Uncooperative partner

[bach37]

I was diagnosed with prostate cancer in March, 2014. I had HIFU hemiablation done by Stephen Scionti, MD, in June, 2014. After the HIFU, the only way I could get a satisfactory erection was with injection. My lady was ok with this. Unfortunately, I had a biopsy at a routine follow-up with Dr. Scionti in December, 2015, which showed recurrence of cancer in the area he had treated & a new foci on the other side. So, in April, 2016, I had a robotic prostatectomy done by Vipul Patel, MD. Since then, I have been unable to achieve an erection that is sufficient enough for intercourse, despite being diligent with a penile rehab program. I have decided to move forward with a penile implant. The problem is that my partner is not really on board with the idea. She has gone from saying
"it isn't natural & there is nothing sexy about it" to "I'm not sure how I'll react." At any rate, I am looking for feedback from someone else that may have faced a similar issue. Also, I am having the surgery performed by Jeffrey Brady, MD (Orlando, FL). If anyone has had experience with Dr. Brady, please share it with me via private message.

[DaveKell]

I have decided to move forward with a penile implant. The problem is that my partner is not really on board with the idea. She has gone from saying
"it isn't natural & there is nothing sexy about it" to "I'm not sure how I'll react."

I'm a bit disappointed nobody has given you any feedback on this yet. I only have one impression of your circumstance here. It seems to me "uncooperative" in this instance actually means unsupportive. It's a bit odd that she apparently didn't have this objection about injecting yourself to get a hard on. I mean what could be less "sexy" (her words) than having to puncture your dick and load a medication into it before you can make love with your wife? My observation would be this, and I apologize profusely first if I am entering meddling territory. Generally speaking, how good was your relationship before your issues changed everything between you? I only ask because if the relationship had lots of problems I doubt becoming bionic is going to magically improve it. Not knowing your partner, I'd suggest you have them watch a few videos of a partner's outlook on the results of an implant. My wife didn't fully get onboard with the idea until I explained at length to her that most of her complaints about me over the years are a direct result of my deteriorated attitude since developing ED. I got her to remember how we were before when she never had a complaint about me. I told her the loss of the most important aspect of manhood is the loss of self respect, happiness and motivation. Who wouldn't have complaints about living with someone in that condition? I assured her I remember how we used to be and I want that back enough to have an implant which will be the 19th surgery in my life. Not anything I am looking forward to, yet it will happen in a little over 48 hours.

I learned long ago what a woman says usually is rooted in an emotional outlook underneath. In other words, there is more to the story. You have to dig a little deeper to get at what the true objection to an implant might be. It's well worth the heartfelt conversation though. Here's wishing you a vast improvement in every aspect of your life!

[Donnie1954]

Dave,
May God guide the hands of your surgeon. Praying for a successful surgery.
Donnie

[Larry10625]

I was diagnosed with prostate cancer in March, 2014. I had HIFU hemiablation done by Stephen Scionti, MD, in June, 2014. After the HIFU, the only way I could get a satisfactory erection was with injection. My lady was ok with this. Unfortunately, I had a biopsy at a routine follow-up with Dr. Scionti in December, 2015, which showed recurrence of cancer in the area he had treated & a new foci on the other side. So, in April, 2016, I had a robotic prostatectomy done by Vipul Patel, MD. Since then, I have been unable to achieve an erection that is sufficient enough for intercourse, despite being diligent with a penile rehab program. I have decided to move forward with a penile implant. The problem is that my partner is not really on board with the idea. She has gone from saying
"it isn't natural & there is nothing sexy about it" to "I'm not sure how I'll react." At any rate, I am looking for feedback from someone else that may have faced a similar issue. Also, I am having the surgery performed by Jeffrey Brady, MD (Orlando, FL). If anyone has had experience with Dr. Brady, please share it with me via private message.

You have to do what will make you happy. You will carry your dick around with you for the rest of your life, whereas the women you choose may vary.

Larry

[David_R]

My wife has spoken by phone with other women whose husbands are considering an implant, and I am sure that she would be glad to talk with your wife if it could help. Send me a pm and you and I can chat.

[Flannigan]

Although I am not part of the bionic brotherhood yet...I have recently gone from using pills to just starting injections. My girlfriend of more than 2 years did not know I was using pills until about 4 months ago. I could no longer take the bad side affects and I had to tell her. It was very hard for both of us. We were having great sex about 4 - 6 times a week. She went from thinking I was totally into her to thinking that it was just the pills. It's very hard for women to fully comprehend what we as men go through when our junk stops performing like it should. The thought of a phony erection in their mind just kills the natural bond that brings a man and a woman together. It's getting past this pre-wired natural thought process that is the difficult part.

