Implanted at 38 and concerned about size & revision

[moetheman]

Hi Guys,

I'm a new member though have been lurking here for a couple of months. A bit of background on my situation. I live close to London, England, and started developing ED in my early 30's (now I'm 38). I've had over 5 years of declining function and I tried pills, pumps etc but over time everything stopped working. I was diagnosed with a venous leak (congenital apparently). My dad developed ED in his mid 40's too. I had a dorsal venous ligation surgery in May 2014 but that ultimately proved ineffective (though it initially improved my ED for about 3 months).

I was told about the implant and I decided to go for it after a lot of thought (as the quality of life as a young man with ED was unacceptable to me). I had a 3-piece Titan Coloplast implanted two weeks ago. It was relatively pain free and I've been recovering at home.

I'm currently living alone (trial separation instigated by my wife as she went into depression over my ED too) so all that time alone has not helped. Only my wife ad I know about my ED and we have never told our families either (it's complicated with our families) so I can't really talk to anyone about emotional issues either. I've been obsessing over length loss whilst recovering at home. Before ED I was 6.5 inches but after ED it was around 6 inches. My girth has always been quite good though I never measured it. Since the implant my flaccid / deflated length is 4 inches (maybe a bit smaller even). The girth however is still very good. As the Titan is not meant to increase in length I'm really worried that I'll have at best a 4-4.5" penis when inflated. I can see that the skin along the shaft (i.e. from the base to the glans) is a bit shrivelled so there is more room for it to be stretched, unless it's meant to be like that if I'm not inflated?

Given that I'm two weeks post-op, am I worrying about nothing? My mind is very negative at this point and all I can think is doom and gloom! Especially as my wife and I are trying to save the marriage, as I feel ED (and the associated lack of confidence & de-motivation) is the issue. I'm seeing the doc next Tuesday for my first follow up after the op and he said he'll show how to use inflate and deflate and then to probably cycle. I'm just waiting for that to see what it looks like after being inflated but I'm not too optimistic. I have read a lot of posts on the forums here where other people have had similar issues with size and then magically after a few weeks / months it all works out. I'm hoping this happens to me too but right now feeling down & depressed. I'm hoping I start feeling better after I return to work tomorrow.

[hard drive]

moetheman,

Don't dispare so much about your size. Right now the pubic padding area of you body is swollen on the inside and it creeps up the base of the penis giving the impressing of lost size. It could be months for this to subside and it goes slowly for some of us. Most (if not all) of your length should return unless you doctor undersized the implant (not likely) but it doesn't sound like he did.

My first Titan did exactly the same thing to me. I started with 8" before the surgery and wound up with 6ish after words. I was really upset about it. It took a full 9 months for me to heal and my length was back to pre-surgery length. I don't think you have anything to worry about there. It taks time, and it's part of the process for some of us. Hang in there, you'll be fine.

I've had my share of wife troubles caused by ED as well. It's painful and I really feel for you. My wife and I went to Christian Counseling and worked through our issues. It was a rocky road but we managed it, and now things are much better... Quite good actually... I feel this is more pressing than the implant at this time. Your penis will heal now without further intervention, but your marriage will not. I wish I could convey the urgency needed to go see a professional. I was suicidal, my wife was cheating, my dick was broke and it felt like there was no need to carry on with life. I was wrong and needed an outside perspective.

Now... I'm not suicidal, my dick works well, my wife is faithful, and my marriage is strong, and everyday (good or bad) is a gift. Please get some help with this. It will get better with time, but you need someone to help you right now. You (like I was) are without the support of your wife, and have a greater need of external help than most of people here. Most of them had/have loving supporttive wives that put no pressure on them. I didn't have and it seems you don't either. Not to worry though, you are strong enough to get over this with or without her.

I know it's almost impossible for you to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It was for me too and I really needed some relief too. You really need counseling if for no other reason, than to vent/unload your burdens. It really does help but it starts with you. Just hang in there... You have my prayers.

