viewtopic.php?f=6&t=20981&start=10
Below commences the pre-game jitters part:
So, tomorrow is the big day!
I’ve carved five days out of my schedule for this. I flew from Florida to Houston yesterday for my surgery on January 4 with Dr. Clavelle. Per his recommendation, day one, yesterday, was a simple travel day. Arrived in Houston and checked in at the Westin hotel, about a mile from the surgery center.
Today, day two of my trip, I awakened at 4 AM. Sitting here in my hotel room at the moment, and it is still dark outside. Of course, this is pretty much all I can think about. Today I will pre-register at the surgery center, and take my medication as per the doctors instructions. Surgery is tomorrow at 7:30 AM.
I am grateful for this forum and the many contributors who have preceded me. I have read so much and learned so much. Of course, there are some scary stories in there, and I guess we all just hope that we have done our best to mitigate the risks and that we will be one of the fortunate ones with a good recovery and a good result.
There seems to be such weight to this decision. The mental aspects as the date has approached have really surprised me. I guess it’s just Class-A anxiety. Like most things that make us anxious, the mind projects into negative “what ifs” and those translate into some pretty uncomfortable feelings. But, I remind myself that I have been in many situation in my lifetime that have caused me to feel this way. Certain career challenges, skydiving in my younger days, taking a sailboat out on the open ocean for the first time with my newly minted captains license and my then girlfriend. Long motorcycle trips of over 2000 miles. Starting a couple of businesses from scratch. All of those things, I look back and realize I was stepping into the unknown. I always had to confront those “what if” negative thoughts and feeling. And with each experience there was always that voice whispering “you don’t HAVE to do this”.
One thing I like to say to my friends and to my sons is that “if it does not take you out of your comfort zone, then it’s not really an adventure“. Boy, I realize now that this is the time to put my money where my mouth is. Because this is taking me squarely out of my comfort zone. So, I’ll consider it an adventure. I like adventures.
Like that first parachute jump in 1977, when I was 17 years old, I will face my fears, “get on the jump plane”, and make the leap. There are moments in those first few skydives where I remember thinking to myself “it’s not too late. I don’t have to do this. Nobody can make me jump“. But I did it anyway. Why? Because I wanted above all: The Experience. I had to see for myself what it was like on the other side. To be a skydiver. Likewise now, even though I am in my hotel room in Houston, I find myself thinking “I don’t have to do this“. Lots of second-guessing.
But I won’t. Because I want to know what is “on the other side“ of ED. Actually, I already know what is on the other side of ED, and that is a proper sex life. I’m 63 now and am otherwise in perfect health, and still maintain an active lifestyle and with retirement on the horizon later this year, in Thailand, I do not intend to sit on the fence and let these years go by without sex. I remind myself now of the reason I’m even here. After a lifetime of colorful and vigorous and enjoyable sex, the last few years of diminishing returns on the pills, diminishing effectiveness of the injections, the inexplicable loss of my erection in the middle of sex. Of how changing positions would make my erection disappear. The recent diagnosis of venous leakage. The gradual withdrawal from sex, and declining it when offered because of my fear of failure. How am I to think that any of those things are going to get any better? What’s my option?
I scrolled through the forum a little while ago and I found an old thread in which the OP asked the question of the bionic brothers who preceded him how they were doing. I think that is the last thread I will read for today. I say that because it was so positive. Overwhelmingly the response from the members was “I only wish I would’ve done it sooner“. And other similarly positive responses.
I have also been touched by the maturity and warmth of some of the members here. Not the usual troll-farm I’ve seen on other public forums. I was very surprised to receive a PM today of another user who underwent his own surgery less than a month ago, with the same doctor. He remembered that my surgery is scheduled for tomorrow and wrote to reach out with some words of encouragement. He went on to relate that things were going well for him. I wrote him back, thanked him, and said I could feel his hand of support on my shoulder.
Like I mentioned, I’m sitting alone in the dark pre-sunrise now. Receiving such a note meant a lot. Thank you brother.
I know the early days of the recovery is tumultuous, for at least some guys, and per the doctors instructions I will remain in Houston until the sixth. And then I return home. I’ll try to post some updates on my own recovery journey.
Well i hope the reality matches the name. 