Lowest Point

[defiant]

I just had a good cry in my bed. It’s 4am here and I have work in 2 hours.

This is taking over my life.

I was listening to the recording I made of my andrologist visit 2 years ago, my last appointment with a urological doctor and I ask him, do some people end up with implants even though there’s nothing physically wrong and he said ‘yes, some people are of that personality, some people go so far, become so unresponsive, that we just have to help them’. You are just a few years younger than I was when ED began to consume my thinking too. It eroded my personality and overall outlook on being alive. I had an attractive wife, 7 years younger than me, I could only mange about one time out of 3 to successfully make love to. Something had to give or I would become a hopelessly bitter person.

I think I’m that person, if indeed there truly is nothing wrong with me,

I tried to masturbate this evening and couldn’t even get a semi yet I came anyway. How messed up is that. I too found I could pound the hell out of a flaccid dick and eventually come with the wet noodle. It really messes with your mind. Again, something had to give!

Even though they are such great solutions, I just can’t reconcile myself with the decision to pursue it with all it entails. The pumping, the deflating, the foreign body, the disclosure, the replacements, the risks. All this at 34. I pursued it after learning about it here on this forum and wish I had done it years earlier. Nothing changes insofar as knowing when you want a hardon. The urges are identical. The only difference is you have to manually make it happen. A reasonable trade off given the alternative being not having sex. Who wants that? The "foreign body" is something you have to be fully mentally accepting of. I've found it's no big deal, again with the alternative being no sex for you. As for the disclosure, I'm first to admit I didn't have that issue because I'm married. However, I had a lot of sex with around 50 other women before getting married at age 26. Thinking back, I would have approached it with a new woman by bragging about the benefit of being able to outlast any other guy she had ever been with. Hours of sex on end. How is that a drawback? I can't imagine any of the women being disappointed. If you don't work naturally, it's no fault of your own. It's just the cards you were dealt and it's up to you how you play the hand. A woman's reluctance would melt away after about the first 15 minutes of continuous sex if not much sooner. The risks are one of the lowest in any type of surgery. The recovery was a lot smoother than I anticipated. Given the resulting benefits, I know now I'd have gladly endured it being ten times worse!

This is a dark dark time. You can change your whole outlook very soon after being cleared for sex with an implant. I became the cock of the walk after experiencing the best sex of my life with an implant. Although I am not looking in the least, I regularly talk to women I don't know because of the contaguious confidence I project now. I have no doubt I could have a field day with new women if I found myself single again. All of the old defeated mentality is long long gone and will stay that way. Sure, at your age you're likely to need 1 or 2 revisions in your lifetime. How could that possibly hold you back given the benefits I've cited for you? Do yourself the biggest favor of your life and get over this hesitation and go for the best gift you could ever give yourself!

This was incredibly encouraging to read. Thank you so much for such a candid response. I’m so glad that you’re absolutely tearing up life right now, free of the mental and physical strife that comes with this ****!

May I ask what the cause of your ED was, how old you were when it started, what treatments you went through and what led you to go for implant? Also, all these women. Was that with the implant? Bravo man!

[geophd]

Defiant may I ask what the recent break up was over? My girlfriend knows I take cialis, she know about my Peyronie’s. I too am tired of the worry. Tired of taking pills, tired of feeling broken. But you can still have sex with cialis, it’s not the end of the world for you at all! Trust me... my penis is deforming AND I need cialis... chill. Just take daily cialis and go about your life. Tell a girl you injured your penis and need cialis now. If it stops working get an implant. Or just get one now, I want one now too.

[DaveKell]

May I ask what the cause of your ED was, how old you were when it started, what treatments you went through and what led you to go for implant? Also, all these women. Was that with the implant? Bravo man!

My ED was caused by one of the 18 abdominal surgeries I had. It was a surgery where the last foot or so of my larger intestine was removed. It's called the sigmoid colon. When I saw the urologist who did my implant and he looked at my surgical history, he asked how soon after the sigmoid surgery did my ED begin. I said very soon after. He told me a high percentage of men who have this surgery develop ED that doesn't respond to treatment. I should add that even after all those surgeries nobody can tell anything was ever wrong with me and I function 100% normal with respect to bowel function. As for all those women, it was before I got married at age 26 to a 19 year old. I've never cheated on my wife. I DO talk to women I've never met before as often as an opportunity presents itself. It's just a reminder to myself I'm a completely capable man now.

[defiant]

Defiant may I ask what the recent break up was over? My girlfriend knows I take cialis, she know about my Peyronie’s. I too am tired of the worry. Tired of taking pills, tired of feeling broken. But you can still have sex with cialis, it’s not the end of the world for you at all! Trust me... my penis is deforming AND I need cialis... chill. Just take daily cialis and go about your life. Tell a girl you injured your penis and need cialis now. If it stops working get an implant. Or just get one now, I want one now too.

