Get over it

[beachbum]

Ok. I’m putting in two places. Looking for thoughts on some things that are really bothering me. Or at least giving me trouble. I’ve had ED for several years now. Last time I tried to have sex with my wife was over 8 or 9 years ago. I had taken a Viagra and it didn’t work at all. That was very hard on me and even though my wife played it off as nothing I know it hurt her too. So we just let it go over time never really tried again. Me, I didn’t want to fail again her I don’t know, we never talked about it. Throughout this time I was s able to get enough of an erection to relieve myself so that became my sex life. But then the erections became harder to get and didn't last so I would have to hurry before it went away. So now I can barely get an erection and it doesn't last long enough to finish. I'm getting very depressed by this. And no NOT suicidal just depressed. Moody, wanting to be alone more and more and wishing things were different. It's all I think about anymore. I have seen my Dr and he is having me trying Viagra again even though I said it didn't work before and it doesn't work now. I use a pump daily, mainly to try to maintain size. It will barely do that and is useless for anything else. So today my wife finally asked want was wrong with me and I told her it was the obsession with my ED. She started to laugh but stopped. She thought it might have been something else. Any way we talked and it was basically she was more than OK without sex and I needed to get over it. Well I really don't want to get over it, I want it fixed. I am very seriously think of talking to my Dr. about an implant. I don’t know, maybe she would change her mind if I had a working dick again, maybe not. But at least I would and could get an erection again. My question for the group is: would do it? Would you have an implant? Or would you, as my wife put it, just get over it?

[dg_moore]

This is a tough call. After years of fumbling around with ED, and all solutions eventually failing, my wife finally lost interest in sex, and then when menopause hit that was the end of the road for her. I talked with my internist, who's an old friend, and he said I could easily fix my problem with an implant - "no big deal, it's only plumbing" - but he cautioned me that statistically the longer a couple is sexless the less likely it is that they will be able to get it on again. I went ahead with the implant, but ironically I had a stroke that completely killed my libido. By the time I healed from surgery I had no desire whatever for sex, and since my wife didn't either, we "got over it" and never used the implant.

Your age has a lot to do with it - there are plenty of seniors with active sex lives, but there are even more without. Since you have been without sex for so many years, it may not be so easy to get it going again, especially if your wife is not interested. The last time I asked my wife if she missed it or wanted to get it back she said "oh God no," which told me all I needed to know (my desire never came back anyway, so "getting over it" was not difficult). You could get an implant and use it for solo sex, but that's not quite the same thing as a restored sex life.

I know this doesn't really answer your question, but it is a perspective you might want to take into account. Good luck!

[Jamesbond]

I tried pills and injections. Neither worked
One of my Dr reconended oral sex. Turns out women have a lot of nerve endings down thier.
If done right can be a better orgasim for her. Told it takes practice. Even recommended a few books for me.

I am single. Been single for a long time. I date. Among a few friends I have gotten hit on by a few married women.

I have heard many complaints. Almost always about size or that he could not keep it up long enough for her.

If i was you go see the dr or surgeon. See what he can do for you. Maybe take the wife.
If you like what he is offering with implant the dr will always talk to the wife even if you have not decided to get the implant. Or you can always go back to see Dr with the wife. I have seen 2 surgeons and to get the size they make you come back. Then they inject you and measure you. Telling you what you would be as final length.

You will have to talk about it and make sure it is okay win the wife before you get it done. As an example if the reason why she is not interested in sex is because it takes longer for her to have an orgasim then it might work. With implant you can stay up for a long time.

She might be tired from work and the kids also.

Also age factors into it. Maybe step has lost her libido. Thier are ways that maybe fixed.
Ultimately she has to be okay with you getting implant. Although it is not easy you might want to try to talk to her about it and why.

Why I say talk to surgeon is like with me I have lost a lot of length. If surgeon offered me even close to what I was before I would have come in the next day for implant.

You might not like what they can offer you.

I hope that helps

[Jamesbond]

I tried pills and injections
Even tried the junk they sell at herbal shops.
Nothing worked

[dg_moore]

One of my Dr reconended oral sex. Turns out women have a lot of nerve endings down their.
If done right can be a better orgasim for her. Told it takes practice. ...

That was never an option for us. I always enjoyed giving oral, but my wife didn't like receiving it - she refused oral, as well as toys and manual. She was fine with intercourse, but nothing else. It was her firm (read Catholic) belief that nothing other than a penis belongs "down there."

[jodaman]

I am like you . If your junk isn't working right and you've tried all the other things, get the implant!! I think your wife will change her mind with a good erect one in bed with her.
Please don't take me the wrong way, my wife said sex was no longer important to her also. We haven't had sex in over 2 years, so I am having an implant, because I want to be able to perform for me and her. Just knowing that I couldn't have sex regardless of how turned on I am inside sucks and makes me feel inadequate. I plan on staying with my wife forever, but should things turn, I want to be able to perform, period !!

[dg_moore]

I am like you . If your junk isn't working right and you've tried all the other things, get the implant!! I think your wife will change her mind with a good erect one in bed with her.
Please don't take me the wrong way, my wife said sex was no longer important to her also. We haven't had sex in over 2 years, so I am having an implant, because I want to be able to perform for me and her. Just knowing that I couldn't have sex regardless of how turned on I am inside sucks and makes me feel inadequate. I plan on staying with my wife forever, but should things turn, I want to be able to perform, period !!

If you're talking about my post, I can assure you that my wife is not going to change her mind. After the surgery and recovery I showed my wife the results and she was not even mildly interested. I asked her to feel it and she poked it with her finger like it was a piece of roadkill or something. It's been over nine years and nothing has changed, including my lack of desire. We're through.

[tomas1]

I hope you mind me putting in my two cents worth since I don't have an implant, but have you totally decided to skip injections as a way out of this?
I was just thinking that my life isn't too bad at 77 now that I can almost get a good result with injections along with a little Viagra to get things started.
Funny (not funny), but my wife also refuses oral both ways and she's from Baltimore. I think it's the way things were back then?
It also does help that my wife responds to my advances, but her orgasms are pretty weak or nonexistent.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[beachbum]

Thanks for the reply's.
tomas1: No I haven't ruled injections out. I think that is the next step. I think that has to be tried before you can go for an implant. I not sure but i think medicare want that.

jodaman: That is my hope. To get it fixed and maybe just maybe she would want to try again. But I am really doubtful. But yes I want it fixed for me first. Regardless of what happens later I want to know that I can get an erection and if she wants to try then that's great.

JB: We used to have great oral, both of us. But that too went away. It was actually an attempt at oral that I failed to get an erection even with Viagra. That was the last time we tried anything.

dg_m: I have read a few of your post and am aware of your situation. I'm 65 the wife is is also. It's not an age thing. She has not shown any wish or desire for sex in years. Again is it because she know I cant, or is it she really doesn't. I don't know. At this point, I think right now I would do it for me even if I knew she wasn't interested. I really miss having an erection. And yes solo sex is not the same but a whole lot better than nothing.

[RugbyDave]

As much as I love my partner and want us to have the best life possible - I got my implant for me.