Performance Pressure is wearing on me (31)

[younggun1]

Hey guys,

I've been dating a new girl for about a month and things are going well. She's definitely into me and wanting to make plans and hinting towards a relationship.

We've hooked up once and she's given me a BJ twice. Couldn't get it up in the morning once and just kind of played it off that I was tired.
(edited for brevity).

My initial advice is to level with the girl. Women are incredibly supportive If they feel trusted, respected and safe, not to mention, loved. This may apply more to more mature women that are 25-year-old, but the principal still applies. A woman in her 20s will like being cared for.(And sexual needs being cared) if you learn to do it right.

Thus, I recommend you develop skills in massage and cunnilingus so that you become a reliable provider of orgasms. That would put you miles ahead of other men (even ones who’s erections are reliable) who do not have these skills, and who depend on their penises to do all the work for them.

my erectile history was similar to yours. In my mid-30s I started experiencing venous leak. But I was unaware of what was happening and thought this was common. And the stories of other men’s prowess were either exceptional or bragging. But I learned that if I cared for my partners‘ pleasure and orgasms, she would stick around.

For example, I would tell a new partner “my dick does not work as well as I would like, but I will make every effort to ensure you enjoy sex with me “. This worked pretty well, despite me being unskilled in alternative sex practices for a long time. You now have the chance to get ahead of where I was.

Try this: with her naked, after a shower and wrapped in a nice fluffy bathrobe (perhaps fresh out of the dryer), start giving her a foot massage and work your way up until she is receptive to a good tongue-lashing on her clitoris. I bet no other lover of hers has ever done that.

That might be a good time for you to tell her that you really adore her body and her and that you wish your penis would express that desire better than it does. I would open a discussion about ED and make her a partner in your search for a satisfactory treatment.

I also heartily ratify the advice you’ve gotten from Thailandbound how about seeking out a urologist who specializes in men’s sexual function to investigate less invasive solutions than implants or injections.

Thanks for the advice. Yeah may tell her I have issues sometimes so I can ease some of the anxiety.

[Lost Sheep]

No fear in terms of comfortability telling a girl. Just trying to figure out best approach for sustaining relationships.

ED is not exactly the most attractive thing to divulge. I may tell her it takes me a while to getting going sometimes and alcohol contributes to that. So maybe a more tactful approach on it and seeing if I can get by with that.

But was more asking if I should pull the trigger on the implant to resolve the problem and if it's worth the tradeoff.

1- keeping a secret in a relationship takes a lot of energy away from the relationship.

2- I did not pull the trigger on getting an implant until I knew this: if the implant failed, I would not regret losing what I had.

[HikerMan]

Think you have a couple of options. 1 is to tell her and see how she takes it. That'll also remove any performance anxiety. I did this with one of my exes and it was great.
2nd is to just stay single and do hookups until you get old enough to be comfortable enough to tell a girl.

TBH i think you can find a girl that will be cool with it if you want a gf, and hookups with injections are pretty easy.

No fear in terms of comfortability telling a girl. Just trying to figure out best approach for sustaining relationships.

ED is not exactly the most attractive thing to divulge. I may tell her it takes me a while to getting going sometimes and alcohol contributes to that. So maybe a more tactful approach on it and seeing if I can get by with that.

But was more asking if I should pull the trigger on the implant to resolve the problem and if it's worth the tradeoff.

SO many things to consider.
At your age, if you do go down the implant route you WILL be replacing it probably more than once if you live a normal lifespan.
Expect a replacement about every decade or so.
What sucks is that you are in the prime of your life and impotence is a destroyer of your self esteem and confidence.

I worked just fine before Prostate cancer reared its ugly head and I had to have a radical prostatectomy.
I tried the pills and shots briefly and I hated every moment of it.

Knowing what I know now, I would still opt for the implant if I were in your shoes.
Best to you.

[Hillywilly]

At your age, if you do go down the implant route you WILL be replacing it probably more than once if you live a normal lifespan.
Expect a replacement about every decade or so.
.

While it is true that penile implants have historically required replacements over time, there are several compelling reasons to believe that the landscape of medical treatment for erectile dysfunction (ED) will evolve significantly in the next 10 to 40 years (FOR YOUNGER PATIENTS CONSIDERATION). Technological advancements in implant technology, tissue engineering, biotechnology, and nanotechnology hold promise for improving the longevity and efficacy of ED treatments. Here's a counter-argument in favor of these advancements:

Advancements in Implant Technology: As with any medical device, technological improvements are expected to enhance the durability and effectiveness of penile implants. Materials used in implants can become more resilient, reducing the wear and tear over time. Innovations in design and manufacturing techniques can result in longer-lasting and more reliable implants.

Tissue Engineering: Tissue engineering is a rapidly evolving field that offers the potential to develop natural and long-lasting solutions for ED. Researchers are exploring the creation of bioengineered penile tissues that could replace or augment the need for implants. These tissues can be designed to integrate seamlessly with the body, offering a more permanent solution.