My ex gf knew about the cialis as well and she was very supportive. She is a nurse anyway. She was very encouraging as well in that dept. We never really had any problems. It worked 98% of the time. We split because she caught me talking to someone else. I kissed them. I know this is bad, but I was giving all the effort to the relationship and she didn’t value me. She even said she was gonna leave London and go back to her country without really consulting me. Plus she she is going home for Christmas, my bday and New Year’s and didn’t even think to talk about any of that with me. Is that a gf who really cares? No.

Now I’m at square one. With crippling anxiety and failure to launch when masturbating. I’m done. I’ve been dealing with this for years.

I’m attracted to the idea of not having to worry about being able to get it up, about timing, about the will it won’t its. I’m attracted to the prospect of all that confidence I’ll regain and being able to have sex with as many women as I like, for as long as I like, how I like, indefinitely. Psychologists have been crap and a waste of money. They can’t tell me how to deal with these thoughts. I don’t think it’s within their power to fix my mind. I know a lot of the responsibility is on me, all of it. But I’m not being shown the tools and I think I’m too far gone in terms of my obsessions.

An implant will remove that. Yes it is a risk. Yes girls may find it weird, who cares; I don’t want them anyway. They’re not worthy. A good woman won’t care at all! She’ll enjoy it. Yes revisions will suck but there is so more to be gained from what I can see.

The mental plight of pills and injections, pills which I’ve beeb doing now for nearly 10 years, takes its toll.

I’m done. I’ve reached my limit and my mood right now and general outlook on life is very very poor.

[radioradio]

Life is too precious and is meant to be enjoyed. Scary as it may be, it sounds like you're ready for an implant. Wish you the best.
Bob 2.3

[defiant]

Life is too precious and is meant to be enjoyed. Scary as it may be, it sounds like you're ready for an implant. Wish you the best.
Bob 2.3

You know, I’m about 75% there.

Even if it can be proven there is no venous leakage again, it SIMPLY does not work as it should.

I can’t masturbate anymore. Too much pressure.
Standing erections, forget about them.
Erection duration without pills, max 10 seconds before fading

And then...

The mental side; the fear, the depression, the anxiety anxiety anxiety.

I have to explain all this to the surgeon. I think I want to be bionic. It will give me life back.

[philly444]

The other thing to consider is the loss of size while waiting. I waited way too long to get my implant and lost more than 2 inches by simply not getting a full erection for 5 years. I love my implant and only wish I did it sooner.

[ThePlumber1964]

You know, I’m about 75% there.

Even if it can be proven there is no venous leakage again, it SIMPLY does not work as it should.

I can’t masturbate anymore. Too much pressure.
Standing erections, forget about them.
Erection duration without pills, max 10 seconds before fading

And then...

The mental side; the fear, the depression, the anxiety anxiety anxiety.

I have to explain all this to the surgeon. I think I want to be bionic. It will give me life back.

Defiant,

Venous leak is not the only physiological cause of ED. My case is quite complicated, but it ended up to be the result of Pituitary Dwarfism. It can be a million things, and you may never know what it is.

The only thing that a physician could diagnose is with Organic ED. As long as it is classified as such, and the only way to have a 100% assurance of having an erection when you are sexually aroused is with an implant, then you are a patient ready to go the OR and get one implanted. Plain and simple.

The fact that you are emotionally impacted by this can be, as has been for all of us, a sequel to the Organic ED, and you and potentially your healthcare providers have been seeing and diagnosing you the other way around.

Go to a true specialist, an Urologist specialized on ED, and he/she will understand your case and call it as it is. That will give you the other 25% you need to do it.

Just my two cents...

ThePlumber

[radioradio]

Defiant,

Venous leak is not the only physiological cause of ED. My case is quite complicated, but it ended up to be the result of Pituitary Dwarfism. It can be a million things, and you may never know what it is.

The only thing that a physician could diagnose is with Organic ED. As long as it is classified as such, and the only way to have a 100% assurance of having an erection when you are sexually aroused is with an implant, then you are a patient ready to go the OR and get one implanted. Plain and simple.

The fact that you are emotionally impacted by this can be, as has been for all of us, a sequel to the Organic ED, and you and potentially your healthcare providers have been seeing and diagnosing you the other way around.

Go to a true specialist, an Urologist specialized on ED, and he/she will understand your case and call it as it is. That will give you the other 25% you need to do it.

Just my two cents...

ThePlumber

All great points. I'd just add one more cent....

For me, I can't imagine a female doctor understanding ED the way a male could. Heck, if a male doctor hasn't experienced it, even he is missing a piece of what ED can be like. But I think he'd at least have a better appreciation for the emotional and psychological tolls.

