How and when do you and your wife/partner decide to take ED meds

[sogwap]

I've used viagra about 10 years. I am now about to start Trimix Injections for hopefully better reliable erections.

Since I started taking Viagra 10 years ago we rarely if ever talk about me taking viagra. In most cases I would either take a pill when getting ready for bed and hope sex will happen. Or if we are in bed and I sense she wants sex I will get up take a pill, and hope to god it starts working in 20 minutes while I do foreplay. 3-4 years ago I started struggling with PE (Premature Ejaculations) where I couldnt last more than a couple minutes. I then started taking Paroxetine 10mg daily, which has helped, but looking back I also seemed to have weaker erections, which limited me to being able to have sex in one position. As a result of ED and PE. my wife understandably is hesitant to start anything sexual.

It seems these past 10 years, our sex life has revolved around (me) managing my erections. My wife even told me last week my unpredictable erections is why she stopped giving oral sex 10 years ago. We are now currently in a sexless marriage, In which we both are quite depressed. I'm for pretty much anything sexually although I feel limited in what I can do. While my wife is fearful that things (my penis) wont work. And usually would rather not start anything for fear of disappointment.

My question: How do you you and your wife/partner determine when to do injections?

With Viagra if I take a pill, and there's no sex, its disappointing, but I've learned it is what it is, and usually wake up during the night with several nocturnal erections.
Although with injections, what do you do with an hour or two with a full hard-on if she is not interested?

[Wiggles123]

Hi,

First off, I see an issue as to how you have dealt with it thus far. Instead of worrying about short plasying / weak erections and PE, why not make the event all about HER. Start with kissing and cuddling, move on to L-O-N-G sessions of performing oral on her (ie: multiple orgasms till she is sated), and then move on to dildos and vibrators..... Then, "finish" with whatever you can pull off with your dick. If you make it about her and less about you she will come around... This is how my wife and I have made it thru 15 years of progressive ED - I always kept it about her, and she loved it. This way you avoid the sexless marriage. Own your limitations and be open when discussing. Let her know you desire her and desire to please her and she will forget the problems.

Once we got thru all that and finally moved to the implant stage we are like teens again. She has actually said at times she misses the toys as we no longer need them, so we pull them out from time to time.

Just my humble advice.

[ape1100]

Communication really is the biggest key. You have to talk about it no matter how humiliating you might think. If it’s really important than it’s worth fighting for. Hearing your story echoes my own. At first i hid the fact that i took viagra and then cialis. When I finally admitted to using meds and accepted my condition it helped up until the meds became less effective. We went through a lot of sex sessions without penetration getting each other off in other ways. I was the one who had enough and went through the next steps w the VED. For me that was just useless. I really did not want to inject. I was just so against it but that issue is silly when I’d never had an injection in my dick, but just the idea of it was so abhorrent that I hesitated. It was my uro who actually convinced me by saying, if sex w your wife is that important than you’d try anything then you’ll do it. I’m only up to 14 injections but it has been out of this world AMAZING!!! It wouldnt have been had i not talked to her about the whole situation. I’m fortunate to not have gone through a sexless period but i can see it happening has i not have such a supportive spouse. She didn’t want me to do anything i was not comfortable with but since it was important to me, i did and will continue to do what’s necessary for our sex life. If that means a prosthesis is in my future, then i will accept it and do whats needed. We have pretty standard ritual now. She gets ready, i shoot up and we get it on even better than our younger days. What i love about the forum here is the anonymity where i can tell someone about my sex life since we don’t talk about it with anyone else. It’s nice to say here that we have sex for hours on end almost every week. I was very apprehensive about the actual injection but it does get easier. After every shot, i think the next one will be easy, but I still get nervous and shaky but still manage to do it. Again i am fortunate to have a partner that enjoys sex but again it has to be discussed no matter how it may feel. It’s difficult to talk to even your wife but it is that important to me and her. I know there will be times when it wont be in the cards for one of us but we deal with it. You learn to get over things easier when you’ve been with someone you love for so long. Yes, spontaneity may be gone but we make up for it with quality. For me, a 10 units injection yields a good 4 hour erection. I use various units under ten to tailor how long it lasts. But that’s just me. I hope it works out for you. If you need anything, don’t to ask.

[dg_moore]

Like they say, the only person who knows when it's 30 minutes before sex is the woman.

[sogwap]

Like they say, the only person who knows when it's 30 minutes before sex is the woman.

DG, can you elaborate, I must have missed that discussion.

-----------------------

...why not make the event all about HER

I do my best too make it all about her.

I'm the one the bought all of the vibrators,

I usually offer oral sex either until she comes, or sometimes she's not into it, or would simply rather have PIV. Problem is she wants more PIV and I'm limited in what I can give as I have somewhat weak erections, and if I dont limit my thrusting I ejaculate which ends PIV and she gets quite upset.

When we do have PIV (with Viagra), I can usually keep my erection and hold off from ejaculating until she comes.
For me I feel its a victory that I was able to hold-off until she comes, But for her, although she's generally satisfied, she finds it boring having the same old sex.
She wants more variety, and she feels she is not able to be the aggressor.
She feels when she takes the lead, I either lack the erection, or will come to quickly. Which as much as I hate to admit is true.

Having said all this I'm hoping Trimix, will help me get better erections quicker and more reliable, and the urologist thinks I will be able to continue sex even after ejaculation. Which at this point seems like a dream.

