Stressful conversation with girlfriend

[Baseballfan11]

My girlfriend is visiting for about 5 days from out of state and we had a difficult conversation over FaceTime which caused some issues. She bluntly mentioned that the “getting hard” issue had been a problem for over a year. She assured me that when I’m able to get it up enough to have sex, which is rare and doesn’t last for long, that it feels good. I have my doubts as she was a virgin before we began dating. I’m sure others have it worse, and I feel insane in my own mind knowing I have ED but then admitting we’ve been able to have sex a few times, just with a very mediocre erection that didn’t last but a few minutes. My mind goes to all sorts of crazy thoughts. I like her and don’t want to break up with her, but the inevitable heart break of losing this relationship due to failure after failure is haunting to me. Even the most patient 22 year old young lady is eventually going to want to move on. Not to mention, she feels stressed that she isn’t hot enough for me to find attractive, which isn’t the case. My mind sometimes tells me to self sabotage. But I love her and that’s so selfish and horrible I’m certain I’m not going to do it. Gentlemen, where to from here? My thought is buying some cock rings at a sex shop to try to help the blood flow. But after that, I’m sort of financially in a rough spot to deal with this as I am a masters student full time and my parents earn pretty good incomes… but I feel so much guilt relying on their financial support


-baseballfan

[ftwabeck3533]

... when I’m able to get it up enough to have sex, which is rare and doesn’t last for ...

Was there a time when you had long and strong erections? The brain has so much to do with erection quality. As my wife tells me quite often, "Take you brain out and stomp on it."

Also, FWIW.....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33m9pN_vAI4

[navy6587]

baseball...I'm almost shocked but am truly saddened that a man in mid-20's is having difficulty with erections but it is what it is for you. I'll agree that your mind plays a big part of your sexual experience as it does for most men. Your remark that you've had this problem since your teens is heartbreaking but it does happen. I'm no doctor but it looks like you should get in touch with the best ED urologist in town and at least begin a conversation to see what he/ she thinks is a viable way forward for you. If you've been on FT for any length of time, you'll see that there are many options you might deploy to improve your sex life. Your uro must be a trustworthy individual!! There are lots of details to consider, too...who provides your healthcare funding? Can you go to your parents with this issue? I'm sure you'll get many other suggestions from FT members but you should begin to combat this issue now and not let it become the crushing burden it can become.
Edd

[bldoink]

My thought is buying some cock rings at a sex shop to try to help the blood flow.

Heck yeah you should try the rings. Low cost and low risk and can be fun for the both of you to experiment with, if you make it fun. Expect rejects until you find the ones that work best for you.

[Baseballfan11]

My thought is buying some cock rings at a sex shop to try to help the blood flow.

Heck yeah you should try the rings. Low cost and low risk and can be fun for the both of you to experiment with, if you make it fun. Expect rejects until you find the ones that work best for you.

Rings from a sex store not helpful. Any time I get an erection, which already I can’t really feel and isn’t very hard, it goes away. Even placing the ring in the proper position did not hold it. How is that possible? I am losing my sanity. I hope this affliction doesn’t lead me to want to take my own life

[bldoink]

Rings from a sex store not helpful. Any time I get an erection, which already I can’t really feel and isn’t very hard, it goes away. Even placing the ring in the proper position did not hold it. How is that possible? I am losing my sanity. I hope this affliction doesn’t lead me to want to take my own life

You really do need to get evaluated by a professional. Preferably a urologist with a strong interest in male sexual health.

I get that your finances are limited. Does your school have a health clinic on campus? You may luck out and find a professional there that has enough knowledge and interest to be helpful. It's worth a try. What Metro area are you in?

I've had pretty good luck with medical professionals that weren't Uros or men's health specialists. Some do have an interest although they may not be real knowledgeable on the topic. I've educated a few. You may have to educate yourself on the topic so that you can educate them. Them being those with an interest. Just remember they are well educated professionals with egos that accompany their level of training so you have to educate them with knowledge, confidence and humility. The humility is crucial if you want them to listen.

