Emotional shock of prostate surgery

[Floppy]

After spending the two months researching what to do once the biopsy confirmed the presence of cancer I chose to go with robotic surgery by one of the most experienced surgeons in the US. My rationale was that nerve sparing surgery was the most likely to result in the best outcome. As far as being cured of the cancer it’s been right on incontinence was over in a few weeks. The remaining issue of sexual health is not so good I believe that we as patients are misled by the promise of the return to normal that we are told will happen. I don’t think I’m out of the ordinary I can say that I have lost my desire to have sex not because I’m now impotent but because there seem to be no triggers to arouse me is this normal? I mentally want to have sex as does my wife but it seems to be that the fire down below was extinguished with the removal of the prostate. Does it get better with time, will the implant give you back the feeling of arousal or will it just allow you to fuck. There is more to sex than just a hard cock the turn on that is experienced when you see an attractive women, the stroking of your leg the rubbing up against your partner that stirs the caps to ignite the flame will they b missed and lost forever.

[mikestap]

Floppy,
I’m pretty sure that sexual arousal starts in your brain, and you still have that. Perhaps you’ve grown accustomed to the signals you felt in your penis as it responded to your brain. So you don’t sense your penis becoming engorged like it used to. Your wife is just as lovely and desirable.

I think I went through a period of frustration that foreplay did not bring me my erection. My advice is to continue with your sex play. Like nothing ever happened. You still have a skilled hand and a loving mouth. You know what your wife enjoys. You know how to excite her. I got to believe that her arousal will stimulate yours.

My implant has not increased my desire for sex. Always wanted it. Still do. It has only given me the confidence to know we can enjoy intercourse and I can last as long as she wants.

Best wishes,
Mike

[Cajun Jeff]

Very well said Mike.

[Larry10625]

Very well said Mike.

100% agree.

Larry

[David_R]

+1

[williamb]

Pretty much my story also. This has caused me and wife many, many marriage problems to surface because of how we handled this issue.
I believe that the Urologist and the Uro surgeon has lied to us by omission, they told us fairy tales about nerve sparing, return of sexual function, etc and it pisses me off that I bought into that fairy tale.
I think that we would be better served by being told the truth and worst case scenario, then you are aware of what to expect and pleased if it gets better.
This really worked on my head and at times I questioned if it was worth the fight to continue. I did continue but I have not made it out of the tunnel yet but I will win.
Something that is as important as realistic expectations is a completely supportive partner. Sadly mine has issues of her own and is unable to be what I want / need.
Dave

[Larry10625]

Pretty much my story also. This has caused me and wife many, many marriage problems to surface because of how we handled this issue.
I believe that the Urologist and the Uro surgeon has lied to us by omission, they told us fairy tales about nerve sparing, return of sexual function, etc and it pisses me off that I bought into that fairy tale.
I think that we would be better served by being told the truth and worst case scenario, then you are aware of what to expect and pleased if it gets better.
This really worked on my head and at times I questioned if it was worth the fight to continue. I did continue but I have not made it out of the tunnel yet but I will win.
Something that is as important as realistic expectations is a completely supportive partner. Sadly mine has issues of her own and is unable to be what I want / need.
Dave

So sorry to hear that Dave but don't give up yet. My wife and I had three decades of marriage issues mostly due to sex. It started before we got married and sometimes I wondered why we did get married. But something happened around the time I started cycling my second implant. She went from not wanting sex (sometimes only once a month) to wanting it at least every second day. She went from not wanting to suck my dick to her initiating head at least 3 times in one session. I don't know what the hell happened but I wish it was contagious so I could sell it or give it to my friends. My sex life is FANTASTIC now.

Larry

[williamb]

LARRY,

My wife and I had three decades of marriage issues mostly due to sex. sometimes I wondered why we did get married

. Mine has been 52 years and we have not made it to the corner, let alone turned the corner.
But life is good and it is what you make of it and I plan to beat this.

Dave

[bldoink]

Floppy,
It's still early so the extent of your sexual recovery is still unknown. I believe the phrase "Use it or loose it" is appropriate. You need to work at relighting the fire down below. Don't wait for it to come back on it's own.

My doctor had me taking daily Viagra to try and keep up blood flow. The viagra did not give me an erection, nothing. He also had me doing therapy with a medical grade VED (Vacuum Erection Device AKA penis pump) right away. He had me using it daily to try to keep blood flow to the penis. I think it is good advice. I think some doctors want you to do VED therapy twice daily. I firmly believe the VED therapy helps. I also firmly believe Viagra makes the VED therapy easier. I know it does with me

If you haven't already, you need to explain to your wife that you are damaged and the extent of your natural recovery is yet unknown and that you need her love, patience, understanding and assistance as you struggle through recovery. As my cousin, who had also gone through this told me when I was going through it. He told me that a lot of the recovery and it's extent depends on your partner. He was correct.

