My wife told on me!

[irishguy]

I personally think, if I asked my most trusted person (long term partner) not to disclose my most personal information to anyone and she did. I wouldn’t trust her again and I would also think if she’s willing to break your trust/boundaries while in love what would she be willing to disclose to people if breaking up/divorcing.. a lot of people are giving her an out for being a woman. That’s not an excuse

[GoodWood]

Sounds like a lot of guys here are practically advocating the OP get divorced.
Everyone has bad judgement from time to time. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone does things that hurt the people they love from time to time. It’s part of being human.

Talk it out. Let her know how badly this hurt you.

But also take a look at the level of shame you feel over this. You probably wouldn’t feel violated if she shared you had a hip replacement surgery. Some guys are embarrassed if other know about their ED, others are not bothered as much.

You CAN decide how much power the shame has over you. You aren’t in control of others actions but you ARE in control of your feelings about them.

You aren’t powerless here. You have quite a bit of say over how much damage this does to your relationship.

[BionicMan2022]

I told friends and family I was getting a hernia procedure. Then I found out my wife had told her sister the truth. I asked her not to tell anyone else but who are we kidding? Just like any other secret, if more than one person knows it, it isn't a secret anymore.

[Fourtytwo00]

Without an implant she'd tell about her sex less marriage.
Lots of women do it. About their boyfriends, their former boyfriends, their husbands, lovers, etc.
I hope she didn't complain about the difference. That would be more irritating.
Be proud of your dick. If someone whisper, just offer a ride. Attack is the best defence.

[slipnslider]

Talking about it to her girlfriends would bother me less than talking about it to her family. Her friends would possibly be secretly jealous or curious. Her family would be staring at your crotch every time you get up from the table at thanksgiving.

But women be talkin.

[FMLFML85]

.

[Lost Sheep]

The advice to "Get over it" (Referring to knowing that people he knows know about his implant which, I suppose, implies that he has a sexual inadequacy (which a lot of men have) and further that that inadequacy reflects somehow on his value as a man (which is does not, unless prostate cancer -pancreatic cancer, bone cancer, brain cancer, leukemia or any other condition also reflects such),

The advice to "Get over it" is good advice, but it does not help with the OP's initial insult to his relationship with his WIFE.

Now that the cat is out of the bag, adjusting his (the OP's) attitude towards being "outed" is good advice, though.

Fixing his relationship with his wife is a much more difficult task. Solutions run the gamut from outright forgiveness or (slightly less functional) turning a blind eye to her transgression/mistake all the way to divorce or ostracism within the marriage.

The advice to communicate with the wife is the best way to save the marriage. If she understands and accepts responsibility for the damage done, and tries to undo that damage, that would be a positive step, I think.

Another thought occurred to me. Is it possible the wife told one person in confidence and that person blabbed? Reduces the wife's culpability a bit. Or perhaps it did slip out accidentally?

[Cnidium]

As a younger implantee, I fully expect my SOs to tell their friends and some of their family members (especially close sisters). I actually could care less, no one is going to challenge me on it. I do so many other things that either piss off other people or demonstrate that i dont care about their opinion that you might as well add this one to the list.

That being said, I can absolutely understand why it wouldnt be easy if there was a direct and agreed-upon conversation to keep this quiet. I would be disappointed in my SO for going against her promise out of principle. In this situation, I would hold her accountable for this action and (in whatever way you see fit), make sure it doesn't happen again. I would not, however, break up with her over this.

[bldoink]

The advice to "Get over it" (Referring to knowing that people he knows know about his implant which, ......The advice to "Get over it" is good advice, but it does not help with the OP's initial insult to his relationship with his WIFE....Fixing his relationship with his wife is a much more difficult task. Solutions run the gamut from outright forgiveness....The advice to communicate with the wife is the best way to save the marriage. If she understands and accepts responsibility for the damage done, and tries to undo that damage, ......Another thought occurred to me. Is it possible the wife told one person in confidence and that person blabbed? ....

The get over it about all of the relatives knowing is a given. Of course get over it. Fretting over it is pointless. Move on, they all know now so own it.

The primary "Get over it.", IMHO, is the get over it with the wife part. It's done, she screwed up, she shouldn't have, but was just being a typical women. Be mad for a few hours if it makes you feel better. But get over it. She wasn't fucking her old boyfriend or a coworker or taking money for drugs or gambling, or something really serious.

Yes, plain old complete honest forgiveness is the obvious and really the only good answer.

Yes, Capt. Obvious, the advice to communicate with the wife is always valid.

As for undoing the damage, well that isn't going to happen. The cat is out of the bag. It isn't going back in.

Yeah, she probably did have help spreading the word. One relative would have probably be sufficient for it to spread like wildfire. It doesn't really change much.

I'm done with this thread.

[Raycaba]

Like I said others here have had to of gone thru something similar and how they Handel it helps keep my prospective clear since I don’t talk about it to people I know because of questions that might be awardly asked.