I don't know if rings, of any kind, will work for you. They don't produce erections on their own. They will only convincingly hold an erection if they are tight enough, as in medical grade rings designed to work in conjunction with a VED (penis pump). And then you have time constraints for length of wear. The sex shop/novelty rings will generally give a boost to an existing erection and increase it's duration. Many guys find success using them in this manner. You claim to be able to produce an erection on your own but it's weak and lacks duration. This would seem an ideal scenario for trying novelty cock rings.

There are an astounding number of types, and materials of novelty/sex shop cock ring. Some are good only as comic relief, if that. Some can pass as medical grade constriction rings suitable for use with VEDs (penis pumps). There are many somewhere in between. As I said before, you'll have to experiment an d expect rejects. I can tell you which ones I like and use but that gives little indication they are the best ones for you:

I'm currently using the PerfectFit PlayZone set which can be found on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Perfect-Fit-Rings-Sturdy-Storage/dp/B01J84E5OK. I'm sure they can also be found elsewhere. I like this set for the size options you get. I haven't used all of them and probably never will.

What rings did you try? What is this proper position you speak of?

You' say you're losing your sanity? Don't fret, I never had any. It's highly overrated. We're all just crazy people wandering through this life doing the best we can.

You're way too young and in way too good of shape physically, and with your pursuing a Masters, way too intelligent to consider the waste that taking your life would entail. Add the grief to others and it is too expensive of a price. You have too many options yet available to you. Be grateful for what you have, which is a lot. Don't dwell on the dark or down side of things.

[Baseballfan11]

Rings from a sex store not helpful. Any time I get an erection, which already I can’t really feel and isn’t very hard, it goes away. Even placing the ring in the proper position did not hold it. How is that possible? I am losing my sanity. I hope this affliction doesn’t lead me to want to take my own life

You really do need to get evaluated by a professional. Preferably a urologist with a strong interest in male sexual health.

I get that your finances are limited. Does your school have a health clinic on campus? You may luck out and find a professional there that has enough knowledge and interest to be helpful. It's worth a try. What Metro area are you in?

I've had pretty good luck with medical professionals that weren't Uros or men's health specialists. Some do have an interest although they may not be real knowledgeable on the topic. I've educated a few. You may have to educate yourself on the topic so that you can educate them. Them being those with an interest. Just remember they are well educated professionals with egos that accompany their level of training so you have to educate them with knowledge, confidence and humility. The humility is crucial if you want them to listen.

I don't know if rings, of any kind, will work for you. They don't produce erections on their own. They will only convincingly hold an erection if they are tight enough, as in medical grade rings designed to work in conjunction with a VED (penis pump). And then you have time constraints for length of wear. The sex shop/novelty rings will generally give a boost to an existing erection and increase it's duration. Many guys find success using them in this manner. You claim to be able to produce an erection on your own but it's weak and lacks duration. This would seem an ideal scenario for trying novelty cock rings.

There are an astounding number of types, and materials of novelty/sex shop cock ring. Some are good only as comic relief, if that. Some can pass as medical grade constriction rings suitable for use with VEDs (penis pumps). There are many somewhere in between. As I said before, you'll have to experiment an d expect rejects. I can tell you which ones I like and use but that gives little indication they are the best ones for you:

I'm currently using the PerfectFit PlayZone set which can be found on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Perfect-Fit-Rings-Sturdy-Storage/dp/B01J84E5OK. I'm sure they can also be found elsewhere. I like this set for the size options you get. I haven't used all of them and probably never will.

What rings did you try? What is this proper position you speak of?

You' say you're losing your sanity? Don't fret, I never had any. It's highly overrated. We're all just crazy people wandering through this life doing the best we can.

You're way too young and in way too good of shape physically, and with your pursuing a Masters, way too intelligent to consider the waste that taking your life would entail. Add the grief to others and it is too expensive of a price. You have too many options yet available to you. Be grateful for what you have, which is a lot. Don't dwell on the dark or down side of things.

