, Trimix... are not the answer for many men and have less than desirable results. My next step (one that I never thought I would undertake) is an implant but I have run out of options and am beyond desperate. Best of luck to you

Hey man,

If an implant is the final frontier try not to look at it with negativity. If you go down that route at least feel rest assured that its a permanent fix to a puzzling mysterious issue thats helped many men in worse situations than yourself. Wish you the best luck in whatever decision you make.

.

[kinggg]

This is me. I am slim, fit, no diabetes, no high blood pressure, normal testosterone, normal thyroid and yet.... I have stewed and wracked my brain for years trying to come up with the 'why' or 'how come'. Sadly, Viagra, Cialis, MUSE, Trimix... are not the answer for many men and have less than desirable results. My next step (one that I never thought I would undertake) is an implant but I have run out of options and am beyond desperate. Best of luck to you

Hey man,

If an implant is the final frontier try not to look at it negatively. If you go down that route at least feel rest assured that its a permanent fix to a puzzling mysterious issue thats helped many men in worse situations than yourself. Wish you the best luck in whatever decision you make.