26 yr old revelations - for old baby boomers

[Howling8]

This post is for my fellow married and old lol baby boomers

I'm 70 and my wife is 60 . My wife had an alcoholic breakdown at the beginning of November. she went to her first AA meeting and misread the 9th step, which is to make direct amends to those we harmed unless in would injure them or others, like spouses. So she tells me about going out while I was on the road 26 yrs ago while we first started living together, lying to me on the phone about her plans for the evening, calling a cab because she had a recent DUI and remembers nothing else except someone at the bar she took a cab to (doesn't remember what bar), asked her to try some moonshine in his semi outside. That's the last thing she remembers until she lands on her knees after getting pushed out or fell out of the semi in front of the driveway to our townhouse.
She said her only intention was to go out (she was young and beautiful and a drunk) but she knows something bad happened because she was sore in her butt and privates. 3 months later she tells me we need to get an abortion because we were not financially stable enough yet but really because she didn't know who the father was.
Our world is turned upside down by this and eventually her shrink is pretty sure she was roofied and raped. I read up on predator rapist over the road truck drivers in the late nineties and it was a thing. So she didn't turn into a crazy sex freak in a black out . Either way it's a horrible traumatic experience for both of us. She ended up in the psych ward and had the shrink call me make sure I was ok (I wasn't, I was projectile vomiting while driving back from the hospital. I believe her remorse and guilt for not telling me and I made the mistake of digging deeper into the first few months of our relationship when I thought we were exclusive and find out she was still balling her two other lovers, one who was 22yrs old She was 34. one guy I detested and gave me herpes, talked behind our back, basically cuckolding me and the other her assistant manager that propositioned her and her creepy ex husband encouraged her to do. in the meantime she lost 80lbs and got hot looking. she tells me she was infatuated with him and kept it up on and off between girlfriends over a 2 year period. She got upset because in her alky brain she thought maybe she could have relationship with this kid and got hurt when she realized he was using her for sex (duh). I told her for him it was a score for a 20yr kid to have a 32 yr old MILF. She didn't like that too much. she told me she rationally knew it wasn't possible, she had two kids 8 and 12. She was so hurt she would drive by his house and say fuck you a bunch of times. so she obviously was hurt and she claims she got rid of both of them by the time I moved in two months later but she's sure there was some overlap. oh yeah by the way I fellated a few of your colleagues before I met you.
So I can forgive most of it because she was doing shit that I did when I drank 40 yrs ago, it's the alcoholic brain that gets warped by the dopamine rush of alcohol and sex. I was cheating on my girlfriend with her when I first met her. I left my girlfriend to pursue her. She's in rehab and going to meeting everyday. she's violently depressed, remorseful, guilty and ashamed of how she conducted her sex life since she was a neglected teenage drunk who sought validation by offering sex. She ends up marrying a creep that has her participate in bondage, multiple partners (her assistant manager) and a swingers meet that she found to be a horrible experience. that's when she kicked him out, and said she began to sew her wild oats because she thought she had earned it. burning the midnight oil ....and I have no problem with any of that. I don't begrudge anyone newly single going nuts if that's what they want to do. I don't like the idea of being one of her boy toys (I told her she had a real boy toy and she didn't appreciate that either lol) I understand, I did the same exact thing for three months in 1982 and thought I was having a ball. Even the overlap of one fuck each before I moved in I can write off and goodbye fucks. I've had more that a few of those in my lifetime. So I'm in the process of trying to forgive her as she's been the most wonderful partner, friend and wife who has stood by me thru thick and thin since that horrible march weekend.
What is bugging me other than the herpes and movies in my head having sex with them? Telling me she was infatuated with the kid and was hurt when she realized he was using her for sex. Infatuated covers a lot of ground including intense love and passion. I want to know if she was mourning the loss of this relationship while we finally connected and I was second banana because she knew the other two didn't care about her.
She insisted that was not the case, that she fell in love with me realizing I was a real adult partner unlike she'd ever had, and her kids like me and me them. She got rid of both of them. I remember her telling one of them on the phone to please not call her anymore. She said she never made dinner for them at 1am when I came home from a job. I'm not quite sure I believe her about the mourning the kid and have to wait for couples counseling to get into that subject without getting upset.
Nice Xmas present to get when you're any age much less 70. I 'm all over the place day to day or sometimes per hour. it sucks. I could divorce her, but why would ? She's been wonderful for 25 straight years since. She's a functional alky, and tried to repress that march rape for 26 years until she finally imploded. She was supposed to tell me but she did and I opened the door on the other shit. When I met her and we started living together I told her I didn't want to know anything about her previous sex life other than he husband, asst manager and the herpes asshole and two guys that I know she fellated. I told her don't ask about mine either. I tell my step son and nephew the same thing as they are getting involved with new loves.
So I don't know if this is fixable. I don't want to punish her anymore with harsh words. She's punishing herself constantly and trying to recover for a cunning, baffling disease and I want her to succeed so she can learn to live and have a good life sober. I do feel like I haven't been in charge of my life for the last 26 years as my choices were taken away from me twice to make a decision to stay or go. I'm sure I would have split and told her call me when she's single. But life worked out. it's been a great marriage so it's a stange and disturbing situation to weather in old age.