Biotechnology: Advances in biotechnology may lead to innovative therapies that address the root causes of ED rather than merely treating its symptoms. Targeted gene therapies and regenerative medicine techniques could potentially offer a permanent solution for individuals suffering from ED, reducing or eliminating the need for implants altogether.

Nanotechnology: The use of nanotechnology can revolutionize the way ED is treated. Nanoscale devices and drug delivery systems could be used to repair damaged blood vessels, nerves, or tissues in the penis. These minimally invasive approaches may provide long-lasting results and reduce the reliance on implants.

Personalized Medicine: Over the coming decades, personalized medicine will play a crucial role in tailoring ED treatments to individual patients. Genetic and biomarker information can help doctors prescribe the most effective treatment, reducing the need for multiple surgeries or replacements.

Longevity and Quality of Life: As medical treatments for ED continue to advance, the focus will shift from short-term solutions to long-term improvement in the patient's quality of life. The ultimate goal is to provide patients with reliable, effective, and lasting treatments, reducing the frequency of replacements.

In conclusion, the future of ED treatment appears promising, with significant advancements in implant technology, tissue engineering, biotechnology, and nanotechnology on the horizon. These innovations may lead to more durable, effective, and permanent solutions for ED, reducing the need for frequent replacements and significantly improving the quality of life for those affected by this condition. While these developments may take time to fully materialize they are certainly not unrealistic when we are talking about OP who is 31.

[Gt1956]

Younggun1.
I'll let you in on a secret. I'm going to whisper it so get really close to the screen.

You have ED. Reversing is nearly impossible. You might delay it some. Your time for an implant is very near.

For what little this might apply to you. I started out with sky high triglycerides. A form of lipids. At the time my erections were fine. Slowly they got worse. I got my lipids under control. My high blood pressure is under control. My blood sugar is under control. On paper I look like the picture of health for a man of my age. Still have ED. Don't fear the surgery.

I know that you fear rejection by young women. Rejection for having an implant isn't as common as you might think. By the time they realize that you have an implant. They'll be wondering why all men don't get one. Be that guy.

Whereas rejection for ED is more common. Play the better odds, get ready for an implant in your near future.

Definitely something I'm heavily considering. Just trying to make sure the implant is really a solid option. I hear from some it's great and then some others have a more measured approach. I do think it'd be an improvement over current condition.
Trying to see if I can go on with what I've got for now but feel like the burden is becoming increasingly heavy so I'm tempted to pull the trigger on implant at some point.
Thanks for input.

I honestly understand your position. But lets be generous with the timeline. Ok, if you're able to muddle through your dating life for 5 maybe even 10 years.
Think really hard what you traded away for those years. You got crappy inconsistent sex. Just to be finally up against a wall needing an implant.

One of the several parts of ED & deciding on an implant. Is just how bad you'll let it get before deciding on an implant. Its human nature to keep delaying by lying to ourselves that while this time was bad. Maybe the next time won't be bad.

I think Lostsheep has made many posts about his decision & at what point he decided to just do it.

Btw, yes your age can be a major bummer. Being young doesn't change whether or not you need an implant. Please think & plan for the day that you'll say to yourself. I should of gotten my implant 5 years ago. That day will come.

[Lost Sheep]

I think Lostsheep has made many posts about his decision & at what point he decided to just do it.

thanks for the acknowledgment Gt1956.

I will attest that had I known 15-30 years earlier what I knew when I made the decision for the implant I probably would’ve gone for it then. But hindsight is 20/20.

My PE in my youth, if I had understood the mechanisms, would have alerted me to my venous leakage decades before I got a clinical diagnosis from a urologist.

by comparison, a sudden weight gain in 1975 should have alerted me to prediabetes long before I was diagnosed with diabetes. This would have enabled me to avoid the disease entirely, probably.

The timing of the decision to take an irreversible step is tricky.

As I lay abed recovering from prostatectomy I testify that if I had known in May what I knew in September, I would be months ahead.

Most decisions in life are made with incomplete information. We do the best we can with what we know at the time.

[Randalltx]

You've found the right forum my man, plenty of people here have experienced exactly what you are experiencing. What are the causes for your ED btw? Did you take finasteride or accutane by any chance?


Ive been dealing with the same issues as you for almost 10 years now. Im your age as well and have a young gf too, and i know the pressure of wanting to please her but knowing you cant, at least not as well as other guys she may encounter would. This is a terrible thought to have in the middle of sex so obviously it just makes everything worse, but it is still true.

I havent tried injections yet but i wouldnt be willing either TBH. As of right now planning everything ahead and taking pills just in case sex may happen is pain in the ass enough, nothing worse than taking 100 mgs of viagra, dealing with the headaches and the diarrhea, without even getting laid anyway.

