Do I have to tell my wife every detail of how the implant works?

[considering89]

I believe an implant is in my future. I’m 32 and can’t get usable erections without pills. Daily cialis works, but is not satisfactory and therefore isn’t a long term solution. I won’t do injections or ved. I’m engaged. Yesterday I had an awful experience. I completely failed to get sufficiently hard during a would-be sex session with her. I had stopped taking cialis a few days prior to see if I could get by without it. I couldn’t. On top of my ED, I’ve developed bad premature ejaculation. The cialis can get me hard but it matters little if I only last 45 seconds.

I’m more ready than ever to get an implant and be done with this. My ED is clouding every aspect of my life.

Is it bad to want to get the implant but not tell my wife ALL the details of how it works? Obviously I’ll tell her I’m getting surgery to resolve my ED. She’s well aware of my issues and that I take pills. But I’d rather not tell her that I will need to pump up my dick to get an erection, that I’ll have plastic in there, etc. I will not lie to her with the words I say, please don’t mistake me. My dilemma is not whether to lie or tell the truth but rather, how much detail to go into. I just feel that with everything there is a difference between lying and simply not spilling every detail. She had a stomach procedure done a few years ago to aid weight loss. I don’t know what was put into her stomach nor do I know the mechanics of how it all works. I just know she had a procedure done that improved her quality of life and self outlook. That’s enough for me. I would love for her to view my implant the same — that I had a procedure done to improve a part of my body that I wasn’t happy with, and now things work as they should.

There’s a raw emotion behind this post, and it’s this: I feel ED has been such a humiliating and depressing thing to go through at 32. It’s taken away my enjoyment of nearly everything. I know I’m not owed anything in life but do feel after all the suffering, I “deserve” to have my ED solved with an implant and not have my wife view my solution as weird or fake or somehow less than ideal.

So if I go forward with an implant I will of course tell her I’m having surgery. I’ll tell her this will resolve my ED and give me complete control over when, and how long I have an erection. I’ll say that it will still be my penis that she knows and loves, but just with a new surgically improved lining in the penis to restore great erections. I’ll say all that. What I’d prefer not to get into detail on is that I’ll be “inflating” or “pumping” my penis to get an erection. I’d rather not use the word “prosthesis” which I feel is a misnomer anyway.

Can anyone relate? Any guys who have taken a similar approach in explaining their “procedure” to their wife?

[confused95]

The thing is.. why shouldn’t you?
She seems to be very supportive: no problems to her that you take erection pills, no problems to her that you ejaculate in a matter of a few minutes.. why shouldn’t you tell her you will need to activate the implant by touching your scrotum?

[Old Guy]

Tell her what she wants to know. I think once you tell her what the surgery is she will decide how much or how little she wants to know. My wife was there with me for the surgery, cared for me afterwards. She knows what I have in me, but she doesn't really care much more than that. She is not turned off by it, but rarely handles my penis and has only once felt the pump bulb. What she does like is the fact I can satisfy her.
Good Luck.

[Username1]

It ain’t no secret weapon, lol.

Not only did I tell my partner, I showed her…she likes to “help” in the deflation process…

Yea,she was there as I went through surgery and recovery.

For us, a big part of sex is communication and fun…knowing how my penis functions is just part of the game…

[Masonjames]

Tell her. She can look up all she wants to know about implants on the net anyway. She already know about your E.D. and is still with you. It's no different than any other prothesis in any body part. Once she see how hard you are and how long you can have sex the fact that you have and implant will be secondary.
I can sympathies with you for having to deal with this at 35 but it is what it is and this is an answer to your problem. Thank God that we have this option available. There was a time when men just had to live with E.D.
Your confidence will be through the roof once you see how it works. No more worries about how and if you can keep it up or if you're going to leave her hanging.
Bless you buddy and if I can help you in any way please let me know. I'll talk to anyone seeking answers, as will most guys here.

[Gt1956]

I would suggest that you're looking at this all wrong. There is basically no plastic other than some at the ends. Most of it is basically cloth. If you can imagine getting a hernia repair then in many ways the material is similar. Actually, Coloplast does make hernia mesh material.
She won't care as long as you treat her in a loving way. Banish those thoughts from your mind. Oh, she'll dislike your eventual totally limp dick more than your implant.

[oldbeek]

first, the 2 of you should watch on u-tube "the male reproductive system by spermatogenesis" It is a very detailed discussion of how and why your equipment works. Then watch some videos on implants. Dr Perito has a series of videos that answers most questions. It is called" Meet the Penis"
Have you determined if you have venous leaks and implant is your only cure.