[bldoink]

Your wife, who you've had 20 good years with, is in a crisis. She's going through a very tough time. She needs your support and love and here you are being a _______, ________, ______, ____, instead of the forgiving, patient, loving supportive, husband she so badly needs. For the sake of forum decorum I elected to let you fill in the blanks. Grow up!

[Howling8]

sure, infantile, juvenile, self pitying yup. it's called flooding and PTSD is real. We can do both at the same time. I'm fully in support and helping with her recovery and she's helping as much as she can with easing my grief. One day at a time ...

[CanGetItUpButNotOff]

Absolutely the truth that this is PTSD. Howling is all over the map but that is understandable due to the trauma he is undergoing.

SENT YOU A PRIVATE MESSAGE.

[Donkeykong]

Please be kind. You were not an angel either and you could have gotten herpes from one of your exes for all you know. Valtrex works well. She's trying to do the right thing. I understand jealousy but this was long ago and relatively minor in the scheme of things, so please try to let it go.

[Alex258]

This post is for my fellow married and old lol baby boomers

I'm 70 and my wife is 60 . My wife had an alcoholic breakdown at the beginning of November. she went to her first AA meeting and misread the 9th step, which is to make direct amends to those we harmed unless in would injure them or others, like spouses. So she tells me about going out while I was on the road 26 yrs ago while we first started living together, lying to me on the phone about her plans for the evening, calling a cab because she had a recent DUI and remembers nothing else except someone at the bar she took a cab to (doesn't remember what bar), asked her to try some moonshine in his semi outside. That's the last thing she remembers until she lands on her knees after getting pushed out or fell out of the semi in front of the driveway to our townhouse.
She said her only intention was to go out (she was young and beautiful and a drunk) but she knows something bad happened because she was sore in her butt and privates. 3 months later she tells me we need to get an abortion because we were not financially stable enough yet but really because she didn't know who the father was.
Our world is turned upside down by this and eventually her shrink is pretty sure she was roofied and raped. I read up on predator rapist over the road truck drivers in the late nineties and it was a thing. So she didn't turn into a crazy sex freak in a black out . Either way it's a horrible traumatic experience for both of us. She ended up in the psych ward and had the shrink call me make sure I was ok (I wasn't, I was projectile vomiting while driving back from the hospital. I believe her remorse and guilt for not telling me and I made the mistake of digging deeper into the first few months of our relationship when I thought we were exclusive and find out she was still balling her two other lovers, one who was 22yrs old She was 34. one guy I detested and gave me herpes, talked behind our back, basically cuckolding me and the other her assistant manager that propositioned her and her creepy ex husband encouraged her to do. in the meantime she lost 80lbs and got hot looking. she tells me she was infatuated with him and kept it up on and off between girlfriends over a 2 year period. She got upset because in her alky brain she thought maybe she could have relationship with this kid and got hurt when she realized he was using her for sex (duh). I told her for him it was a score for a 20yr kid to have a 32 yr old MILF. She didn't like that too much. she told me she rationally knew it wasn't possible, she had two kids 8 and 12. She was so hurt she would drive by his house and say fuck you a bunch of times. so she obviously was hurt and she claims she got rid of both of them by the time I moved in two months later but she's sure there was some overlap. oh yeah by the way I fellated a few of your colleagues before I met you.