Thanks for your continued responses. I haven’t gotten to each reply yet but plan to address everything to help you guys help me. The rings I got with my girlfriend at the sex store were by no means medical grade. They were $14 stretchy temporarily vibrating rings. I tried to extend it to the base of my penis when I got something of an erection. It is not “hard” per se just gets bigger and wider, but not firm and hard like granite. In any case I figured the ring would maintain that but it still managed to get even softer and back to totally flaccid. I’m looking for an internship with a stipend next semester at school which would give me more flexibility to deal with this on my own, absent of my parents. I also find it embarrassing to imagine my penile quality being worse than that of my almost 66 year old dad. Jesus… lol. Anyway, to address your other questions. The position I considered appropriate for the rings was far down on my penis as I could get before the shape got distorted… which happened at one try. The ring seemed to almost indent the side of my penis and almost discolor it maybe because it cut off circulation. The discolor/denting was the second try with the ring, after the first try I mentioned with what was sort of an “erection” in my standards that still went away. The sanity thing…ha! I have a great support network in a 12 step group I’m a part of in addition to this forum (12 step unrelated to sexual issues). My girlfriend is very loving and supportive. You’re correct that I’m very blessed. I’m not trying to have kids yet and I don’t want to seem selfish to my family spending money on an issue that is inconvenient but not life ending. As far as I know I don’t have a heart condition causing this. Maybe the rings you suggested are worth another try. I don’t own a penis pump

[NothingIsOver]

Baseballfan11,

I empathize with you. I've been there and understand the pain you are going through.

It sounds like you have a great girl on your side. As difficult as it is, try not to obsess over her leaving you because of your ED. This will only drive her away. If she sees you are taking steps to deal with the issue and trying to be positive despite everything that will show her you are a man worth holding on to. The problem is not your fault. How you react to it is on you, however.

There are a multitude of options out there for you to try but it can be a long and frustrating process. In my case, an implant was the only decent option. I hope you don't get to that point but, if you do, know that it is a reliable solution you can always turn to.

As for relying on your parents financially, I understand your feelings here as well. It's not ideal, but what can you do? If they are willing to help you, accept it. We all need help in this life.

Hang in there man!

[Spontaneous1]

Baseballfan, if you can afford a cheap $20 pump and then get a multi-set of constriction bands (usually 3 or more different sizes) to use until you figure out what's going on, I think you'll find you can at least have sex in the meantime. A properly sized vacuum pump will allow you to pump up till you're erect, and then you can "load" the band (slide the flexible band off the vacuum cylinder onto your penis, without breaking the seal, to maintain your erection). This can take a little practice, and use some lube prior to pumping up, but once you find the correct band tension it should maintain your erection for PIV sex. When you get to this point DO NOT leave it on longer than 30 minutes! There are a few types of bands (not cock rings) you can try, do some searching on this site, the Osborn ones seem to be popular and the ones below that I've had success with. There are ways around what's happening to you, don't lose hope, good luck. https://www.reachmedical.com/blue-ultim ... echnology/

[Baseballfan11]

Baseballfan, if you can afford a cheap $20 pump and then get a multi-set of constriction bands (usually 3 or more different sizes) to use until you figure out what's going on, I think you'll find you can at least have sex in the meantime. A properly sized vacuum pump will allow you to pump up till you're erect, and then you can "load" the band (slide the flexible band off the vacuum cylinder onto your penis, without breaking the seal, to maintain your erection). This can take a little practice, and use some lube prior to pumping up, but once you find the correct band tension it should maintain your erection for PIV sex. When you get to this point DO NOT leave it on longer than 30 minutes! There are a few types of bands (not cock rings) you can try, do some searching on this site, the Osborn ones seem to be popular and the ones below that I've had success with. There are ways around what's happening to you, don't lose hope, good luck. https://www.reachmedical.com/blue-ultim ... echnology/

Thanks for the info, Spontaneous. Are these bands safe to use regardless of doctor recommendation or not? Sure, my dick is already super screwed up but I’d hate to possibly do any more damage to blood flow. The rings from the sex store seemed pretty low risk. They weren’t metal