Lowest Point

[defiant]

I just had a good cry in my bed. It’s 4am here and I have work in 2 hours.

This is taking over my life.

I was listening to the recording I made of my andrologist visit 2 years ago, my last appointment with a urological doctor and I ask him, do some people end up with implants even though there’s nothing physically wrong and he said ‘yes, some people are of that personality, some people go so far, become so unresponsive, that we just have to help them’.

I think I’m that person, if indeed there truly is nothing wrong with me,

I tried to masturbate this evening and couldn’t even get a semi yet I came anyway. How messed up is that.

Even though they are such great solutions, I just can’t reconcile myself with the decision to pursue it with all it entails. The pumping, the deflating, the foreign body, the disclosure, the replacements, the risks. All this at 34.

This is a dark dark time.

[ThePlumber1964]

Defiant,

I can comprehend, more or less, what you are going through. In my case, it felt that at 48, I was a stallion. The day that I turned 49, after almost 30 years of PERFECT sex life with my wife, everything was clouded by the ED. It doesn’t matter the root cause, it is devastating; specially when it feels that there is no explanation as to why it is happening, all at once.

However, after a period of internal struggle, I decided to take the bull by the horns. Tried systematically all options. When nothing worked, I just face the reality with the only option available: an implant. In less than two months, I got my first surgery. Even after having three botched surgeries, nothing or no one stopped me to pursue the one that gave me my sexual life back. And I never looked back; always looking forward to get the solution to my problem.

It is said that only one person doing something achieves more than a million preocupating about something. It is you the only one who can make the final decision, but if you ask me my opinion, just do it. You will be that one person, and not part of the other million.

Respectfully,

ThePlumber

[geophd]

I can empathize with you. When my Peyronie's started I failed to penetrate with two separate women. Then I masturbated to completion completely limp (didn't know that was possible!). This was traumatic. Then I got on cialis and I've been doing that with success ever since but wtf I'm only 28. The Peyronie's is also deforming my penis, mostly through small indents in my erection but I can also feel numerous pea sized balls of scar tissue throughout. Trust me, I understand your Psychological distress. However, your issue is that you don't "know" the cause of your ED. I think what we both need to do is take a step back and put everything in life in its place, sex is just one facet of life, an important one but just one. This means getting your mental state stable. To do that I have pursued a psychologist and psychiatrist for the first time in my life. Mental health is arguably more important than urologic health and it's important to treat the anxiety and depression you're going through.

Secondly, if you're this young your only real option is pills (after getting peyronie's I'll tell you its not worth the risk!). I would experiment with 20 mg cialis. If that's not producing a reliable erection then schedule an appointment with the best implant surgeon you can afford and see what he says. An implant is extreme but sometimes extreme things happen and you have to attack the problem head on and not waste years of your life procrastinating. Recovery from surgery is temporary.

[defiant]

Thank you for replying, Plumber and Geophd,

The thing is, I consciously know that ‘trying’ to masturbate when you’re literally shaking with fear and anxiety over your own performance and end result will likely result in failure. That’s a given, come on. You need relaxation for sex and masturbation.

But that’s just it, with this recent breakup I’m going through, having to start at square one, my anxiety, which I’ve suffered from in some form or another over the last decade has SKY-ROCKETED. I think about it all the time and how I’ll have no one, I catastrophise, I panic, I feel incapable of ever forming or pursuing anything ever again.

The crazy thing is, I had weaned to 10mg cialis, which was working just fine with my ex. A few mishaps here and there but 95% effective for long sex with foreplay. 20 would work extremely well. So I guess I can gain comfort a little that I know that works.

The problem is my mental state has entered a new realm of panic, fear and catastrophy. I am so so so so so so so so so fearful of even attempting sex with anyone ever again, even with 20mg of cialis pumping through my body.

I am booked to see a shrink. I see a psych already but he believes I need high-dose SSRIs absolutely has confirmed to me that some medications do exist that do not play with your libido or sexual function. If a pill can take away this panic and get me back to some sort of normality, I might have a chance, in time, of meeting someone new, explaining it all, using the cialis and starting over.

But

I’m tired. Of this whole thing.

I almost WANT an implant so I can just be done with this battle. I don’t think I’ll ever truly rid myself of my dependence on drugs. I want to be able to just pump and go. It scares me. It depresses me, I won’t lie.

But I would be free.

[ED2013]

I’ve been in the same shoes. This is the bottom line. If you get implanted, you’ll be able to have sex. If you don’t you’ll probably get worse. If and when you do decide to get implanted, I highly recommend going with a top surgeon. I was implanted at 35. My only regret is that I didn’t do it earlier.