So I can forgive most of it because she was doing shit that I did when I drank 40 yrs ago, it's the alcoholic brain that gets warped by the dopamine rush of alcohol and sex. I was cheating on my girlfriend with her when I first met her. I left my girlfriend to pursue her. She's in rehab and going to meeting everyday. she's violently depressed, remorseful, guilty and ashamed of how she conducted her sex life since she was a neglected teenage drunk who sought validation by offering sex. She ends up marrying a creep that has her participate in bondage, multiple partners (her assistant manager) and a swingers meet that she found to be a horrible experience. that's when she kicked him out, and said she began to sew her wild oats because she thought she had earned it. burning the midnight oil ....and I have no problem with any of that. I don't begrudge anyone newly single going nuts if that's what they want to do. I don't like the idea of being one of her boy toys (I told her she had a real boy toy and she didn't appreciate that either lol) I understand, I did the same exact thing for three months in 1982 and thought I was having a ball. Even the overlap of one fuck each before I moved in I can write off and goodbye fucks. I've had more that a few of those in my lifetime. So I'm in the process of trying to forgive her as she's been the most wonderful partner, friend and wife who has stood by me thru thick and thin since that horrible march weekend.
What is bugging me other than the herpes and movies in my head having sex with them? Telling me she was infatuated with the kid and was hurt when she realized he was using her for sex. Infatuated covers a lot of ground including intense love and passion. I want to know if she was mourning the loss of this relationship while we finally connected and I was second banana because she knew the other two didn't care about her.
She insisted that was not the case, that she fell in love with me realizing I was a real adult partner unlike she'd ever had, and her kids like me and me them. She got rid of both of them. I remember her telling one of them on the phone to please not call her anymore. She said she never made dinner for them at 1am when I came home from a job. I'm not quite sure I believe her about the mourning the kid and have to wait for couples counseling to get into that subject without getting upset.
Nice Xmas present to get when you're any age much less 70. I 'm all over the place day to day or sometimes per hour. it sucks. I could divorce her, but why would ? She's been wonderful for 25 straight years since. She's a functional alky, and tried to repress that march rape for 26 years until she finally imploded. She was supposed to tell me but she did and I opened the door on the other shit. When I met her and we started living together I told her I didn't want to know anything about her previous sex life other than he husband, asst manager and the herpes asshole and two guys that I know she fellated. I told her don't ask about mine either. I tell my step son and nephew the same thing as they are getting involved with new loves.
So I don't know if this is fixable. I don't want to punish her anymore with harsh words. She's punishing herself constantly and trying to recover for a cunning, baffling disease and I want her to succeed so she can learn to live and have a good life sober. I do feel like I haven't been in charge of my life for the last 26 years as my choices were taken away from me twice to make a decision to stay or go. I'm sure I would have split and told her call me when she's single. But life worked out. it's been a great marriage so it's a stange and disturbing situation to weather in old age.

Don't know if I have much to offer other than to say Thank You for sharing. I'm a few years younger than you and I can relate to this "life stuff" that we all have to endure. All I know is, on my journey that change is a good thing especially so with the difficult choices we need to make, as men and for ourselves. Take good care

[Howling8]

We’re actually working our way through it together. Had a great conversation today she just completed rehab. She admitted and apologized for everything. She was a drunken mania and the other side she’s been a devoted wife for 25 years so I’m just gonna work my way through this because I love her.