Implant Journey Begun - One Remaining Concern

[defiant]

Hi all,

I’m now ‘officially’ on a waiting list for an implant.

I’m sure a lot of you have noticed that I bring one issue that I struggle with, up a lot. That issue being the mental aspect of things.

I hope you’ll forgive me for this. I’ve been through a hell of a lot in my 38 years; losing my father young, being shipped off to boarding school, having low rate survival cancer at 26 and all the treatment that goes with it, relapse scares, failed relationships and the biggest of them all, recent narcissistic abuse and discard. All underpinned by ED to an ever worsening degree. And so mentality is a big thing for me. I’m suffering from C-PTSD.

I’ve been told it’s psychological but phsyical or psych, the end result’s the same.

Infection, sizing, women’s opinion - all that I can deal with.

The one concern I have is feeling mentally connected to the implant.

I believe that because of this ED, I’ve lost so much connectedness to sex and honestly, the whole shabang (sex, arousal, intimacy) is all kind of traumatic to me now. So I do have concerns over getting the implant and not feeling that it’s ‘a part of me’ or that my desire and love for sex will not return.

Obviously, if you need it you need it and need I do. I just don’t want a constant WTF life.

Is there anyone that can relate to what I’m saying here? And anyone who can perhaps advise or allay my concerns?

Thank you so much in advance!

[fade3W]

I totally get what you mean. Unfortunately, i am not in the camp that feels like the implant is a part of me. I know a lot of guys do, and that’s great, but I can’t shake the feeling. When I got peyronies I destroyed my psyche. Im sure I still haven’t recovered.

Now I’m almost a year post-op, and I still struggle with it. My penis is straight, and I can have sex. And that’s great, probably saved my life tbh.

But it still doesn’t feel like mine, like my body.

So I totally get what you’re thinking and I don’t think it’s wrong to feel this way. I hope that you have a better time of acclimation than I have, though.

[tomas1]

You have had a lot on your plate. I've dealt with some of that, but not the cancer and boarding school. My mom who lost my dad when I was 4 used to threaten to sent me to a home. I always thought she was kidding, but sometimes I wonder?

For what it's worth, I think the implant will solve some of your issues, but others may be a work in progress.

I really do hope things work out for you satisfactorily and please keep us posted.

You've already come a long way IMO.

[defiant]

I totally get what you mean. Unfortunately, i am not in the camp that feels like the implant is a part of me. I know a lot of guys do, and that’s great, but I can’t shake the feeling. When I got peyronies I destroyed my psyche. Im sure I still haven’t recovered.

Now I’m almost a year post-op, and I still struggle with it. My penis is straight, and I can have sex. And that’s great, probably saved my life tbh.

But it still doesn’t feel like mine, like my body.

So I totally get what you’re thinking and I don’t think it’s wrong to feel this way. I hope that you have a better time of acclimation than I have, though.

I’m so sorry to hear this, man!

Do you care to expand on why you don’t feel it’s a part of you? And does it negatively impact sex to the point you don’t enjoy it or can’t form a relationship? Please don’t answer if you feel that’s too much.

I would be so bold and to venture that with time, your connectedness will grow!

[defiant]

You have had a lot on your plate. I've dealt with some of that, but not the cancer and boarding school. My mom who lost my dad when I was 4 used to threaten to sent me to a home. I always thought she was kidding, but sometimes I wonder?

For what it's worth, I think the implant will solve some of your issues, but others may be a work in progress.

I really do hope things work out for you satisfactorily and please keep us posted.

You've already come a long way IMO.

Thanks so so much, Tomas.

As long as it solves my ED and vastly improves my sex life and thus my relationship with sex and intimacy (as well as boosting my sexual confidence), I can handle all the other stuff.

I’ve had a lot of practice as you can see!!

[Gt1956]

Connection? I'll reply with a story about my daughter. She was unable to have children. She fostered kids that the councilors felt would move over to being adoptable. She came to me with a similar concern about bonding to the children that she eventually adopted. I told her that after a period of time, the fact that she didn't actually birth the kids would fade out of the picture. That her bond would be just as good as if she had carried them for 9 months. Now, well over 20 years later. I was right. I can't point to the day when that lack of birthing went away. All I can say is that a very long time ago it did go away.
So, I honestly feel that I can say that you will be mentally connected to your now functional penis. It will work just like it should. But it will work just a little bit differently to get there.

[defiant]

Connection? I'll reply with a story about my daughter. She was unable to have children. She fostered kids that the councilors felt would move over to being adoptable. She came to me with a similar concern about bonding to the children that she eventually adopted. I told her that after a period of time, the fact that she didn't actually birth the kids would fade out of the picture. That her bond would be just as good as if she had carried them for 9 months. Now, well over 20 years later. I was right. I can't point to the day when that lack of birthing went away. All I can say is that a very long time ago it did go away.
So, I honestly feel that I can say that you will be mentally connected to your now functional penis. It will work just like it should. But it will work just a little bit differently to get there.

That’s a nice analogy. Thank you for sharing and for the words of comfort.

I’m happy too for your daughter and her kids!

[SearchingUSA]

@defiant, congrats on the steps you've taken so far and having narrowed it down to only one remaining concern. Having been implanted only 3.5 weeks I can't really address your question, but it's good to see you making progress towards a decision.

[Time2Change]

defiant,

I've had ED for over 20 years.

I felt disconnected to my dick all those years I couldn't reliably get a hard on.

Now, without fail, at any time of day or night, I can be hard in a minute or so. Sex feels great! And I'm in a much better place emotionally and mentally than I was 17 months ago. My confidence is much, much higher.

So, I do feel like my implant is a part of me. I'm very grateful to have it.

[defiant]

defiant,

I've had ED for over 20 years.

I felt disconnected to my dick all those years I couldn't reliably get a hard on.

Now, without fail, at any time of day or night, I can be hard in a minute or so. Sex feels great! And I'm in a much better place emotionally and mentally than I was 17 months ago. My confidence is much, much higher.

So, I do feel like my implant is a part of me. I'm very grateful to have it.

That’s very encouraging to read! Thank you.

Did it take you a little while to get used to it and to actually enjoy it / look forward to sexual encounters?