[defiant]

I’ve been in the same shoes. This is the bottom line. If you get implanted, you’ll be able to have sex. If you don’t you’ll probably get worse. If and when you do decide to get implanted, I highly recommend going with a top surgeon. I was implanted at 35. My only regret is that I didn’t do it earlier.

Thanks for getting back to me, mate.

May I ask the origins of your ED and the route you had to the big decision? Don't worry about extensive detail just an outline?

I also made a thread with a questionnaire for people who are implanted - I called it the ultimate implant questionnaire. Being a year older than me, I'd love to know your thoughts.

Thing is, I'm fairly sure if I had a healthy mind, I wouldn't be so bad. How bad, if at all, is anyone's guess.

[ED2013]

Venous leak. The psychological part makes it worse. The decision was simple for me really. I couldn’t have sex. The implant was the only thing that could fix it.

[defiant]

Venous leak. The psychological part makes it worse. The decision was simple for me really. I couldn’t have sex. The implant was the only thing that could fix it.

Obviously the choice is clear.

Can I ask some questions?

How bad did you psychological state get? (It’s definitely a mind/body process and if you’re stressed as hell youre already up against it.

How did you sustain your VL? What was the cause?

Do you have any feelings of trepidation about when it fails and needs to be revised? The thought of a 3-4 month lag is quite something. But again, compared to no sex and no confidence. That’s nothing.

[DaveKell]

I just had a good cry in my bed. It’s 4am here and I have work in 2 hours.

This is taking over my life.

I was listening to the recording I made of my andrologist visit 2 years ago, my last appointment with a urological doctor and I ask him, do some people end up with implants even though there’s nothing physically wrong and he said ‘yes, some people are of that personality, some people go so far, become so unresponsive, that we just have to help them’. You are just a few years younger than I was when ED began to consume my thinking too. It eroded my personality and overall outlook on being alive. I had an attractive wife, 7 years younger than me, I could only mange about one time out of 3 to successfully make love to. Something had to give or I would become a hopelessly bitter person.

I think I’m that person, if indeed there truly is nothing wrong with me,

I tried to masturbate this evening and couldn’t even get a semi yet I came anyway. How messed up is that. I too found I could pound the hell out of a flaccid dick and eventually come with the wet noodle. It really messes with your mind. Again, something had to give!

Even though they are such great solutions, I just can’t reconcile myself with the decision to pursue it with all it entails. The pumping, the deflating, the foreign body, the disclosure, the replacements, the risks. All this at 34. I pursued it after learning about it here on this forum and wish I had done it years earlier. Nothing changes insofar as knowing when you want a hardon. The urges are identical. The only difference is you have to manually make it happen. A reasonable trade off given the alternative being not having sex. Who wants that? The "foreign body" is something you have to be fully mentally accepting of. I've found it's no big deal, again with the alternative being no sex for you. As for the disclosure, I'm first to admit I didn't have that issue because I'm married. However, I had a lot of sex with around 50 other women before getting married at age 26. Thinking back, I would have approached it with a new woman by bragging about the benefit of being able to outlast any other guy she had ever been with. Hours of sex on end. How is that a drawback? I can't imagine any of the women being disappointed. If you don't work naturally, it's no fault of your own. It's just the cards you were dealt and it's up to you how you play the hand. A woman's reluctance would melt away after about the first 15 minutes of continuous sex if not much sooner. The risks are one of the lowest in any type of surgery. The recovery was a lot smoother than I anticipated. Given the resulting benefits, I know now I'd have gladly endured it being ten times worse!

This is a dark dark time. You can change your whole outlook very soon after being cleared for sex with an implant. I became the cock of the walk after experiencing the best sex of my life with an implant. Although I am not looking in the least, I regularly talk to women I don't know because of the contaguious confidence I project now. I have no doubt I could have a field day with new women if I found myself single again. All of the old defeated mentality is long long gone and will stay that way. Sure, at your age you're likely to need 1 or 2 revisions in your lifetime. How could that possibly hold you back given the benefits I've cited for you? Do yourself the biggest favor of your life and get over this hesitation and go for the best gift you could ever give yourself!

[ED2013]

Venous leak. The psychological part makes it worse. The decision was simple for me really. I couldn’t have sex. The implant was the only thing that could fix it.

Obviously the choice is clear.

Can I ask some questions?

How bad did you psychological state get? (It’s definitely a mind/body process and if you’re stressed as hell youre already up against it.

How did you sustain your VL? What was the cause?

Do you have any feelings of trepidation about when it fails and needs to be revised? The thought of a 3-4 month lag is quite something. But again, compared to no sex and no confidence. That’s nothing.

Very low point psychologically. Made an appt with shrink but canceled. Didn’t want that shit on my record lol. Seriously tho bad. Congenital vl. Revisions will happen but just gotta deal with it.