[Lost Sheep]

I got a slightly different "take" on your post than the other respondents, I think.

You stated that you do not know the details of our wife's gastric surgery. Was that by her desire, yours or some other reason?

That brings me to my central question: How much interest (or knowledge) does she have about the mechanics or hydraulics or physiology of the male erectile process? Put another way, is she interested in or fascinated by your erectile process (and willing to help the process when there is a lack of it)? If she is, then I suggest that she mayl not be put off by the difference in an 1) erection achieved by inflation of your corpus cavernosum in the tunica albuginea versus 2) an erection achieved by inflation of tubes installed in your tunica albuginea. Since the outward effects are almost indisinguishable it is likely that she would be OK with the concept.

Some people are comfortable knowing the intimate details of their intimate partner's bodily functions. She did not share the details of her stomach surgery with you (by her preference or yours? or by shyness on both your parts?) An insight into that choice would provide guidance o the answer to your posted question.

(My opinion, or maybe guess) I rather think that women are intrigued by the mechanisms of her man's erection. They like it that they can produce his erection but they also enjoy the fact of erection regardless of how it is produced. Only you have knowledge of your wife's likely attitude.

A not very apt analogy would be if you cooked her a fine dinner (equivalent to a five-star chef) with all the trimmings or if you presented her with an equally fine dinner catered by that five-star chef. Or would it make a huge difference to her if presented with a bouquet of flowers you grew in your own garden or purchased at a florist? Does she like your scent? Does it matter to her if it comes from a cologne or after-shave or from your own body?

Those analogies leave out the factor of her participation in the meal, flowers or scent (as her influence on your erection is a palpable indication of your desire for her). To some women, that is of more importance than to other women.

You know your wife and we do not. What is your instinct on those questsions?

(edited to add a comment on Oldbeek's post which came in while I was composing this one) Would she be eager to view that video and learn what it has to teach or would she rather just enjoy the "magic" of erection and not know (blissfully ignorant)?

[jimmi85]

As others have stated, only you know your wife, we do not and therefore we can only put our opinions across.

I am scheduled for my implant on February 14th. I am 37 years old and suffer from Peyronies with a 75 degree Dorsal curve and this is my take on things:

I think it is vital for good communication within a relationship - On any subject but being open and honest with what is effectively a life changing operation is paramount. If she cares about you, which I am sure she does she will do her own research and will learn every little detail there is to know. After all, you are married and your implant will ultimately benefit her as much as it will do you. I am sure however, she would much prefer to hear it from you, her husband.

You will undoubtedly need her assistance after the surgery, to help with the pain, to assist you with cycling and to learn together how the implant works. If you think you can be intimate and pump without her ever knowing then that is naïve at best. What happens if you need a revision? What will you tell her?

I have just had a relationship breakdown due to a lack of intimacy due to my PD, however she did countless hours of research and knew exactly what the operation entailed. i have also been very open and honest with my friends ( nearly all female ) and i must say the feedback has been overwhelming, they are so excited for me with one in particular researching and offering to help to ' use it ' after i have recovered so please do not think it is anything to be ashamed about.

I do not know what sort of relationship you have with your wife, but if she was hesitant in providing you details regarding her operation, I would be conducting my own research so I knew exactly what i could expect both pre and post op and i suspect your wife is doing exactly the same so I honestly would not hold back in being as open and honest with her as you can.

[navy6587]

considering89...IMHO, you know your wife better than we. You've both shared the ups and downs of ED and, at 32, you need a better solution for a longer love life in your marriage. Your later paragraph:

So if I go forward with an implant I will of course tell her I’m having surgery. I’ll tell her this will resolve my ED and give me complete control over when, and how long I have an erection. I’ll say that it will still be my penis that she knows and loves, but just with a new surgically improved lining in the penis to restore great erections. I’ll say all that.

Begin with that. It's a great lead-in. If she genuinely wants to know more details, take the other FT'ers advice and share a video or other explanatory info. I didn't catch whether you had been to a surgeon yet but when my wife and I saw the first one, he gave us both popular brands to view, hold and ask questions about.

My opinion of your relationship is that it's a very positive and supportive one. The mechanics of pumping, etc. can be worked into a lovemaking event in a very sensuous, tenderly touching "let me help you get hard, hon" approach. It doesn't have to be a stilted, mechanically awkward step in your loving intercourse activities.

Just my 2 cents.
Edd