I have determined that in order to overcome this obstacle the woman must completely love you and trust you. She will basically need to retrain her brain to not think so much about the fact that it's a phony erection and focus on the love that you share. Your relationship needs to be quite solid to get past this. If there were any significant problems in the relationship prior to this issue then it may prove to be very difficult to move past. In my opinion, you need to let her know that you love her and your love has never faltered. You need to let her know that if she loves you then you need her love and support to get through this.

Some women just can't handle it and those are usually the ones that really are not in deep love with you. They probably are not worth spending the time to try and get them to see the other side and support you. If they truly love you then they need to be on board with the program and realize that this was caused by a medical condition and they need to love and support you. That is what a partner is supposed to do. If they are unwilling to do so then they are not a good partner.

I had to have this discussion with my GF. Thankfully she is supportive but it's definitely been difficult for her to retrain her primal brain and focus on a higher level of love and be more understanding.

Good luck brother,
Flannigan

[Zxylpk]

I have been dealing with ed for a long time and had tried all the above, so my wife was not a stranger to it. When I told her I had made an appointment with an implant specialist on the advice of my urologist, it was the first time we had an in depth discussion about it. Turns out she believed all these years, that the cause of my ed was her fault - that she just wasn't sexy enough, that there was something wrong with her internally or externally, etc., etc. Once we got it all out on the table, and I assured it was a physiological problem that happens to many men, and had nothing to do with her, it was relieving for both of us. We are both very happy with the outcome.

[Flannigan]

[quoteI have been dealing with ed for a long time and had tried all the above, so my wife was not a stranger to it. When I told her I had made an appointment with an implant specialist on the advice of my urologist, it was the first time we had an in depth discussion about it. Turns out she believed all these years, that the cause of my ed was her fault - that she just wasn't sexy enough, that there was something wrong with her internally or externally, etc., etc. Once we got it all out on the table, and I assured it was a physiological problem that happens to many men, and had nothing to do with her, it was relieving for both of us. We are both very happy with the outcome.][/quote]

Yes. I think most women will naturally think it's them at first. My GF is a 10 (at least in my book) and she still thought it was her. I had to reassure her and still do that it's not her. I think about f...ing her at least every 2 minutes. It's really hard to try and effectively communicate what we are going through. I have even told my girlfriend she should read some of the posts on this site to see just how many other couples go through this. She is slowly starting to get it but I know it's still hard for her (no pun intended)

Cheers

[Larry10625]

[quoteI have been dealing with ed for a long time and had tried all the above, so my wife was not a stranger to it. When I told her I had made an appointment with an implant specialist on the advice of my urologist, it was the first time we had an in depth discussion about it. Turns out she believed all these years, that the cause of my ed was her fault - that she just wasn't sexy enough, that there was something wrong with her internally or externally, etc., etc. Once we got it all out on the table, and I assured it was a physiological problem that happens to many men, and had nothing to do with her, it was relieving for both of us. We are both very happy with the outcome.]

Yes. I think most women will naturally think it's them at first. My GF is a 10 (at least in my book) and she still thought it was her. I had to reassure her and still do that it's not her. I think about f...ing her at least every 2 minutes. It's really hard to try and effectively communicate what we are going through. I have even told my girlfriend she should read some of the posts on this site to see just how many other couples go through this. She is slowly starting to get it but I know it's still hard for her (no pun intended)

Cheers[/quote]


I think you need to reassure her that it's so natural that you could have hidden it from her if you had met her after the implant. There is nothing unnatural about it.

Larry

[IJN1324]

I was diagnosed with prostate cancer in March, 2014. I had HIFU hemiablation done by Stephen Scionti, MD, in June, 2014. After the HIFU, the only way I could get a satisfactory erection was with injection. My lady was ok with this. Unfortunately, I had a biopsy at a routine follow-up with Dr. Scionti in December, 2015, which showed recurrence of cancer in the area he had treated & a new foci on the other side. So, in April, 2016, I had a robotic prostatectomy done by Vipul Patel, MD. Since then, I have been unable to achieve an erection that is sufficient enough for intercourse, despite being diligent with a penile rehab program. I have decided to move forward with a penile implant. The problem is that my partner is not really on board with the idea. She has gone from saying
"it isn't natural & there is nothing sexy about it" to "I'm not sure how I'll react." At any rate, I am looking for feedback from someone else that may have faced a similar issue. Also, I am having the surgery performed by Jeffrey Brady, MD (Orlando, FL). If anyone has had experience with Dr. Brady, please share it with me via private message.

DOn't worry Bach37, it's the fear of the unknown my friend. My wife initially was hesitant, cos she had never seen or heard of an implant before, so naturally, she was not gung ho.

Today i'm running away from her as this is her new best friend, as it lasts forever and is as hard as a rock. I have had to start working out to keep up.

I promise u brother, once she sees how it works and what you can do with it, you'll be smiling too.

You might have to take lessons from the brothers on this site as to sex techniques, cos you can last a long time, so make it worth her while.

Good luck and God bless