AussieRjay's implant journey

[AussieRjay]

Day 10 update

Swelling is down further, except where I had tried to dislodge the adhesion - that's still inflamed a little. Harder now to find the release valve also, as the pump has been further pulled up. Will pull it down again in tonight's bath but worried the pump will end up settling in less than ideal position at the end.

Pain is well down today. Irritation still in corpora from the cylinders, especially where they fold / crinkle, but not so raw as it was. Previously this was knife-like pain at times, so that's a good thing. Most of the visible bruising is gone. If it weren't for the adhesion I'd say today would have been pretty comfortable.

I do have one patch of reduced sensitivity on the right side of the shaft, about an inch in diameter. Not numb, but a little duller than the other side. Less so today than yesterday though, so I suspect just a hangover from the swelling and stretching in the early days.

Still getting the occasional spontaneous chub. It seems not to want to expand in length past where the implant is pumped to, doesn't seem to have the required pressure, and no engorgement of the glans at any time. The corpora just fill out, it lifts and throbs for a bit, then deflates.

Took my last antibiotic this morning. Let's hope they've done their job!

[AussieRjay]

Day 14 update

Two weeks today. Not an easy two weeks, or fun. The post-op travel sucked and I did it too soon. That was the worst of it and I reckon between that, and not staying sedentary enough during the 3 days prior, I set my recovery back a solid 3-5 days. I only really started to improve once I was back home, on my own, and able to stay right off my feet. My advice is to stay almost entirely off your feet for 3 days other than to toilet and shower, and don't travel before 5 days if you can help it. Make a nest with everything you might need in easy reach, and stay in it.

As of now, feeling pretty good. Have reduced painkillers substantially. Get through the days with only ibuprofen and paracetamol, without too much discomfort. That's been great as I am not groggy during the day anymore. Still waking at 3-5am with bad shaft pain though, so have been taking the smaller dose strong painkiller at those times and then getting another 3 hours or so of good sleep. The strong ones cause me to wake with a headache however, not to mention the constipation, so I hope to cease using those altogether as soon as possible. I think I got a bit more pain than the average, perhaps due to my own pain threshold, perhaps due to the extra work I had done, definitely due to not resting properly from the outset. Who knows. Either way I have only had to take about half of what was prescribed to me for the last two weeks. I was certainly given enough meds that there was no reason to suffer needlessly at any time.

Sleeping in stretches of 3-5 hours at a time, but getting 7-9 hours total a day. Two shifts overnight and an afternoon nap. Am glad I did not have to go back to work this week, even though I could if I had to. Did a bunch of housework today and will take the dog for a short walk this afternoon if I'm still feeling as good as I am right now.

Sensitivity is increasingly returning to the slightly numb patch on the right of the shaft. Pleased about that.

Adhesion between pump and scrotum is still present and I have stopped trying to dislodge it. I am sure I could grit my teeth and tear it away but unless I'm told that's OK I will not do anything so radical. Will see what the Doc says in a fortnight when I go back down to Melbourne for checkup. Balls are not hurting anything like they were. Am still pulling the pump down in the bath regularly.

No signs of infection that I can see. Not out of the woods there yet though. I guess in some ways you are never really entirely out of those woods.

I confess that horniness got the better of me about midday yesterday and I masturbated (very gently!) to orgasm. It wasn't very comfortable or easy, but it was driving me nuts because I haven't gone two weeks in all my adult life. Surprised to shoot quite far - about 6-9". In my youth I regularly hit the wall behind my head. Pre implant, it was mostly just a dribble. So that too was nice. After 2 weeks, there was quite a volume and even with mild pain in the background it was pretty intense. Mostly just great relief to the "pressure valve"

I got some shaft swelling with stimulation, and was really pleased to find that the spongiosum and glans also engorged somewhat throughout the proceedings. This is the first time I have had any chance to verify that, the rest of the time the spongiosum and urethra are very flat, even more so than pre-implant, but then the cylinders are partly inflated all the time also (although apparently not that far - certainly not 60% or anything like it, from what I can gather. The cylinders are not full and round, but crinkled and half-full). Crinkles still driving me a bit mad but less each day and I can see how they will eventually cease to be a source of irritation.

Difficult to point my penis downward (eg toward a toilet bowl) and not easy at all to pee standing up. Have had a few tries but more mess than success. Using a male urinal bottle for the most part, as I can stand and then find a comfortable position. Beats peeing on the floor of the shower in the middle of the night.

Constipation is finally easing. Have had to use the laxative again a couple of days ago, but had an unassisted BM this morning. Yay for that.

