Overcoming Trouble getting "Back in the Groove"

[Lost Sheep]

How many of you found (post-implant) getting "back in the saddle" to be difficult?

Over the years of erectile dysfunction and ultimately. virtually complete impotence, I became eventually accustomed to not trying to have sex. Getting back in practice has proved difficult.

Years ago, when it dawned on me that I had trouble sustaining an erection, it troubled me. After a couple decades and further degradation, when knew I could not sustain a reliable erection, I began to accept the fact. Ultimately, this became the norm. I accepted this as unalterable and that was it. I adopted the serenity to accept the thing I could not change.

An implant changed that fact.

However, even though I can get and maintain a robust erection, my "new normal" is still not a garment I am comfortable wearing. I need to get used to the concept that I can have coitus again. Essentially, while my body is capable (though out of practice) my mind is still stuck in that "old normal".

Essentially I have a mental block and find myself cripplingly shy about initiating sex. (Ironically, years ago physical E.D. was thought to be primarily psychological, but my current S.D. - sexual dysfuntion - is certainly psychological.) That block is difficult to overcome, especially complicated with my current relationship's condition.

Part of it is because I don't want to screw up my good (currently bordering on platonic) relationship. My lack of confidence that I can satisfy her given our difficulty in finding positions we can manage (she has physical problems of her own) has interfered with the sexual aspect of our relationship.

If someone else had posted this question, I know what I would have replied. "You must communicate openly with your girl. Women are incredibly understanding and HUGELY invested in a good outcome. She is ON YOUR SIDE. Trust her."

But giving advice is easier than following my own.

Having composed this post, I am encouraged to put myself out there with her (or, perhaps more descriptively, to put myself in there with her).

But if any of you have words of encouragement or thoughts I have not had, I invite you to respond.

Thank you, my FrankTalk siblings.

[Jawalt]

Lost,
I have a wife of nearly 60 years and we talk all the time about most things. She was with me throughout the implant procedures. And yet, I find it incredibly difficult to approach her about sex now. We also have some physical problems but we know we can work our way through those problems. All this good stuff and I still find it difficult to initiate things. So don't think you are alone in your problem. Being unable to perform for so many years just messes with your head, I guess. Only advice I have is for me as much as for you. That is to just keep on keeping on!

[dg_moore]

Unfortunately, there are stories that don't have happy endings.

[Larry10625]

How many of you found (post-implant) getting "back in the saddle" to be difficult?

Over the years of erectile dysfunction and ultimately. virtually complete impotence, I became eventually accustomed to not trying to have sex. Getting back in practice has proved difficult.

Years ago, when it dawned on me that I had trouble sustaining an erection, it troubled me. After a couple decades and further degradation, when knew I could not sustain a reliable erection, I began to accept the fact. Ultimately, this became the norm. I accepted this as unalterable and that was it. I adopted the serenity to accept the thing I could not change.

An implant changed that fact.

However, even though I can get and maintain a robust erection, my "new normal" is still not a garment I am comfortable wearing. I need to get used to the concept that I can have coitus again. Essentially, while my body is capable (though out of practice) my mind is still stuck in that "old normal".

Essentially I have a mental block and find myself cripplingly shy about initiating sex. (Ironically, years ago physical E.D. was thought to be primarily psychological, but my current S.D. - sexual dysfuntion - is certainly psychological.) That block is difficult to overcome, especially complicated with my current relationship's condition.

Part of it is because I don't want to screw up my good (currently bordering on platonic) relationship. My lack of confidence that I can satisfy her given our difficulty in finding positions we can manage (she has physical problems of her own) has interfered with the sexual aspect of our relationship.

If someone else had posted this question, I know what I would have replied. "You must communicate openly with your girl. Women are incredibly understanding and HUGELY invested in a good outcome. She is ON YOUR SIDE. Trust her."

But giving advice is easier than following my own.

Having composed this post, I am encouraged to put myself out there with her (or, perhaps more descriptively, to put myself in there with her).

But if any of you have words of encouragement or thoughts I have not had, I invite you to respond.

Thank you, my FrankTalk siblings.

She is waiting for you. When you told her you were having surgery, she didn't object, did she? No... She is waiting for you to make love to her again. Start with passionate kissing and it will all come back to you like riding a bike. Good luck.

Larry

[David_Webb]

Your head seems to be in the right place and your self reflection is probably going to be the best path to regaining the confidence you feel is missing.

My only thought was to encourage you to be positive with yourself and look at the strength and courage you had to become bionic. I think learning to be intimate and open again after the long battle with ED is normal and you aren’t alone.

Keep open communication with your partner, and yourself about what your goals are for the future.

Good luck!

[alibaba]

My wife is 67. We were wild to try the first implant which was a failure. By the time the second one came around it was hard to get her interested. Now with me declared terminal it ads another factor making it harder (she starts crying all the time). All I can say is love her and keep working at it. Pump it up and give her a hug, show her some wild side. Cheers buddy.

[ED2013]

Shit, have a couple drinks and go for it !!!!