Question for older, married men

[Martin6469]

tobenormalagain: Just curious: What about her has changed? Gotten fat?

My subconscious "ideal woman" has always prevented me from an erection with a woman outside my body type: thin and trim.

[qcswral]

In my experience with PCa and subsequent RP there is certainly the physical impact of ED - but now 4 years after surgery, then 2 years of total impotence, then an implant 2 years ago - I can say that the emotional and psychological impact of ED is far greater. And that psych impact can lead us to consider and make choices we would not consider otherwise.
Your current-state description is very similar to what leads many men to a medical evaluation of their ability to attain and sustain an erection, and in some number of cases, choose an implant as one course of action. Importantly, many of us also need to examine our relationship with our significant others - and that also benefits from professional help. A good first step is just a 'heart to heart' (as you say: no judgement) talk - your spouse likely has some insight that could help you both.
I don't have any personal 'new partner' experience to share but encourage you to think a bit about 'what happens next' - whether the encounter produces a desired result, or does not.

I kind of don't know where to start my contribution to this discussion but I'll give it a try. I too have taken anti-depressants for some 30 years. I have been on Wellbutrin 300mgs for the last 25years. I was in the mental health field so know a bit about the various medications and their side effects. Wellbutrin of all anti-depressants has the lowest sexual dysfunction profile to date of anti-depressants. What I'm writing in no way implies any medical advice, just my experiences. Best to discuss it with your doctor. I am 69 years old and was married for 25 years obtaining a separation/divorce about 15 years ago. The last 5 years of my marriage were totally sexless. She basically had no interest in sex, and as she gained a great deal of weight, and neglected herself physically my sexual attraction towards her was nil. We did the couple counseling thing for about a year, but she blamed her lack of sexual interest on my ED. I in turn blamed my ED on her physical appearance with just no sex appeal at all. I was having ED issues, which later was a precursor to cardiac issues but that's for another time. The first time I took 25mgs of Viagra to test it out when I was still married it was liker rocket fuel, but again she showed no interest in any sex at all. After a while her comments like "Is that all you think about"..."It's different with women"..blah blah blah. Now by no means am I suggesting or recommending you go outside your marriage for sex. However, my experience after I was separated with another woman showed me just how much I was still interested in sex and with pills could perform like I did when I was 20. Granted she was almost 20 years younger than me, was extremely patient with me and she loved sex. I have throughout my divorced life dated mostly younger women some by as much as 25 years ..My libido has always been high so being with a younger, more sexy woman just makes me more horny. There is a lot to weigh out...we go around but once in this life and I saw my own parents very unhappy throughout their retirement years. That was a generation that didn't think they were even entitled to some happiness. I currently live alone, and see a younger woman who is extremely sexy and pretty. I am on Trimix injections and have been for the last 12 years with great success. But I must say having been with younger, sexier, beautiful women over the past 15 years has been a delight...but I do miss the constant companionship a live-in SO offers. It's a matter of personal priorities and preferences. Obviously anyone in your or my situation need to weigh out those priorities and preferences. Good luck to you. I've been where you are and it only adds to any depression your grappling with.

[Rider1400]

I am a 57yo male, am very healthy, take no meds (other than an antidepressant), good BP and vital signs, I am trim and exercise regularly. That said I have suffered from ED for a long, long time. In retrospect, I believe my ED has been partially related to the sexual side effects of various antidepressants that I have taken over the years. That said, I am going to come across as a complete bastard but it is what it is. Having sex with my wife, takes a LOT of work, Viagra, VED, rings, shot, watching porn, concentrating very, very hard.... Believe me when I say this, porn is absolutely necessary for me to perform even disappointingly. Our sex is vanilla and she absolutely doesn't ignite a spark or make me horny one bit. Changing things up or her dressing sexy, sadly would make no difference whatsoever. Not to be a
bastard, but I've come to the conclusion that I would love to try with a new partner on the side. I think with the newness and excitement, I could experience a spontaneous, hard cock like I do watching porn on occasion. I crave this more than I can describe. Anyone else and please, no judgement. Thank you

I know this is two months after this thread ended but would throw in my 2cents. My marriage of 35 years at the time of discussion was on the rocks to be nice. We had a loving relationship also with almost zero interest of sex from her. On the other hand I was very sexually motivated. I had been dealing with ED in a minor way for 10 years prior but the last couple had gotten to be a big issue with my erections failing during sex no matter how much I abused pills. Then I tried injections which were just as bad. By this point our relationship was very strained, very similar to your situation I was using porn with some good results with tons of stimulation.
At this point I decided on implant and stopped the porn cold turkey as I felt it was just a crutch and an excuse I was using to deal with ED. Leveled with the wife about my feelings and asked her to hang in there w me thru this surgery and see if we could rebuild our sexual relationship along with our physical one that at this point was also struggling badly.
She supported me best she could during recovery and after a few months healing got to truly out a totally dependable erection. It was very different and took a few months for her to get thru her head that I was still physically attracted and excited about her even if the actual erection was a prosthetic. I’ll shorten the story to say that now at 21 months post implant our physical,mental relationship has gotten much better about the same rate our sexual relations has increased also!! Not back 100% to the way it was prior to Ed but getting pretty close. It took work and a lot of open talks but has been well worth it to continue our soon to be 38 years of marriage with two kids and three grandkids (triplets) around a lot! Hopefully your story can have a happy ending as mine has. Good luck in the future

[Martin6469]

Rider: Nice to hear a success story!