I know I said I would not bother measuring my current length, but what the hell. I got the ruler out this morning. Currently about 13cm, accounting for some swelling over the pubic bone. I hope that expands (quite) a bit after full inflation! We shall see. I am nowhere near as OCD about that issue now as I was prior to surgery. If I lose a bit, I lose a bit - but hopefully not a lot. I could not previously accept the mindset "a reliable smaller dick is better than an unreliable larger one" because that just sounded like a cop-out to my stressed out brain at that time, and I wanted it to look as unchanged as possible to my own eye - but my mind has finally begun optimistically exploring what life in general may be like in a few months' time, and I'm getting excited about it. I had resigned myself to never having the life of a normal man.

If I am down some length in order to obtain that new life, well so be it. What I want overall is to feel like a man again and not the pathetic second rate fraud I've felt like for most of my adult life. That kind of thinking is very hard to avoid or counsel away, and infects every aspect of life to great detriment. That's what I went through all this for, and the outcome is not going to be any less transformational even if that includes some loss. The less the better though

In any event the surgeon seems to have stuffed me as full as he could. He said he measured 22cm and put 23cm in so I think he's stretched the envelope - so to speak - as much as possible for me. Did the 3 weeks of VED stretching prior allow him to get an extra cm in there? Who knows. Will never know. I doubt it did me any harm. I never discussed it with him or sought his views as the question had been answered here many times - no harm, no evidence of benefit. So I just did it. Was a distinct pleasure to put that VED pump in the trash the night before surgery. Could not imagine how guys manage to rely on VED as their only option. It was not pleasant - at least not for me.

Without reading back, I don't remember whether I described Mr Love's surgical technique. As he explained to me, he uses a technique called MINT that seems to be a hybrid of Dr Perito's minimally invasive IP procedure and Dr Eid's no-touch protocol. An attempt to obtain the best of both worlds. I was skeptical of the IP approach because of what I had read here, but it made good sense to me and I see no evidence at this stage that it has been of any detriment at all. I am impressed that Love appears to monitor other surgeons' approaches and successes and proactively incorporate those into his own practice. That's a science based patient-focused approach, not an ego based one, and I respected that greatly.

I probably won't update frequently now. It seems to be an unremarkable recovery with limited interest / few questions arising from other members, so I will probably only update now if there is pertinent new information to share, or any questions raised (on my part, or by others). I will certainly update after my checkup (and hopefully activation / licence to pump up) in early June. I will report my initial erect dimensions after activation, and then from time to time over the following 6-12 months to show the final outcome. The only real concern I have is the adhesion, and rather than stress out and jump on a plane back to Melbourne I am going to take a relaxed approach to that as it seems to be both very common and likely to resolve. At worst he might have to go back in and correct it, but obviously from an infection perspective I would like to avoid the need for another surgery. I will see what he thinks and do as he instructs.

I will not be attempting to play around with deflating or inflating at all until he clears it. I will be doing the aggressive daily inflation protocol afterwards.

I am aiming for putting it to use around July/August if all goes well. I do not have a partner, or understanding friends with benefits waiting in the wings, and don't want to have any embarrassing early issues with a near stranger. I may very well engage the services of a professional for that first outing - I've never seen fit to do that before, but this appears like an occasion which is actually appropriate. There will be no great consequences that way if things don't go to plan. Again, we shall see in due course. Probably worrying about nothing, like usual.

Things I found helpful, and would stock up before surgery:

Frozen peas. Two small bags. Far and away the most effective ice option. Doesn't leak, molds to anatomy, stays cold for ages, very cheap and reusable.
An instant-cold pack if you will be traveling. This was a lifesaver for the overnight in Sydney. They don't get icy cold, nor last long, but once I got to the airport hotel I was in a really bad way and it was heaven to collapse onto the bed and activate the cold pack straight away. Also, it turned out the airport hotel fridge had no freezer compartment. Something to check if you will be staying away from home, even for a night, in the early days!
Athletic supporter - two, one in your size and one the size up. Try both for comfort. For the travel, I used the larger size over a pair of boxer briefs and that worked well, for both concealment and some support (given that nothing would have made it truly comfortable).
Urinal bottle.
Baggy / loose trackpants with a drawstring, and a baggy top that hangs down past the groin a little - again, for travel. I felt like a bum sitting in J class dressed like that, but it was the only way I could be reasonably discreet. I'll need to dress like that for a week or two after returning to work as well.
At least two different laxatives - lactulose solution and a suppository just in case. None of the others worked for me. I suspect suppositories only work if you are blocked at or near the rectum. What I needed was to get motility going again in my whole bowel, and the lactulose worked wonders for that as well as being surprisingly gentle.
Plenty of drinks in flavours you like. I didn't worry too much about sugar etc during recovery as I wasn't eating as much as usual, and it is really easy to get dehydrated.
Snacks and nibbles. Ice cream. You may not feel like a full meal much of the time. Keep some nice salami, cheese and crackers, chocolate etc handy.
Stock the freezer with ready meals if you live alone. Preferably some nice home cooked meals like casseroles that you can throw into the nuke. No way are you going to feel like being in the kitchen longer than a few minutes, and junk food gets old very very fast.

