who to tell or not?

[TANGERINE]

I disagree.

Nobody , except perhaps the person you have sex with, should know about your bionic state and your bionic surgery.

The best is to say that you are having "urologic surgery" "old man plumbing stuff" and most will leave that alone. If you hang out with a sophisticated medical crowd who will wonder why you are leaving town, then say "I am having a cystocele repair" (my surgeon suggested that line). Yes, that is a lie, but I think it is a white lie which is morally justified to say.

Hernia repair surgery is fine as well, but some will wonder why you are going out of town, but they will let that drop since if they are sophisticated to know that it is odd to leave town for hernia surgery, then they quickly will figure out it is a private matter that does not allow probing questions.

[williamb]

I have decided to go ahead and get an implant. My problem is I don't really want anyone (other than my wife) to know that I am having this surgery.

I don't understand the feeling to hide this. Its not our fault, we did nothing to cause ED. Maybe I am a little free with info about my situation. My uro asked me if he could bring a young female assistant in for the exam, I told him the 1st thing they remove during Prostate removal surgery is your dignity. You can go invite people out of the waiting room to witness the exam.
Dave

[dg_moore]

Nobody but my docs and my wife know I had the surgery. To me, there's news you can use and news you can't. My implant is in the latter category,

[WyoMan]

Williamb, I agree that it isn't our fault, and I have told my kids I will be having a 'urological procedure' (truth, just not all of it). They have not asked for more info, atleast yet. I'm wondering if they would really want to know-Mom and Dad still...?

[williamb]

Williamb, I agree that it isn't our fault, and I have told my kids I will be having a 'urological procedure' (truth, just not all of it). They have not asked for more info, at least yet. I'm wondering if they would really want to know-Mom and Dad still...?

. Yes I understand that the kids may not want to know that Mom and Dad still.......?. And I don't go advertising it but if someone starts questioning me about my surgery, I usually tell them I am still dealing with the effects of prostate cancer. If they ask more I will tell them that I got a penile implant and the Dr botched the job and I had it replaced. Last one was a male bladder sling to try to reduce the incontinence. Maybe they are not just nosy or insensitive, they may be truly interested because they are having issues and embarrassed to admit it but could us the help. I have not done a show and tell, the only non-medical people that have seen it is my wife and my sister in law (but she did not get to experience it)
Dave

[newbie443]

I have decided to go ahead and get an implant. My problem is I don't really want anyone (other than my wife) to know that I am having this surgery. My son and his wife are living with us, so they will know something is up (no pun intended).

Have others tried to keep it from their friends and family? What kind of excuse can you use? My doctor said a hernia operation could be used as they would have similar restrictions post surgery.

There have been a lot of threads on this. I even had one. This is your choice and folks on this site very from "no ones business but my own" to "spread the word and try to help as many others understand as possible". I started out in the first group and have moved to the second. I was single and my sons live with me. There was a lot of stress for me even doing something about my ED. Keeping it private just added more stress. When I made my decision to do something about my ED then decided to have the implant it was really difficult. I had no one other than folks on this site to talk to about it. Then I told my family about it and it was such a relief. Others were very supportive and it greatly reduced my stress. But we are all different and others on the site are post implant and in the first group. What ever is best for you is what you need to do to take care of you.

[David_R]

I have never talked directly with my two 30-something sons, but I think they have figured it out. (And like is commonly shown in comedies, I don't think they want to talk about their parents' sex life.)

[Donnie1954]

I have no problem telling (or showing) anyone who inquires about my implant. My wife says, you can see your ..... through your clothes. I just smile and say, it's a big dick, you can't hide it.
donnie1954@mail.com

[alfa88]

I'm at least a couple of years away from the 'nuclear option' so I've contemplated this too. Nothing to be ashamed about but other than Mrs. Alfa no one else needs to know. I would anticipate a 6 week recovery. The hernia story sounds viable. 'Boy surgery' would be a more truthful explanation and without TMI. I, myself, wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of TMI.

[DaveKell]

I've said many times on this forum I'm completely against the idea of hiding the fact that you have an implant. When I say that I'm specifically talking about if you are bedding a woman for the first time and are terrified she'll discover something is amiss with your ball sack. Of course, us married guys will never face that unless one of us strays outside our marriage. That won't be me. I simply see no benefit in putting that stress on yourself to hide the fact you are now bionic. It's as if you want to replace the previous stress of ED with the need to hide your implant from discovery. I've imagined myself in this position, back with any number of the women I slept with before I was married. I'd have had no hesitation to say "hey let me show this phenomenal bionic apparatus in my dick!". The fact that you are now going to be capable of outlasting any other guy she knows is worth being up front about it.

I speak at seminars with urologists to men seeking help for their ED plague. When I signed on to do it my wife said "how are we going to explain to our (adult) kids where we're going?". I told her not to worry, I took care of it with a detailed email to all 3 of them. My daughter later said she thought it was a joke, owing to my reputation for a twisted sense of humor. My oldest son said he wondered why his parents seemed so happy of late. None of them were traumatized or scarred with the new knowledge. I've told almost all of my friends I'm still in touch with and in so doing learned one of them recently had an RP surgery and was worried about not being able to have sex anymore. I've counseled him through about a dozen phone calls now and he's looking into an implant. Same story with a brother in law. I'm convinced we all know at least a few guys who could benefit from us being forthright with our story, we just don't know who they are yet. I mean, when was the last time one of your friends said "ya know Bob, I just haven't been able to get it up for a long time and my marriage is suffering because of it"? Statistically, if we have at least 5 friends, one of them might have an issue. And Bob is never going to know about your restored sexuality until you bring it up.