Call me sexist if you want.... But at least I can now feel sexy, and I'm not sure a woman could relate how difficult -- or impossible -- that was with a limp dick.

Bob 2.3

[merrix]

Defiant,

First of all, I haven't read your whole story in detail, so sorry if I don't get all the facts right. Also haven't read all replies here in detail, just skimmed through.
But I wanted to raise a different view here.

Here is what I understand from your situation:
34 yo
Cialis works great, 98% success rate.
2/3 tests revealed NO venous leak, 1/3 revealed mild VL.

Then, I'd really say don't get implanted. Use the pills. You know they work. Just work on your anxiety. And why the anxiety when the pills work 98%?
I lived for 20 years prior to implant with a success rate of 70% on the pills. If I would have been 98% on Cialis, there is no FUCKING WAY I would have got implanted. 98% is equal to any normal guy. And a pill, especially Cialis which has a longer active time frame than Viagra, is no big deal. Actually it is no deal at all. You can take it anytime from a few hours before up till 15 minutes before. And if you don't know when sex will happen, take half of it when you expect it will happen within 2 hours, then the other half when you know it's on. Taking a Cialis is nothing.
If I was depending on a vacuum pump or an injection, I would have gone for the implant as a preferred solution. But compared to a 98% success rate with a pill, an implant is a poor choice.

Anxiety and psychological issues is one thing, but look at the facts.
An implant won't improve the reality, the hard facts of your sexual performance in the bigger picture. An implant fixes your erection (but you already do get hard 98% of the time!) but comes with other downsides. Risk at surgery. Need for revisions. Risk for half-assed outcome due to half-assed performance by the doc, awkwardness of pumping, loss of 100% spontaneousness. A pill has one tiny little downside - you've got to pop it 20-120 minutes before sex. That's it.
I would say there is no guarantee you will fix your emotional issues with an implant. If you are having such huge issues now, even though you know your Cialis will work 98% of the time, I am not sure at all an implant will fix that. If you do have some issues, they might still be there after the implant. Just related to other issues. If you're in a dark place now, it is not because you cannot have sex. Because you can. In 98% of the time. Which is great. You're a stallion from a physical point of view. Just by swallowing a tiny little pill which nobody will ever notice.

Just as you hate masturbating today with a semi-erection, you might hate the feeling of needing to pump up your prosthesis at such young age just to masturbate.
And if you are scared shitless now to have sex because maybe you are in for those 2% occasions when the pill does't work, with an implant you might avoid sex because of fear for the girl detecting it, or just for your own fear of feeling like a freak for being implanted.
I don't say this is how men normally feel about their implant - I don't feel that way - but I am saying that if you are in a dark place mentally, the implant is no guaranteed fix to that problem. There is plenty of things with an implant and being implanted to worry about as well if that's the mental place one is in.

Don't take this as advice. Don't take anything written here as advice. We don't know your situation in detail, we are neither doctors nor shrinks. But take all you read here as input, use it or disregard it in your process of coming to a decision which is right for you. But my point in this debate is mainly, to summarise:

* Hey, for fuck's sake, you have a 98% success rate with Cialis! I would swap with you any time!!!
* Don't take this decision now, in your current state of mind. If you are depressed (or whatever label we should put on it), then you could easily find yourself feeling bad about having an implant at 34 as well. The guarantee is there for getting a hard dick (which you already have a 98% guarantee of today...), but nothing else. There is plenty of potential reasons to feel bad about an implant as well if one is not in a peaceful state of mind.
* Take the helicopter view. You want to get implanted to be able to have sex. But you can already!!! 98% on Cialis. What will the implant really add? You will swap taking a tiny little pill a few times per week for having a prosthesis in your dick for the rest of your life. Don't do it for any other reason than not being able to have sex. Even if you need to pop a pill to masturbate, well do it then. If pills work 98%, an implant is not the obvious solution for a 34 year old.

Finally: An implant (with a good surgical outcome) is a great solution for a lot of people. E.g. for someone who, like me, had a horrible VL which made me a 30% impotent failure, 70% a poor lover who had to fuck like a maniac with constant friction for 5 minutes and hope that semi wouldn't go down. But I don't think it's a great solution for someone who gets reliable results from Cialis.
If you are not happy with things now, there is no guarantee you'll be happy with an implant. Only (huge) difference is that you have taken a decision irrevocably decision which you may or may not regret.
Hang in there. Get a few good experiences under your belt, even at the cost of a few shitty ones. When things don't work on the pills anymore, then go for the implant with the best surgeon you can afford.

I also know this goes against previous replies in this thread. I don't say I'm right, I don't say others are wrong. But maybe that's the case. No matter what, only you know what is right for you. At least I hope I give you some food for thought.

Good luck and wish you all the best.