Even if you have help, and especially if you are the independent type, get ready as much of the above as you possibly can in advance and make sure your space is as comfortable as you can make it. You will lose your independence for a few days and it may cause frustration both in yourself and in your relationship with anyone caring for you. I am fiercely independent and self reliant, and this caught me unprepared.

In many ways I would have coped better if I had been well prepared and on my own so my frustration / pain didn't have to affect anyone but me. I'm usually very calm and patient and it was distressing to be seen to have my resilience so low at that time. Once again, I do envy you guys with supportive spouses, but for single self reliant men I would say choose your travel / support companion with care, if you take one at all, and prepare well. I had to make up with my Mum after I got a bit growly.

Hope this journal has helped someone. Any questions I can answer or support I can provide for those on the fence about the whole thing, post here or PM me and I will do my best.

Might put a note in next week about how the return to work went if there is anything worthwhile to add, but I have a desk job and I can't see it being too remarkable.

AussieRjay

[AussieRjay]

Day 22 Update (Weds 31.5.17)

Returned to work Monday. Unfortunately had to do a lot of walking, rather than just stay at my desk.

The morning was OK but as the afternoon wore on I was in a great deal of discomfort, caused mainly by the difficulty in keeping the partial inflation erection pressed close to my belly with a jockstrap.

The glans is very sensitive and the corona rubbed all day against the stubble in my pubic area. It was pretty raw by the end of the day, and the dog ears in the cylinders were stabbing and throbbing pretty badly to boot. By 4pm I couldn't find any comfortable position for it. The area between my circumcision scar and the corona had swollen up nearly as badly as it was over a week ago (I had incisions in the skin and underlying tunica in that area and these are still tender internally - the exterior incisions are healing well and the stitches have almost all dissolved). I had to take a strong painkiller Monday night, after I thought I was finished with them over a week ago, and a hot bath before I felt alright.

I grabbed another day of my leave yesterday because the pain was back at what it was at the start of week 2, but am back at my desk today and trying to stay off my feet. Rolled a condom on before I went to work, that's working for the chafing but it hurt to roll it on and I will have to take some scissors to the bathroom when I need to pee next, to cut the tip off the condom. Will identify another approach for tomorrow, perhaps wrapped in a crepe bandage or something.

I am looking forward to being deflated.

As they say though, no pain, no gain. I knew this was not going to be all fun and games at this stage.

Next update likely after review / activation appointment.

[robnine]

Thanks for sharing all of these interesting , and painful .... aspects of your journey, man , and I look forward to meeting you .. . . .
Rob in Sydney

[sliphill]

Wow, I appreciate your honesty, but damn, I got a week and a half to go for implant. I'm getting more nervous! Do I really want to do this! I had a double hernia operation over thirty years ago, and remember that it was not too pleasant for a few weeks. But, this sounds worse! I'm not going to try and get through it with over the counter pain relief. If he prescribes Percocet, I'm taking it! I'm really not looking forward to this!

[lunacynic]

forget the condom (for now at least!) and get some baby socks

[AussieRjay]

Thanks for the replies guys. I'm not in constant horrendous pain or anything, and I don't mean to frighten anyone. Just venting really, it will get better in time and is improving each day. Maybe I just bitch more than most!

The condom was overall helpful today but I will investigate the baby sock idea. It was uncomfortable to put on, and removing it at the end of the day was irritating, I'd swollen up again and the ring at the base of the condom was throttling my shaft so an alternative is definitely required.

I borrowed my secretary's scissors to remove the end of the condom so I could pee. Then I washed them and put them back in her desk tidy. Was that evil? Oh well. What she doesn't know won't hurt me lol, and I really needed to pee!

I got a week and a half to go for implant. I'm getting more nervous! Do I really want to do this! I had a double hernia operation over thirty years ago, and remember that it was not too pleasant for a few weeks. But, this sounds worse! I'm not going to try and get through it with over the counter pain relief. If he prescribes Percocet, I'm taking it! I'm really not looking forward to this!

Sliphill, firstly your recovery may be less uncomfortable. Many guys seem to recover rapidly. As to whether I would do it again - I'm not even activated yet, have no idea whether all my inches are still there etc, and I would still do it again. In a heartbeat. It beats untreatable impotence. The mental pain that caused over a very long period makes the surgical recovery look like bloody nothing.

If it is your last option and your mind is made up, do it.

