Relationship with no sex

[Eloquent]

Do you think it is possible to be find a girl and be together without having sex? Or will it eventually fall apart? I have severe ED and save up for an implant. I found a girl and had sex several times, being able to penetrate only once. Later she kind of moved me to the group of her friends and mentioned she doesnt want to rush into a relationship. Do you think that two people can live and be together without having sex without prior history of knowing each other? I feel so lost in todays world of hookups.

[newtoed]

Dear Friend,

Sorry to hear about your difficulties and dilemma.
You can have any kind of relationship you want and you are comfortable with. There is all kinds of women out there and mostly all women are very flexible in their sexuality. You just have to own up to your situation and present it that way.
I had rectal cancer and from the treatment I have an ugly 15 inch scar on my stomach, a colostomy bag, no belly button or butt hole and severe ED. All that and my age of 54 doesn’t stop me from picking up girls in their 20’s and have sex with them. I’m in a beautiful relationship with a 27 year old graduate student and hard worker. She cooks, backs and gives me sexual experiences I have never dreamed of.
I myself use Trimix injections with great success but she doesn’t know that.
Before you are able to get implants find out what other options you have. Ask away here as well.
All the best!

[Lost Sheep]

Do you think it is possible to be find a girl and be together without having sex? Or will it eventually fall apart? I have severe ED and save up for an implant. I found a girl and had sex several times, being able to penetrate only once. Later she kind of moved me to the group of her friends and mentioned she doesnt want to rush into a relationship. Do you think that two people can live and be together without having sex without prior history of knowing each other? I feel so lost in todays world of hookups.

I have found that it is possible to have a relationship without sex if the relationship is good in other ways. Or you can satisfy her sexually without sex.

Yes, in the world of hookups, things are different than in decades past, but human nature is human nature. The differences between then and now are not very significant.

It is said, "When the sex is good, it is 10% of a relationship. When sex is bad, it is 90% of the relationship."

Between those two ends of the spectrum of opinion (about the importance of sex) is where you (I think) are.

She may have moved you into the "friend zone" whether or not you were having good sex. Or, as you suspect, she may be unsatisfied by your sexual skills and want more physically.

You do realize that satisfying her sexually is about more than coital penis/vagina action. Hands, mouth, tongue and toys can do wonders for a woman's sexual satisfaction, if you are willing to adapt.

My advice is to level with her (about EVERYTHING). Adapt your sexual activities by learning techniques she enjoys that do not require a full-blown erection. LISTEN to her and put her needs above (or at least on an equal level of importance to) your own.

Women (in my experience) are AMAZINGLY supportive if they feel you trust them and are honest with them. Any woman not supportive is not a good candidate for a long-term relationship anyway and best to be dropped. If she is such a woman, she has saved you the trouble of dumping her. However, she may turn out to be a friend worth having, despite her current non-supportive actions.

I advertised on a dating site and revealed up front that I was impotent (and intending to cure that condition). I still got offers of relationships. Women appreciated my honesty and several commented that they admired that and my courage in being so candid. Women also admire a man who takes charge, even of his own infirmities.

Good luck.

[DaveKell]

Do you think it is possible to be find a girl and be together without having sex? Or will it eventually fall apart? I have severe ED and save up for an implant. I found a girl and had sex several times, being able to penetrate only once. Later she kind of moved me to the group of her friends and mentioned she doesnt want to rush into a relationship. Do you tthat two people can live and be together whink ithout having sex without prior history of knowing each other? I feel so lost in todays world of hookups.

My short answer is no. Of course, I'm basing it on personal experience and biology being what it is between men and women, eventually sex will come into the picture. I missed out on many repeat hookups over the years before marrying because I was a two pump chump. Hell, for a long time I thought all guys were. I began once to get nosy about why certain girls always gravitated to a few guys I knew, even though one of them was butt ugly and I wasn't. I got my answer one night when I stayed overnight at his house and he had a girl in bed in the next room. I thought the bed springs were never going to stop squeaking. I asked him the next day how he managed to last so long. I didn't like his answer. He told me a few girls said I gave them the shortest sex of their life. I think I told this story before, but a guy told me about an over the counter cream I could ask a pharmacist for called Detane. It was a lidocaine cream to numb the penis. I went to a pharmacy after working up the nerve to ask for it. Just as I asked the pharmacist for it a beautiful blonde tech stepped up behind him and heard me. She asked the pharmacist what it was for and he said "you'd have to go out on a date with him to find out". Oh the good (bad?) old days when comments like that could be made in the workplace!

Anyway, it never worked for me. You never mentioned anything about ED drugs you might have tried? Also, I'm getting the vibe you are far too young to be having this problem. I'd suggest you go to a doctor if you haven't already and try some of the pills that are available. Your comment about "Do you think that two people can live and be together without having sex" kind of indicates to me you are giving up, except that you mentioned you are saving for an implant. I personally don't think it's possible to live together in a relationship without sex unless it's an agreed upon roommate situation. The world of hookups is going to still be around when you have your solution so above all, stay determined and believe you'll get there.

[Larry10625]

Do you think it is possible to be find a girl and be together without having sex? Or will it eventually fall apart? I have severe ED and save up for an implant. I found a girl and had sex several times, being able to penetrate only once. Later she kind of moved me to the group of her friends and mentioned she doesnt want to rush into a relationship. Do you think that two people can live and be together without having sex without prior history of knowing each other? I feel so lost in todays world of hookups.