I suggest you try using a medical grade VED with the appropriate medical grade constriction ring and go ahead and try to rub one out or have your wife try giving you a handie. If you haven't rubbed one out yet, you may find that there can be a fair amount of pee involved, either during the process and/or at the end. That was the case with me. How soom you bring your wife into the action will depend on how your wife feels about pee. I did a lot of solo activity to keep the blood flow going and to work on the pee problem. The pee issue decreased with practice to where it was only an issue during climax, but it was substantial. Eventually I learned that I could clamp down on the keegle, restraining the pee even, while climaxing. Consciously restraining while climaxing did seriously detract from the experience initially but I eventually adapted to where it seems natural now and the climax is strong and enjoyable. Obviously reducing fluid intake before sex and voiding immediately before is recommended.

During the recovery and learning process your wife will require some extra attention too. Hone your oral and digital skills and consider adding some toys (vibrators, etc.). If she doesn't already have toys it might be best to just go buy a good one on your own and use it on her without asking first. Both I and others can make some beginner toy suggestions if desired or desired. Initially you can consider a strap-on if your wife is in need of it but I doubt you'd need it for very long. Some men do well with the VED and constriction rings, even if only as a temporary solution.

You can also try injections as a temporary or permanent solution. I've been doing them for years. I love them. Of course there's the final frontier of the implant but I obviously have no experience there.

The bottom line as I see it is:

You have to make the effort to relight the fire. Don't count on spontaneous combustion.
You can improve but you will most likely have to make some serious effort at it.
Everyone is different as is their degree of recovery and speed of recovery.
Don't get discouraged or impatient as it's still early for you.
It's best if you can get your wife involved in your recovery.
You need to take extra steps to keep your wife's libido alive with new techniques or new emphasis on your techniques.
If religious or other morals don't prevent it, toys for the wife can help keep her libido alive.
You can relight the fire and you can both have a satisfying sex life but it may be different from before.

I hope that was of some use or encouragement. If it was TMI or inappropriate then I apologize.

[Floppy]

Floppy,
It's still early so the extent of your sexual recovery is still unknown. I believe the phrase "Use it or loose it" is appropriate. You need to work at relighting the fire down below. Don't wait for it to come back on it's own.

My doctor had me taking daily Viagra to try and keep up blood flow. The viagra did not give me an erection, nothing. He also had me doing therapy with a medical grade VED (Vacuum Erection Device AKA penis pump) right away. He had me using it daily to try to keep blood flow to the penis. I think it is good advice. I think some doctors want you to do VED therapy twice daily. I firmly believe the VED therapy helps. I also firmly believe Viagra makes the VED therapy easier. I know it does with me

If you haven't already, you need to explain to your wife that you are damaged and the extent of your natural recovery is yet unknown and that you need her love, patience, understanding and assistance as you struggle through recovery. As my cousin, who had also gone through this told me when I was going through it. He told me that a lot of the recovery and it's extent depends on your partner. He was correct.

I suggest you try using a medical grade VED with the appropriate medical grade constriction ring and go ahead and try to rub one out or have your wife try giving you a handie. If you haven't rubbed one out yet, you may find that there can be a fair amount of pee involved, either during the process and/or at the end. That was the case with me. How soom you bring your wife into the action will depend on how your wife feels about pee. I did a lot of solo activity to keep the blood flow going and to work on the pee problem. The pee issue decreased with practice to where it was only an issue during climax, but it was substantial. Eventually I learned that I could clamp down on the keegle, restraining the pee even, while climaxing. Consciously restraining while climaxing did seriously detract from the experience initially but I eventually adapted to where it seems natural now and the climax is strong and enjoyable. Obviously reducing fluid intake before sex and voiding immediately before is recommended.

During the recovery and learning process your wife will require some extra attention too. Hone your oral and digital skills and consider adding some toys (vibrators, etc.). If she doesn't already have toys it might be best to just go buy a good one on your own and use it on her without asking first. Both I and others can make some beginner toy suggestions if desired or desired. Initially you can consider a strap-on if your wife is in need of it but I doubt you'd need it for very long. Some men do well with the VED and constriction rings, even if only as a temporary solution.

You can also try injections as a temporary or permanent solution. I've been doing them for years. I love them. Of course there's the final frontier of the implant but I obviously have no experience there.

The bottom line as I see it is:

You have to make the effort to relight the fire. Don't count on spontaneous combustion.
You can improve but you will most likely have to make some serious effort at it.
Everyone is different as is their degree of recovery and speed of recovery.
Don't get discouraged or impatient as it's still early for you.
It's best if you can get your wife involved in your recovery.
You need to take extra steps to keep your wife's libido alive with new techniques or new emphasis on your techniques.
If religious or other morals don't prevent it, toys for the wife can help keep her libido alive.
You can relight the fire and you can both have a satisfying sex life but it may be different from before.

I hope that was of some use or encouragement. If it was TMI or inappropriate then I apologize.

Bidoink
Thanks for the words of encouragement I’ll be working hard a trying to get to a new normal