As to the pain control, yes eat the things. Why wouldn't you? I'd never taken a strong opiate in my life before this. I don't have a sudden craving to abuse drugs now that I've used it for pain control. It has served its purpose. Some guys seem to think being stoic and tolerating pain is a virtuous thing. I don't agree, they give you pain relief for a reason. Use it. EDIT: And when I say use it, I mean use it pre-emptively. Get in front of the pain, and stay in front of it - do not let yourself get to the point where you are trying to knock out the pain after it has gone on too long, you will be less successful than if you just take them on the schedule the doc advises. For me that was 10mg Targin (oxycodone) in the first week 1 every 12 hours, with Endone 5mg (also oxycodone) or Tramadol 50mg (mid strength pain reliever) as required for breakthrough pain. Second week 5mg Targin and the backups if required. Third week all going well you hopefully should not need the strong opiates any longer. Remember to stock up on laxatives beforehand!

What I would not do is cancel and re-book your surgery out of indecision. The docs loathe that, it stuffs their forward planning up. I asked the clerk who booked me in whether many guys got cold feet. She rolled her eyes and said (words to the effect) "I've got one who's cancelled and rebooked three times so far, it drives me crazy". On the one hand, maybe she could have had more understanding of the angst involved, on the other hand they're not there to act as counsellors, they're busy surgeons with limited time.

Be optimistic mate. If you go in as a pessimist, every little difficulty or setback is going to seem like a disaster when it isn't. It is just something to get through, and you will, like I will and everyone else here has. Good luck for a smooth op and a great outcome

[sliphill]

Sliphill, firstly your recovery may be less uncomfortable. Many guys seem to recover rapidly. As to whether I would do it again - I'm not even activated yet, have no idea whether all my inches are still there etc, and I would still do it again. In a heartbeat. It beats untreatable impotence. The mental pain that caused over a very long period makes the surgical recovery look like bloody nothing.

If it is your last option and your mind is made up, do it.

As to the pain control, yes eat the things. Why wouldn't you? I'd never taken a strong opiate in my life before this. I don't have a sudden craving to abuse drugs now that I've used it for pain control. It has served its purpose. Some guys seem to think being stoic and tolerating pain is a virtuous thing. I don't agree, they give you pain relief for a reason. Use it. EDIT: And when I say use it, I mean use it pre-emptively. Get in front of the pain, and stay in front of it - do not let yourself get to the point where you are trying to knock out the pain after it has gone on too long, you will be less successful than if you just take them on the schedule the doc advises. For me that was 10mg Targin (oxycodone) in the first week 1 every 12 hours, with Endone 5mg (also oxycodone) or Tramadol 50mg (mid strength pain reliever) as required for breakthrough pain. Second week 5mg Targin and the backups if required. Third week all going well you hopefully should not need the strong opiates any longer. Remember to stock up on laxatives beforehand!

What I would not do is cancel and re-book your surgery out of indecision. The docs loathe that, it stuffs their forward planning up. I asked the clerk who booked me in whether many guys got cold feet. She rolled her eyes and said (words to the effect) "I've got one who's cancelled and rebooked three times so far, it drives me crazy". On the one hand, maybe she could have had more understanding of the angst involved, on the other hand they're not there to act as counsellors, they're busy surgeons with limited time.

Be optimistic mate. If you go in as a pessimist, every little difficulty or setback is going to seem like a disaster when it isn't. It is just something to get through, and you will, like I will and everyone else here has. Good luck for a smooth op and a great outcome

Hey thanks Aussie, appreciate the feedback. Yep, no turning back for me. I spoke to the doctor yesterday, and went to the pre-opt screening. Will be in the hospital overnight, and he said he would pull the catheter out in the morning and then I could go home. Don't worry, I intend to use the opiate pain meds pre-emptively. And I never ever thought that tolerating pain was a virtuous thing.

So there are a lot of mates that chicken out huh, LOL. They must have watched one of the videos of the procedure being done, I did. Yeah yeah, I know, your asleep. But that is a lot of trauma to your dick that you are bound to feel afterwards! Anyways, glad you are feeling better, hopefully you have kept your length. I asked the doctor if I would lose length, he was honest and said I might lose a little. I was reading on another thread where the guy said he lost length from priapism. I know that there were many occasions when I had a boner for hours. I didn't know that you can lose length from this.

[sliphill]

I borrowed my secretary's scissors to remove the end of the condom so I could pee. Then I washed them and put them back in her desk tidy. Was that evil? Oh well. What she doesn't know won't hurt me lol, and I really needed to pee!

he he he.

[David_R]

They must have watched one of the videos of the procedure being done

I am glad that I did not see one of those videos before having my implant put in. It would have totally grossed me out.