At my wit's end and don't know what to do

[redfarmer]

Hi, everyone. This post is going to be a bit venting because I don't know where else to go right now. I also don't want to seem like I'm trying to invalidate other people's choices. I'm just trying to figure out what's for me.

A bit of background: I developed erectile dysfunction when I was 27. I'm 42 now. It came on very suddenly, like without me even knowing what was going on, and got so bad at one point that I convinced myself I was asexual because that would have been easier to live with than the uncertainty I've had all these years. I can achieve erection, but only from masturbation and it only lasts a few minutes if I don't constantly stimulate myself. I also get morning erections. But in terms of an erection with a partner, that hasn't happened in a very long time.

I've been to four urologists over that time, and the only test they've ever performed was on testosterone levels, which are consistently normal. The worst of them just blame it on weight (it's consistent whether I'm fat or skinny; I've been both in that time frame) or psychological issues (maybe, but you need to convince me that it's not having erectile dysfunction that's given me anxiety). The best, the latest one, was honest enough to just tell me he has no idea what's causing it.

I've tried both Viagra and Cialis and had little to know results. I'm really not interested in the injections because I'm really not interested in the limited results that would come with me overcoming my fear of poking myself down there.

Which brings me to today and the consultation I have coming up on Wednesday with urologist number five based on number four's recommendation that I consider an implant. I know implants have helped a lot of people, but every fiber of my being is telling me no, largely because it would be asking me to do an irreversible surgery and not be able to take advantage of any future advances in medicine without even knowing what is causing the ED in the first place! And I know myself: I know that, even if it's successful, there will always be a twinge of regret and wonder about whether I really made the right decision.

And I feel like I have risk factors for ED that haven't even been considered, such as sleep apnea and the worse case of genetic varicose veins my vascular surgeon had ever seen.

So here I sit, running it through my head yet another time and I feel like I'm at my wit's end. My partner keeps telling me I'm loved no matter what, but that's beside the point: I want a sex life for me first. Is an irreversible procedure really my last hope? Is there really nothing more that can be done if it's not testosterone?

[Lifeabroad]

Hi, everyone. This post is going to be a bit venting because I don't know where else to go right now. I also don't want to seem like I'm trying to invalidate other people's choices. I'm just trying to figure out what's for me.

A bit of background: I developed erectile dysfunction when I was 27. I'm 42 now. It came on very suddenly, like without me even knowing what was going on, and got so bad at one point that I convinced myself I was asexual because that would have been easier to live with than the uncertainty I've had all these years. I can achieve erection, but only from masturbation and it only lasts a few minutes if I don't constantly stimulate myself. I also get morning erections. But in terms of an erection with a partner, that hasn't happened in a very long time.

I've been to four urologists over that time, and the only test they've ever performed was on testosterone levels, which are consistently normal. The worst of them just blame it on weight (it's consistent whether I'm fat or skinny; I've been both in that time frame) or psychological issues (maybe, but you need to convince me that it's not having erectile dysfunction that's given me anxiety). The best, the latest one, was honest enough to just tell me he has no idea what's causing it.

I've tried both Viagra and Cialis and had little to know results. I'm really not interested in the injections because I'm really not interested in the limited results that would come with me overcoming my fear of poking myself down there.

Which brings me to today and the consultation I have coming up on Wednesday with urologist number five based on number four's recommendation that I consider an implant. I know implants have helped a lot of people, but every fiber of my being is telling me no, largely because it would be asking me to do an irreversible surgery and not be able to take advantage of any future advances in medicine without even knowing what is causing the ED in the first place! And I know myself: I know that, even if it's successful, there will always be a twinge of regret and wonder about whether I really made the right decision.

And I feel like I have risk factors for ED that haven't even been considered, such as sleep apnea and the worse case of genetic varicose veins my vascular surgeon had ever seen.

So here I sit, running it through my head yet another time and I feel like I'm at my wit's end. My partner keeps telling me I'm loved no matter what, but that's beside the point: I want a sex life for me first. Is an irreversible procedure really my last hope? Is there really nothing more that can be done if it's not testosterone?

I don’t get it. You want “sex for you first”, but you are not ready to even try injections before you decide about an implant? Also, you convinced yourself you are asexual, but you Stil want sex??

Regarding your situation, having morning wood and ability of maintaining erection for a few minutes without stimulation indicates that you might suffer some psychological issues.

[redfarmer]

I don’t get it. You want “sex for you first”, but you are not ready to even try injections before you decide about an implant?

That's correct. I don't consider the limited results I would receive worth trying to overcome a fear of sticking a needle in my penis. It's a personal choice and I don't blame anyone who tries it, but it's not for me.

Also, you convinced yourself you are asexual, but you Stil want sex??

I said I convinced myself that I was asexual because it was easier than living with ED, not that I consider myself asexual. I am not asexual.