Morning sex is also most of the time a no-no, even if i wake up with a strong erection, for whatever reason the moment i try to use it it becomes super weak so i most of the time avoid it nowadays. Lucky for me i have a very submissive gf that basically has sex whenever i want, so i can fake it, but i know if things go south with her, then other women wont be as understanding or as easy as she makes it for me.

Its a tough choice for sure. Some people in this forum that were in our shoes have gone the implant route and most of the time they are happy they did it, so in the end its a choice you have to make for yourself, start reading all the threads in this forum that you can possibly read, make a list of pros and cons, make a list of best case and worst case scenarios, gauge all the options and possible outcomes, prepare and make a plan for every possible outcome, try to see what your mentality and emotions would be for every possible outcome, you know yourself better, and only you know how you would react to whatever pitch life throws at you.

Be strong my man, and good luck with whatever you decide to do. I can tell you that if somebody told me that my implant would work as its supposed to work, and that i wouldnt lose much if any size at all, and that i wouldnt need a revision in at least a few years, id do it in a heartbeat. Its that bad case scenario that personally is holding me back, but thats just for now. I feel that eventually ill have a titan implant inside my cock, sooner or later, one way or another, as long as God gives me many more years to live that is.

Cause is extremely high cholesterol. That's my only risk factor that makes sense. Lowered it to normal range with a statin but erection issue still remain. Didn't take anything of those things you mentioned.

Yeah I guess I'll just avoid morning sex and play it off when inopportune times come up and just go with that for now.

I have a high risk tolerance and don't like tolerating issues when something is somewhat fixable.

********************
You have a lot of options. Just had my implant in Feb. I should have had it at age 40 if they were available. You are going to end up with an implant. Knowing what I know now, I would since I live near San Antonio get over to Houston to Dr. Clavell and get evaluated. Then decide what you want to do. I see you are in Austin, so probably he is in your insurance if your insurance covers implants and evaluations.

Honestly, the sooner you tell your girl you have this problem and you are solving it, the better. If she won't be patient, better you know now. the mental trauma every time you think about her is going to be torture for you and bad for her because she might thnk something else is wrong.

Good luck. We are here anytime, pm or public. Sooner the better brother. I was there.

[Lost Sheep]

Yes, women respect a man who does not shy away from or hide his problems but faces them. Better yet, figures out a way to address and overcome them.

[Sakabato]

Yes, women respect a man who does not shy away from or hide his problems but faces them. Better yet, figures out a way to address and overcome them.

Id be wary with this, unless i knew 100% this girl would be the one id want to spend my life with. If things go south with the wrong woman, she would be telling everyone in the world about how OP cant get it up and had a pump put inside him to help him with this.

Most of the time women have nothing but bad things to say about their exes, so id be careful with giving that card to anyone.

[younggun1]

Younggun1.
I'll let you in on a secret. I'm going to whisper it so get really close to the screen.

You have ED. Reversing is nearly impossible. You might delay it some. Your time for an implant is very near.

For what little this might apply to you. I started out with sky high triglycerides. A form of lipids. At the time my erections were fine. Slowly they got worse. I got my lipids under control. My high blood pressure is under control. My blood sugar is under control. On paper I look like the picture of health for a man of my age. Still have ED. Don't fear the surgery.

I know that you fear rejection by young women. Rejection for having an implant isn't as common as you might think. By the time they realize that you have an implant. They'll be wondering why all men don't get one. Be that guy.

Whereas rejection for ED is more common. Play the better odds, get ready for an implant in your near future.

Definitely something I'm heavily considering. Just trying to make sure the implant is really a solid option. I hear from some it's great and then some others have a more measured approach. I do think it'd be an improvement over current condition.
Trying to see if I can go on with what I've got for now but feel like the burden is becoming increasingly heavy so I'm tempted to pull the trigger on implant at some point.
Thanks for input.

I honestly understand your position. But lets be generous with the timeline. Ok, if you're able to muddle through your dating life for 5 maybe even 10 years.
Think really hard what you traded away for those years. You got crappy inconsistent sex. Just to be finally up against a wall needing an implant.

One of the several parts of ED & deciding on an implant. Is just how bad you'll let it get before deciding on an implant. Its human nature to keep delaying by lying to ourselves that while this time was bad. Maybe the next time won't be bad.

I think Lostsheep has made many posts about his decision & at what point he decided to just do it.

Btw, yes your age can be a major bummer. Being young doesn't change whether or not you need an implant. Please think & plan for the day that you'll say to yourself. I should of gotten my implant 5 years ago. That day will come.

Yeah it's a good point. I definitely want to maximize my peak years. Since the decision is irreversible, taking a little bit of time to make sure I have the data and understand the situation.

I agree implant is probably the move. If it was reversible, I would have already gotten it done. But want to make sure that's the right decision.

Likely will pull the trigger if there are issues sustaining a sexual relationship with this girl or girls in near future.