[68CatFan]

Injections have always been a struggle for me. Before, I could start hugging and kissing on the wife and feeling my erection would often turn her on. Off to the bedroom we went. Sometimes, my wife would come on to me or just flat out pull her panties off and bend over the bed, couch, etc... Sex was very spontaneous that way and we often did it 3-4 times per week. It could be Monday after work, Tuesday night or Sunday morning.
Now, when we hug and kiss and I don't get hard, I start to feel a large amount of anxiety which quickly turns into depression. I can't help but feel broken. Affection is now pretty rare during the week and usually I just give a quick kiss or hug. I try not to think about sex or get horny.
Friday and Saturday nights are now our regularly scheduled fun evenings. I hate the fact that the spontaneity is gone but I'm thankful that Trimix works very well. So far, I've had no ill side effects.

[sogwap]

Communication really is the biggest key....

I agree communication is the key. The past 10 years we had numerous talks, usually after "it" (my erection) didnt work, She would tell me that I should talk to someone. I had already spoke with several sex thearapist, which most caused stalemate.

She gets ready, i shoot up and we get it on even better than our younger days.

If you dont mind me ask what do you mean She gets ready?

...i am fortunate to have a partner that enjoys sex but again it has to be discussed no matter how it may feel. It’s difficult to talk to even your wife but it is that important to me and her...

If you need anything, don’t to ask.

My wife I believe wants a heathy sex life also. Although she has said she doesnt know how to help, since she has never dealt with this (ED) before.

I know there's probably no such thing as normal. But then who's to say what we want is or is not normal. For example statically 75% men come within three minutes. And in some ways I'm within that range. But neither my wife or I are happy with that. I'm hopeful Trimix will help.

Ape1100 Thanks for your kind words!

[sogwap]

Injections have always been a struggle for me. Before, I could start hugging and kissing on the wife and feeling my erection would often turn her on. Off to the bedroom we went. Sometimes, my wife would come on to me or just flat out pull her panties off and bend over the bed, couch, etc... Sex was very spontaneous that way and we often did it 3-4 times per week. It could be Monday after work, Tuesday night or Sunday morning.
Now, when we hug and kiss and I don't get hard, I start to feel a large amount of anxiety which quickly turns into depression. I can't help but feel broken. Affection is now pretty rare during the week and usually I just give a quick kiss or hug. I try not to think about sex or get horny.
Friday and Saturday nights are now our regularly scheduled fun evenings. I hate the fact that the spontaneity is gone but I'm thankful that Trimix works very well. So far, I've had no ill side effects.

Contrary to porn a statistic I heard is that real people need 10-12 minutes to get going.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q64hTNEj6KQ

Assuming that is true, and rimix takes 5-15 to start working. Which may be ideal time get both ready for sex.

[dg_moore]

Like they say, the only person who knows when it's 30 minutes before sex is the woman.

DG, can you elaborate, I must have missed that discussion.

C'mon, man, it's a joke.

[ape1100]

Communication really is the biggest key....

I agree communication is the key. The past 10 years we had numerous talks, usually after "it" (my erection) didnt work, She would tell me that I should talk to someone. I had already spoke with several sex thearapist, which most caused stalemate.

for me, it was talking to my wife about the problem, what it did to me, how it made me feel. when those thoughts come in to your brain, you assume that your spouse might feel like maybe its her fault, you start to think that she may want to seek out what you cannot provide. that is not the case in my book. it just felt good to talk to her about it rather than keep it inside. my wife was fine if we could never have PIV sex again, we have toys and i have other ways of pleasing her. even after the first few times when i was apprehensive about injecting because she would see it, she would say, if your not comfortable injecting, dont. i have to have faith that my wife is being honest so if i cant, then we do what we can. hell, there has already been one time where she was not up to it. i just make sure that if that is the case, i will not shoot up. but at least for me, its 98% positive that she looks forward to the times we do plan on having sex.

She gets ready, i shoot up and we get it on even better than our younger days.

If you dont mind me ask what do you mean She gets ready?

my wife dresses up for me. sexy clothing and such that she never wore for me back in the day but now is a lot more open to wearing and doing other things that she and i are interested in, kinks and other things

...i am fortunate to have a partner that enjoys sex but again it has to be discussed no matter how it may feel. It’s difficult to talk to even your wife but it is that important to me and her...

If you need anything, don’t to ask.

My wife I believe wants a heathy sex life also. Although she has said she doesnt know how to help, since she has never dealt with this (ED) before.

I know there's probably no such thing as normal. But then who's to say what we want is or is not normal. For example statically 75% men come within three minutes. And in some ways I'm within that range. But neither my wife or I are happy with that. I'm hopeful Trimix will help.

Ape1100 Thanks for your kind words!

movie quote: theres no normal life Wyatt, theres just life. my wife helps in just being supportive of what i may want or need. she was content on pleasing each other in other ways as we have before. I am the bigger proponent in going the extra steps to keep it going by taking meds, now injecting and possibly an implant if and when trimix fails. you have to be honest with what you want out of your sex life and that is more than just sex. what has helped us get over a lot of our hangups is marijuana. in that "state" we both get horny as hell. what i did not mention in the first response is that I suffer from anorgasmia and have been prior to injecting. so that is my hang up right now. i dont mind saying that i please and please and please her many times over, even knowing that an orgasm most of the time will not be in my future. since you experience PE, i think you will be more than happy to blow your load in the first 15 minutes, cuz w the injection, youll still be hard and want to keep going. the few times i have been able to orgasm, it was still hard and i kept at it. hell, even when i was young, i was never able to orgasm and remain hard so, like i said before, i am making up for lost time. i have only had one occasion when i used a smaller dose than usual and the erection lasted about 45 min. i was upset that it didnt last longer but my wife was more than content even if i never came. to me, that is more important that my orgasm because i know that i was responsible to her pleasure.

again, take care and dont hesitate to reach out should you need to.