[ED2013]

It's way to early to worry! Give it time!

[moetheman]

Thanks guys for your responses.

@hard drive, you're totally right about sorting issues out related to my marriage. I'm finding it impossible to contemplate a life without my wife at this time. Everything was going great until ED slowly took over everything and consumed the marriage.

I will follow your advice and arrange some counselling (at least for myself) straight away. I will also try couples therapy if my wife is open to it (which pre-op she was). She's been getting individual counselling for herself already for a few months.

After you post, I also finally told my dad about the ED and it really helped. Just telling someone else other than the docs feels great and liberating. Back to work tomorrow and hopefully after the healing occurs I won't have size concerns either. Will keep you posted on progress.

[moetheman]

I had my first follow up appointment with the surgeon on Tuesday. He said it's coming along well, but I've had some bleeding over the past week after having a shower which hasn't stopped. He prescribed some antibiotics and said to apply dressing and pressure to the wound, and it should fix the issue, otherwise he'll put sutures in next week.

He also inflated and deflated me and told me to start cycling on a daily basis. It just felt very uncomfortable being inflated and I felt unfamiliar sensations. It was like I was watching someone else's body. I guess others must have felt the same way the first time. I think it is going to take some getting used to, to get my head around it. I think this will pass in time as I won't always see the implant as a foreign object. In terms of length, it looked better inflated, though not great, but better than flaIccid. I hope that after full recovery, daily cycling and some fat loss will improve matters. I also inflated / deflated once by myself but the pump is in a slightly awkward position and because of the bleeding issue I'm not planning to do it again until the bleeding stops.

At this stage, I'm not worried about size anymore, but am trying to get used to the implant. The immediate concern is the bleeding, which is more inconvenient than anything else. I don't have any pain as such so feel great otherwise.

[Anonymous 3]

I'm glad to hear things are going a bit better for you. ED has so many other effects than just a limp penis so I am glad you are getting some help. Having taken that last step towards a definitive cure for ED you will find, in time, that it pays off in so many ways, not the least of which is the boost to your own self esteem. You will get used to the implant and the sensations in time. As I wrote in another thread this morning, after 7 months I cannot feel the implant while going about my daily activities, and I have total confidence that I will be erect and will stay that way for whenever my wife and I have sex, no question at all. It is a great feeling after years of total ED. Hang in there Motheman!!

[treifsnyder]

For the record, getting an implant then "shrinking" from 6.5 inches to 4.5 inches is crazy. Your urologist didn't take 2 inches and put them in his pocket. Your penis is what it is, whether me and you and all men can accept it or not is a different story.

[LMCatman]

Don't sweat the size, man. I was like 4.25" after implant. 19 months later (after all the swelling went down) I'm 5.5" if I measure "generously". But I've got a "great little fucker" and have been having a blast with it. Be patient.... Have fun......

[moetheman]

Thanks guys for the encouraging messages. The bleeding seems to have more or less stopped so I'll be starting daily cycling of the implant very soon. I don't mind losing a bit of size in exchange for a working dick.

When the implant was last inflated, I did feel a bit of pain in the glans which hopefully means that the implant wasn't under-sized? Also probably early to say but don't think I have the soft glans issue, though the glans weren't engorged, probably due to the pain. Next time I inflate, I'll double check things properly.

One question I do have is, whether the pump should be free to move in the scrotum? Mine seems to be "attached" to the skin and doesn't really separate from the skin. I have the 6 week post-op catch up with the surgeon in the first week of Jan so I'll also check with him at that point.

[williamb]

"One question I do have is, whether the pump should be free to move in the scrotum? Mine seems to be "attached" to the skin and doesn't really separate from the skin. I have the 6 week post-op catch up with the surgeon in the first week of Jan so I'll also check with him at that point.[/quote]"

I am 6 weeks out and was wondering the same thing but in the last 7 - 10 days I have noticed it becoming able to move freely. I assume that this is due to the swelling decreasing, Not only is the pump free to move better but also the scrotum is not as sensitive.