Aemill:
You probably don't want to hear this but I think she moved you to friends group was because of the number of times you attempted to have sex but couldn't. Anybody that will give you sex "several times" is interested in a sexual relationship. If you have saved for the implant, what's stopping you? Also, I think that one day things will happen with a new girl where she changes her mind and wants sex and you can't perform. I guess I am saying that No... I think that sooner or later it will come around to sex.

Larry

[Larry10625]

Do you think it is possible to be find a girl and be together without having sex? Or will it eventually fall apart? I have severe ED and save up for an implant. I found a girl and had sex several times, being able to penetrate only once. Later she kind of moved me to the group of her friends and mentioned she doesnt want to rush into a relationship. Do you tthat two people can live and be together whink ithout having sex without prior history of knowing each other? I feel so lost in todays world of hookups.

My short answer is no. Of course, I'm basing it on personal experience and biology being what it is between men and women, eventually sex will come into the picture. I missed out on many repeat hookups over the years before marrying because I was a two pump chump. Hell, for a long time I thought all guys were. I began once to get nosy about why certain girls always gravitated to a few guys I knew, even though one of them was butt ugly and I wasn't. I got my answer one night when I stayed overnight at his house and he had a girl in bed in the next room. I thought the bed springs were never going to stop squeaking. I asked him the next day how he managed to last so long. I didn't like his answer. He told me a few girls said I gave them the shortest sex of their life. I think I told this story before, but a guy told me about an over the counter cream I could ask a pharmacist for called Detane. It was a lidocaine cream to numb the penis. I went to a pharmacy after working up the nerve to ask for it. Just as I asked the pharmacist for it a beautiful blonde tech stepped up behind him and heard me. She asked the pharmacist what it was for and he said "you'd have to go out on a date with him to find out". Oh the good (bad?) old days when comments like that could be made in the workplace!

Anyway, it never worked for me. You never mentioned anything about ED drugs you might have tried? Also, I'm getting the vibe you are far too young to be having this problem. I'd suggest you go to a doctor if you haven't already and try some of the pills that are available. Your comment about "Do you think that two people can live and be together without having sex" kind of indicates to me you are giving up, except that you mentioned you are saving for an implant. I personally don't think it's possible to live together in a relationship without sex unless it's an agreed upon roommate situation. The world of hookups is going to still be around when you have your solution so above all, stay determined and believe you'll get there.

I agree Dave...100%

Larry

[AnotherOldMan]

You sound like a fairly young man. Have you seen a physician about your injury? You said you injured your penis when you were 18. How long ago was that? Sometimes these things get better on their own with time. Still, I can't emphasize enough --- SEE A DOCTOR!!

[tomas1]

When I first read the OP's question, I got to thinking that it's possible to find a woman who can live without sex, but what happens when sex is back in the picture?
Would she also accept that or not.
I guess communication is required before the relationship gets too far along.

[Lost Sheep]

Reading the several posts that suggest sex is essential to the woman in the relationship, I suggest 1) read my earlier post and 2) note that sex from a woman's perspective involves more of the brain than the body. That is, a penis is not really essential if the other elements of manliness are present. Kindness, chivalry, etc.

I have read (only half tongue-in-cheek) that the most appreciated-by-women foreplay is her man doing the dishes.

If a woman rejects a man because his penis doesn't work 100% but he has the skills to produce orgasms in her by other means, then I think she is shallow and not a good candidate for long-term partner. If she feels her man falls short in other areas (good provider, good driver, handsome enough, smells right, etc) she could just as well leave him abruptly even if his penis works.

On the other hand, penis-vagina intercourse is the ne-plus-ultra of sex with no real substitute.

So, if you want a woman for life, regard your sex life as only one component and if she doesn't like your abilities/preferences, find another woman who does. Life is too short to have sex with a woman who finds you unsatisfying and you will soon find her unsatisfying also.

If you want a short-term relationship for sex, then you have your answer. But that begs the question of why the original post came to your mind.

[Eloquent]

Hi,

Thank you for the replies.

I am turning 24 this year, I tried viagra, cialis, avanafil, vardenafil, no porn or masturbation for 70 days, alpha1 blockers, two vein ligation surgeries, I am now going for 3rd. I went to 6 andrologist/urologists/psychiatrists. CT scan showed a massive venous leak and failure of venous occlusive mechanism.

I had no success with injections either, bimix, trimix is banned in my country because of fear of scarring. I tested the highest dosage of Alprostadil with my uro and even she said that my erection is not sufficient. Half the maximum dosage wont even engorge my penis.

Only time I was able to penetrate her was on 125 mg of Viagra, 5 mg cialis daily for 3 months and 21 days of no masturbation. It generated a 15 minute half erection and I wasnt able to climax. Every time I started with pleasuring her with my hands and tongue. I told her the whole truth, even about my injury and how I am feeling about my issue. How I am depressed and have anxiety attacks.

I mean not to brag about myself but I am very succesful for my age with great paying job, nice face, intelligent, uni education, nice body. My only flaw is that I am rather introverted person so sometimes I am not as much fun to be around but that is due to my injury and subsequent depression.

The problem with implant is my age (24!!!!) and that I would have to pay it myself as it is not medically covered in my country. Secondly I come from a post communism country so the wages are not that high and saving for an implant takes time.

We havent had sex for about a month, do you think I should by some toys are try to initiate sex with her with them? Wont that scare her or make laugh at me? She seems to prefer vaginal penetration but we talk about orgasm and sexual pleasure.

Thank you