Regarding your situation, having morning wood and ability of maintaining erection for a few minutes without stimulation indicates that you might suffer some psychological issues.

I'm open to that possibility, but it's just never made sense to me because my performance anxiety didn't start until after I developed erectile dysfunction, and that's the part that makes no sense. In any case, CBT does nothing for me, which is all my insurance will pay for, and I can't afford the $200 a session some sex therapists charge, so I may never know.

[Txagq8]

I am 67 with an implant now. I was 31 when they diagnosed my ED. As far as I know I’ve had ED since birth.

I never knew that erections were supposed to last longer than a minute or two. When I discovered jacking off I had no idea that other guys didn’t need to use one hand to compress the base of their dick in order to keep an erection long enough to get off. What I saw was my normal. When I first became sexually active…the sheer novelty was enough to keep me excited long enough to finish. Then it became superhuman levels of stimulation to stay hard. Then I got married and my wife decided it ought to slow down some. Not long after that I saw a doctor about it.

It’s venous leakage, its position and situation dependent, and in the mid-1980s there were no pills. I was as leery of injections as you, but it really is easy, simple, painless, and the results were great.

Before you go to diagnosing yourself, you need to find the right doctor. If all they’ve done for labs us testosterone I can tell you they haven’t done enough.

They probably need to do some imaging, ultrasound, Doppler, the whole nine yards. The truth is ED is not simple. It is more often physical than psychological. I’m not trying to scare you but it can be a warning flag of circulatory system or other problems so you need to be fully checked out.

They might suggest you try injections. I understand the aversion to them. My advice to you is to go ahead and try then. I was on shots for 32 years. I would still get good erections from them when I went in for an implant…it’s just the duration had gotten shorter and shorter. I had no scarring or fibrosis from the shots.

Whether you’re asexual, monosexual, or whatever is popular thus week…it is a normal physiological function for a guy to have erections. You aren’t getting any or if you are, they’re not quite right. Even if you joined a monastery and took a vow of celibacy, you need to find out what’s behind the lack of erectile function.

[redfarmer]

They probably need to do some imaging, ultrasound, Doppler, the whole nine yards. The truth is ED is not simple. It is more often physical than psychological. I’m not trying to scare you but it can be a warning flag of circulatory system or other problems so you need to be fully checked out.

You make me feel less crazy. I keep saying I don't understand why the only thing they'll test me for is testosterone. It just doesn't make sense because that isn't how I think of medicine as operating. I'll bring this up on Wednesday and see what they say.

[Martin6469]

redfarmer: Many urologists are comfortable with working on prostates or kidney stones, etc., and don't want our ED problems. If Wednesday doesn't work out, look for the largest urology practice in your area and ask for a mens' sexual health specialist. I've not used this site, but maybe it will help you find this expert: www.healthgrades.com. Also check Frank Talk's "Physician Finder" at the top of this page.

[bldoink]

I'm really not interested in the injections because I'm really not interested in the limited results that would come with me overcoming my fear of poking myself down there.

I wouldn't try to talk you into anything you don't want. However, I have to take issue with your statement regarding "limited results". I've used injections for over 11 years. I haven't found the results to be limited. The results are great and have been consistent for 11 years. Injecting is pretty much pain free but if you have an unusual fear of needles I don't know what to tell you.

Good luck with your life journey whatever path you take.

[Old Guy]

Many of us were at wits end at one time or another, relax and think about what is most important for you.
ED sucks no matter how it happens. There are "fixes" but not every fix is good for every guy. You really need to locate a men's sexual health urologist and get some proper tests done. Hope you are able to figure things out.

[redfarmer]

I wouldn't try to talk you into anything you don't want. However, I have to take issue with your statement regarding "limited results". I've used injections for over 11 years. I haven't found the results to be limited. The results are great and have been consistent for 11 years. Injecting is pretty much pain free but if you have an unusual fear of needles I don't know what to tell you.

I think it's less about the actual results and more that it's not worth it for me for those specific results. Given the injections can last as little as thirty minutes (I know there are plenty of other people with longer results, but that's the base), it's just not something I'm interested in. I could get thirty minutes out of a penis pump if that's what I wanted, but more power to you if it's working for you in a way that's satisfying.

[bldoink]

Given the injections can last as little as thirty minutes (I know there are plenty of other people with longer results, but that's the base), it's just not something I'm interested in. I could get thirty minutes out of a penis pump if that's what I wanted, but more power to you if it's working for you in a way that's satisfying.

I've never heard that 30 minutes is any sort of base although it may be all many guys want so that what they shoot for. Until I got my dose figured out I was banging on 4 hours pretty regularly. I get 2 hours regularly and 3 hours if I want, which I don't. But whatever. I don't want to try changing your mind but I also don't want to let misleading information go unanswered.